The Butterfly Net

Some Prologue

2010-05-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

Julie came running in the back door earlier today yelling "it's gramma, it's gramma!" Joe and I meet her in the living room where she has a Monarch butterfly sittin on her hand opening and closing its wings.

There is a Light at the End of the Tunnel

2010-04-10T19:12:00.000-07:00

Yes, there is! Mom passed peacefully at 6:42 this evening listening to Alan Jackson sing her favorite hymns. As things quickly deteriorated today, Mom sang (without words) and sang and when the pain got worse she sang louder. About 3:00 this afternoon, Mom quit yelling at everyone and barely responded when she was touched or moved. The afternoon was filled with frantic tests, scans and x-rays to determine the cause of her decline. At about 6:15 following a scan, the infectious disease specialist they called in confirmed that Mom had very serious colitis and that the anti-biotics she had been on had killed even the good bacteria, making her susceptible to this. At that point, Mom began showing signs that she was leaving. Joe and I were bedside as were about 3 nurses and the doctor.

Joe and I had the honor of sharing those moments with her. Her journey has ended. She spared us difficult decisions about her continued care there at the hospital and about the care we anticipated she would need when she left the hospital. Mom has been ready to go for a long time and has told us so on numerous occasions.

I don't have words to thank you for your prayer and support these last few years. Thank you for sharing the ups and downs with us. Thank you for the encouragement and love!

We are making plans to celebrate her life this coming week at St. Joseph Mission in Ashtabula. Please continue to pray for us as we move through this. There will be memories, laughter and tears when we all get together to "sing and shout the Jubilee!"

Mom has found the LIGHT at the end of the tunnell!

Update

2010-04-10T15:16:00.000-07:00

Stacey here. Since my mom posted her update this morning, Gramma's condition has deteriorated even more. They've moved her to the ICU and are suspecting possible renal failure. That's all the information I have at the moment. Please pray.

(((Love you)))

BUT WAIT!!!! There's More!

2010-04-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

So, we meet again...for more of Marjorie's journey through this dark tunnel of Alzheimer's. I hope you are still praying for and supporting research to find a cure, a preventive or life changing treatment.

I come to you today from Mom's hospital bedside where we have been since Tuesday, April 6 after I received a phone call from Garden Terrace saying that Mom had fallen and most likely broken her arm. As it turns out, she did indeed break her right elbow but, as far as we can tell, there was no other damage. The elbow is cast and after some discussion with the doctor, I have decided that the further trauma of surgery would not benefit Mom. When this heals she will have fairly good range of motion and should be physically able to do much of what she was able to do prior to this.

The actual truth of the matter is this. Mom has deteriorated so much, I do not, at this moment, anticipate that we will have much of the Butterfly left.

(aside: Fr. Phillip was just here to pray with me and to give Mom the Sacrament of Anointing - formerly called Last Rites. It was beautiful.)

Let me give you a picture of what I am looking at. No, not an actually picture, that would scare you I think, but I will try to describe where we are on the journey today.

Mom was on the observation unit until 11:00 on Thursday night. They moved her at that time to a private room on the 5th floor because she was disturbing the other patients there. Initially, Mom was somewhat coherent. Enough to refuse food, water and meds. But also coherent enough to respond to me and I was able to get her to take some water, a few pills and some jello. Mom's reputation precedes her from shift to shift and unit to unit. Throughout the day I remind her that she is in the hospital because she fell and broke her arm. Whether it is the Alzheimer's or the morphine, Mom's only communication is screaming, yelling and physical resistance. If she hears a noise, she yells. If someone touches her forehead or arm or checks her bracelet for her name, she yells. If someone in scrubs comes in, she yells. The tough part is determining what part of the yelling is pain and what part is "Go to hell," which she is unable to articulate at this time.

I have a compact CD player tucked under her pillow with head phones resting on the pillow next to her. I keep it playing her Alan Jackson CD of Gospel Music. Yesterday and today when she was not agitated or complaining, Mom even hummed the songs with me as we listened to the music. I have not been able to get her to take any food or drink yet today and Mom has barely opened her eyes. About the only way to know if Mom is in pain is to let the morphine wear off and measure her yelling against her rise in blood pressure and pulse. That was not working for me. My instructions so far have been that she is to be kept comfortable. When Mom wakes up crying in pain, they have waited too long to give her the pain killer.

I am rethinking that today as I would hope that the pain is receding and I would like her to be awake enough to take food and maybe respond more with words rather than behavior. The risk there is that since Mom has not had her Alzheimer's medication again and when she is not sedated she will be trying to leave, pulling out anything that is attached to her and cracking someone over the head with her casted arm! And then someone rushes in with a dose of Atavan because she is a danger to herself and others.

Mom has bought herself more time here in the hospital by running a fever and having a yet unidentified infection. The broken arm will require rehab, so her 20 or 100 days starts over maybe? The expectation is that Mom will be released from the hospital on Monday. I spent yesterday speaking to and meeting with staff from local Alzheimer Rehab and nursing homes. This past weekend, before the fall, I was "this" close to just bringing her back home, hiring Becky again and moving into the other twin bed in her room. The doctors, my family and friends have dictated that this is not an option.

As I sit here next to her bed I can envision the Butterfly that trotted around without her walker, ate Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches every morning and more if she could get away with it, dunked her Nonnies in coffee and loved going to church. But I honestly don't see that in our future. This is a left turn on the map and I just don't know what part of her besides the angry, controlling and stubborn part will be left. Now, don't you tell me that you didn't know that side of her!

I guess that's all I have for today. You know I could go on. And on. But if I did, you might be disillusioned about me as well! So let's leave it as it is. The devoted daughter by her mother's bedside who deserves a CRUISE someday!

I love you all and do so much appreciate your thoughts and prayers - and God's Grace! You hold us up!!

Where Did I Leave Off?

2010-04-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

Mom and I spent Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and most of Monday in the hospital. By Monday, she was much improved after getting her medication - by hook or by crook and yes, once by frustrated force on my part. I arranged to have her transported on Monday to a Rehab and nursing facility that has an Alzheimer's unit to get her land legs back and her medications stable. She is being evaluated by a psychiatrist to adjust/change her medications and is doing remarkably well. So well, that I am not stopping by everyday to see her but speak by phone to the charge nurse or doctor when I do not go.

The task now is to find long term Medicaid placement for Mom where she will get her needs met as she declines. I have arranged a visit to one facility for this afternoon and will arrange more in order to find the right place. I do not look forward to doing this again.

That is where we are today. But the story is not over yet, so I hope you will stay with us in spirit. In this case, NO NEWS is probably not GOOD NEWS. It means that I am probably too busy to update you but I will get to it eventually.

In the meantime, my prayers are with all of you for a Blessed and Peacefilled Easter!

The Rest of the Story - or at least some of it...

2010-03-31T17:30:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'll bet you think you haven't heard from me in more than a week because, as I remember, I had a plan and things should be rockin' along. WRONG!! I have so much to tell you. So get comfortable and allow yourself some extra time to get through this with me. You know that this Blog is as much for me as it is for you! So here it is.

I did sleep well on Tuesday night and got to Tanglewood by 10:30 to give me time to make sure Mom was clean and presentable. She was not either when I got there. Mom had been wearing the same t-shirt with a big butterfly on it 24 hours a day for at least a week. When I suggested that she change it, she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was not going to take it off. Mom smelled like a dirty diaper so I let her know that she had to change her underwear, pad and slacks. That was not going to happen either! After some time spent trying to cajole her into complying, I got physical and snatched those elastic waste brown slacks down around her ankles. The panties and NASTY pad were next. Mom swung at me and called me several names but I managed to pry this clothing from under her feet which she tried her best to glue to the ground.

Okay, she is in mostly clean clothes. We have a little time to spare so I try to visit with her, distract her, get her into a good mood.

12:00, time to get to the car so that we can stop for a quick lunch before going into Dr. Birdwell's office. The next hour and a half was spent, no kidding!, trying to get Mom to get into my car. She has absolutely no capacity for reasoning and just could not fathom why she needed to go although I tried "let's have lunch, lets have ice cream, you have been saying you wanted to leave and now is your chance, you are sick and need to go to the doctor." I mean! We went around and then around again. She was adamant about going back into the building to her room. Long after we were going to be late to the doctor appointment, Mom let go of her walker and let me put it in the car and she reluctantly climbed into the front seat with the promise that we would be gone only a few minutes and I would bring her right back.

One block from Tanglewood, Mom was having such anxiety that I agreed that it was time to go back. When I was there earlier, I knew that the Physician's Assistant was on site seeing some of the residents. As I turned around to head back, I called Tanglewood to be sure that he was still there and insisted on seeing him when I arrived.

Back at TW, Mom was escorted to her room and I sat with the doctor, the Director and the Alzheimer's Unit manager and let them know that her care in the past month was totally unacceptable. At that time, I was shown a zip loc bag with at least 50 pills in it that Mom had refused to take. I was at that facility daily and asked about her. In the first week she was there, I was advised one day that she had refused to take her meds and I was able to get her to take them. That was the last I heard of it. Mom's behavior had become increasingly defiant and physical if anyone came near her and she felt threatened. She told me that her tummy did not feel well and on a number of occasions, I was told that she had vomited. Does this sound like someone who is coming off of some high powered anti-depressant, anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic drugs to you? Well it did to me too! The P.A. felt strongly that Mom had a UTI and that was the reason for this changed behavior. He wanted to prescribe an anti-biotic. Why? So it could end up in that little baggy with the rest of her pills? Duh!! Nonetheless, he ordered home health for Mom and a nurse was scheduled to see Mom later in the day to get a urine sample. I insisted if she had a UTI, she did not have it when she got there, because I made sure she was clean! I was a mess by this time! The unit manager agreed to take on Mom's care herself AND to communicate with me throughout the day about Mom's status. This was on Wednesday, March 17.

On Thursday, I picked Julie up from work at 4:30 and we went to TW. Mom was sitting in a chair outside her room clutching her purse. Staff came up and explained that Mom had lost one of the lenses out of her glasses and they did not know where it was. I finally go Mom to let me see her glasses and discovered they weren't even her glasses!
I still don't know where hers are. Staff reported that Mom had been difficult all day, refusing to eat, participate or change her clothes. When I inquired about the results of the urine test, I was informed that the nurse had come but that Mom slapped, kicked, grabbed and called her names and would not cooperate. Julie and I stayed only a short while because Mom was in a different world and was only connecting in order to be ugly and angry.

Before I left the parking lot that day, I phoned the Physician's Assistant and insisted that Mom be hospitalized before she hurt herself or others and to be treated for a UTI if there was one. He said he would speak to Dr. Le and within the hour, Dr. Le phoned to say that if we could get Mom there, he had arranged a room for her at the hospital. We discussed how to get her there and the "what ifs" and agreed to give it a try. I phoned TW and asked them to use the gel (part Ativan and part Haldol) on her wrists to subdue her and Joe and I left to try to pick her up.

By the time we got there, Mom was calm and agreeable and staff had walked her to the front door. We arrived at the hospital and although Mom had already been accepted there, I had to sign forms and answer questions. All of which takes time as it is ticking away and the gel could wear off at any time.

The sedation did finally wear off - just as we got to her room and tried to get her out of the wheel chair and into the bed! This was maybe about 8:00. At 11:00, Mom was still in the wheel chair and was carrying on what she thought was a conversation with me. At my suggestion, Joe arranged for Stacey to come pick him up so that he could go to work the next day and he could leave me a car. Before he left, I took Mom to the bathroom and Joe removed the wheel chair, forcing Mom to sit on the edge of the bed. Around that time, I was able to get her to take a pill - an Ativan. At 2:00 in the morning, Mom was still "chatting" with me when she closed her eyes, stopped talking a fell asleep straight up in the bed. I quickly laid her over and covered her up. At 2:30 I was headed home for two hours sleep and a few items like a toothbrush, a book to read, etc. I got back to the hospital before Mom woke up and before shift change at 6:00.

And tomorrow, (or the next day) you will get more of the story. I told you it was a whopper! I will leave you with this though: tonight Mom is resting comfortably and is doing better than she has in more than a month. I on the other hand...am taking donations for my mental health cruise to Mexico!

Buenos Noches!!

A Little Bit More

2010-03-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

A plan is in place. Mom has a doctor appointment with Dr. Birdwell tomorrow at 1:30. We moved the other twin bed and vanity to the Meyer's last night. I will go to Tanglewood before lunch to make sure she is clean and dressed. I am prepared to do her nails before we go, take her to lunch and to Wal-mart or the dollar store before taking her to the new place. I have Nonnies to take over there and her baby doll is already there. I will be speaking to the doctor about her medications. It has been 4 months since Mom was in to have them renewed and she has deteriorated significantly in that time. She is more anxious and paranoid, depressed and angry. How that all goes together, I am not sure. But hopefully we will get the answers that will help Mom be not so anxious and oppositional.

I am off to bed - with a little bit of xanex and God's Grace to relax and be ready for tomorrow.

Thank-you for your support and prayer.

More of the Story!

2010-03-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting to update this story until I figured everything out. Like that is going to ever happen! So, here I am with the latest details as vague and unsettled as they are.

Mom has been at Tanglewood for almost one month and has not adjusted. The whole truth is, that she is not going to adjust to anything or anywhere. We know that and everyday when we visit and leave without her, we are reminded again. During the month she has been there, she has refused to shower, take her medications and eat at various times. She has grabbed a staff by the shoulders and pushed her away when she thought that the staff was taking things out of the closet. Mom has peeled her name and the name of her roommate off of the plaque by the door. She has been angry and pounded on the tables. All the while of course, flirting with the mindless old men there! Mom lets us know that she "has problems" and she is leaving there. She has packed the two tote bags and the basket of her walker with as much as they would hold and plans to leave the locked unit. Keep in mind that none of her language or actions make any sense at all and every day is a little different.

So, I am planning to move her. Yep. In as much as Mom is not adjusting, I am doing worse. Tanglewood is really a good facility. It is not a nursing home but an assisted living facility, even the locked Alzheimer's unit. The reason I am moving her is that I need more. I need more interaction with staff and with doctors. I want to know if she had a shower or if she is getting her medication and if she is sleeping at night, having nightmares and eating nutritiously. Currently I am not getting this information. As an "assisted living" place they don't have a system of communication that meets my need for involvement in her well-being.

Last week, I discovered, through some networking, that there is a private care home right here in Crowley about 3 miles from our house - in town on the opposite corner from the high school! It is owned by a family who, as it turns out, we sat among during football season while our kids marched in the high school band. Anyway, they dedicated 3 bedrooms to the care of Alzheimer's patients after they remodeled their home for the care of their own family member several years ago and are now a licensed facility. They have two empty rooms at this time and are willing to take Mom. We are arranging the move for this week I think if everything works out. At this place, Mom will be able to have her peanut butter and jelly sandwich every morning, her coffee and Nonni's for snack and ice cream if she wants it. I don't know if it will make a difference in her but it will ease my mind. I anticipate a doctor appointment with her this week to discuss medications too. Mom has changed a lot and I think her medication need to be adjusted to ease her increasing anxiety and aggression.

You know I will keep you posted!

On another note, though, Stacey, David and the kids have been here more frequently and it has been so very peaceful and enjoyable for everyone. I can't express the calm and peace in our home again. I am sleeping through the night. I am not taking Xanex. I did not question that Mom was always supposed to be with us in our home. And I don't question now that it is time for her to be cared for by others so that my family is no longer torn apart by Mom's verbal abuse, anger and increasing needs.

That's as up-to-date and real as it gets for today. I think it will be a busy week and I will have more to report next week at this time. Stay tuned! We love you!

The Journey Continues

2010-03-07T17:59:00.000-08:00

Well, it's time to do this. I have had it going around in my thoughts for over a week but really did not have the time to sit here and do justice to the information. I'll give it a try tonight.

Bonnie and Deena left on Wednesday, Feb. 24 after a great week together. Yes, the visit was interesting, enlightening, endearing, affirming and productive in many ways. They were able to meet the woman our mother is today. They heard the joyful and made-up stories - several times. They went to church with us and to I-HOP. They were awakened many times during the nights by Mom being up and dressed. When they couldn't find something, like a tube of lotion that Deena had just bought at Target, guess where we found it? Yep, they pretty much got the whole experience except perhaps the bouts of anger and agitation that come out of nowhere.

In order to take you on this journey with us, I'll have to go back a week or two.

You all know that I have been contemplating again, how I will know if and when we would need to move Mom to a place where she would be safe and healthy and that I have been in prayer about this for sometime. So, while Deena and Bonnie were here, I took them to the memory care place that Joe and I had toured in October. After meeting with staff there, we took the initial steps to begin moving Mom there. Medical records were requested from her doctor and an in-home assessment was scheduled for Feb. 19. The person who was to do the assessment did not show. I thought perhaps we had mis-communicated about the time but I was unable to reach her at her office or on her cell phone.

My prayer has been "Lord, I want to do your will, but how will I know what that is?" So, I was leaving it up to the Lord to lead me in this decision. And it appeared that the door to that memory care unit was opening. Okay, we were still rocking along like normal; Becky was here everyday and things were pretty "normal."

On Friday, Feb. 26, Becky came as usual. Mom got up before I left for work so I initiated getting her dressed and asked her to put on fresh panties and pad. She did it but was not happy. I left her dressing while I continued to get ready for work. Mom dressed and came to the kitchen table while I was talking to Becky and getting everything together for the day. Mom announced that she could not live here anymore! That turned the conversation a little. Knowing that I had already taken steps toward this, I agreed that she was probably right and that I would work on making some arrangements for that. At that point, I dug through my purse and found the card of the person who did not show up for the assessment and was determined to call her when I got to work - taking matters into my own hands, essentially. I found the card and slipped it into my pocket and started out again.

Before I could get to the door, Mom had an indescribable moment of clarity and announced that she wanted to move to Tanglewood!

Becky and I were speechless! Goosebumps! Awe! One moment I am taking matters into my own hands because God is not moving on this and the next, the answer to my prayer comes out of Mom's mouth. Becky explains it saying that not only did He answer my prayer, He sat at the table with us that morning and delivered the message!

I left for work finally and called Tanglewood on my way there. The details of the day are foggy but throughout conversations with administrators there, the obstacles such as TB tests and doctor orders, just fell away. By 12:00 that afternoon, I called Becky to say that Mom should pack a bag. And here the story turns a little! When Mom heard that she was to pack a bag for Tanglewood, she became very agitated and angry and Becky called me to come home. Mom denied EVER saying that she wanted to go there, she hated the place and a lot of other stuff, including that she WAS NOT going to go!

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that this had to happen and to hesitate on my part would be lack of faith, doubt and even disobedience. I moved through it, packed her bag, found out that Joe could get off at 2:00, and by 3:00 Becky, Joe and I were in the car with Mom as she held and cuddled her baby, en route to Tanglewood, the whole time, ignoring Mom as she insisted she was not going to stay there.

And that is where Mom is today. She still does not want to be there. We moved her bed, dresser and rocking chair there. I take more things to her everyday when I visit.

I see how unhappy Mom is almost every day - she tells me she wants to be dead rather than live there. But it is unbelievable how she fits in there! Today, Mom was resting on her bed refusing to go to lunch and wearing her blue jacket that has her name on the front and "Outdoor Army Store" on the back. She was quick to tell me that she was wearing it because a boy had stolen it and she got it back from him! I got her to take the jacket off at one point and what did I find in the pocket, but a metal belt that did not belong to her! I finally got her to the lunchroom and saw that she was wearing a wristwatch - NOT HERS! One of the guys there, stopped me to ask if I had tried the pool yet? I told him no, that I had not. THERE IS NO POOL THERE.

Of course, leaving her there when I know how unhappy she is, is very hard but I am still at peace with the decision. I do weigh it now against what I come home to: a peaceful home with my children and grandchildren around me. Stacey, David and the kids have been here more and have not been subjected to the verbal abuse or the chance that Grandma will trip them or try to scratch them as they walk by. And I have slept so well every night. Haven't taken a Xanex all week.

This chapter is long, I know. I wanted to share the details with you. You have supported us in prayer, cards, phone calls and visits. I don't know where we go from here but I will be exploring it in the coming chapters of this blog I suppose.

A Need for Sleep, Glasses, Shoes, Hand lotion and other thoughts.

2010-02-22T10:12:00.000-08:00

I wrote this last week but was interrupted before I posted it. I am posting it now although things changed drastically yesterday. I am going to leave this hanging with: Mom now resides at Tanglewood Oaks. And I will post more on that later.

This past Monday night was another one of those nights. Mom was up at 11:30, dressed and in the kitchen fixing herself a cup of coffee. House was dark, everyone was asleep. I put her into her pajamas and put her to bed. At one thirty, Mom was at the kitchen table, dressed in different clothes, going through a small pouch of junk jewelry. I got her back into her pajamas but she would not go to bed until we found her glasses. I could not remember if she had been wearing them earlier or not but I looked in her covers, under the bed with a flashlight, in the bathroom, etc. Finally I began looking through her drawers and opening the various pouches, boxes and bags that she stashes her stuff in. When I unzipped an eyeglasses pouch that she held some jewelry and pedicure scissors I found her glasses. At about 3:30, Mom was up again. She had been on her hands and knees and matched up her shoes beside the dresser. She had a white sandal and a black sandal that did not have mates and was agitated that "someone" had taken her shoes. The hunt began, same scenario as with the glasses and when I opend the bottom drawer of her dresser, there was one missing shoe under some pajamas - but she, of course had no idea how it got there. That satisfied her for the moment and she went back to bed dressed.

The best part about this was that Bonnie and Deena were here to witness what I have been blogging about for several weeks.

They have both left for home now but it was great to have them here. Much was accomplished in many ways. Mom did not connect with them at all and after about 4 days, was ready for them to leave, most likely because although the girls spent quality time with Mom, the three of us were gone a lot and did not take her. At one point on the day before they left, Mom confronted Deena with "I don't even know your name, nobody told me your name." We tried several times to get Mom to connect that this Deena was the same one that calls her every weekend. Did not happen. One day, Deena was looking around for a tube of hand lotion that she had purchased but could not find it, eventually thinking that it may not have made it into the bag at the store. The next day, she was in Mom's room and there on the dresser, was...you guessed it...Deena's tube of lotion.

I could write a book about all of the odd, peculiar, frustrating, amusing and sad moments in our days. But who would believe it except someone who has experienced it and if they have experienced, they don't need to read my book, they could write one of their own!

Updates

2010-02-19T11:44:00.000-08:00

Bonnie and Deena arrived Wednesday evening. I introduced them as my sisters visiting from Ohio and Pennsylvania and Mom was very happy to meet them. She has been telling her stories and bringing out her stuff to show to them, giving away some of her junk jewelry and odds and ends of things she has kept - like a wooden token of Covered Bridge Pizza in Kingsville.

Yesterday, (Thursday), we three girls visited The Estates where Joe and I had previously toured. We spoke at length to the administrator there. We are expecting her here at the house on Monday to do an assessment to get the ball rolling. Mom's medical records are being requested from Dr. Birdwell and as soon as everything falls into place, we will move Mom to the Memory Unit at that facility. She is not going to go quietly even though she does not really grasp where she is or who is with her now; but she is at least in her routines and she has familiar stuff around her. Mom is still cognizant of a few things such as the chest that we brought with her to Texas. Since Christmas she has been trying to get me to put it in her bedroom because it is hers, her grandmother gave it to her and she does not want "the kids" getting into it. Even when Becky and I went to open it yesterday looking for something that has been misplaced, Mom got upset. So what I am saying (probably for my own hearing), this is not going to be a walk in the park. We (Bonnie, Deena, Joe and I) agree that we have to do this for many reasons despite her wishes. I don't know that it will be accomplished before B&D leave on the 24th, but I am thinking that it will happen. My biggest problem with this may actually be that Becky will be unemployed.

Now to tell you what we were looking for everywhere including the chest. "Dinky" is missing. Since his unfortunate demise, his remains have been in a Ziploc bag in a lovely little cedar box with his name engraved on a gold tag on top of the box. I was looking for something else on Wednesday morning and I found the empty box. When I mentioned it to Becky, she remembered Mom carrying around a Ziploc bag of dirt or something earlier in the week but when questioned, about what was in her bag, Mom did not know so Becky didn't pay it any attention. We are thinking that it was Dinky and now we have no idea where he is. He may be back in Mom's room in some other place or he might have left this world again - this time in the garbage. We just don't know. AND we anticipate the day that Mom has a moment of clarity and finds the empty box and wants to kick some body's ass for stealing Dinky and then she will add that she hopes they "burn in hell." Maybe she will never have that moment of clarity or maybe we will locate him and put him back or maybe we'll come up with a Ziploc bag of Texas dirt to put in that empty box.

So, that is a little bit of where we are today and where we are headed. We are having a good time visiting and the girls are meeting a different person than the one they knew and going with the flow.

Thank you all for your prayer and support. I'll keep you posted.

Some Whimper and Whine today.

2010-02-13T08:21:00.000-08:00

I know it has been a while, but you all have been on my mind, as I know we have been on yours. I think I may have been avoiding this, putting things in writing as though it is just all a matter of fact and how the days are going. It is all just a matter of fact, but about the time I think I have the facts straight, I find myself reassessing and re-ordering them. Some of the new behaviors have me stumped.

I think it was around Christmas when I communicated with Bonnie and Deena about them visiting here, both at the same time to re-connect with who our mother is today. All they had to go by was what I told them and the have missed out on so much of this journey with her that I have been blessed to have. Since that time, however, the changes in Mom and my own limitations have lead to more serious consideration as to what I and my supports are prepared to do or are able to do to keep Mom healthy and safe. When Bonnie and Deena get here next week, I will depend on them to prayerfully discern this with me. We have spoken recently about Mom living in a nearby Alzheimer's Memory Care unit that I visited several months ago or possibly go with Deena to a place near her.

What has led to this again?

Some of the behaviors aren't new, but are more difficult to redirect. Mom needs 24 hour one-on-one attention. And we are running out of money to pay for it when we aren't here. She will qualify for Medicaid once she is out of funds, but that takes weeks to process and we still need to pay a caregiver Monday through Friday. On the week-ends and evenings, it is just Joe and me.

Mom wants to eat constantly. We are hiding food! She has breakfast that we monitor - 1 peanut and butter sandwich which she makes with enough peanut butter and jelly for 3 or 4 sandwiches - no exageration! Here's an excerpt from the journal by Becky: Something did happen a little different this morning. After making her sandwich at breakfast, before taking a bite, she was all over the kitchen searching for something. She could only come up with making her fingers in a circle trying to describe it. She sat back down and ate half and started doing it again, getting agitated. I got her to stand still, take a breath, and think. When she said it was something she eats with coffee, I knew it was the cookies I hid yesterday. I explained that she needed to eat her breakfast first. Then, she went to the candy jar and got 2 Reeces. I eventually hid those because she just doesn't get full any more. We are now regulating her food."

This is an everyday thing. Another everyday thing is that Mom changes her clothes 3 and 4 times a day! I can't keep up with what is clean or dirty! And in the evenings Mom puts on lipstick and a ton of perfume and jewelry like she has a date or something.

We keep the doors locked because Mom wants to go outside all of the time. No coat. To play with the dog in the backyard, sit on the swing, look through stuff in the garage. It has been COLD here. Sometimes she can figure out how to unlock the doors. Becky can't even go to the bathroom - Mom is out the door.

Twice this week I have heard Mom up in her room after bed time. When I checked on her she had locked her bedroom door! Luckily, she had not though it through and locked the bathroom door that goes into her room also. When I asked her about this, both times she told me that men had been in her room and she had chased them off. Mom was visibly upset and scared!

Mom is not only changing her clothes during the day. One night I had put her to bed three times before 3 a.m. Each time she was wearing something else when she came out to the kitchen. One night I found her sitting in the kitchen dunking Nonnies in a cup of water. Speaking of her cup, Mom has been cleaning up the kitchen, wiping the coffee cups out and putting them in the cupboard. The jelly that needs to be refrigerated is in a cupboard somewhere. The open can of dog food is in the cupboard next to the peanut butter.

Yes, life is interesting! Mom is extremely busy and getting into everything. Picking up things around the house like clothes, shoes, keys, coins, paper cups, mail, etc. and stashing them in her room.

THIS is what has brought us to this decision point again. Can I say I am confused and just a little bit tired some days? Part of me says I am a "whinybut" and that a visit from the girls will be just what I need to energize and focus me. The other part, honestly, is planning to go on the annual silent retreat with the women at church that I haven't done in 3 years, making a trip to Alabama for Elsie's first birthday, planning a cruise for our anniversary, taking a position at work that would require more commitment...knowing that Mom is taken care of.

Anyway. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME WHINE!!! I'm done now and I will get back on track. Serving HIM with a servant's heart of giving and grace. Blessings ABOUND!!! And He will let us know His will in this too.

Another Saturday Night

2010-01-23T20:37:00.000-08:00

Another Saturday night. Church and IHOP, of course. Deena called today as she does every week. Mom takes the call and mostly connects to her. Today was no different. At dinner, Mom told me that Deenie called and said she was going to visit. Joe and I went along with it and Mom continued to ramble about Deena and having two girls who are all grown up now and have babies. When I asked how she knew Deena, Mom said that "she was always with us up there". She had no idea how old Deena was or what she looked like and "who knows what color her hair is." We had this conversation twice during the dinner there.

The day started out with me finding my pizzelle iron on the extra bed in her room and asking her why it was in her room. She said it was hers. I advised her that it was not hers but mine, and I had gotten it from my birthday a couple years ago and went to her room to find her iron. I found it in the back of the closet where I am sure she hid it so the short fat girl would not borrow it again. Later, Mom brought out her iron and put it on the kitchen counter saying that someone had given it to her and she didn't know how to use it, so if I wanted it, it was mine. Joe began trying to unravel all of it for her but after only a moment, saw that she was lost and left it alone.

I also want to add just a couple of excerpts from the journal this week:

Tuesday: "so far resisting all my efforts to keep her on a positive note. She's having a negative day. She went in Julie's room and got an attitude when I told her "we can't be in there." I locked the door. She made another attempt to go in. When she couldn't get in, she looked at me very disgusted, and said, "well, that woman will go in there. Julie used to live in there!" She is also agitated about her shoes. "Some men and women went in the room and took the ones she likes." I reminded her that she gave a lot of them away. To sum it all up, she has had an agitated hands on the hips attitude kind of day."

Friday: Mom was asking about Becky's granddaughter's baby - "maybe they are "twelves" she said, meaning twins. That took her back in time when her mom and dad had twins. Her dad was an alcoholic and mean to her . He made her take care of the babies. They had no car so she and her mom had to walk the babies to the doctor. That where they told them the baby boy was going to die. I sense some guilt on her part because she said "I was holding the little girl and dad he was an alcoholic, kept telling me to take car of the boy. I told him okay, dad, but I'm holding the little girl. I tried to take care of both of them."

Yes, Bonnie and Deena are planning to visit on Feb. 17. I called Bonnie to suggest it and it all came together. I know it will be a different kind of visit and Mom won't connect with the fact that she is our mother and she has three daughters. But she will most certainly enjoy the visit and Bonnie and Deena will have a few moments to share in and remember this part of her life.

Everyone is in bed but me and considering how "cranky" I was this morning, I guess I had better get there as well. Thanks for listening. Love you all.

A WINDOW ON HER WORLD

2010-01-17T05:55:00.000-08:00

Good Sunday Morning! Everyone is still in bed except the dogs and me. So far it is a good time to collect my thoughts from over the past few days and try to put them down here.

Sometime last year I purchased a regular planner calendar that was a week-at-a-glance and had about 10 lines or so next to times of the day. This is how Becky made notes about Mom's day so I would know what time she ate, what she ate, her demeanor during the day, problems, successes, outings, interaction, etc. Ten lines was not enough to capture all of that, so when I went through some of Mom's things that we brought over from the storage unit, I found a couple of empty journals - the books with empty pages. Becky began using one of them each day and has been doing a great job of writing about Mom's day rather than "reporting" on it. In order to communicate what our "norm" is, I want to transfer some of it here from over the past week or so.

Monday, Jan. 4th: (Becky writes) Marge is having a normal day. Her speech is still mostly mumbo jumbo, but at times , just as plain as day. She now mostly call Heidi, Dinky. Her memory of getting her nails done are that this lady sat at the table and said 'put your hand on her' and then painted my nails, but next time I'm telling her no, because this color is pretty, but I've never had it before. Off and on all morning she kept getting in the cookie jar and nonni jar, so I put them up.

Tuesday, Jan. 5th: (I write) Up at 6:30. Joe gave her breakfast and pills. No Tylenol. No coffee. Shower and Tylenol by 7:30. (Becky writes) Lunch at 2:00 from Chicken Express. She helped move chairs for me to clean carpet, went to garage and I steered her back in the house, pulled a chair up and we talked while I was shampooing. She dusted the chest and looked through it, said it was her grandmothers. She wants it back under the table so children won't play on it. At 3:10 we treated ourselves to a scoop of ice cream and brownie. At 3:50 she had coffee with two cookies.

Wednesday, Jan. 6th: (Becky writes) Morning hours she was active and receptive but words are still oleo. She rocked Heidi and sang. She sat in the memory room and showed me pictures and who they were (her version). She sat at the dining table and showed me the crystal again. (I had unpacked about 6 or 8 pieces of crystal that we moved down here and and it was on the table.)...looked at pictures in living area and went to Julie's room and I asked her to come back in the living area. After she rested she was eager to go pick Julie up. We had some "out there" story telling today.

Excerpts from some other days:
She's been in a good mood all day but mostly quiet and confused. When asked to put on a jacket, she put her house coat on. She has been busy looking at things throughout the house all day.

Not real talkative but receptive and cheerful and alert. Wants to clean Julie's room so I stay with her while she folds things. Reception not as good as earlier. When I asked her if she wanted 1 or 2 nonni's she never could grasp what I was asking even when I held up 1 or 2 fingers. She still has on yesterday's clothes. I'm still working on that. (at 1:00p.m.)

We sat outside for a while and watched the birds and made things out of the clouds.

Today she is wearing her name tag. She has shown concern for Julie all day but I've insisted she not go in her room.

As far as this journal goes, she says it's no body's business what we do during the day "we can take care of ourselves." She said she wishes people knew that she was old enough to decide what she wants.

Mon. Jan. 11th: This afternoon she asked who the lady was that was here. When I told her it was Julie, she said "but we didn't go get her and bring her here." When I explained that she didn't go to work she said , "she's too small to work. She's just a little girl and measured her height at about 3 feet. She remembers her coming down the stairs, closing her door and coming into "the" room. I told her she 's grown up now and her response was that the woman was to big to be Julie. Then she focused on the trunk. She wants to take it to her room but said "they won't let me." She hung onto a birthday card for awhile but had no idea who the person was.

Tues. Jan. 12: ...been a struggle to keep her out of Julie's room. We made muffins while she tried again to talk me into letting her in Julie's room.

Thurs. Jan. 14: ...words are mixed up and reception is still slow but is eventually able to grasp what I'm saying. Issue is Julie. "our Julie is little, what happened to her?" I tell her she is grown now but she just gets this confused look and shrugs her shoulders. She dwelled on the crystal for awhile referring to it as worth a lot of money. She wonders what "they" are going to do with it. She's absorbed a lot recently by going through drawers, cabinets, trunk. She refers to most things as some thing her grandmother gave her. She doesn't want anyone taking it. About 1:30 she tapped me on the shoulder with tears in her eyes and said "they won't let me have my things out of the trunk. ...started verbalizing about the license plate on the wall (said it was from the car she wrecked), the light fixture in the dining room, the bowl on top of the hutch "from Italy". She said "I don't have any kids, but if I did, I would like to be able to show them these things, but someone in this house took them from me.

Fri. Jan. 15: Wow, the last 45 minutes have been tense. We were having a stand-off and I won. I told her if she didn't put on clean clothes and change her P&P we were not going to get Julie. Boy did she stand her ground. I finally said "never mind, I will call Cheryl and tell her we won't be picking up Julie today." I walked out of the room and watched her. I heard her say "OK, fine, let's go do it. She's not happy about it but she's clean.

I know, I don't write for a week or more and then I dump all of it at once. But didn't the different colors make it more interesting? Since I began this, Mom has been up and I gave her breakfast. When I am sitting here at the computer, she often brings things one at a time from her room to show me. This morning when Mom finished her PB&J, she brought her little bird that chirps to show to me. We had to make it chirp and feed it the little bottle she has. Then it was her baby who is a good baby and does not cry. I love on the baby and Mom puts her back to bed in the cradle. It is all quiet again so I am thinking she is back in bed also. It is after 9 and time to get dressed myself and get on with the day. Thanks for looking through this little window on Mom's life and keeping us all in your thoughts and prayers!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010

2010-01-03T08:57:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I have heard a lot of people say that they are happy to see 2009 go and are looking forward to a better year for 2010. What we have learned here is that time is irrelevant. It doesn't matter what year it is. It doesn't matter what month or day it is. Each day is unique and holds its own challenges and rewards. Each day we wake up is a good day! That is Mom's philosophy and it is a good one. We can't change (or remember) yesterday so today is the day to make a difference.

Mom loves going to church! It has become slightly more of a challenge lately as she likes to socialize more than pray! Especially if children sit near us. And of course there are at least two opportunities during the service to "visit" with people - at the beginning with Brother Paul tells us to turn and greet our neighbors and later when Deacon Gary tells us to share a sign of peace. Redirecting her and telling her to turn around and pay attention is reminiscent of bringing children to church. As we pass babies or small ones, I tell Mom "no touching" and steer her away. Before long, I'll have to talk to the lady in charge of the church nursery and see if she is too old to go in there during services!

Of course we went to IHOP afterwards. They have different seasonal promotions and the most recent one here has eggnog pancakes, pumpkin spice pancakes and pecan pie pancakes among other things. Mom has been having the pecan pie pancakes instead of the usual strawberry.

This past week, Mom has been bringing things from her room to show me (over and over again) and to talk about them. Many of the things are items she made when she was at Tanglewood and had stashed away so that no one would take them without paying for them. This week it has been small Christmas ornaments she painted and several small tote bags that she painted. She brought the tote bags out again yesterday so I suggested that she bring them with us to church to give to people there. Mom did bring them but decided to leave them in the car. At IHOP I decided those bags were not coming home with us, so I took them in with us and "facilitated" her giving three of them to the three waitresses there - all of whom know us. That left two unclaimed and Mom continued to try to communicate to the girls about giving these bags to "the others". There really were no others there and I knew that before we left Mom would be headed to strangers in the restaurants and/or the cooks in the kitchen with these bags. This all leads up to my big confession: there are times that I totally take advantage of her muddled memory and thinking and this was one of those times. When Mom was distracted, I slid those last two bags out of sight and carefully kept them so until we got home and I could tuck them away. Mom has not questioned it and I am sure that in her heart and mind, she gave the good people at IHOP, all of those hand painted tote bags.

I have used this same strategy when giving her the same clothes that she has had for years. This occurred to my totally by accident when I brought out the winter clothes this year. I washed them and took them to her to put away and she thought I had been shopping and bought her new clothes. I went with it and took the hugs and thank-yous. It was easier than explaining it. Since then, I have given her the same new clothes several times.

Today Mom has been up and had her breakfast of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Let me also tell you that this is no ordinary PB&J. Mom fixes her own sandwich with about a half inch of peanut butter one one piece of bread and about two heaping tablespoons of strawberry jam on the other piece. That's breakfast along with a dozen pills. And she swallow ALL of the pills with at once with one gulf of water! Mom usually has the PB&J and a couple Nonnies to dunk in her coffee but this morning I made fresh biscuits which she also ate with some jam. She, Joe and Julie are all back in bed for the first of their Sunday snoozes.

With everyone otherwise occupied, I will get the kitchen floor mopped. Joe has already run a couple loads of laundry. Four dogs, two birds and a turtle have been fed also. And no, there is no partridge in a pear tree if that is what your heard.

Just know that we are all well and extremely blessed! Each new day! Let's not wait until 2011 to have a good year. God has a magnificent plan for us and we just have to wait for it to unfold to His glory - each new day. Do I hear an AMEN?

Probably the last Post from Texas for this year!

2009-12-28T18:11:00.000-08:00

Thought I'd make a few notes about things going on here around the holidays. Joe, Julie, Stacey, Levi and Micah left early Sunday morning for Auburn Alabama for a short visit with Erin, Eli and Elsie leaving Mom and me here to care for four dogs, two birds and a turtle - and each other. So far, so good, I think.

We had a good Christmas. Mom has been fairly disconnected about it all even though we have been baking and putting the tree up and going to church a few extra times. She sat with us around the tree on Christmas morning and took her packages, having to be prompted and helped to open them. It was probably a little overwhelming and confusing. But it was a good day for all.

I took today off in order to take care of a few things like laundry and tidying up around here and just relax with everyone gone. Mom and I made banana bread - she mashed the bananas and creamed the butter and sugar. While the breads were baking, we played with play doh and cookie cutters at the kitchen table making shapes and stories. Mom is very confused about where everyone is and even who everyone is. Tonight she asked me if I had ever visited her and Dom when they lived "up there." I said that I had and she told me a story about a young man wanting to take some girl with him across the street and asking Dom if it it was okay. At one point today Mom wandered to Julie's room where I was cleaning and then could not find her way back to her room. Over dinner of chicken sandwiches from Sonic (when we went to put gasoline in the car) Mom asked me if the other people left me here by myself to take care of everyone very often.

But the BIG news is that she got her hair cut. I kind of snuck it in yesterday during a outing to the dollar store where we had to buy booties and a blanket for the baby doll she got for Christmas, and a quick trip to the grocery store. Kroger's is in the same plaza as Pro Cuts, which is right next to Subway. I pulled into a parking spot and turned to her to say that this was a good time to get her hair cut. I got the stony stare straight ahead and a "no way" through clenched teeth. I pushed. She could get her hair cut here or I could cut it for her at home. Silence...and then "just two inches - only two inches, it had better not be anything else!" A slow, limping walk in (she does this for effect, only) and Mom was in the hairdresser's chair in no time. I got a chance to whisper to the stylist that Mom has Alzheimer's and is very confused. I let Mom do the talking with my support and she got a great haircut! A little more than two inches, of course, but she does not know that. I told her that she was absolutely right, two inches was just right. Her WHOLE objection was that it had to be long enough to curl under by her ears because - well you all know her prideful stories about her curly hair! It does still curl under at her ears, bot more importantly, it is not so long in the back that she can now actually brush all of her hair herself - more or less.

I may have told you that it is getting more difficult to report on Mom these days. Pretty much there is no drama but what has become more of a way of life for us. Mom does not have "behaviors" as much as she just needs much guidance and assistance and tomorrow she may need guidance and assistance with things differently than she did today. We speak simply and directly in order to communicate, often using visuals when possible. For instance: when asking her if she wants coffee, we show her the coffee cup and ask it more than once. After Mom mashed the bananas today, I had her cream the butter and sugar and said we were making banana bread. She asked if I had bananas.

That is life in Texas. From our family to yours - Happy New Year!! Plan to visit us this year!

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

2009-12-12T11:01:00.000-08:00

You know what? We are all doing great! We have been baking cookies, making candy, baking special breads and making Christmas tree ornaments. Last weekend, Micah and I did some baking. Before that, Stacey and I made a big batch of pizzelles. I brought home from Michael's last weekend, some small easy Christmas ornament projects that Julie and Micah worked on. In all of this, I can't say that Mom participated or understood what or why we were doing it, but she hung around and did not retreat to her room. She even gave us advice about the pizzelles that they needed to be darker when we took them out of the iron. Then they had to be stacked. We took her advice and she was happy. She had refused to do the crafts when Becky asked her to, but today, I sat at the table and started some and asked her to help so we would not have a naked tree. She worked on some of those things like the ones she used to do that are already sticky for a little while.

During the day, Becky reports that Mom comes out of her room dressed with her jacket and purse ready to go pick Julie up from work. Since we began this, Mom has not spent as much time in her room other than for about 15 minutes at a time; I suspect it is because she does not want to miss going to pick Julie up from work. From Becky I know that Mom sits in the patio room in a rocking chair by the window and sings to her favorite Alan Jackson CD and plays with the dogs. Sometimes she sits in the Memory Room and Becky says that she has even sat on the sofa in the living room with her - which she never does when we are here. Becky is VERY high energy and it is difficult for her to just sit, but she has learned that if she gets up to do something, Mom will go back to her room. So she has practiced sitting with Mom when Mom wants to talk. I will include some of the statements from Becky's daily log to give you an idea who we live with these days. By the way, Becky gets Mom to change her pad and panties by refusing to go pick up Julie until she does. Mom pouts, puts on her stony, stubborn face. Becky tells her "you don't scare me!" And mom marches off to do what she was told to do. Becky follows her these days to make sure she does it too. Some daily notes: on Monday, she talked about wanting to go to church because she had not been since she got here; on Tuesday, Becky reported that her reception was iffy and words were jumbled; on Wednesday, Mom talked about her accidents, injuries and when she died (she meant Dinky), said she was going to kick Heidi's ass for pooping in her room and ate some sweet potato pie I had baked; on Thursday, Becky wrote "alert and receptive but still confused about when it's time to get Julie. Showed constant concern for my health because I had just given birth."; on another day, Becky wrote "seemed very confused and words were a mess. Words stayed a mess."

On Tuesday, Becky knew that I planned to take Mom to church for the Feast Day, so she talked to Mom about going to church when I got home and maybe she should get a shower. At some point mom said okay, so Becky went to get the water running and set out towels and stuff. She went back to the kitchen and let Mom know that the shower was ready and Mom did not know what she was talking about. Becky went through it again Mom said no. Becky tried some more and finally Mom got up and said "SHIT" and went to take her shower! I took her to church. She did not know why we were there, she said, but got into the swing of things.

On Thursday night, I knew that Joe would not be home until late after taking the train to Dallas for a conference, so we had a girls night out. Julie, Mom and I went to the little Italian restaurant in town. Mom wore about 6 necklaces and talked jumbled stuff to the owner about being Italian, speaking with an accent and about the Italian ladies at church, imitating them with her hands and accents.

This is only such a small part of our lives, of course. But they are precious memories to us. Sure, Mom spills her food, wears two different shoes, won't eat anything black or brown, etc. etc. etc. But even these are who and where she is and we get to be a part of it. When I think about what I could be writing about next year at this time, I know it will very possibly be something entirely different but no less precious to us. In many ways this year seems like an important Christmas season to me. We will probably put up our tree tomorrow and plan to decorate it not with the hundreds of individually wrapped fragile angel ornaments that I have collected over the years, but with the handmade decorations of our family.

Precious Moments. And just so I don't mislead you and you start petitioning the pope for my eventual sainthood, I will give you Joe's interpretation: "Better living through chemistry". A little Xanex goes a long way some days!

WE LOVE YOU!!!

We Are Thankful

2009-11-26T16:37:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Joe was determined that just because it was just the four of us for dinner like it is everyday, he wanted a turkey dinner. So he made one. He did a great job and it really was special for everyone. We sat at the dining room table, Mom at one end and Joe and the other. Joe carved the turkey and we passed the dishes of mashed potatoes, green beans etc. after prayer and each saying what we are thankful for. Mom was thankful that we were all here together. As we passed the dishes, Mom took what she wanted and passed it on. (we usually fix a plate and put it in front of her because she frequently refuses foods if we let her choose) However, she took a little of everything mostly. At the end of the meal I asked if she wanted anything else and she did say that no, she had had enough and that she had some of everything. I advised her that she had skipped the green beans and that she needed to have some. She was a good sport and offered to eat one. And she did! Now Mom had eaten a little of everything. I am sure Mom does not know the significance of Thanksgiving or the connection to having turkey, but because we did it all together and have pecan pie for dessert, she is having a good day. I know that Mom is bored, laying in her bed, sitting at the table, wandering around. But there is little to engage her in and I have to admit, I am the worst for sitting with her and doing nothing. Or even puttering with her on her stuff and listening to her mostly made up stories. It was easier to do the first hundred or so times.

It is also difficult to let her be independent and I know that the more I do for her, the less opportunity she has to connect sequential thoughts. But we almost always have mishaps. Spilled coffee, dropped jar of jelly, creamer in her water, clothes on over pajamas. For instance, this morning, when Mom got up from the table to put the jelly in the refrigerator and the peanut butter in the cupboard, I took them from her and told her that I was going to use them. I had prepared a cup of coffee and let it sit on the counter by the coffee pot, which is on the same counter as the sink. I turned to fix my toast and Mom got up to take her glass, knife and spoon to the sink. I let it go, seeing her out of the corner of my eye. I turned with my toast to pick up my coffee and found her dirty silver ware in my coffee! Joe and I got an exasperated giggle out of it and I had milk instead. Mostly what we got out of it as we talked, was how precious these times are and the regret we have that others are missing out on these day to day moments.

Like earlier, as I sat with Mom at breakfast and stretched my fingers out and one of them cracked. Mom asked "can you fly now?" I assured her that I could now fly and someday I might just fly away with her. Mom was good with that, and although we noted the moment with our eyes, did not dwell on how we got to flying when my finger made a cracking noise!

Moments of Joy and Thankfulness! We are thankful to have this time with Mom. I wouldn't/couldn't have it any other way. We love you all for sharing this time with us by keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!

Nothing is Something

2009-11-22T06:09:00.001-08:00

I know, it has been awhile. Maybe because, I worked on a perfectly good post almost two weeks ago and as I finished up, I hit a mystery key and in less than a blink of an eye - GONE - nowhere to be found! No draft, no minimized version at the bottom of my screen, no record of it that I could find. I add "that I could find" because it is quite possible that one of my computer savvy daughters would have known where to look and I wouldn't have been so disheartened.

This week what I have to write about Mom is NOTHING. Nada. No change. No drama. I guess that's something after all. So here are a few updates.

1. We had a regularly scheduled appointment with Dr. Birdwell. Mom is healing well. No pain
pills for over a week.
2. 6 month check-up with ophthomologist - no change, come back in 6 months.
3. Occasional nights when we awake to the kitchen light shining in through our bedroom door
to find Mom sitting at the kitchen table. I put her back to bed.
4. Receptive and expressive language is challenging for all of us. She gets frustrated when she
can't tell us what she wants to say.
5. Still dressing herself but not well. Sometimes we have pajamas over clothes or vice versa.
Frequently the top is different from the pants and all are different from the socks. She likes
to be color coordinated and has even in the past hung her clothes according to color.
6. Is very bored. Mom sleeps or sits at the kitchen table. We have found that when we sit there
with her or work in the kitchen, she will sit there. Conversation is difficult because Mom does
not understand what we are saying and she has a difficult time responding if she does
understand us. The minute we leave the room to do something else, she is in bed. Crafty
activities have ceased. We try to give her little things to do to "help out" from her chair at the
table, but mostly she is unable to follow through.
7. Mom likes going places. She and Becky have been picking Julie up from work every day. Joe
takes her to the grocery store (to push the cart he says) but she tires easily. I am quite less
inclined to take Mom anywhere but church on Saturdays after I have personally watched her
shower and put on clean panties and pad. Otherwise, she quite frankly, can smell like a dirty
diaper. Unless I get in her face and stand right there with her, Mom will not change her
underwear or pad. The week before last, Becky let me know that when she told Mom to
change her pad and/panties, Mom had done so. But when I went to Mom's drawer one
morning, I found 3 opened pads that Becky had handed to her and a wadded up pair of
panties stashed under the socks. Becky and I chuckled and wondered how so much of her
thought process is lost, but the devious part is still in tact!
8. Some days it must seem to Mom that my only interaction with her is negative. You can't be
mean to the dog. You can't go outside now, it is dark and cold. You have to change your pad,
you don't smell very good. You have to have some dinner before you have ice cream. Stop
picking at your skin, you have sores and blood all over your arm. There are germs under
your fingernails. Please wash your hands again, you just went to the bathroom. It is NEVER
ending.
9. Joe is clearly not as rigid as I am. And, I don't know if any of you have ever noticed or put it
together, but Mom likes men. Not a newsflash, I know, but if there is a man in sight, she is
there, being sweet, touching, hugging, flirting...It's shameless! I know now that Mom has
always been like this, but it did not affect me. Given now that I know my parents were never
married, Mom was married before and has some mystery history there and some other stuff,
I have pretty much decided that our family was pretty much the "white trash" that Mom
called other people! (boy, I haven't heard that term in years)

So, I have rattled on long enough. Before I turn this into a dumping ground instead of an update on Mom, I'll say that we are all well and blessed and thankful this Thanksgiving week. I have been thinking of Thanksgiving as just a much needed long weekend for me. But Joe brought home a BIG turkey from Kroger's so I am thinking he has another agenda. We do love you ALL.

Here It Is!! The Lost Blog!!! (thankyoustacey)

2009-11-08T19:06:00.000-08:00

It's another Sunday night. No church or IHOP this week. We have spent the weekend managing Mom's pain. It seems as though she is either sleeping from the pain pills or up sitting at the kitchen table holding her side and leaning over a little. It is difficult to determine just how much pain Mom is in. If I ask her if she is hurting and needing a pain pill, she says "no". But then she holds her side, wheezes and gives a pathetic cough. So I give her a Tramadol every 6 hours or so. It has only been a week since her fall and it could take a while for bruised ribs and sore muscles to heal. The doctor said to let her know if Mom showed signs of an altered mental state to let her know - right! Mom is confused and disoriented a lot these days. She has a routine doctor appointment on Thursday at which we will mention the fall. There isn't anything to do about the mental deterioration but will check out other health issues - which have remained very stable.

I just put Mom to bed. She slept in her clothes last night. I went to bed early but said Mom came out at 11:00 dressed still and her put her back to bed. Tonight Mom had her ice cream and pills and went to bed. I followed her in there and she was in bed in the same clothes. But she was open to the suggestion that I help her put her pajamas on. Mom has refused to change her pad since her shower yesterday so tonight I was able to get her into clean panties (after redirecting her when she tried to put them on without taking the others off) and pad. When she took the soiled ones off, she tossed them with the pad still in them, into the waste basket. Which, I confess, I have done before when - never mind, too much information I think. Anyway, with gloved hands I salvaged the underwear.

Mom has been picking at her skin again. Her left upper arm has a dozen or so scars from sores that have healed and now, more open sores. There is a spot on her right forearm that she picks at also, but it is healed again for now. So, I dressed the upper arm with band-aids and tucked her in.

The END

Fall Back - Chapter Two

2009-11-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

Guess where I spent a good part of the day? Yep! The Emergency Room. When I checked on Mom this morning before I left for work, she was in tremendous pain and could barely move in the bed. Our initial assessment on Saturday saw no contusions, scrapes or bruises and although shaken, did fine at IHOP. Mom was more sore on Sunday and more on Monday, but that is how bruised ribs and muscles are - progressively painful for a few days and tender for a very long time. By this morning, I feared she might faint from the pain as I tried to help her up. And being in so much pain on the left side under her ribs, she could not cough and that is the thing we work on every day - getting her to cough up the congestion! Which she won't do anyway without protest! So now I thinking she could get pneumonia from not getting rid of all that gunk. I got Mom dressed in some easily removable clothing, fed her half of her PB&J and gave her morning pills with a Darvacet. By the time we got to the hospital, the Darvacet had not touched the pain, so after x-rays, she got a couple of injections, one being morphine. A CT scan, blood analysis and urine sample by catherization later, we got the news that nothing was broken, just bruised as we thought. We came home with a prescription for Tramadol for pain to go with the Darvacet. Mom slept comfortably all afternoon.

When she came out about 4:30 she had the other half of her PB&J and some 7 UP. By 6:00 I had her eating a bowl of chicken corn chowder. By 6:30 I was cleaning up PB&J, 7 UP and corn chowder and her bottom dentures that came out with it.

Mom is back in bed in flannel pajamas and has had her night time pills and another pain pill.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Oh, and I didn't mention that yesterday, Julie called me at noon to pick her up because she was sick. Last week she called me at work to say she needed a change of clothes and feminine supplies. Today, I got to work by 1:30 and she called me at 4 to say she was feeling icky, could I come and get her?

Things I am thankful for today: Mom had no further injuries. I have a VERY understanding boss. AND with enough notice, she'll approve time off for my nervous break down!

Now you get another chance to guess in case you didn't get the first one right. Guess where I am going now?

Did you guess "to bed"? If you did you are correct and your name will be put into the drawing for a week's vacation in Texas - while I take a week of vacation someplace else.

Winner will be notified after the nervous breakdown! You know I love and appreciate you all!!

Fall Back

2009-11-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

Let's see...Sunday night again. Mom's clock, as messed as it is, did not "fall back" with the others. She was up today as I tried to engage her with activities. This morning we sang to the Alan Jackson CD that she likes and made cookies - the kind that come pre-formed and frozen that the neighborhood kids sell for fundraisers. So, I put the baking trays in front of her with a bowl of cookies and suggested she put them on the trays while I attended to the pretzels I was baking. I turned around and she had piled almost 4 dozen cookies on one tray. As tactfully as possible, I advised her that they would bake better if there were only 12 to a tray, three across and four down. And we counted to twelve. One tray of cookies at a time. But it never did connect. Nice, warm chocolate chunk and pecan cookies. If Mom asked me once, she asked me a dozen times, "what are you going to do with all these cookies?" Um...Julie and Joe will take them to work. Or, maybe Julie and Joe can take them to work. And Julie and Joe will take them to share at lunch this week. As it turns out, some went home with the guy who was here working on the ceiling, some were eaten before they got to a zip-loc bag, and what was left went into the bag and went home with Micah.

It was such a beautiful day that I scrubbed down the gazebo and Mom sat out there for some time. We even ate our hamburgers and hot dogs out there. Mom stayed out with us for quite some time. And later she sat in the patio room watching Joe work on the pool pump and then she sat outside the front door for awhile. Lots of fresh air.

We did have an incident last night as we left church and Mom was getting into the van. Having pushed both Joe and me away as she always does, and leans on the car to step down from the curb, I averted my eyes for a second and Joe turned to put the walker in the car and Mom lost her balance and fell backward on her bum. She did not fall all the way back but rolled onto her left side. We assessed and were able to get her up and into the van. Mom still wanted to go to IHOP across the street, so we continued assessing as we drove there. I knew she would be achy, so I gave her Tylenol with her pancakes. By the time we got home she was hurting, so we added a Darvaset to the evening pills. Mom is still complaining about pain under her left breast. She has a three month appointment with Dr. Birdwell, but I will try to get her in tomorrow to be checked out. We had to trust our judgement after the fall. Go to hospital to be checked out? I am wishing we had, just to be sure, but Mom wasn't hurting and was more interested in pancakes than in spending five or six hours in the ER. So, we went to IHOP - she with visibly went pants, but with no complaints.

The clock on the computer says 8:03. My clock says it is time for bed too. We love you all! Good-night!

The Day will Come - but not Today

2009-10-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

Day is done. Gone the sun. God is good. Ophthalmology appointment determined that Mom's vision has not changed in her good eye. It is still very poor, but it has not changed. In her left eye Mom has so little vision but there has been no significant deterioration to the internal part of the eye. We'll go back in 6 months.

Joe and I toured The Estates Memory care unit. You know, if Mom did not have a perfectly good place to stay, the facility would be more that appropriate. We were impressed by staff to resident ratio, the amount of activity going on and the low number of residents - 20 at this time with a max of 28. Our friend, Sid, was there. We have known him and his family for 16 years. His wife was Julie's teacher in high school and we attended Sid's Bible study. Sid was a tall, polite, gentle man, even as the Alzheimer's progressed. His family kept him in the home until he truly needed 24 hour care with eating, dressing, toileting and repeatedly tried to leave the home and became aggressive to his daughter who was his caregiver. Today, Sid was leaning sideways in a wheelchair having lost the ability to walk. He is fed by staff because he has forgotten how to do it himself. He is fed soft foods because he has forgotten how to chew.

One of the ladies sat in her wheelchair by the doors that open only with code keyed in, waiting for the door to open to either leave if she had a chance or to continue her job as the greeter at Wal-Mart, I am not sure which.

Others milled about the lunch room clearing tables, or sat in the living room listening to music.

So, the only conclusion I could come to was that Mom will not go there today. We have great care for her during the day. Becky knows Mom's moods and habits and changing moods and habits and goes with it - knowing when to push and when not to. And I have great support from Joe, Julie, Stacey, David, Micah and Levi.

Mom had a great lunch at Red Lobster with Becky and the retired teachers. She doesn't do fish but I heard she ate quite well of baked macaroni and cheese and french fries.

I want to add that I don't deny that there are moments I think I want my life back but then I am reminded that it hasn't been my life for a long time because in 1981 I have my life to Him to do with what He wanted. And today I know that this is what He wants. And His grace is sufficient.

For all of us!!!

Just the Normal Snags So Far

2009-10-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

So, it has been a good week. Not that some weeks are bad, but this week we are rockin along in spite of what has become normal snags.
Have I mentioned what a miracle worker Becky is? Getting Mom to shower, brush her teeth, wash her hair, and change her pad? When I mention to Mom that she needs to change her pad and/or panties I get the glare and she rags on me to Becky about how I tell her what to do and she doesn't need me telling her what to do. As long as it gets done, I can take the heat!
Tomorrow Mom sees the ophthalmologist for a 6 month check-up. I don’t expect that Mom will be able to number one, understand his questions or statements and number two, respond to them. But if the doctor can get a look at her eyes, it will give me an idea how much her sight has deteriorated.
After that appointment, which usually takes about 3 hours, Mom has been invited to lunch at Red Lobster with the Retired Teachers in Burleson. She and Becky will be going there. Since Joe is off tomorrow, I am trying to arrange for us to tour one or two memory care facilities in the area to ask questions and get a better idea what is out there and hopefully be able to recognize when it might be time to move Mom to one of them. It is getting closer and I think it is important for Joe to get some information. And me as well. As a Social Worker in this county, I have been involved in placements and have visited a number of places. But it was never about my Mom.
Mom and Becky have been going this week to pick Julie up from work instead of me doing it. Becky thought it would give Mom something to look forward to in the day and get out of the house. So far it is working except that Julie misses riding home with me and giving me a rundown of her day. But she assured me today that she is on board with whatever supports me. She is wonderfully supportive!
Love you all!

Kicken Ass

2009-10-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

So far do good today. In spite of Mom refusing to go to get in her pajamas and go to bed last night, today was pretty "normal".

Last night Mom insisted that she was not going to stay here, she was going to go to my house. She kept putting her shoes on, tried putting her pajamas on over her clothes, picked up her purse and folded up her blanket, insisting she was not staying her and was going to my house. After repeated efforts and telling her a number of times that it was too late, dark and rainy outside and I was going to stay her for the night also and we would go to my house in the morning, mom got into bed but promised she would not go to sleep. Earlier in the evening mom angrily expressed (in her own way) that she was going to kick some one's ass. Some short fat woman and her husband who had taken her pizzelle iron. And they had better not take her "Singer" or she'll kick their ass. Yep, she emphasized that a few times. She went on about that while I knew that the iron was in the box in the dining room and I told her that Joe and I would take care of it and it would be here in the morning. I figured she was still hanging on to that so I made like someone had come to the door and returned her pizzelle iron. I took the box to her room and she was very happy to have it returned. When I asked her if I should put it into her closet, she said no, she was going to take it to my house. We left it that way and she slept through the night after I assured her that the woman was not going to take her "Singer."

Today there seemed to be no indication that she was confused about where she was and expressed to Becky that Cheryl came to the rescue and got the pizzelle iron back.

Becky managed to keep her busy singing to the Alan Jackson CD that she likes and getting her nails done. The notes say that mom put Parmesan cheese in her coffee, so they started over with that.

Mom got her pajamas on and came out to say good night a few minutes ago. Guess I'll check in with her and get myself to bed. I'll bet you are all getting the idea that things are changing again here. You know I'll keep you posted. Love you all!

GOODmorning!

2009-10-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

It is a good morning! We slept ALL night!

When Becky got here yesterday morning, mom was up and dressed (again) and eating her breakfast - still none too happy with me. While I finished getting ready for work, Becky engaged her in interesting conversation. I eavesdropped a little and heard the part about her not having any children and babies lined up and Deena being fed and diapered, she had two girls who are grown and married now, and no she is not Cheryl's mother or Bonnie's mother and she did not want to talk about Bonnie. We have a system whereby Becky makes notes about the day - here are some of her notes from yesterday: "was up when I got here...We had a quiz with memory - not so good; was very active, verbal and alert though her words were jumbled and I had to explain a lot; At 12:00 we went to "The Porch" and ate lunch with Cecil. (she loves men); she was so excited and repeatedly spoke of having a wonderful day; she laid down at 3:40 and fell asleep; up at 4:12; we went to DQ and got blizzards; very talkative and in high spirits."

I put Mom to bed about 7:30 and she is still there. Today it is raining and Becky may have to resort to that jig to keep Mom entertained. Yesterday when I mentioned in #4 that if the above did not work" and I wanted to explain that 99% of any effort failing or succeeding when it comes to Mom is dependent on Mom - her mood, her willingness, her stubbornness, whatever is going on or not going on in her mind. Some days, it is just easier and better to let it go than to allow an effort to become a confrontation and battle of wills. That isn't good for her or us. Just wanted to explain that a little further.

So, Mom's breakfast is on the table for when she gets up - on her own or otherwise, and I have to finish getting ready for work and head out in the rain. Honestly, it really is a good day to crawl back in the cozy bed!

God is so good and we are so blessed by all of you who love Mom and us.

It Is What It Is

2009-10-20T00:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, I did say that I should post more frequently, but this is not what I had in mind. It is 2:30 in the morning and this is the third time I have been up with Mom. In spite of the fact that I have the monitor right beside me on the loudest setting, I missed the first time a little bit. By the time I awakened, Mom was fully dressed at 11:00 and sitting at the kitchen table having coffee and a Nonni. During the day, we keep what coffee Joe and I don't drink before work, in a carafe that keeps the coffee warm throughout the day. Mom had poured her coffee, put the creamer in and dunked her Nonni. I put a confused but fairly compliant woman back to bed in her pajamas and clean underwear and said good night. Time has no meaning right now, but the next time I was awakened by noise from her room, I found her standing beside her dresser with the drawer open, pushing a pizzelle into her mouth like a little chipmunk. Remember? Mom had hidden them in her room the other day so that they would not be eaten by Stacey and David and to "save some for Becky." I offered her a glass of water but she refused. Back to bed. A short time ago, since I had not been able to fall back asleep, I heard her up and met Mom in the kitchen turning the light on again. She sat at the table while I started her laundry, cleaned up the living room, loaded the dishwasher and put a clean cloth on the dining room table. When I shut the overhead light off in the kitchen and turned on the light over the sink suggesting that other people needed to sleep, Mom did wander back to her room where she is lying on the bed with the light on in there.

I only mention all of this at this hour because I may need witnesses at my trial to the fact that I was sleep deprived and not in my right mind.

New strategy today:

Becky is not to let Mom sleep past 9:00 but is to go in and clean her bathroom and turn on all the lights and get her up out of the bed.
If Mom is back in bed still by 1:00, Becky is to tell her that lunch is ready and to get up to eat it.
Then, Mom is not to go back to bed. They can sing, do the jig, walk the dogs, go for ice cream, whatever - but she is not to sleep the afternoon away.
If none of the above work, I may meet you here tomorrow morning as well.

Thanks for keeping me company in my heart and mind as I think of you and your love and support for Mom and for me. I love you all! Goodnight! or should I say Good Morning? Either way, GOOD is the operative word!

FUN is in the Eye of the Funned.

2009-10-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

I'll start out with the old stand-by, "has it been a week already?" And yes, "time flies when you're having fun." So this week I'll tell you about a little bit of fun Mom has had.

Becky has taken Mom out to lunch a number of times, as you know. We have figured out a few places to not go, but besides IHOP on Saturday night, a new little Italian restaurant in town is a safe place because it is not so fast-paced busy and they know us and treat her great. The other place Becky has found is Golden Coral in Burleson. Becky has taken her there several times for lunch and they always meet up with Becky's mom and dad there. Mom talks about them and how they have "special" seats there and how she says funny things that make them laugh. So, this week, for Julie's birthday on Tuesday night, we went to Paisano's, the Italian restaurant, where they had cheesecake just for her and she had a great time even though Stacey and family were there. Then, during the week, Mom asked Becky if they could go to Golden Coral for lunch. Becky reports that she not only asked to go, but when they got to the restaurant, Mom pointed out Becky's mom and dad across the room! Now keep in mind that Mom's language is not quite like yours and mine, but we can usually figure out what she is trying to say.

Mom was having a good week. But that's not all of it! I took the day off from work on Friday so that I could do the cooking for the Taste of St.Bart's Fall Festival on Saturday. The booth I was working in was, what else, the Italian booth. I had obligated a big pot of sauce and several pounds of Penne Pasta. As an added food item this year, I decided to make pizzelles too. I got my puny little waffle iron out and mixed up the batter, all the time talking to Mom about "the Feast" and making pizzelles and the recipe and saying Hail Mary's, hoping that something would sound familiar to her. I could not find the "original" recipe so I was using one out of a recipe book. I asked Mom for her recipe and directed her to her recipe box, which she could not find and "someone stole it" but I found it and Mom sat going through the box mostly unable to read what was on the cards except for a few words. All the time I was talking to her about the recipes and other things. I showed her how my pizzelle iron was not heating evenly and asked if I could use hers. Mom did not know she had one, but we were able to locate one in her room and I heated it up. More talking and Mom got bits of memories about "my Italian ladies at the church" and the pizzelles needed to be stacked in sets of 12. So she stacked - 1,2,3,4,7,9,12. But they were stacked to her satisfaction. When I got tired I asked if she would take over. So she stood teaching me how to do it like the Italian ladies at church. She dropped the teaspoonful on the iron and closed it and I took the pizzelles off when they were done. We finished the batch and Mom was exhausted. So was I, actually.

That evening we had Stacey and family in for dinner for Micah's birthday. David's mom from Oklahoma and his sister from one of the Carolina's was here also. Joe had put a roast in early in the day and we had birthday cake. Mom enjoyed the dinner with no problem and kept trying to give everyone some pizzelles to taste after dinner. People were more interested in the chocolate birthday cake, but the hostess in Mom needed to get out the homemade pizzelles to go with coffee after dinner. She had a good day.

And of course yesterday, was church day. Mom came out of her room dressed in the morning amid all of the chaos of getting everything ready to take up to the church for the festival. When I advised her that she looked very nice but that after breakfast, I was going to help her with a shower, I experienced the "if looks could kill" face from her. She had no intention of bathing or having anything to do with me. When I joined her in her room Mom was changing into a short sleeve shirt so I reminded her about the shower and that it was Church Day - no shower, no church. I helped her undress. Once in the shower it took reminders to pick up the soap, use soap, wash this part and that part, here is the wash cloth, wash your face, turn off the water, push down, no the other way... Mom and Joe went to mass last night after stopping by the festival for a few minutes. I did not join them. And of course, there was IHOP afterwards with Joe, David and Rosaline, David's mom.

It was an unusually active week for Mom and she enjoyed the interaction. Unfortunately her nights were active as well. At 3:00 a.m. one morning, I got to Mom's room and she was dressed and putting her shoes on. It took some yawning and grogginess on my part to convince her that it was not time to get up and I was going back to bed for a few hours so that I could go to work in the morning. I got her settled down without her shoes but still dressed. On another early A.M. I heard Mom yelling and got to the laundry room where she was standing in the open door to the garage yelling at someone.

And that's the way it is, as Mom would say. Perhaps if I took time throughout the week to make some notes here, I wouldn't have to publish the entire book at one time. Food for thought - when I have time to think. Love you all!!!

Goodnight - again

2009-10-11T18:03:00.000-07:00

It is 8 p.m. Sunday night. Mom has been to bed twice. The first time at 5:30 after having cake and ice cream with us, Mom came out of her room in her pajamas to say good-night. In spite of our urging, encouraging and engaging her to stay up longer, she went to bed. At 7:30 Joe came to the bedroom where I was ironing, to say that Mom was up and dressed and sitting at the table waiting for breakfast. It took me about 30 minutes to get her back to bed by doing the things that we normally do before turning in like covering the birds, starting the dishwasher, setting up the coffee pot, putting the little dog in the kennel and checking on locked doors. Joe gave her night time pills and water. Finally she headed back to her room and was lying down fully dressed when I got in there. I made light of being confused after a short nap, thinking that it should be morning when she refused to put her pajamas on. With more cajoling, I got her out of her slacks, into badly needed clean panties and Poise pad and her pajama bottoms. When I handed her a wet wipe to wash her hands after handling the soiled items she began taking her pajamas off again and I instructed her how to use the wet wipe on her hands. Getting the pajama top on went better but as I bent over to help her get her pants off and on, I knew I needed to empty the waste basket a short ways from my nose. So I did that while trying to get her to take her socks off. The trash went but the socks stayed. Mom is in bed again.

When anyone asks how Mom is doing, I don't know what to tell them. More of the same? Not really. That could mean that today is no different from yesterday or last week. When I say she is getting worse, it doesn't fully express the day to day deterioration. That was my response to Deena again this week when she called and Deena gave an understandable answer of "we knew that was going to happen." I am sure she did not know the impact of those words until she spoke to Mom on the phone that day. The tired side of me wants to say "welcome to our world" but the daughter and sister side of me knows the moment of grief she must have felt.

When I can sit with Mom and do her nails before church on Saturday at 3 and at IHOP at 7 she tells us about the "lady" who did her nails, we know she is worse.

When she can be downright cruel and on the verge of abusive to Chi Chi, Stacey and David's little black dog that they dropped off her on Friday before they drove to Tulsa for a wedding, we know she is worse.

And the next day as we leave for church, Mom asks where that cute little black dog came from and I tell her we are dog sitting for a friend, we know...

When Mom puts creamer in her glass of water, we know...
When I have to tell Mom which body parts to wash and to use soap, we know...
When I find my shoes and other items from around the house hidden in Mom's room, we know....
When I am cleaning feces off of her, the floor, the bathroom counter, washing her soiled clothes and sheets...
When Mom goes to IHOP every week and meets the same people for the first time every week, we know ...
When Becky takes her out for lunch and she throws the food across the table yelling "I'm not eating that", we know ...
When Mom looks in the mirror and sees the "curls she was born with" and we see frizzy long hair and a resemblance to Einstein....
When we are up too many nights because Mom is up or she is yelling and thrashing in her bed from a nightmare....

And we grieve.

AND we rejoice when Mom remembers the first few lines of the Lord's prayer

And when Mom puts all of her jewelry on just to hang around the house
And when she taps her foot to the songs on the country legend station in the car
And when Mom looks the menu over carefully and orders strawberry pancakes - again
And when I put her to bed and she calls me sweetheart - like she knows I belong to her somehow.

IMAGINATION STATION?

2009-09-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

Let's see, yesterday I got a call from Becky saying that she had taken Mom to Golden Corral for lunch and she had tried to pay with some of the coin collection. When I got home, I asked her about it and she totally denied it. When Becky "reminded" her, she admitted that she had. We had more than a 30 minute inane tug of war about how she can't spend those coins, she has to give them to me (I have confiscated what I could find). Mom refused saying among other things that Dom had given them to her and that he wanted the children to have them. She said that he would put money for the children and tell them to take it to buy what they needed. I played along and said that if they were in her room and she spent them, they were not in a safe place and I needed to put them away in a safe place for the children. She insisted that she did not have any coins. I let it go until Joe got home. After some dinner, Joe and I spoke briefly to her about the coins but got nowhere. Mom went to her room and Joe went to start the dishwasher. Moments later he yelled for me and by the time I got there he had Mom off of the floor with a bleeding arm. She checked out okay so I bandaged her forearm where she had scraped some skin off and took the occasion to search in some places in her room while talking about keeping the coins safe for the children. Did not find anything. She is good! Today she explained to Becky that she was chasing someone out of her room and Heidi got under her feet causing her to fall. Okay, there was no one in her room and Heidi was in her kennel asleep. Did she believe that and she was hallucinating or is that creative ad lib, make it up as she goes along part of her brain still active? Who knows? If nothing, she is entertaining!

I think I have most of the coins, but yesterday when we were in her room, Mom talked about a man who had been here and wanted to buy the coins. She talked about a woman who said she would take the coins to the bank. At this time, I have no idea if there is anything misssing, I never suspected there might be. The coins have been on a high shelf in Mom's closet since she got here. Again, where are these stories coming from? It is totally possible that Janice had a part in it if anything is missing and she may have involved someone else. I am learning more about Janice all the time. Mom's stories are just pieces of information with some wierd words tht we try to figure out. They could be pieces of truth. The unfortunate thing is that there really might be some coins missing and Mom may have given them away because I kept them in the closet instead of a safe deposit box or something. Now I have to figure out how to keep them safe for the children. Hmmm

Life as We Know It!

2009-09-20T19:01:00.000-07:00

You know, I just don't know where to start sometimes. I could say more of the same because to us, it is. But from here we see the deterioration and adapt to whatever is going on. Last Tuesday morning about 3, I must have slept through the noise on the monitor because I woke to the dogs barking and the kitchen light on. As I headed for the kitchen through the patio room, I glimpsed something to the let and it was Mom headed out the back door in her bra and panties. Another early morning, I heard her up and went in to find her laying crosswise on her bed on her tummy reaching down and under her bed.

Last Saturday Mom absolutely refused to get a shower while Becky was here to help her. She even suggested to Becky that they go in and turn on the water and just say that she had a shower. I was in Alabama on the phone to Mom telling her to take a shower. She totally agreed while she was on the phone talking to someone telling her to shower but when she hung up the conversation never happened. Joe reports that after Becky left, Mom went to take a shower but he actually had no proof that she did so, not checking the shower or soap to see if it was wet. He took her to church anyway! Unfortunately Joseph has no sense of smell, so he does not notice when she needs to shower or change her underwear and pad.

I have searched her room on numerous occasions to locate parts of the coin collection she has been dismantling and jewelry that I want to put away before she throws it away. She is GOOD at hiding stuff! Today I went to her room to tell her I was going to the grocery store and found her sitting on the foot board of the bed looking disheveled and overheated with a metal box of coin collection beside her. She reported, upon my questioning her, that she was getting something out of the box so that she would have some money. Within a few minutes, Joe and I had confiscated three metal boxes from her room and I had given her a lecture about the coins were a collection, not money to spend and that I would put it in a safe place. Mom did not argue with me, but pouted for a few minutes and then we talked about what I should buy at the store.

The most noticeable change lately is her language. I know that I have been telling you that she has had difficulty but lately, she has days when her verbalization is just gobbly gook! Joe was standing at the counter and she told him he didn't have his lights on. When she is telling me or asking me something, she is saying words that aren't even words and not even close to a word that I can try to figure out. But then she will have a day when she has many moments of total lucidity and her words are quite fine for the most part.

And, for two weeks at IHOP now, she has had blueberry pancakes instead of strawberry! Ever since coming to live here, Mom has hated blueberries!

Mom has had restless nights and restless days with auditory and visual hallucinations. Kids running through the house during the day when only Becky is here. A young boy in her room who begins to cry when she makes him leave. Some ladies talking in the corner of her room during the night planning to take her walker.

We go with the flow and are so very thankful to God for the opportunity to experience this with her. Julie and Joe are so good with her! The talk to her and treat her as though nothing has changed over the last year or two and they make her feel special. I on the other hand, make her wash her hands with baby wipes all of the time, make her shower and wear clean clothes, scold her for picking at her skin and having open sores everywhere. It works!! for the most part...

More of the Same

2009-09-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

Bra shopping. Mom and I went bra shopping today. I took her to Lane Bryant only because on Labor Day, I figured it would be less busy than most other retail stores in town. I was right. We got personal assistance and Mom got two new bras. The outing was strenuous in 98 degree heat so we took the long way home when Mom mentioned that she could sit in the car all day in front of the air conditioning vent. We made a side trip to Sonic to get a Strawberry Creme Slush. After a few sips she decided she needed to go home and crawl under the covers for a nap because she was cold. So she did. But not before finishing that creme slush!

It has been a typical week for her. Mom was sick one day last week but I am sure it was because she choked on a large bite of her triple decker peanut butter and jelly sandwich at breakfast. She vomited and complained that it felt like something was stuck down in her chest. After resting all day and eating light, she was fine.

We are still talking about getting her hair cut. She is still saying no.

Mom is giving her jewelry to Becky and Becky brings it back the next day and puts it in my bedroom.

Yep, more of the same. Thank goodness! I know there can be trauma and drama any time but there wasn't any this week.

Julie and I are leaving on Friday morning to go to Alabama to see Elsie, Eli and Erin. We won't be back until Monday. It will be just Joe and Mom for several days. They do great together. He keeps her fairly safe and healthy - neither one can really be left alone for too long, but together, they do okay. He takes her to the grocery store, to church and out to eat. Joe is still her favorite of course. He doesn't notice if she is in clean clothes or smells okay and she doesn't notice or care about how he looks or smells! They just give each other a hard time and get along great.

I have to go now to take Levi and Micah home after a swim in the pool and then it will be time to put Mom to bed. I hope you all had a Happy Labor Day!

Long Time No...?

2009-08-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been very consistent at this lately. Energy and time are the enemy. I have been working late and on weekends being one staff person short. Here at home on the weekends, there have been new flooring projects, mowing, cleaning, etc. that are getting done when I am not at the office.

The news about Mom though, is that there isn't any real news. At least not to us. We see her gradually slip away everyday. Here are a few things that we have observed and experienced lately within the past week or two.

after David and Sherianne were here, Mom had another seizure and we have been seeing more deterioration
changing sleep patterns
coming to the table at 9 p.m. and asking for breakfast
not getting up until noon
having more sleep time than awake time throughout the day
a tomato sandwich is something she has never had
Stacey staying with her on Thursday while the caregiver went to an appointment and she had never met her before
up at 1:00 in the morning at the kitchen table - confused and agitated
told the caregiver the next day that she was afraid to go to sleep because there were some women and kids in her room talking about taking her walker
agitated yesterday because there were kids running through the house making noise
asks me everyday when I come home from church if we are going to church
not changing her poise pad or underwear in DAYS (caregiver and I are going to work on that one in spite of Mom)
this week she is sleeping under the covers
communication with her is very simple and direct - long sentences or not talking directly to her are either lost or ignored for lack of grasping it
Mom met my brother Lou last weekend
she would eat only ice cream, Nonni's and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches if we let her
and it isn't always easy to get her to eat anything else

That is a sample of who Mom is today. She still will not get her hair cut and is very proud of the curls that "my grandma gave me", not seeing the bushy, fly away long hair that she really has. I am quite sure that she doesn't know who I am 95% of the time but she knows we belong here and I have a lot of rules and I take her to church. Rules like changing her underwear, not feeding the dog her food, washing her hands after she has used the bathroom and played with the dogs, ice cream and biscotti are not a nutritious meal...

While Lou was here and talking about Ohio, Mom stated once again (almost every day - that she remembers!) that she wanted to go back there. I advised her, as I have before, that she can go back any time she wants, she is not a prisoner here, there are several nice nursing homes there where she would have to live. She came back with "well if they're so nice, why don't you live in them?" So, she is still being held prisoner here in Texas. I don't think it would do any good to pursue that hostage theory and demand a ransom from someone? I didn't think so.

Now just a note about her captors: Joe and Julie are doing great. Julie is such a HUGE help with Mom in support of me. Their lives are only disrupted by the complications in mine, like working late and having a four day headache last week. I thought is was a virus, a side effect of a new medication I was taking, a random blood clot from wrecking my van two weeks earlier (look, it made a lot of sense after hurting for 3 days) or a sinus infection. Finally, on Friday I had Joe drive me to the doctor who diagnosed a migraine. I have never had a migraine in my life! If I had, I would have remembered the axe in my head! A pain shot in her office and I was human again. The hangover lasted a couple days, but this was a reminder to stay healthy. On Tuesday night after I barely drove myself home, I lay on the futon in the patio room and I swear, it made total sense when I prayed, Lord I can't die until someone gets home because there is no one here to take care of Mom.

So there you have it. I hope you feel caught up on our news and can almost imagine being here. Or even wish you were here! Not so much, huh. Oh well! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I am off to do all of the mowing, laundry and cleaning before time for church. We get to go to IHOP again! Love you all!!

Guest Blogger Insight

2009-08-11T18:25:00.000-07:00

Today I opened an e-mail from David who visited here with Sheriann and whom I invited to guest blog. He was having trouble logging into the site and put his insights about the visit into the e-mail to cut and paste. Which I have done, so appreciatively. Thank-you, David for the visit and the post. I love you.

FROM DAVID:
Been trying to log on and write on the blog but can't get in. So I've decided to share my thoughts here and hope you can transpose it to the blog.

Sheriann and I had the recent pleasure of spending part of our vacation with Mom, Cheryl, Joe and family Having just become caregivers for my 87 year old father we were excited about comparing notes and getting pointers from Cheryl and Joe, who have been caring for Mom for a number of years now in her battle with Alzheimers. What we learned was how blest we are that although Dad's eyesight is very bad and his body is beginning to fail him his mind is still very sharp and he remains alert and witty. Being a regular reader of "The Butterfly Net" I thought I had a pretty good idea of what Cheryl was dealing with day in and day out. But I wasn't prepared for the moment to moment change in Mom's personality. When she was pleasant it was very nice, but that could turn to mean and nasty in a split second.

Cheryl has asked me to share some of the "fun" stories from our visit with Mom. When we arrived I could see a hint of recognition in Mom's eye's but it was also obvious she had no idea who I was. After giving her a big hug she said, "I remember you, we were classmates." Then, as I put my hand on Sheriann's shoulder to introduce her to Mom, she said "She's way too young for you, you shouldn't be hugging her."At that point I didn't know what to say but she had instantly won Sheriann over. Sheri then got the grand tour of Mom's room as I visited with Joe. Mom showed her the butterflies and various "secret" papers she had stashed throughout the room. As well as all of her craft items. She rummaged through her drawers on several occasions whispering, " I have to hide things because THEY are taking my stuff." We could tell that Mom really liked visiting with us and especially liked the attention she was getting. She would touch my arm or rub my back every time we passed and I knew she felt a connection with me and was struggling to remember what it was. It was at these times that I realized how awful Alzheimer's is, not just for Mom , but for all of us that love and miss her!

Cheryl and Julie came home from work and we made plans to go to dinner with Stacey and her family. It was at this time I saw how quickly Mom's personality could change. When we arrived at the restaurant, Stacey, David and the kids were already seated at the table. When she saw them seated there she turned and tried to sit at a different table. She became sullen and very difficult to deal with throughout dinner. Casting many a glare at Levi and Micah all evening long. I had heard how mean she could treat Stacey and her family but really wasn't prepared to see it firsthand. I was both shocked and saddened! Also, knowing how much this must hurt them, I was impressed with how well the kids handle Mom's bitterness.. Stacey and David have done a wonderful job dealing with the situation and are a great source of strength and support for Cheryl and Joe. Love ya Stace!

Another observation we made is how if you don't really know Mom's background and are conversing with her you might think she is perfectly normal. Sheriann had this experience. Her and Mom sat at the dining room table talking for quite a while. After Mom went into her room to rest Sheri came out and asked Cheryl how long Mom had taught school. Mom had told her a long tale of her many years teaching high school and all the kids she had had in her classrooms back in Ohio. Sheri was amazed at how much Mom remembered until Cheryl told her Mom had never been a teacher.

In the short amount of time we were there we saw Mom's mood swing many times. She even became a little confused and agitated at IHOP after Church Saturday evening (the highlight of our trip!). But the one thing I noticed was that she never became cross or mean to Julie. Julie is so patient and helpful to Mom. Never getting frustrated or short. Always there to get things for Grandma when she asks. What a source of Pride and Joy for Cheryl and Joe! Love you too, Julie! Gonna send you some snow this winter!

Can't end without telling about Becky (Mom's Energizer Bunny caregiver during the week). She bounces around getting things done for Cheryl and taking care of Mom with a smile on her face and a song in her heart. Even though Mom says, "I don't know why she's aways around. I don't like her." and, "That mean woman tried to drag me out of the car at the nursing home." This was the incident when Mom couldn't find her crafts to pass out at the home and refused to go in. Once again claiming , "Somebody took them from my room."

We had a great time visiting and spending time with Mom. Brought back many crafts and gifts which Mom insisted we take. Passed the crafts out to the people in my sisters hi-rise apartment building. All the time knowing that "someone" is being accused of stealing them. Many more stories I could share with you but realized I've turned this into a book already and need to cut it short.

In closing I would like to say "Thank you Cheryl and Joe for sharing your blessings with us and still accepting me as part of your family." The world may idolize a whack-O like Michael Jackson, but in my mind it's people like you that are the real "Superstars".

Much LOVE and many PRAYERS,
David

Moments of Joy in the Jumble

2009-08-01T18:36:00.000-07:00

You guessed it - another Saturday night. We have been to church and IHOP. It has been a very busy couple of weeks around our house and there has not been time to sit down here to note some things. David and Sherriann were here visiting and there a couple of humorous stories to tell about that. I have asked David to be a guest blogger to give you his perspective on their visit in regards to Mom. Hopefully we will hear from him.

Other than that, there has been pretty much the usual chaos with all of us and others, coming and going - floors still being done, new caregiver, working late, taking days off in the middle of the week to go sightseeing, taking dog to the vet - a lot of things that disrupt whatever continuity we are sometimes able to achieve. For the most part, it would appear that Mom has been unaffected by it. I can say that maybe we are just seeing more of the same, but "more" of it. Her sleep patterns are different and she continues to find ways to assert her independence and right/need to control and choose. Mom continues to choose to sleep on top of the covers in spite of fresh clean sheets with lily of the valley print. She continues to hide things in her room and if fact, most of the stuff that have been on shelves in her closet are now put away elsewhere. She has filled her dresser drawers with everything and goes on and on about people going into her room and taking her stuff. In reality, she does not remember that she hid it or where she hid it.

Mom's day to day ability to communicate has drastically decreased. She tries to be involved sometimes and contribute to dialogue but her contribution is almost always disconnected from what is going on. It is more likely, like at dinner or at home, that she is silent and looks around the table as though she is eating with strangers. Tonight at church, Mom greeted a lady sitting near where we sit and spoke loudly to her and insisted on hugging her. I worked at redirecting her and getting her to our pew, saying "shhh" with my finger to my lips. She turned, still being friendly and loud, put her finger to her lips and said she did not want to "shhh". We finally got her settled in but at the beginning of mass during the greeting, she did pretty much the same thing with everyone around her. Going to church is the highlight of her week and she asks every day when I get home, if we are going to church.

Mom has a terrible wheeeez. She refuses the medication and she refuses to give some good coughs and get the gunk out. I will take her to the doctor next week for a regular 3 month followup and I know that the doctor is going to tell her the same thing we do - cough! The wheeez is rather dramatized at times - attention seeking. The congestion is not in her lungs as much as it is just in her throat and vocal chords so that she can speak with a raspy voice. And she does, of course, whenever she thinks it will get attention. Mom loves attention. If it isn't about her it is not worth being part of and she goes to bed.

Becky, our new Energizer Bunny caregiver took Mom to the nursing home to distribute her crafts. Mom loved it and I understand that they loved her. She had an appointment to go back at 2:00 the following day because someone there had something to give to her. In the meantime, mom came home and put her bag of crafts away. The next day when Becky tried to get her out to go back to the nursing home, mom could not find her bag and was certain that "someone" had been in her room and taken it. Somehow, Becky got her into the car anyway and they drove to the nursing home. Mom absolutely refused to get out of the car! Urging, begging, bargaining and promise of ice cream fell flat. Later, she had stories about how Becky tried to drag her from the car. Becky's laughing response when I told her was that she hadn't had her but whooped in a long time and she sure didn't need to get it whooped by a little old lady by trying to drag her out of a car!

We are so blessed, aren't we? With so much lost there are so many other things to rejoice over - like Mom saying the Lord's Prayer from start to finish in church tonight! And her odd but so very important phone conversations with Deena each week as I listen in on speaker phone! Thank you all for your love and support!

Monday Musings

2009-07-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that things have been very chaotic around here and how well Mom is doing in it all? We didn't even make it to church and IHOP this week. Erin and Elsie were here for two weeks which meant not just 2 extra people around, but Stacey and family too. I was in Corpus Christi most of last week and in the midst of all that, there have been workmen around on the weekends putting new flooring down. That has meant that throughout the week, all of the furniture and stuff from the patio room and kitchen is spread throughout the rest of the rooms. The game table is in the living room behind the big sofa. The kitchen table, 4 chairs, bar stools, refrigerator, etc. are in the remainder of the living room. The turtle tank, extra TV and Wii are in the Memory room. Well, you get the picture. In spite of all of this, Mom is taking it all in stride and has yet to find the refrigerator! She thinks we have hidden it from her. In addition to that, we are using a different caregiver. But Mom has been upbeat and agreeable for the most part. She had another nightmare last night and bolted out of the bedroom about 9:00 before the rest of us went to bed.

Becky spent the day with her today. You may remember that Becky filled in for Janice a few weeks ago. I have interviewed someone else and will, by the end of the week, figure out who to go with. I am convinced that it has to be someone who will be can work with Mom to get her out of bed, involved in conversation and activities, even outside the house. Mom can be stubborn, if you haven't picked up on that, but she usually responds to humorous, encouraging, inviting, requests. Like it is her idea somehow, maybe. Anyway, she had a good day and was even awake and sitting at the table being chatty when I got home.

Well, Erin and Elsie are at home in Alabama. We have a few more weekends of floor work left - 3 bathrooms, actually. So much for a Monday. I'll be keeping you posted, of course.

IN anOTHER's WORDS

2009-07-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

I have intended to write here all week while I was in Corpus Christi for a work conference. I flew there early Tuesday morning and got home today, Friday, at lunch time. I really have nothing to cover over the past week except to say that I had a marvelous and restful week attending workshops by day and walking the beach along the Gulf of Mexico at night with the wind and seagulls and sound of the surf!

As I have already mentioned, Erin and Elsie have been visiting. My trip unfortunately fell during this time, so I left everyone here to manage on their own. Janice was here on Monday and Tuesday but, sadly, we have parted ways. My task now is to find another care giver and I will keep you posted on that. But for now, I think this cut and paste from Erin's "Beaver Family Blog" is representative of the week in my absence. Following is a sample of what I was missing in Erin's words.

"Last weekend I made the difficult decision to cut my trip to Texas short. I'm enjoying getting to see my family and spend time with old friends, but I'm still seeing way too much of the inside of Julie's room, where I'm staying. It used to be my room, so I've already gotten my fill of these walls, and yet, here I am...I know she thinks she means well, but my Alzheimer's-stricken grandmother who lives with my parents has gotten to be unbearable and the situation has deteriorated as I've been here.

At first, she would hear Elsie fuss or cry or make noise and she would come out of her room to investigate. She wanted to hold her and even tried to pick her up more than once while Elsie was still strapped into her swing. Then, one morning, right after Mom left for work, Elsie was fussing and Grandma just opened the door and came into my room. She wanted to take the baby and "bounce her." It took about 15 minutes for her to leave so that I could feed Elsie. That night, with Mom's supervision (it was making me so crazy I was either sitting on the edge of the couch or pacing in the kitchen), Grandma rocked Elsie, at first singing "Rock-a-bye, baby, all the day long" loudly in her ear, and then singing along to a CD of church hymns that Mom put on. It was sweet, and I know Grandma enjoyed the time, but she kept repositioning Elsie roughly and it took everything I had to keep from grabbing my baby and running away.

Well, Grandma didn't come near my room again, but I guess it was the weekend, because come Monday morning, Grandma just walked in (I had taken to locking the door, but has slacked off over the weekend when she wasn't interested) when we were sleeping. Before, Grandma had been responding to Elsie's noises, but this time she just had the baby on the brain because Elsie was fast asleep and Grandma just wanted to hold her, she said. I told her she needed to leave, but she just stood by the bassinet watching Elsie. I just wanted to scream but was able to persuade her to leave.

And then yesterday, Elsie had gas and we were trying to work it out, I heard Grandma try both doors to the bedroom (the other door is through the bathroom), and when she found they were locked, for the first time finally knocked. I essentially told her to go away, but in a nice granddaughterly fashion. A few minutes later she brushed the door with her hand and spoke to me through the door, letting me know that she was standing outside the door if I needed her. I told her thank you, but that we were doing okay.

Later that night, when Dad was home from work, and Elsie was all swaddled and ready for bed, a calm and content little burrito, Grandma wanted to hold her. I let her, but it didn't last long because she started singing loudly in Elsie's ear again, and then decided that Elsie's feet needed to be free, so she started tugging at the swaddling, which of course agitated the baby, but to Grandma, that was proof that the blanket was too tight. Then, when that didn't stop Elsie from crying, she started positioning roughly again. I shot Dad a look (because, to me, it was his fault I had let Grandma hold Elsie again--though I think I misunderstood) and thankfully, he rescued my baby and gave her back to me.Just a minute ago, Elsie was fussing and Grandma came into the bathroom. I opened the bedroom door, said, "No," emptied my Chik-Fil-A cup into the sink, and came back into the bedroom and closed the door. Julie persuaded her to leave the bathroom.Just recounting these events is stressing me out. I'm feeling dizzy, like I just may be getting sick and I just really want to be home in my own bed."

Erin has such a gift for expressing herself. I love to read her blog! If you are reading it also, here is my shameless plug for you to go to the Chik-Fil-A website to vote for the cutest kid dressed as a cow!

Greatgrandmother on Patrol

2009-07-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Has it been another week already? It has been an unusual week for all of us because Erin and 9 week old Elsie have been here visiting. Eli went home to be back to work, but we have been enjoying daughter and newest granddaughter. Janice has still been coming over everyday so that "the girls" can get out and do stuff and not have to care for Mom. Julie took the week off from work to hang out with her sisters, nephew and nieces. For the most part, Mom has been enchanted by the baby but nonetheless vocal about things because she had her own "sons and daughters." We pat her too hard, she cries too much and we should take her to the doctor, she wants a bottle, she wants to go home, she is going to walk any day now, that swing is going to make her dizzy...you get the gist. Anyway, there have been a lot of people around here every day and every night and Mom is often confused and often neglected, I'm afraid.

We did have a couple incidents early in the week, one of which is work mention. I provided Janice with a calendar/record book in order to document Mom's activities throughout the day in order to know what her day looks like while I am gone. I did this for many reasons, a few of which are so that I would know how much Mom is sleeping, what she is eating or not eating and what her activities are as Janice would not know what we would perceive as "out of the ordinary." On the first day of record keeping, I read that Mom had refused some medication, walked to the mailbox, gone through the mail and retrieved what was addressed to her, and had only Nonni's and ice cream throughout the day, refusing anything else. I had a talk with Mom, then about her health and safety saying that it was not safe for her to walk to the mailbox without her walker in 105 degree heat. It was not healthy for her to refuse her medication and nutritious lunch to drink coffee and eat Nonni's and ice cream throughout the day. Nor was it healthy, mentally to sleep all day. Needless to say, Mom did not appreciate the sentiment and became defensive, telling Joe about it when he got home. She even included tears. By the next day all - and I do mean all, was forgotten. I have had to tell Janice that it may require physical re-direction and locked doors to fumble with as well as a phone call to me to be the bad guy.

And the coin collection! Mom got David, with my nod to him that it was okay, to get the boxes and books of coin collections down from the top shelf in the closet. I thought she just wanted to be reassured that it was there and touching it made it real. Mom has mentioned it many times, but we kept them out of her reach. Lately, she has been obsessed by it, so on that day, I thought "what's the harm?" So, you know I am leading up to something - the coin collection has been taken out of the original settings and put in tubes and tubs and has been reduced to about $17.50. It is still coin collection. Nothing is missing as far as I can tell, and I did check her pocketful of quarters at IHOP last night. It kept Mom busy for the better part of an afternoon, going through the coins, sorting, stacking, counting. An afternoon well spent if she enjoyed it and I'll deal with the "collection" part of it later.

You know I could go on about a lot of other piddly other things, but mostly I want you to know that Mom is well, there have been no crises for a long time and when she wants to, can enjoy her life. And that is our story this week.

Sticky Notes and Mysteries

2009-07-05T05:03:00.000-07:00

Another week of sticky notes has gone by. I did find one that I had misplaced, though and I put it on top to tell you about it. Mom's diary. We girls found it when we cleaned out the attic in preparation of the yard sale and move a couple of years ago. We glanced at it with her a little but left it at that. It turned up about two weeks ago when Mom came out of her room with it to show me what she had found. She and I sat and read every word in it and wondered together about the person who had written in the book. Mom speculated that it must be someone she knew, probably a family member and that whoever it was lived in northern Ohio because the girl who wrote it spent a lot of time out of school because of snow.

Over the years I have had hints of who Mom was before she was "Mom". Collecting hints and information along the way and now living with her as an adult, I still have to ask "who was she?" And who is this angry, negative, defensive, stubborn woman? What are the demons that drive her and cause her restlessness even in sleep?

I know that some of you out there know. And do I need to know it all? I want to know it all. I want to understand. I want in some way to help her find peace in this life. She herself has lost active memories and except for the odd behaviors and nightmares, I have little to go on.

It is true that one of the side effects of the medication Mom takes is bad dreams and Alzheimer's ' patients do become confused and disoriented which causes aggressiveness and stubbornness.

But I am referring to a past that I believe troubles her today. I base this on those observations, unanswered questions and hints to which I referred earlier. Hints such as her diary, little information about a previous marriage which Mom has never mentioned and sketchy details about the person, an accident, quitting school, the car she got, etc. And why was she going to "break both" of my legs when I wanted to get married? Why did she sit in the basement of the church and refuse to participate when Deena got married? Why has Mom always been so negative, even about people she didn't even know? Why is she shouting in her dreams that she is going to get a gun and shoot someone? Why does she continue to dream/hallucinate about a baby falling? And much, much more.

No, I did not need to know. Not until now. I am living with and caring for a stranger in many ways. But unlike "staff" in this position, I am not objective. I hope that we can provide the best care and we can do that because we know how to reassure and calm a person we "know" and love.

And yes, I may be over dramatizing all of this. Maybe there is no mystery, hidden clue or hushed information. Our day to day journey through this goes on and unanswered questions will remain at the bottom of the sticky note pile while I collect more to share here with you. And there are more! I will get to them later along with some notes from her diary maybe.

Mental Sticky Notes

2009-06-28T05:29:00.000-07:00

You know, every day when I observe something new or odd or amusing, I make a mental note to include it in this blog. However, the day ends and I have not had or taken time to enter anything here. A week or more goes by and here I sit trying to gather up all of those mental sticky notes I've made to try to assemble them in some form. Then I realize that I have misplaced a few of them or they are underneath a lot of other mental sticky notes about a lot of other stuff, so I capture what I can.

More and more Mom is reminding of the stories I have heard about Grandma Ashely. Mom is sure that someone is taking things from her room and spends a great deal of time in there rearranging and relocating things - hiding stuff under her clothes in drawers. This week she told Janice that someone was taking her shoes. Last Sunday, Mom pulled out the drawers of her large jewelry chest one by one and we sat talking about all of her pieces - junk beads, plastic necklaces and a few pieces of better jewelry that I silently confiscated so that it did not end up in a Ziploc bag in the trash. (I have recovered a few of those already.) On another day, Mom got out a number of different silly hats and head wear and modeled them for Janice. Last night after church and IHOP, Mom sat at the kitchen table and went through all of her pendant necklaces - most with butterflies now - and arranged them to hand on her arm so that they would jingle together. Earlier in the week, she wore a pendant necklace that had a stone in the middle of it that was green emerald like on one side and a brown quartz look on the other. It was connected at the top and bottom of a gold circle so it could be turned and worn either way. I walked in on her in the kitchen with the scissors in one hand and the stone in the other - she had snipped the connection at both the top and the bottom of the stone in an effort to get the necklace off of her neck. I unclasped the necklace for her and tried to humor her about the new design. Mom didn't quite get it all but handed me the necklace saying "it's yours now" and walked away.

Yesterday, Mom just could not capture my name! When she thought about it, she came up with Joe's but I was "HEY"! We joked about it at dinner and she still could not remember. When I quizzed her about her name, Joe's name, how many daughters she had, their names, how many sons, how many sisters and brothers, etc.. I got "Joe" 3, Deena, none, I have no idea".

Mom is still sleeping on top of the covers and told Janice she was mad at me because I asked her about it. I try to solve mysteries and monitor behaviors, like why are there clothes in hamper that smell strong of urine, but I have not seen her wear them? Where is all of her underwear disappearing to? Did she use soap in the shower when I walked out of the room or just get the soap wet? Why did she go to a totally different cupboard on the other side of the kitchen and get one of the china bowls for her ice cream? Why is she drinking only a half cup of coffee at a time? Why does she pick at her skin/scabs and have to have band-aids everywhere? My family jokes about what I carry in my purse, but I have put band-aids on her in the middle of church, dabbed the TIDE pen on strawberry stains, trimmed her nails in the car before church, given her Tylenol with dinner out and used the wet wipes on her sticky hands and soiled clothing.

These are all of the mental sticky notes I could retrieve for now - which begs another question: Is this forgetfulness and scattered thinking an early sign of dementia? Gotta wonder!

Bummers and Blessings

2009-06-19T05:37:00.000-07:00

While it is really, "All Good", I must confess that there are days when my brain can make my mouth say that, my heart is saying "Bummer". Whenever I observe and report about some of her new behaviors and quirks, I spend much time on analyzing and questioning. Is the new behavior because of a medical condition? Is she dehydrated? That can cause disorientation and confusion. Is she getting enough protein? Is she in pain but not expressing it? When she falls asleep at the kitchen table after just having had another nap, is she getting enough oxygen", which can also cause confusion. Is she spending too much time alone? Would more activity and interaction keep her sharper? Is her wheezing and holding her leg for effect or is it real? So I give her Tylenol and Advair just in case. When Mom isn't putting her pajamas on and sleeping under the covers, we can joke about it, but is it because she just can't connect that many thoughts or is it because she is connection thoughts and has chosen that just because she can?

In the note I left for her on Wednesday, I suggested that she cut the coupons out of the Sunday paper before we threw it away. Janice reported that she sat with Mom and pretty much did it because Mom did not know how to do it. And she continued to comment and question why Janice needed so many groceries.

After vigilant observing and silent questioning, there are still no real and true answers. Through God's abundant grace, I go with the flow and trust my spirit to make decisions on her behalf. But not before I suffer a little more sadness and mourning for the person we all knew and loved and for the helplessness of watching this happen to her.

I have vowed to keep these posts about Mom and today I may have bent that a little. But I also have said that I post in order to share Mom with you and that is ultimately sharing the process as well. Her mind is deteriorating daily - some days more than others. I want you to remember who she was, but I also need you to know who she is now. The decent is silent to most observers. By reading this, I know that you are not observers, but caring participants.

You know that there has been a raging war in the depths of her mind to not give up her independence and memory of who she was. The war battles more and more resemble skirmishes to defy the enemy who will overcome her in its own time.

Okay, so now that I have "bummed" you out too, I do want to say that spending this time with Mom is not a bummer but a blessing. I am "highly favored" and honored to share this time with her and know that others are missing out on so much by not being able to be nearer to her. So I hope that these posts serve to bless you as much as they are a therapeutic blessing to me. And? God is Good!.....All the time!

It's All Good!

2009-06-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

So where did I leave off over a week ago? Mom has recovered from the seizure and fall and there have been no further seizures. The weekend that I last posted, I did not take her to church. And every day that following week, she asked if we were going to church. We would be at work all day and Mom would ask if it was church day when we got home. This past weekend, we had planned to go Saturday night but did not because we had a house full of people and could not get away. So, we got Mom up on Sunday and went to mass. We did not sit in our usual place but the children who had attended VBS during the week, sang some of their songs before the service started. Mom really liked that and sang along to "This Little Light of Mine." AND we went to IHOP afterwards and were able to catch up with Courtney who used to always be our waitress on Saturday! Mom had her pancakes.

Last night Mom had another dream about "the baby." When I heard her yell something and then the squeak of her bedroom door, I was out of bed and she was through the laundry room, the kitchen and family room to my bedroom door by the time I got there. Mom said little and what she did say was barely intelligible. It came out "the buddy," at first and then a few words about "baby". I realized then, that she had gone to bed fully dressed, including her shoes and was sleeping covered up by a small blanket, but on top of the bed covers. I managed to slip her shoes off of her and she went back to sleep. Actually, Mom has been sleeping in her clothes on top of the covers for a couple of nights as it turns out - when Joe and I compare notes.

Today, her friends Diane and Margaret came by and took her to a nearby nursing home to take share her crafts with the residents. They came back here and had lunch in the gazebo. Mom has become very picky about what she will eat saying something is greasy or spicy or salty or...today I know that the ladies brought back pizza, which Mom usually refuses. I don't know if she ate it or not, but when I asked her about lunch, she said they had "Italian."

For the most part, little changes day to day but there are sometimes surprises! When I asked her to lick an envelope the other day, she dunked her finger in her coffee and moistened the flap with it. One day I left a large bowl of strawberries that needed to be cleaned and suggested that in the note I left for her that morning. When I got home, we had clean strawberries - and strawberry shortcake for dessert. And Mom loves her nail polish and manicure. Joe took her to the podiatrist on Friday and she told her butterfly story to everyone she saw but really did not know why those people were so interested in her feet!

And one more thought if Auntie Joyce is reading this. First, thank-you so much for the pictures! Secondly, thank-you for calling and talking to Mom. When she hung up, I asked her about her phone call and to whom she had been speaking and she told me "Deena". But I hope you were blessed by being in touch with her. She may not know who people are but Mom is such a social person and as long as the conversation is about her, it's all good!

A Slow Saturday

2009-05-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

Still recovering from that fall. Nothing was broken but she is still having trouble with her left knee. You know, I just don't know how much is drama and how much is pain. It appears that when no one is looking, she bops around with no problem. But give her a little intention, and she hobbles and rubs her leg. At any rate, I have decided that she will not go to church tonight for two reasons: if it really is painful, she should not be on it; if it is drama, she won't have an audience. I informed Mom moments ago that she would be staying home and she is a little confused. She has not had her shower yet today because I did not think we needed to manage that. Last night we took her to DQ for ice cream and she had difficulty getting in and out of the car and was slow going into the store and coming out. But she was in no pain when she was socializing with everyone and hovering over a little boy. Just trying to figure her out. I am giving her a pain pill about every 6 hours because I know that she has to be hurting - how much I do not really know.

One other note: since the seizure and fall, Mom does not recognize Janice as the caregiver prior to the hospital. When I got home Thursday from work, Mom was holding Janice' hand and telling her she loved her. She told Janice that she did not like the other person and was glad she was gone. So, we haven't told Mom the truth and have avoided using Janice' name.

I know this is all just random stuff today. But by the time I get it all figured out, I'll have Alzheimer's and will have forgotten what I came up with! So I hope that someone is taking notes and will use the information when they are blogging about me someday. Of course, blogging will probably be as out of date by then as an electric typewriter is today! That will be their issue!

Just a little more drama in Texas...

2009-05-27T17:36:00.000-07:00

Thank-you to those who suggested a name for the soap opera. Honestly, I had totally forgotten about Another World! And I liked that one with Rachael and Mac! Anyway, I know I had something to tell you all yesterday, but I cannot remember what it was, being overshadowed I am sure by more recent events. Janice and I spent the morning in the ER with Mom. Last night as she went to her room after a snack Mom had another seizure. I did not follow her into her room and did not realize it until I heard her call for me over the monitor. By the time I got in there, she was on her left side just inside the doorway and had vomited. It took about 5 minutes for her to come around enough to respond to us as we attempted to assess her and decide whether to call an ambulance. After some time when she thought she was ready to get up and we had poked, prodded, questioned and wiped her off a little, Joe and I were able to get her to a chair where I cleaned her up more and got her clothes off of her while Joe began cleanup on the floor. Mom was still dazed but did not respond as though she was in pain so we got her to bed and monitored her off and on until I finally quit going into her room or listening to the monitor and finally fell asleep. This morning, Mom could not get out of bed without extreme pain on her left side. It brought tears to her eyes to turn enough to get out of the bed. Janice and I did manage that and did further assessment. I had Mom eat a little breakfast and take a pain pill that the doctor had prescribed two weeks ago for her back. An hour later when I was ready for work and Mom had finished breakfast, she was still in extreme pain - a little after 8 a.m.. We got her painfully into the car and to All Saints ER where she was totally checked - ex rays, blood, lungs, etc. And oh yes, she was given a little bit of morphine to help with the pain. By 11:30 the doctor had determined that she had nothing broken but was pretty well bruised at her hip and knee. We were home by noon after having driven through Wendy's for a large Frosty! She was not feeling much of anything and was, in fact in a great mood. By the time I got home from work this afternoon, she had told Janice that she loved her. (Janice would like to include a touch of morphine in her medications everyday.) Mom is at this moment, sitting outside enjoying our nice spring day. All is well that ends well! Today maybe we were General Hospital? Or The Doctors?

Name That Soap Opera

2009-05-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

So I ended up spending the day at home even though Janice was prepared to come here after her doctor appointment. I expected that Mom and I would get out early to run errands and be back by the time Janice was available around noon. I indicated to Mom last night and this morning what would be happening, advising her what time we should be ready to go, about 9:30. She went back to bed after breakfast at 8:30. I got ready to go. Mom got up and got dressed an hour later...and got back into the bed even though I was telling her that we could go so that we could be done by the time we had to pick Julie up. By noon I had spoken to Janice and made the decision to just take the day off and agreed to be in touch within the hour so that Mom and I could stop by her apartment to pay her. I prepared my lunch of a sandwich and banana; mom came to the table and sat down, watching me. Knowing that Mom had been preparing her own lunch during the week, I did not prepare anything for her. As I set my plate by the coffee pot, Mom advised me that I could take the banana off of the plate because she does not eat bananas anymore. I let her know that I intended to eat the banana and sat down with my lunch. I also let her know that I had left everything out for her to make a sandwich if she wanted to. I finished and left the room. When I returned, Mom was headed to her room without having lunch. I asked if she was feeling okay, noting that she had been in bed all day. Mom replied that she had nothing better to do and she didn't like any of my suggestions. I let her know again that I had to go someplace and said that I would call Janice - to which she yelled "no". Within 30 minutes Mom was in the kitchen preparing a sandwich. As I sat with her she deteriorated into anger, crying, mixed up memories - I took her away from her home; she can stay here by herself and does not need anyone with her; she just wants me to let her be herself; she wants to take some pills and die so that she can be with Dom; Dom was there in the house with her and only died last year; why she doesn't want Janice here; when she dies, her little dog is going to be right there on her shoulder; and LOTS of other stuff. And then she became distracted by Heidi in the other room and all was well. She went and got her shoes on and her purse and sat at the kitchen table. I was exhausted and took some time out until it was time to meet up with Julie in town and Mom was still there ready to go. So, we went and I made up an excuse to go to the Dollar store just to extend the outing for her. Mom purchased two small stick-in-the-ground fake flower arrangements that are typically put at grave sites. I did not address it except to agree that they were very pretty. As we checked out, Mom chatted with the lady behind her about them and stated that she had lost her husband. It surprised me that Mom may have connected to what those things are usually used for. Mom told her that she was going to put them outside the garage and added some other statements that made no sense as she stood in the way so that the people could not get out of the store until she had told them all about the butterfly rings, necklaces and bracelets she was wearing.

I don't know why I offered her a Gatorade instead of a Smirnoff! Yes I do! I was saving the hard stuff for me!

But you know what? It was actually a good way to have a four day weekend. Tomorrow is shower day, church day and IHOP day. We like Saturdays.

So what do you think? Days of our Lives? As the World Turns? The Old and the Beautiful? The Young and the Listless?

Warm days - cool drinks

2009-05-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

Just a short funny. Yesterday morning (Wednesday), Janice told me that the day before (Tuesday), that Mom had gone to the refrigerator in the garage and come in with a bottle of Smirnoff something or other. 1. Mom has never gone to the garage to get anything out of that refrigerator 2. The wine coolers have been in there since before last summer. 3. There are two cases of bottled water in that refrigerator as well. 3. I can't remember the last time I saw Mom drink anything alcoholic. 4. I don't think she knew what she was getting, but she opened it and poured it into a glass and drank it. 5. She seemed to get a little friendlier and chattier with Janice afterward.

Mom has been exercising her independence during the day. She quit eating what Janice prepared for lunch so now she gets her own sandwich, snacks and "drinks" during the day. I think that Janice just mentions that it is lunch time as a prompt to remind Mom to eat. Mom has been sitting outside the front door on these warm days. In many respects, this is good because she is connecting enough thoughts to accomplish it. However, she has not changed her underwear or clothes all week even though I set them out for her and remind her before I leave for work if she is awake. Tonight she absolutely insisted that she had done this when I mentioned it to her. Oh well! I will be home with her in the morning because Janice has an early appointment and I'll be able to monitor this. Along with being stubbornly independent, Mom walked to the road to get the mail on Wednesday. Behavior we have discouraged because:! 1. She goes out there on uneven terrain without a walker or cane. 2. She gets the mail and if it has her name on it, she takes it to her room and "puts it away" and if it is a bill, medical or insurance information, I will never know. So she got mail yesterday and brought it to me tonight to find out what it was. It was insurance information that I explained to her that I punch holes in and put it into a notebook. Mom let me keep the paperwork this time.

I said it was short and got carried away! That's all for now. If I find any more booze missing I could be looking for the closest AA meeting! Or maybe I should just join her so that she doesn't have to drink alone!

BIRTHdays are Special

2009-05-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

I think I left off talking about birthdays! Mom's to be specific. The evening of her birthday, we took her to Tuscany's, a small Italian restaurant nearby. I had taken her to lunch there the previous week. Mom remembers Tony's, the Italian restaurant we used to go to where she forged a small friendship with the owners when she first came to Texas. Now she believes that any Italian restaurant we take her to is that same place. She does not remember the names of the people but is sure that it is the same place and the same people. Tuscany's is no different. The one waiter there is a handsome, outgoing ans sociable young man and remembers us from other visits. We go prior to their lunch or dinner rush so that it isn't busy. That evening, we got Mom to figure out and communicate what she wanted and the waiter was really good with her, remembering that she did not want salad. We let him know that it was Mom's birthday and before we left the restaurant, he had brought her a generous slice of chocolate cake on a big plate with Happy Birthday drizzled in chocolate syrup on the plate. And we all sang Happy Birthday! She had a good birthday.

But now, let me tell you about another birthday and why I did not update this sooner. Elsie Jane was born to Erin and Elijah Beaver on May 7 and I am in Auburn, Alabama with my new granddaughter! It has been a wonderful week here. I hope that you will click on the link to Erin's blog, if you don't normally keep up with her, to see pictures and get the story.

That means, yes, St. Joe is in Texas taking care of Mom, Julie, puppy Heidi, Haley and two birds. And, he is also still employed (thank-you God and Joe). There is no doubt in my mind that they are all surviving. Mom may not have changed her panties in a week and Julie may not have brushed her teeth or hair, and Haley may not have gotten bathed or groomed, and the puppy may not be doing all her business outside...but they are all well. I understand that Mom keeps asking when I will be home with the baby. She early in the week gave Janice a hard time about going with her to pick Julie up because there "is nothing wrong" with her and she can certainly stay there by herself while Janice goes about her business or picking Julie up. They tell me that Mom has had some more nightmares but nothing that got her out of the bed or falling out of bed as in the past. I will be back in Texas on Sunday (reluctantly without the baby) and will get back into her more familiar routine.

That's my update from Alabama. Be sure to check out Erin's blog to see the most beautiful baby and family ever - or at least since Levi and Micah were born!

A pre - Birthday celebration with friends

2009-05-04T18:37:00.000-07:00

What a special day it was today! Mom's friends Margaret, Barbara and Dianne brought a picnic lunch of cold cuts, cheese, rolls, chips, fruit, vegetable tray, etc and set it up in the gazebo with garlands of butterflies. Dianne, a professional cake decorator for a local grocery chain, made a beautiful cake with butterflies and chocolate dipped strawberries. We spent the entire afternoon out there in a light breeze on a 75 degree day. Mom felt special and loved. She interacted very little except to answer questions asked directly to her and to notice the mockingbird that visited us throughout the day, sitting on the fence nearby. After they left, Mom tried to take a rest but was up quickly to look at and through her butterfly gift bags. I don't really think she remembered any of them but it didn't matter to anyone. Margaret got pictures of the cake and pictures of everyone around Mom. If she sends them to me, I'll share them here. Mom was in bed early, of course! Wish you could all have been here! More birthday tomorrow!

Sunday Update

2009-05-03T15:05:00.000-07:00

Another Sunday afternoon. It has been a typical week for all of us. Mom has been grumpy and rude to Janice mostly, but in some ways, it has been a really good thing! Mom is fixing her own lunch because she stubbornly won't eat what Janice fixes for her. We have had some nice days so Mom has been sitting outside frequently during the day. Last night before going to mass we let mom know that the Bishop had said she could not shake hands, hug or kiss anyone at church because a lot of people have the flu and he does not want her to get it. During mass, I reminded her and she did very well just waving to everyone as if they had all come to see her! Mom gets the sign of the cross correct at the beginning of mass except for doing it backwards, but at the end, when Father is making it in the air as a blessing, she does the same thing. She especially likes the CD that we play in the car on the way there and home and knows most of the words to He Walks With Me.

This will be kind of a busy week for Mom. Tomorrow, some of her friends, Margaret and Dianne, will be bringing lunch to celebrate her birthday outside in the gazebo if it is nice weather. On Tuesday, her birthday, Mom has her annual checkup early in the morning and then either a birthday lunch or dinner. I don't expect anything from her doctor appointment but that she is healthy. I will be mentioning the hallucinations and delusions but I am sure Dr. Birdwell will say that it is part of the dementia.

Anyway, thank-you for the birthday cards. It does keep her in touch with having people somewhere who know her and love her even if she does not know who you are.

By the way, the crochet hooks have not turned up. Mom does nothing during the day now but sleep, play with the puppy until she gets too wiggly, sit outside and fix her lunch. Time to get her some ice cream. More later in the week.

All Points Bulletin for crochet hooks

2009-04-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

Yes, it was and IHOP last night. But not before Mom got her shower. Mom did okay at mass, participating in the singing and responses with words and sounds, sometimes catching a repeated refrain correctly. At the Our Father, Mom was able to join in once she got the rhythm and caught the words. She did great. At one point, I gave her a pat to indicate that she should not be playing with the two little girls sitting behind us. Mom was especially pleased that Julie and her friend Steven joined us at church and for dinner afterwards. Mom enjoys being part of the small gatherings but lately, does not interact, even when spoken to, not quite understanding the words spoken to her and not quite able to use words to respond.

That is one of her persona's.

Another persona is the one she displayed when we got home. She went directly to her room and I assumed she was getting ready for bed while we fed the dog, prepared her pills and multi tasked in the kitchen, right off her bedroom. When I went to check on her, Mom was not ready for bed, but was standing between the beds, clearly irritated. I innocently asked her if she needed anything and she let me know that she did not, and said "but I have a problem." And what was the problem you ask, as I did? The problem was that "someone took her crochet hooks." Sure enough, I could not find three of her six crochet hooks that should have been in a plastic pouch. The difference, however, was I did not believe for a second that "someone" took the hooks. No one wanted them. Her yarn was there in the bag but her hooks were not. Joe and I did a cursory search of places in her room and the dining room of places she may have put them but found nothing. Mom was determined that someone took them and did not buy our theory that she had misplaced them, so she told us to "never mind" and silently got ready and went to bed. This persona goes along with the one that insisted a boy stole her stuff and someone else is hiding her clean panties and pad under the mattress.

Again I say that I often do not know what to post here. Our day to day journey is full of moments - moments of joy, moments of humor, moments of mourning, moments of humility to be part of this. And yes, there are moments of exasperation when my quick tongue reacts faster than my compassion. And that is my confession! One of my persona's.

So, at 7:46 at night Mom has had her icecream and pills for the night and is in bed. Tomorrow begins a week with Janice - who not only cared for Mom, but weeded the overgrown beds in the front yard last and cleaned my house on Friday. God is Good! And maybe those crochet hooks will even turn up this week.

A Day In The Life

2009-04-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

It is often difficult to know what to report here for everyone to read. This week, I want to say that we have seen other symptoms of decline lately. Mom has always had a mind of her own, as you know, and she has had great difficulty adjusting and admitting that she is losing more and more control of her life along with the continuous decline in her cognitive abilities. She is exercising what control she does have by not interacting with Janice, refusing to eat the lunch that is prepared for her and getting ice cream, PB&J or cookies for herself. She has not been doing her crafts for more than a week and alternates between sleeping/lying in her bed, playing with the puppy until she gets too rambunctious, and sitting outside when it is nice. For me, she has refused to shower or eat dinner. We put the food in front of her and she feeds it to the dog or just leaves it. I got her to shower on Saturday by telling her I would not take her to church until she had showered.
Another odd thing happened on Wednesday morning. Joe and I were up around 5:15. He got in the shower and loved on the puppy for a few minutes before taking her outside. I heard Mom yell from her room via the baby monitor “that’s mine.” I did not think anything of it because she very frequently yells and talks in her sleep. As I went toward the front door to take Heidi out, Mom met me in the kitchen and turned the light on. She was obviously disturbed and went on about a boy who had just been in her room and stolen her boxes that were on the seat of her walker. She continued to insist that there had been boxes of her stuff there and the boy took them and if she caught him or saw him again she would kill him. My first tactic was to get her to remember that there were no boxes there, the house was locked, I was up and would have known if someone was in the house, the dogs did not bark, etc. It did not take long to adjust that tactic to say to her that I understood that she truly believed that this had happened; however, she was probably sleeping or hallucinating. I told her that she takes medication for hallucinations and that when I take her to the doctor next month, I would have to mention this episode to her. I told her that if she did not feel safe, that we could talk about that and see what we could do to help that. Mom totally and angrily dismissed me and crawled back in bed wrapped up in the covers like a cocoon. Nothing more has been said about it and I left her a note that morning with the job of boiling some chicken breasts for use later on. I warned Janice about the morning not knowing what Mom would be like when she got up. If she perseverated on it all day, she could get pretty worked up and Janice may have needed to call for help. As it turned out, Mom got up as usual, ignored Janice as usual and cooked the chicken breasts.
Mom refused to shower again last night. Today I left her a note requesting that she shred the chicken for salad. I will be home with her tomorrow because she sees the ophthalmologist in the morning. She wants to get some yarn to crochet. Maybe, maybe not…
The day in the life of a person with Alzheimer’s: Slipping away and helpless to stop it. I’ll be trying the shower thing again Saturday…

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter from Texas! We did not go to the service last night because it did not start until 8:30 and I knew it would last for at least 3 hours - way past Mom's bedtime. She was a bit confused about not going last night but we did manicures for a distraction. Mom has pretty pink fingernails now. This morning she was up early and came out dressed in the clothes she wore yesterday and the day before. At my suggestion, Mom changed into a pink pants and jacket for church and we went to the 9:00 service. Mom had been busy making little church crafts to give to people so before mass began, I walked with her to deliver them to some people who have known her for awhile but whom she now meets for the first time every week. The Eucharist Ministers always come to where we sit in the front row to give Mom communion. This morning was no different but while Joe, Julie and I went to the altar for communion, Mom stood, got her purse and began to leave. I did a lot of motioning to her to stay there and was able to get back to the pew to let her know we were almost finished and it was not time to go. We finished the service giving praise with hands raised because Jesus Lives! Mom sings the Alleluias! best.

Happy Easter!

A GOOD FRIDAY

2009-04-10T09:33:00.000-07:00

It has been a bumpy week or so. Mom is not happy about or with having Janice here with her during the day and is pretty much uncooperative and even defiant. After a particularly rough day of temper tantrums and bad attitude, Joe and I talked with her for some time to appeal to whatever capability she has to make choices and act accordingly. Mom did agree that she cannot stay alone and we talked about some of the reasons. She did not disagree. We explained that it came down to a couple of facts: She is getting worse and it is okay to be angry and scared but we are in this together. Janice is here to help us with that. Insofar as Mom is able to make a choice, we advised her that the choice was to be cooperative with Janice - go places, do things, see people OR sit at the table doing crafts, take naps, refuse showers and refuse to eat AND get worse a lot faster. It was late but she let me assist her with a shower and put her to bed. The next day was a little better, so I was hopeful. But last night as she and I ate ice cream at Sonic at 9:30 after church services, Mom had nothing good to say about her day, and I am sorry to say, Janice. I know that she reads this and I trust that she has learned enough about Alzheimer's and Mom and us, to not take it personally. The absolute truth is that Mom would be like this with anyone. Janice took her to Goodwill one day because I had told her she liked that. Mom was totally uncooperative that day and stated she would never go back to that store. Today, she can't wait to go with me! We have a ways to go, I guess!

So, today is Good Friday and my offices are closed. Joe and Julie had to work, so we are off to Goodwill and maybe the Dollar Tree or someplace. It will be a good day! Tonight Mom and I will go to services at church if she is up to it. And maybe ice cream afterwards again.

New Theory

2009-04-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have been giving it a little more thought. Mom does not remember giving birth to Bonnie or me because, as she has told us, she wanted to be "put out" for the births and back then, I guess they did that. They put her to sleep and she woke up with these babies that someone handed her. And since we were girls and not boys, she did not hand them back! And now she is just wondering if I ever had any other parents before her so maybe she can give me back now! The only one Mom actually remembers and owns is Deena. Bonnie and I were just "put in" her arms. And over the years, we are the ones she does not like at various times. I hope I remember this the next time Mom asks me about it!

Suspicions grow...

2009-04-01T16:43:00.001-07:00

Let's see, I know I have thought about things I should have been recording here the past few days. On Sunday, Mom and I had some time together at the table and we had to have the "birds and the bees" talk again. She asked again if I had ever had other parents. I let her know that no, I had not, that she was my only mother and she was stuck with me. She asked how she had gotten me and I told her I was a gift for God for her. I asked her if she had a husband and she said yes, his name was Dom. I told her the he was also my dad. And that she and daddy had two other daughters, Bonnie and Deena. At my question, she said she did not remember or think she ever was pregnant "with a big belly." But Mom kept talking like she had it figured out, about it all being "lined up" and that we were all together. If I didn't have the picture of Mom 8 months pregnant a month before I was born, I would be more suspicious about her questions. I have also seen pictures of her pregnant with Deena and, I was there. But...Bonnie...still wondering...

On Monday, Janice had some errands on the campus where I work, so she let Mom off for a few minutes to come inside with me rather than wait in the car for her. Mom came in and everyone greeted her. She met everyone for the first time again. One of my co-workers asked her about her trip to Louisiana. Mom claimed she had never been to Louisiana and supposed that my friend must have been confused.

On Tuesday, I left her a note about Janice helping her with a shower. She had absolutely refused to cooperate on the last occasion but I thought I would try again since I had spoken to her about Janice being here with her while I was gone. When I got home that evening - she had been showered - yeah Janice! Mom was not thrilled about it but I think Janice gave her a "Cheryl said so". What a blessing because there was just no time to get to it last night after Mom and I drove to Lockheed to take Joe his spare set of keys after losing the ones he used to get there.

Overall, that is our week so far. Our schedules are still crazy but I think we fill find a new routine that works for everyone. And...I'll keep you posted!

Weekend update

2009-03-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, it was church and IHOP last night. It was kind of an off day too. Mom rested a lot and did not connect very much - not at mass or at IHOP where the people know her and interact with her. Mom really just looked at everyone not knowing what they were saying or how to respond. At mass, she connected little with responses, prayers, people and songs. When we got home, she went straight to bed. Some moments of joy yesterday were with the puppy in her room. After Mom's shower, I brought Heidi in to run around. Mom and I laughed a lot as the puppy dragged off her slippers - which are bigger than she is!. Mom loves that puppy - but when she has had enough, she has had enough and puts the puppy in the patio room with the door closed. I have given Mom the job of making sure the puppy goes outside to potty every two hours when we are at work. She likes to hold the puppy in her arms where, if the Heidi is tired, will fall asleep as Mom rocks her and tries to sing Rock-a-bye Baby. This morning, I gave Mom a bowl of strawberries to clean. She chose a couple to go with her pancakes that Joe made for her!

Joe and I are off to shop for a new washer and dryer - we cannot ignore any longer the slow death of our current appliances. (The refrigerator has stopped giving us water too - it's a mutiny)

I'll be in touch again soon!

Moments of Joy

2009-03-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

Just an addendum to yesterday's post. I suspect that Mom's hip did not hurt so much, but that she was upset about the changes. Yesterday went much better for everyone. Today had the potential for going sour but I left early from the Alzheimer's Symposium I was attending take Mom to the craft store. She has been waiting for me to do this for several days when I get home from work. So we went and Mom is back at "her desk" doing her thing.

The Alzheimer's Symposium was sponsored by the Area Agency on Agency and the Alzheimer's Society. I went last year also. There is always a lot of great information. This year the keynote speakers focused on Early Onset Alzheimer's - diagnosed under the age of 65. The breakout sessions were on a variety of topics including meeting the medical and safety needs of a person with dementia, focusing on vitality and capability, when mental illness and dementia meet and meeting the challenges of different types of dementia. I hope that if you every get to attend something like this, that you take advantage of it. In this case, there was no fee for caregivers.

One of the sessions I went to was called Finding Moments of Joy. It was very good - affirming and entertaining. The speaker talked about being able to go to the bathroom and close the door without someone following her or after a few minutes calling for her. There were other examples, many I could relate to. All with a touch of humor. Sometimes I do get caught up in the accommodations, fatigue, frustration and sadness of it all. But I want to assure ALL of you that this family has more than its share of Moments of Joy. One of mine was last Saturday night at mass when we prayed the Our Father and once it got started, Mom was able to say the entire thing straight through. As I stood next to her where I can coach her on these things that she has known for the past 50 years, I just had to be silent and listen to her with joy and praise in my heart. Moments of Joy!

Change is hard, but some things never change!

2009-03-25T17:09:00.000-07:00

There are probably a number of things I could have been writing about, but the truth is, that by the time I get home from work, take care of Mom stuff like dinner, shower and laundry and she goes to bed, I am exhausted and still have a number of things to before I get to bed. But tonight in spite of exhaustion and because of the commitment that I have made to do this, I want to catch you up on a few things. I'll start with the most recent news! Joe started a new job yesterday under contract with Lockheed. This means a GREAT deal. But in regards to Mom, it means that she is with the caregiver all day. I've written about Janice and how she came into our lives. She was with Mom yesterday and today. Yesterday did not go well at all. Mom was in a foul mood and ranted all day about me and how I moved her here and she hates it. When Janice tried to give her a shower, Mom adamantly and angrily refused saying that she had a shower on Tuesday - which she did not. At my suggestion, Janice tried to get her to wash her hair. Mom refused and went off about she has been washing her own hair all her life and no one had to tell her to or help her. Janice even tried to bribe her with ice cream - no go. I had told Janice that Mom likes to go to Goodwill, so she coaxed her out to Goodwill. Mom went in but she sat on a sofa there and refused to look around. Janice tried to engage her but had no luck. By the time I got home, Mom was complaining that her hip hurt had been hurting during the day. She said that she probably hurt it "the other day" but I could not determine when that could have been and she did not tell anyone. Mom did not want to go to the emergency room or to the doctor. In fact, it seemed that her hip was just fine as we talked and she was quite agreeable to taking a shower. After a night's rest, it went better today. We have some bugs to work out yet but one day at a time.

In other news, we have a new member of the family that Mom has taken to. We have a 9 week old Chaweenie we named Heidi! She is so little, cute, energetic and BUSY. Mom likes how she nuzzles and falls asleep on her shoulder. It has been a good thing for Mom - a little bit more challenging for the rest of us, including our 11 year old Yorkie. (Chaweenie - part dachshund and part Chihuahua)

The past two Friday nights have been Fish Fry nights at church. Mom does well meeting people for the first time every week! We go early when there is light attendance. Mom says she does not like catfish but thinks the "whitefish" is very good.

Other than that, I guess everything else is the same. Mom has not developed a sudden liking or patience for Stacey and family - or the cockatoos - or vegetables or purple.

And in Mom's almost infamous words, "and that's the way it is."

On track!

2009-03-12T16:45:00.000-07:00

So, just a few updates this week. Anything that happens here of course affects Mom and this week, it was another knee surgery for Haley. Feb. 24 was the first day that we allowed Haley to go out on her own since the last knee surgery in December. This past Saturday, Joe let her out on her own in the backyard and she came limping in - having torn the ligament in her other knee! So, Mom and Joe took her to the surgeon in Dallas yesterday and I picked her up today. Joe took Mom to the podiatrist today and she thought that they were going to go pick up Haley. When they came straight home, Mom pouted until I got home with the dog. Mom makes over Haley like she makes over small children and I was certain that with Haley on pain medication and not feeling well, that she just might nip at Mom if she got too annoying. Both are doing well now.

Mom is busy during the days with her crafts of course. Joe takes her with him whenever he has to go somewhere so she has been getting out a little. I am trying to schedule a day to have the new caregiver here to get acquainted with Mom and her routine. I have not yet presented all of this to Mom - there is no room for discussion and it won't help anyone to address it over and over in the coming week. Next weekend we will prepare her when Joe is about to begin his job.

The night before last, Mom went to bed at 7 and was up at 9 ready to work on her crafts. I went to bed and Joe was hard pressed to convince her that she should go to back to bed. She was insisting that she had to wait for me to get home. Joe assured her that I was already home and had gone to bed. Finally at 11:30 she decided she was tired and it was time to go to bed!

Mom has been having even more difficulty with language - speaking and understanding. We go a lot of guessing and speak simply, slowly and directly to her. She was telling Joe about a friend who lives in Alaska yesterday. He came to me to clarify exactly who it was that lives in Alaska.

All in all, we are all doing very well! Mom has Haley back home! We are back on track for now - whatever track she is on, at least! Love you all!

The Time of Her Life

2009-03-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

And time goes by. A few details have come up that spell change in the coming days. Joe starts a job on March 24. That means that I have to get serious about finding a caregiver. Mom continues to decline in many ways but in no way in particular. She is not as talkative as she used to be nor is she as responsive to people talking to her unless we get near her, get her attention and speak simply. And if she is talkative, it is mostly jumbled. Deena talks to her every Saturday and can probably tell you some stories about the phone calls. One night last week Mom went to be at her normal time and at 1:00 in the morning I heard her rumbling around in her room (via the baby monitor). I went to check on her and there she was going through her necklaces, butterfly jewelry and stuff on her dresser. She informed me that she had had enough sleep and was ready to get up. I let her know that it was the middle of the night and that I was going back to bed. I checked her pills and realized that she had not taken them before bed. We gave her the meds and she went back to bed and back to sleep. Other than that, we are hard pressed to keep her in crafting materials and we go two or three times a week to replenish her supply. You can all expect an Easter package! If you have the addresses of others we can share with, like Dennis, please send it to me.

So back to the caregiver thing...It has become obvious that we need more than an elderly companion for Mom. Not as much as a support for her but a support for us. I need someone who will assist her with bathing, dressing in clean clothes, etc. That would really support me in that I won't have to do it in the evenings and schedule it around the few outside activities I have and I won't worry about her having an infection or skin breakdown from being in a soiled Poise pad and underwear all day. And she will get out of the house instead of sitting all day in her office! Well, today while Mom napped, I went to Michael's to pick up more supplies for her. As I checked out, I mentioned that I had forgotten to bring my discount coupon and added that I am in the store every week for these supplies for my 79 year old mother with Alzheimer's. The clerk gave me the discount anyway and out of the blue mentioned that she cleans houses to supplement her job at Michael's where she is recently getting only 5 hours a week. She added that if I needed someone to clean my house, she was available. I took a moment and then asked her if she had ever done care giving to an elderly person. She said that she had done it for a lady with Alzheimer's at one time. I took her number and agreed to call her later in the day. And I did. Janice came over to the house and we talked and she met Mom. Janice lives in Crowley, has grown children nearby and dotes on her grandchildren. She is probably my age - I didn't ask. It looks like we are going to give it a try - and get my house cleaned too! I'll keep you posted.

Other than that, it was church and IHOP last night and Mom always enjoys both! She makes the sign of the cross backward or in the air the way the priest does; she sings the songs with different, unrelated words to them; she tries to get the children behind us in trouble by playing with them during the service; and once the Lord's Prayer gets started with me saying it right to her, she can usually finish it with feeling! I went to Claire's today and found some butterfly rings for her and a butterfly necklace - she was overjoyed and thanked me and thanked me! With temperatures in the 80's this past week, Mom enjoyed getting out to sit on the swing in the backyard with me.

Last time I blogged, I ended by saying that it was all good. What I should have said is that IT IS ALL GOD!!! We love you all. Thank-you for you thoughts and prayers.

It's All Good

2009-03-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

What a mellow week. Of course, one of the first things we had to do when we returned from Louisiana was to go to Michael's for more supplies. We have had several very nice days this past week so when I went back to work on Wednesday, I left direction for Joe that Mom was to get out of the house - even if it was just to to the backyard to the gazebo or swing. And she did. Joe is Mom's primary companion still. It's saving Mom $80 a day by not needing someone to come in, but he is honestly not a very good care GIVER. Because Mom is in bed when I leave for work, she dresses by herself. Joe does not tend to things like making sure Mom has clean panties and a fresh pad on. Or even clean clothes. Joe dresses himself too - which is often in whatever he has been working in all week. And then they go out in PUBLIC! Crowley is a small town! Between CVS pharmacy, Kroger and the Waffle House, I usually just hope they don't run into anyone who knows us! When Joe goes back to work, I hope to find someone who will assist Mom with bathing, dressing and hygiene like soaking her teeth (which I have not been able to get her to do). And maybe even do a little light housework - Joe doesn't do that either... but for now, they are good companions and manage to take care of each other.

And the big news I guess is that at IHOP last night, Mom ordered chicken noodle soup, not strawberry-topped pancakes! But I ordered and omelet with two pancakes. When I asked for an extra plate to share a pancake with Mom, our favorite waitress brought not only an extra plate but a small dish of strawberries and whipped cream for her!

That's our story for this week! It's all good!

Relative pictures too!

2009-02-23T15:34:00.001-08:00

These are some of the pictures that I was able to take before the batteries went dead on the camera I borrowed from Julie. I only wish I had been better prepared and taken more pictures of the two days we were there. Let me say it again...We had a wonderful time!

It's all Relative

2009-02-23T13:46:00.000-08:00

We had a great time in Louisiana visiting Mom's brother, sister-in-law and two sisters who were also visiting there. Mom did SO great! The drive, the visit - it was all GREAT. Joe, Mom and I stayed at Ft. Polk, a few miles from Merryville, where my Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine live. This worked out well to keep Mom's routine with Joe and me without so much confusing activity in the mornings and putting her to bed at her normal time. After breakfast in our room on Saturday and Sunday we drove to Merryville where she visited those "silly people" and even contributed some names and memories to the family tree discussion with my aunts Dolly and Judy on Saturday. We took many occasions to connect Mom to people in her past - people in her family. I think I observed that the one thing that was lacking was Mom's ability to grasp relationships. She has had this problem here at home lately but I glossed over it - reminding her about sisters, brothers, daughters, etc. But Mom pretty much knew that Dick, Elaine, Dolly, Judy and the people they talked about belonged to her life somehow but did not and does not "relate" to them. These have been some of her questions/remarks over the past week:

How did you get to be my mother? (to me in the car before we left town)
Who decided I should have daughters? How did I get them? (same as above)
Did someone just not want you and just put you in my arms?
Who lives here? Whose house is this? (MANY times while visiting)
How do I know those people? How do you know those people?
Elaine showed up about the same time Dick did. She cried. I don't know where she came from.
Who were the other people there? (when I talked to her this morning about the visit)
How do they know me?
I think his name is Dominic but I don't know who that woman is. (when looking at a picture of herself and daddy)
How did you know Dominic? I think he died. Of cancer. Colon cancer. (to me)
How long have I known you? When did you come into my life? (to me this morning)

These and many more come up throughout the day in quiet moments when there is no one around and it is quiet. It is easy to assume Mom is engaging when we talk to fast or fill in the blanks for her or give too much information. Listening, speaking slowly and simply and encouraging her to think and talk allows her to express herself - as muddled as she is. I find it surprisingly difficult to keep up with how fast Mom is declining in her thought processes. From day to day the gaps may show up differently but they are still gaps.

Mostly I want to express that Mom had such a GREAT time! She loves to go places and see people and interact! She loved sharing her crafts with everyone and being included in conversations. Mom had a ball! However, the memory of the trip is ours. And I am so very blessed to have shared it with Uncle Dick, Aunt Elaine, Aunt Dolly and Judy and Joe. I wish I had known how to better use Julie's camera that I borrowed so I would have more pictures! Thank-you all for your welcome, your support and your love. We couldn't do this without you.

Goal Oriented

2009-02-16T17:42:00.000-08:00

So, am I giving just too much information or rambling about odd details that don’t really matter to anyone but the ones in that particular moment? I had two goals when I began this blog and I try to make sure that what I post is in line with those goals. Goal #1 was to give you all an awareness and insight into the insidious and sad disease that affects someone you know and if you are in any way related to an Ashley, may affect you. Goal #2 was to provide to you an ongoing connection to the mother, sister, aunt and friend that you knew as a vibrant, sassy woman. If you choose to remember her only by that description, you are probably not tuning in to this blog. But if you are, then you have selected to continue to share in this journey as you have shared in so many of her other adventures, experiences and journeys. You celebrated with her, you mourned with her and you traveled the roads with her. As she travels this road, I have tried to keep those two goals in mind.

The original question at the beginning of this blog was prompted by some recent plans that have fallen together to take Mom to Louisiana to see Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine. As it turns out, Aunt Dolly and Judy will be there the same weekend. As I thought about these people not having seen Mom for a year or more, it occurred to me that what I have written here may have somewhat prepared them to not expect the sister, the “Mother Superior”, that they knew and loved.

I hope those to whom we sent a Valentine, received them. It was while we were preparing those and the previous envelopes that Joe and I began talking about taking her to see Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine – a day’s drive from us. Mom has been so very confused about her family, easily telling that she is the oldest of 12 but totally unable to tell me who the other 11 are. The fact that two of her sister’s, her brother and her sister-in-law will be there makes me hope that she will in some way make the connection to faces and memories and know that belongs to a bigger picture. Aunt Dolly did say that she and Aunt Judy were going to come to my house before they knew that we could go to Louisiana. And that is certainly an open invitation! However, I don’t know that Mom would make the same connection as if we took her there. From her perspective, she could likely think that they just came to visit the lady who makes her change her underwear!

So, back to those goals: the sad cruelty of Alzheimer’s and the support that companions on this journey give her – and us. I did say that writing this has been therapeutic, but this is not about me – or Joe – or our children and grandchildren; only in how it all relates to Mom. I hope that as you read the blogs that you feel as though you are with her across the miles and that you have come, and continue to come to an awareness of Alzheimer’s and how it could affect you as well as someone you love. Pray for a cure.

Confused yet?

2009-02-11T18:06:00.000-08:00

So Mom and I sat together in her office last night and put together some Valentine packages for most of you. The were mailed today. Mom was sooo confused. I asked her to get her mail so that we could use the return address labels and she really did not know what I was talking about. I finally found the mail in one of her drawers in a ziploc bag with a Christmas card from Bonnie in it. I suggested that some of the recent items she had made could be included in some of them and she wasn't grasping what I suggested. So I brought out two of her bags and tried to get her to put some things in the bags - one little step at a time and Mom could not put it together. She kept picking up the envelopes I had written names on, reading the names and commenting on what she read - Deena, she's in Alaska; Dick and Elaine, I wonder if they are still in one of the Carolina's?; Joyce has two girls; Bonnie, I don't remember her. Stuff like that. When we finished the envelopes and they were addressed, I had Mom try to seal them while I cleaned up but but she needed one on one attention for each envelope. The same was true as I had her affix the return address labels. Then I took each envelope and identified to whom it would go and prompted her memory about that person. This is how she always associates you - (some of them aren't kind) Deena she almost remembers and I was surprised that she put her in Alaska. But when I asked her again, she knew that Deena was her baby. When I mention Aunt Dolly I always have to say bladder cancer. When I say Aunt Joyce and Arizona, Mom mentions everyone going there one time. If I mention Bonnie, she is the "one I don't like." When I mention David - married to Bonnie but now married to Sherry, Mom tells me they have a baby. It seems she does not remember any of you but she remembers events or situations when I prompt her.

Today, Joe had a dentist appointment so he dropped Mom off at my office at 2:30. After finishing up a few things while Mom sat quietly, we left for the day by 3. She was pretty confused about where Joe was, why we were leaving, she didn't want to sit in my office all day, she should have just stayed home, etc. I got her to the car and asked if she would mind stopping at the craft store on the way home so I could pick up some stuff for a meeting I have on Saturday. Of course she wanted to go there so that kind of focused her. Until we got there and it was as if she had never been there! After 55 minutes in the store in the same aisle, I led her to the checkout. When we left Mom commented that she liked that store and if she ever runs out of things to do, she wants to go back there.

Dianne and Margaret are coming over tomorrow to take her to deliver her creations. She has had her shower and gone to bed. I am ready to call it a day also! I'll catch up to you all in a day or so! Thank-you for your love and support!

AMEN

2009-02-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

Just want to let you all know that all is well and we are still here. Remember? No news is good news - usually. Mom is well - bored I think mostly. I have called her friend Dianne to come spend some time with her and take her out to deliver her crafts to the nursing home sometime this week if she can. Joe is not nearly as sociable and engaging as she prefers. Of course he takes her along if he needs to go to the pool supply store or the hardware store, but I don't think that is her real idea of a good day.

So, let me talk to you about prayer. Mom enjoys praying the rosary with me when we get a chance. She loves church and the familiarity of the songs and responses. She does not always remember all of the words but can usually get a few parts of the more familiar ones. I, myself am a bit of a contemplative - able to spend extended time in prayer throughout the day for the needs of my family, friends, co-workers and community. I know that you all keep us in your thoughts and prayers but now I am asking you to be specific in prayer and petition. For mom I am asking you to pray for healing of memories and hurts that keep her from having peace of mind and heart. Pray for the demons that disturb her sleep and her relationships with people in her life. For Joe, I ask that you pray that he will hear the Lord speaking to him about the things in his life that keep him from a fuller relationship with Him and with the people in his life. Joe needs a job but I know in my spirit that he needs to deal with some issues so that the Lord can lead him to the right place. And for me - please pray for a servants heart - to serve Him wherever He puts me and for Grace to do it with His loving heart.

Having said that, Mom and I are working on some more packages for you with a surprise in them. Hopefully we will finish them up tomorrow and get them in the mail. If you did not get one last time, be sure that I have your address! You can leave it here or e-mail it to me at csawdust@prodigy.net.

Status Quo

2009-02-04T16:57:00.001-08:00

Mom had a routine doctor appointment this morning just to get her meds checked. She is on a sort of quarterly schedule as long as everything is going well. Today, the doctor did increase Mom's seroquel to see if the night time hallucinations and nightmares go away. "People" come to her room during the night and she does not want them there so she tells them to leave. They leave and Mom goes back to sleep. About once a week she has nightmares and has twice fallen out of bed and injured herself. Now when we hear her yelling I go to calm her before that happens. The baby monitor is on every night.

Since our firm rule reminder the other night, Mom has been pretty much quiet and giving me the stony silence and look when she thinks I am misleading her about something or if I ask her to let me wash her hair. There has been no opportunity to practice being nice to the kids or their two dogs who visit with them.

I am glad that you all enjoyed your packages from us. Those of you who did not get one will just have to wonder what everyone else got until I sit with Mom again and prepare more packages. Mom has been working hard on more of those items and daily takes them out of the two big tote bags, piles them in stacks of ten and counts them. There are over 100 now. Our friend Dianne took her to an area nursing home to deliver some Christmas items so Mom wants me to call her so that they can take these there also. I suggested that I could drop them by, but Mom insisted that she likes to see the happy looks on the resident's faces when she delivers them in person. I'll call Dianne. Don't want to deprive Mom or the resident's of such joy.

Mom just went to bed for the night and I am not far behind after I check on her and make sure she had her pills. Thank-you all for the notes and cards and good thoughts! I don't think I would want to do this without you.

The Good, the Bad, the Indifferent

2009-02-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

1-800I hope you all know that one of my mottoes is NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS. Not that I only think about you all when there is bad news, of course, but most days are the same with little time in the evenings to reflect on things until late when I finally give it up and go to bed myself. But I realize that I have not written in several days, so I’ll do a recap of the good, indifferent and forgotten.

On Saturday morning Mom was dressed when she came out of her room so I advised her that she needed a shower before church. After a lunch-time rest, she came out dressed up in her shirt with lunch on it and with her purse, ready to go to church but she had not yet had her shower. So I got her back to her room for a shower and clean clothes. By 2:30 Mom was at the front door with her purse again, unaware that we would not leave for more than two hours. Well, we finally got there, and guess where we went afterwards for dinner? IHOP, of course! This time on the way out, she got in front of me and I had to pry her off of the waitress who served us and whom she followed into the kitchen to hug. I can usually get between her and the people/children she heads for, heading her off and nudging her in a different direction.

Okay, and Sunday was the Super Bowl. There was the usually activity with a little Super Bowl ruckus thrown in. Micah brought her sweet young friend Jaime over and they interacted a little with Mom, who was very cordial and accommodating to Jaime. By association, Micah benefited from it and remarked when she left about Grandma’s good mood that day. It had crossed everyone’s mind that Mom could be difficult and Jaime would witness it.
Last night as I sat with Mom in her office trying to get her into the bath, Mom commented about how nice that “little girl” was on Sunday but “that big one” (Micah) was..and I cut her off! The next hour was an attempt to come to a meeting of the minds. Now, those of you who have been keeping up with us, know that s no easy endeavor. In fact was more like an exercise of futility – but I had my say. Joe too. The bottom line – there are many of her behaviors that can be attributed to the Alzheimer’s but being mean to Stacey and her family is not one of them. I spoke to her about them being her family, her grandchildren. Mom continued to say that she does not have grandchildren. I went to great lengths to slowly and simply explain the relationship between her and her three daughter’s children but it did not connect – she stated that she has no grandchildren and she doesn’t “know those people.” I am fairly certain that our minds did not meet on this issue. We have set these ground rules before and reminded Mom that she will be nice (not just “not mean”) to Stacey and the kids. And in closing, that they have never been anything but loving toward her and that Stacey has never made us choose between her and Grandma. But if Grandma continued this and we did have to choose, Grandma should decide where she wants to live.

This too shall pass though and things will rock along again. Today, Joe tells me, Mom has been up for breakfast, but has spent the day in bed. By now, if you are thinking you need to call Adult Protective Services on us, l would be happy to give you the number! Just remember though, you might not get any more of those envelopes with Mom’s goodies in them! That’s my update for now! A Belated Happy Birthday to Sheila!!! Mom does not exactly know who you are, but she does know that you are OLDER than me!

Our Butterfly Lady today

2009-01-25T10:05:00.000-08:00

So maybe I left you all hanging for a few days, worried sick about Mom's status... Well, I'm sure you weren't worried sick but at least were maybe more aware of the insidious progression of Alzheimer's. Mom has bounced back to some extent, but Joe and I believe the lapse the other day is another symptom of the progressive decline we have seen this past year. Today, he and I have moved our laptops to her office - the three of us at the dining room table - Joe desperately seeking employment and me avoiding getting lunch ready.

Mom has been napping a lot this week coming out of her room to sit in her "office" doing crafts, talking to the dog and gazing out of the window. Joe is in his office a lot and not very entertaining or engaging for her. We had some really warm days this week so he was able to take her to lunch and to the craft store, which she totally enjoyed. (The Waffle House is their lunch spot) A good day for Mom is when she gets to go somewhere or someone comes to play with her. I say that she has bounced back a bit because her eyes are bright she responds to simple conversation with her - not necessarily on the same track as the conversation - but a heartfelt attempt no less.

And you know that it was church and IHOP last night. If we ever have trivia questions about what is on their menu, Joe and I would win! That part aside, Mom was engaged and singing in church, greeting everyone, waving to people from the pew and clapping her hands to the music. She was adorned with her butterfly necklaces, bracelets and rings - which everyone notices and comments on - she loves it! At IHOP, Mom studied the menu and decided to have something different. We joked and teased - Joe reminding her of liver and onions and me sounding shocked and surprised. Given a minute to talk to Courtney, our weekly waitress, Mom asked about something on the menu that said 5 pancakes and asked how big they were. Courtney said they were kind of big but they could make them smaller - or maybe she just wanted 3 instead.(Courtney serves us every week in the same booth and knows that this is her usual of course.) Mom agreed to either one and asked what they put on top of the pancakes. Courtney advised her that she could have anything she wanted - did she want syrup or maybe strawberries? Mom said that strawberries sounded good. See what I mean about kind of bouncing back? It was if Mom did not remember that she orders that every week and that has been the theme with most everything since her bad day earlier in the week.

Well, Joe is still unemployed and we still have not had lunch! Mom is waiting to take her nap until after lunch and we do try not to deviate from schedules too much! Love you ALL.

Days of Our Lives

2009-01-21T18:15:00.001-08:00

Not a good day for Mom. She went to bed by 7 last night as usual but was up by 11:00 convinced that Julie and I had left for work and it was time to get up. Joe tried to get her to go back to bed but she sat at the table doing her crafts until after 1. Joe dozed in the recliner where he was near her. Mom was up again sometime before 5:30 and was in the kitchen. Then, when I went to the kitchen at 6:30ish, Mom came out of her room fully dressed. We made light of it as I subtly questioned her about how well she slept. Mom was very confused and not making sense with her answers. She was very quiet eating her breakfast and kept looking vacantly at me across the table. Light conversation failed. Before I actually left, I questioned her about who would be home with her today - she answered several times that it was just her, she would be alone, just her... When I asked her who Joe was, she did not know. When I asked if she knew who I was, she also did not know. BUT Mom told me that her name was Marjorie Marie Ventura! Mom was like this all day, napping and wandering - compliant but not connected. I tried to keep her up late so I delayed giving her a shower until 7 but she was in bed right after that.

Monday was good though! I was off for the holiday. Mom did not connect any of that, but when I greeted her that morning, she announced that she needed to go shopping. She did not know for what, but she needed to go. So, after breakfast, she and I went to one of her favorite stores, Goodwill. When I told her where we were going, she did not know what Goodwill was. After purchasing a jacket there we went to Michael's to get some more craft supplies and Mom stayed busy sorting and creating the rest of the day.

I hope that you have all read up on Alzheimer's by now and you know that this is part of it all. The difference between today and other days was the vacancy in her thoughts, speech, and eyes all day. I am sure that after a good night's sleep she'll be back to her old ditsy self doing crafts and trying to out banter Joe. I'll keep you posted. And if you haven't read about Alzheimer's/dementia - please do it - it could happen to you. Love you all!

I'll take the Usual.

2009-01-18T15:58:00.000-08:00

It was church and IHOP last night of course. I don't know who is worse, Mom who mostly does not remember or Joe who messes with what little mind she has left! We sit in the same booth and have the same waitress every week, although they all know us. Mom looked at the menu and decided she would have her "usual." Joe agreed that her "usual" liver and onions was a good choice. It take her a minute to think about that before she knew that was not her usual. But when the waitress came over and asked her what she wanted, Mom was able to tell her that she did not want liver and onions but wanted "3 pancakes with strawberries on top and don't forget to put some of the strawberry sauce on the plate before putting the pancakes down so that they would not stick to the plate." Of course, Mom was not quite as eloquent because she does not have the words to express all of that clearly, but the waitress knew the routine. Sometimes he gets away with stuff like this because she mostly does not remember that she did not like blueberries, broccoli or peas and eats them for him when he tells her he is fixing her favorites.

I know that I have told you all how much the notes and cards mean to Mom. She has been saying for some time that she needs to respond back to you but Mom is just unable to connect enough thoughts to write notes herself. Daily we talk about who the cards are from and almost daily Mom brings out a picture of everyone lined up in Bonnie's driveway at her 70th birthday party or a picture taken at a reunion in recent years and wants to know who those people are. So, on Saturday morning she and I sat at the table and I helped her create some special gifts for you. I wrote the names in big letters on a piece of cardboard and she worked on the project most of the day. And, because you all were so shy about requesting samples of her work (or worried that we were squandering your inheritance, Deena) that I included a few other pieces in the packages. No, really, it is our pleasure and the postage is on me. Be sure to check your mail in the coming days for a specially prepared gift just for you! Now, only a few of you reading this will get one, so those of you who do not will just have to watch your mail for only Publisher's Clearing House! That's all I'm saying about that!

It's almost 7:00 and we are having our "usual". Mom has had her ice cream and is cleaning up her colors and stuff at the table. Her clean clothes are in the dryer, maybe I can get her to fold and put them away before she goes to bed. If not, we will fluff them again and try tomorrow. If your ears are burning, it's because we are looking at the pictures again or another note has arrived and I am reviewing how many people love her and want to tell her so. The Usual. And we love all of you!!

Your're Just Too Big!

2009-01-13T10:30:00.000-08:00

Again, thank-you for the cards. The beautiful butterfly card that Mom got from Sonya yesterday evoked some discussion and a small, sad reality. It was addressed inside to Aunt Marge which took us to a new area of what Mom does not remember. We talked about her family and I told her all of her sisters and brother’s names and where they live and as much as I could remember about where all of the cousins are. I told her how she knew Sonya and the girls and how we had gone to Kim’s wedding in New York. We talked about her nieces and nephews and different events and she was sure that if she could see them, she would know who they are. Mom wondered how I knew “all that” about where her family is so I assured her that ya’ll (sorry Erin) haven’t moved in many years and the notes she is getting has your return address on them. Mom was visibly disturbed at the reality she is facing – more and more of her memory is slipping away. Mom has been in major denial about this up until 4 or 5 months ago. She has been able to accept that she has a “memory problem” and last night we talked a little more about it and called it Alzheimer’s, for which there is no cure. That was the sad reality. I continued to assure her that it was really okay that she did not remember all of those people and it could be enough to know that they remember her. I suggested that we would be okay unless my memory problem got worse. She added laughingly that Joe would have his hands full if that happened! Mom also pronounced her family “just too big!”

?, ? and Deena

2009-01-11T15:57:00.000-08:00

Thank-you all for sending her notes last week. Mom got mail almost every- day. She did not have a clue who the notes and cards were from but we went over all of them every day - even the ones from Christmas. On Friday morning, Mom was headed out of her room as I was leaving for work. She was clutching with both hands, an envelope she had received in the mail the previous day trying to tell me that she did not know who the mail was from. She was almost anxious. I had not spent any time with her on Thursday night because I met with friends for dinner and Mom was in bed when I got home. So I delayed leaving and sat with Mom to look at the mail. I tries many ways to get her to connect - "who is it addressed to?" MOM "does the name Bonnie mean anything" Brow furrowed and a NO. "How about Bonnie Jean?" Head shakes NO. Mumbles NO. How about Bonnie of Cheryl, Bonnie and Deena?" - At this point, Julie retrieved a picture from the living room of the three of us sitting together a couple of years ago. "Who is in this picture?" Deena - by now I just pointed that Mom has three daughters and pointed to the picture, naming each one. Mom did not agree or disagree but pretty much did an "if you say so." (I guess Deena was an "only child!") There were also pictures of snow in Bonnie's yard. Julie was impressed - Mom not so much! Also a picture of James and Mom at her birthday party. No idea at all. I went on to explain that Mom had a brother, Roger and this was his son, and they were best friends and James loved her very much. Nothing. Then I told her about Roger and the horses and he died of a heart attack and was found on the road by a neighbor. That rang a bell of sorts. She did remember about somebody she knew running after some people on the property and falling over a fence and...being discovered by someone. Her response to me was "why didn't you say that in the first place?" I left for work! These memory stumpers have become the rule rather than the exception now. We just try to keep her connected to something or someone.

On another note, we are anticipating some changes in the coming weeks as Joe will probably be employed. He has been approached a number of times about a job in Corpus Christi with the navy and last week they made him an official offer and expect him to begin work later in the month. He did not officially accept the job but left this morning to drive 8 hours to check it out in person. Joe has another job interview on Wednesday in Dallas and will make a final decision by next Friday. If nothing else comes up, I expect he will accept the Corpus Christi job and we will support him from here. Given his job history, you know I'm not going to give up by "low paying" but steady employment of almost 14 years without some pretty good convincing. And that will take at least a year, I am sure! I will certainly keep you posted! In the meantime, Mom will tolerate me if only because I know Joe (or George or whoever he is) and he will be back here at some time and then her life will make sense again. It could almost lead me to wish that Deena was an only child! Okay, Okay, I'm sure I'm not the first to go there - right Bonnie?

And so it goes...

2009-01-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

She is restless; getting into her “stuff” and trying to remember. Over the past couple of days Mom has retrieved coin folders from the top of her closet looking for her white pennies. She has pulled from her drawer an old zipper bag with “important” papers like payments for the truck she and daddy bought in the late 70’s I think. And newspaper clippings and pictures of people she does not remember including a newspaper picture of daddy from the same time frame. She has pulled out letters from people like our old next door neighbor, Mrs. Dowler and of course did not know who that was; Even a lot of her craft stuff – arranged in piles all over the dining room table. This happens every few weeks, mostly when she is bored or confining herself to her room for some reason.

Mom had managed to rescue a number of shallow boxes from things that came in the mail over the holidays and put her various craft pieces in them. They were on the spare bed and on the floor last week when I informed her that her supplies needed to go into the special chest of drawers I had put in her room for just that purpose rather than be on the floor because it was not safe for her to walk in her room. I did mention this several times but did not go in there and do it. The other day she seemed to be puttering in her room more than usual so I checked on her. She let me know that she was emptying the boxes for me. A short time later, she made not one, but two separate walks to the other end of the house to find me and toss the boxes at me to remark “here are the boxes you wanted.” Joe and I exchanged puzzled, amused looks. So now her craft stuff, when it is not in a huge tote bag or spread out on the table or bed, is in the chest in her room.

After dinner tonight, Mom was trying to tell me about some craft she had done today but being unable to make out what she was talking about, I tried to fill in the gaps. She was excited about it so she told me to stay there while she went to get it. Mom brought back one of the things she had purchased when out for her friends for lunch. It was one of small tin butterflies that she insisted she did not purchase because "what would I do with 6 butterflies?" Anyway, she had tried painting one of them - it was originally a muted yellow with some green and blue outlining some of it. But she had used some paints she had to paint it up. I told her how beautiful it was and it is going to hang on the wall of my office. If anyone wants some of her crafts, I am taking orders! Maybe I can get some pictures on this blog soon. No, I'm serious about taking orders! We have more than we need. Let me know!

Chuckles

2009-01-03T19:37:00.000-08:00

I am still chuckling! First, thank you all for your comments. Aunt Dolly, you described my life! I am sure you can picture me smelling her pants and checking the fronts of her tops for her dribbles!

And today! Mom got up and had breakfast and went back to bed. She did this several times, not getting dressed. At one point, I thought she was going to get dressed so I put clean panties and a pad on her bed, telling her that I did so. She did not get dressed after all but went back to bed. About 1:00 or so, Mom was up moving around in her room when Joe called her to lunch. When she did not respond, I went to her doorway and saw her tucking something under her mattress! She did not see me and came out for lunch within moments. While she was distracted, I snuck into her room to see what she had hidden. Any guesses? Her clean panties and the pad that I had put out for her! I could hardly contain my giggles and I have been amused by it all day. When I told her it was time to get dressed for church, she finally got out of her pajamas. I never did mention it to her - I just let her get dressed. Mom has hidden them before - under the towels in the cupboard, under clothes in her pajama drawer... I will never figure this out. Mom has no idea most days what her name is, or mine, or who any of you are - but this devious part of her brain is in tact!! Go figure!

Mom had a great lunch with her friends yesterday. They all went to Babe's for chicken and then to a consignment craft place where Mom bought a few odds and ends that pleased her.

And her Saturday ended with mass and strawberry topped pancakes at IHOP. Picture this too. Mom scrutinized the menu and ordered last. Finally she pointed to the Buttermilk pancakes and ordered three of them. When the waitress asked her if she wanted strawberries on them, she said yes, of course. Mom gets the same thing every week - but tonight she ordered off of the menu ? And got the same thing!

It's 10:00. Enough cheap entertainment for today. Tomorrow is another chuckle waiting to happen. "Chuckles" Does anyone use that word anymore?

The Butterfly Moments

2009-01-01T07:35:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to friends and family! Let me do a little catch up since I haven't had the time to do this for a couple days. Tuesday (the day before yesterday) was such a nice day here that I left my office by 2:30 to drive home and pick up Mom to get her out of the house for awhile. Knowing that I had to pick Julie up at 4:30 and Tanglewood was on the way, I leisurely drove with windows rolled down, through the back roads in the rural area toward there, calling ahead to make sure that Mom's friend Lorenzo would be there. We checked out all the cows, horses, clouds and gas wells. As we approached her previous "day stay" place I suggested that we had time to stop in there to say Happy New Year to everyone. Mom was okay with it. (She previously refused to go back there for any reason.) We walked in the door and there were greetings of "Butterfly" from everywhere! EVERYONE around approached and called her Butterfly, telling her how much they missed her. Mom had a great time with all of the attention but still refuses to go back there, preferring to do her coloring and crafts in her own home. But I am sure she had some butterfly moments of being beautiful and free among people who loved her and missed her and accepted her the way she is.

Yesterday, her friend Diann, who cares for Mom when Joe and I are both working, called me to ask if she and Margaret, the other caregiver we use, could take Mom to lunch on Friday. Mom was agreeable when I mentioned it to her but of course does not know who I was talking about and has totally forgotten about it. We won't mention it again until I get her dressed tomorrow morning when she will dress and sit in wait for several hours anticipating the visit.

With Joe not working, we have not needed Diann or Margaret and Mom spends a lot of time alone. Joe goes and stays in his office all day, checking on Mom when he gets his scheduled snacks and lunch. He doesn't take her places and do crafts with her, but they so get on well - Joe talks engineering to her and she says "uh huh" a lot.

That kind of catches you up. Last night and this morning, Mom is calm and disconnected. Stacey and family were here last night as were Julie's friends Steven and Jeffrey. It was a lot of noise and commotion which sent Mom to her room to putter around. She actually fell asleep with her clothes on and we left her that way. This morning when we mentioned that she had slept in her clothes, she was adamant that she had not, and that her pajamas were at the bottom of the bed where she had left them this morning. She was also adamant about having changed her underwear and Poise pad - which she had not. It must seem to her as though she can do nothing right for me. If I direct her to wash her hands and she does, I want her to use soap. If she hangs her clothes up after she has worn them, I go through her closet and put them in the hamper. If she does get dressed on her own, I want her to do it again and this time put on clean underwear. Mom is usually disturbed at me and it is no wonder - I am always bothering her with the details. Joe suggested this morning that I not call her MaMa when I am the caregiver but that I should call her Marjorie and when we are being casual and playful, I call her MaMa so that her "daughter" is not bossing her around. I don't know about that one - I'll think about it. I can be Karen when I'm the boss and Cheryl when I am her daughter maybe?

Again, we wish you all a Happy New Year. I thank-you for your comments, concerns and support. I look forward to checking this blog to see if anyone has reached out to touch us because it's like you are sharing this experience with me. I love you all!

2008-12-29T17:45:00.000-08:00

And the days slip away. Mom has been going through things in her room just really trying to connect things and remember. It isn't working and more memories are slipping away. We look at pictures - the ones of her 70th birthday party. Pictures of recent year Ashley reunions. We came across some pictures that were taken while Deena and I were there for her 70th birthday when we all - mom, Bonnie, Deena and I were going through some things in the attic of her house. Mom had no memory yesterday, of the house, let alone the attic. Mom frequently goes through her treasured wooden brown box of recipes - sorting them and trying to remember. Mom enjoys getting mail and carries it around with her but does not know who it is from. I think it just means a lot to her that there are people somewhere to whom she is important. Little things escape her too. This morning she poured coffee creamer into her glass of water. Joe had a great time with her on that one! When I got home from work, Mom was sitting at her spot at the table going through her bible and all of the cards and pieces of paper - she handed me a recipe for corn chowder that she wanted to make sure I had.

Over dinner I often initiate small memory challenging games like nursery rhymes, songs and names of people and things. Saturday at IHOP she knew Joe's name and her own, but had no idea what mine was and guessed at several very nice names - none of them mine, but nice all the same. I think she settled on Karen for me. Dinnertime banter - always done in a light, humorous spirit. And on the way home, how blessed we were to be loudly singing together to one of the CD's and making up words as we went along!

As you know, I have been trying to get mom to get her hair cut. I have also been trying for more than a week to get her to let me wash her hair also. Well! On Sunday morning, I suggested that I wash her hair before the day got crazy busy. AND she let me know that she wanted to get it cut and they could wash it there! This was at 9:00 in the morning and of course "walk-in" places don't open until noon on Sundays. So, guess where we were at 11:59 that morning? And she got a great haircut! She even looks like the picture on this blog now! You know, we go with the flow and some days it flows faster than others!

So, that's our story today! I so appreciate your comments and prayers and Mom enjoys your mail. (small hint) More of our story to come!

A Red Christmas Sweatshirt Day

2008-12-25T14:36:00.000-08:00

Christmas Day. Not a creature is stirring...

It has been a very different Christmas week here for all of us. Mom has done unusually well with the disruption, chaos and moment to moment planning. Yesterday, Christmas Eve, Erin flew back to Alabama and Stacey and David left for Oklahoma to be with his family. We did our traditional Christmas morning ritual on Tuesday night after a very nontraditional dinner of crock pot corn chowder. Mom sat with all of us and opened her gifts with everyone else, never questioning the oddness of it. On Wednesday morning Stacey and the kids came by to see Erin off. Not having had breakfast yet, Levi sat at the counter eating a bowl of Cheerios. Erin had not really witnessed her grandma's disdain for Levi but got a hint of it that morning when Mom, lips pursed and eyebrows lowered, picked up her two biscotti in one hand and a full cup of coffee in the other and tried to stand up. I saw what was going on and blocked her way from the table and advised her as I pried the cup from her hand, that she could eat her snack in the same room as Levi or she could explain to Erin why she was leaving. Mom made like she just needed to stretch her legs and sat back down. Levi whispered a "thank-you" and as everyone left for their various destinations, Levi, Micah and Stacey each went to their Grandma and gave her an unacknowledged hug and kiss good-bye.

We had planned to go to one of the Christmas Eve services but for many exhaustive reasons Joe and I decided to go to church on Christmas morning. When I told Mom this, she was okay and changed from the red Christmas sweatshirt and red sweatpants that she had been wearing all day, into her pajamas. This morning, she was up bright and early and back in her red Christmas sweatshirt and red sweatpants. She was even wearing the red Santa socks that I had put in the hamper. With kindness, I suggested some other "Christmas" outfits she could wear as I scraped yesterday"s lunch off of her sweatshirt. I mentioned that Joe was wearing a suit and that maybe she would like to dress up a little. At Mom's insistence that her clothes were not dirty, she had not worn them before, I was more blunt - she had worn them before and the shirt was dirty. Not only that but because she has bladder leakage, her pants were dirty as well. I put a clean outfit out for her and left her with a plea to please change her clothes. About 30 minutes later, Mom came out wearing, what else...the red sweatshirt and sweatpants, carrying one of those headbands with springy, funny, swaying Santa heads on it. At breakfast, she offered to let Julie wear them and I not-so-gently let them both know that the Santa heads were not going to church with us. In spite of my words to Joe about "picking your battles", I tried once again to get Mom to change her clothes but anything I said was met with stony silence. AND, on our way into church, one of the polite lady ushers greeted us and told Mom how nice she looked! So much for my credibility!

Back at home, Joe made pancakes and bacon for us and even had strawberries for hers. Better than IHOP! The stony silence was lifted - for both of us. And Christmas naps helped a lot too.

We did have a very blessed Christmas with all of our girls here talking, sharing, laughing. To be sure, a special moment for a parent. And I am sure that Mom had a glimmer of that feeling as she observed the interaction and busyness of this past week with everyone here. She remembered the melody - and the reason to wear a red Christmas sweatshirt!

Bridging the Gap

2008-12-22T19:33:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, Mom got pretty much ignored today as I was in and out doing some last minute Christmas errands and Joe has been in his office all day except for tending to our poor Haley who is three days out of surgery to repair the tendon in her right rear knee. Mom stayed at her end of the dining room table with all of her crafts and worked industriously and quietly. Julie was out as was Erin who drove to Waco with Stacey and kids in search of a Baylor polo shirt for Eli.

This evening as I held Haley on my lap while reading a book, mom came into the bedroom and sat on the sofa beside me to comfort Haley and to say that she had received more mail - Christmas cards. She could not remember who the mail was from except the one from "my David" with a picture. After she went to retrieve the new mail along with the ones she received the other day, we did the "who is it from" drill. I started with the one from Judy. Not a clue who that was, not even when I mentioned Joey. I told mom that Judy is her sister. Then I read the one from Dolly. Not a clue. I advised her that Dolly is Judy's sister. Puzzled look. Explanation: "Judy and Dolly are your sisters." "My sisters? Puzzled look. No connection.

I went to the card from David with a picture of him and Sherriann at their wedding holding Dominic, his new, first and only grandchild. Mom knew it was a picture of David and his new wife and their new son. Several simple explanations later about it being his grandson, "Pam's baby" - confusion - "Pam - your granddaughter in Ohio, Matthew, your grandson's sister - Matthew and Pam who lived down the street from you on Thayer Ave. - Pam had a baby" - NOTHING.

Then the card from Betty and Beth and trying to trigger something with "the family who lived in the house behind the mission where we used to go to church." AHA! Yes! Beth was at her birthday party!

The last card was from Ray and Becky (Joe's sister whom she has known since before I knew Joe). The card had a picture of a covered bridge on it. I asked her if the bridge looked familiar and Mom said yes, she knew the bridge. Not sure that she did, but by this time she was so confused she was agreeing with anything. But Mom did remember that she had a picture of a covered bridge that someone had painted and yes, I told her that Ray had painted the picture for her. No other glimmer, just the covered bridge.

And that's where we are today. She wants to send Christmas cards too, so I promised to work on that with her tomorrow. We also talked about getting up early to go to daily mass at St. Ann's. I'll let you know how that goes. THAT she'll probably remember and be up and dressed at 5:00! I did get a mention in about getting her hair cut - "no way." I'll keep trying.

More odds and ends

2008-12-20T20:28:00.000-08:00

Well, Friday did arrive and Erin did get here. While Stacey and the kids and I were at the airport retrieving her, Mom used her "foam" crafts and made Erin a couple of things, including something that had "Baby Beaver" on it - with Joe's help to spell Beaver. Erin was generously kind and thankful for the gifts while getting a big hug.

Needless to say, there has been a lot of activity around the house with Stacey, David, Micah, Levi, Julie and her friends. To complicate things further, our routines have been disrupted by our dog Haley having surgery on a torn ligament in her knee on Friday morning. Mom accompanied us to the special vet hospital in Dallas to drop Haley off on Thursday and again this morning to pick her up. She has been very worried about Haley but she Mom was invited by her friends Margaret and Diann, to go driving Friday night to look at Christmas lights. This distracted her a bit. By the time they got home, Mom had had her ice cream and was exceedingly impressed by all the lights and decorations she had seen. She is still talking about it!

With all of the commotion around here, it was inevitable that the calm that we have been experiencing would would wane. Mom and Levi exchanged words today and Joe had to redirect her a number of times when she spoke sharply to the kids about silly things. I was able to get her out of the house tonight to go to church and then to, where else? IHOP. Joe stayed home with Haley, who has to be kept quiet, and all Mom could do was talk about whether Joe had eaten, maybe we should take him some dinner, why didn't he come to church?, we need to take him some food. Geeez!

I do hope that I can get a more recent picture of her on this site. But for now, just remember her how she looked this summer if you saw her or how she looks in the picture above. Right now she refuses to get her hair cut again and Joe teases her about looking like George Washington or Einstein. She has no idea who those people are but they must look pretty good if they look like her!

I really appreciate the feedback I get from those of you who read this once in awhile to see what we are up to. We are blessed by your love and concern and wish you could be more a part of her life these days. Distance and circumstances have not allowed that - but we love and miss you all!

Odds and Ends Report

2008-12-16T18:18:00.000-08:00

Today's News:
Mom has suffered from a persistent runny nose since she got to Texas. Today she had a routine doctor appointment to check on her and her meds. Of course, today she was wheezing because she won't cough up the phlegm from the sinus drainage and frequently gets attention because her voice is hoarse. We just tell her to cough that stuff up and give her Mucinex twice a day. (She is reluctant to cough because she pees) We have tried numerous times at Dr. Birdwell's direction, to get her to use the nose spray but gave up on it when we could not coordinate our squeeze with her sniffing it in! So today as preventative measures, we went from the doctor's office to get chest x-rays. It took much simple explaining about having to get undressed again and "hugging" the machine and take a deep breath and hold still. But they got some good shots. I did hear by the end of the day that her chest is clear and no further treatment is needed except for having her use the nebulizer three times a day and taking a small dose of Claritin for the allergies.

Yesterday's News:
Mom received two Christmas cards in the mail yesterday. Joe had not given them to her so after supper I gave her the mail to open. Her vision is very bad so she had difficulty reading it, but Joe and I assisted, telling her who it was from. The first one was from sister Judy. I just told her it was from Judy and asked if she knew who that was. She did not. I tried to get her to think about it but nothing came. When I told her it was her sister, she immediately knew who I was talking about and went in to her Judy and Joey story. Cutting that a little short, I read the next card and signature to her - Dolly. When I asked if she knew who that was, she answered after some thought that "it must be one of the sisters." We then were able to talk about the other sibling's names. Talking about Dolly being "Olive" and Carl being Lloyd. She knew that was her father's name and said that her mother's middle name was Eileen. (was it?) When I asked her who CheChe was, she immediately knew it was Sheila. When I mentioned Richard, mom related it to Elaine and recognized when I referred to him as Uncle Dick. Little drills like this are common at our dinner table. Today we sang the Muffin man song because we were talking about what special name I should have for my next expected granddaughter. When she asked again when Erin would be her, I told her Friday. Mom laughingly complained that I tell her Friday every time she asks but Erin is still not here!

So that is how our week is going! "We" are happy and healthy. Mom confessed to me this morning that she prayed for snow! I suggested that if she wanted snow, she could go to Pennsylvania! Tomorrow mom goes to the podiatrist and that always makes her feel good! Her shoes fit better! And of course, Erin will be her on Friday!

Unchanged Melody

2008-12-14T14:24:00.000-08:00

I want to talk to you today about the inconsistency of Mom's days. I may have given you the impression that she never knows her name or other daily details. Mom must have had some negative experiences with "imbeciles" in the past because for some time now, she has expressed to us that she is not an "imbecile." Wow, I had not heard that word for 50 years! Nevertheless, I do not want to give you the impression that she in any way resembles - her words - an imbecile, if you still remember that word and what it implies.

Yesterday was a good day. Last night at mass, mom recited almost all of the responses with only a few glitches, even The Lord's Prayer. And after church during our dinner at you-know-where, mom ordered her "butterfly" pancakes with strawberries. Joe laughed and was quick to inform her that they were "buttermilk" but it didn't matter, David, our usual waiter knew what she wanted. Mom also tried to join the conversation about the priest and other things. When it came time to leave a tip Mom took out Daddy's old wallet from her purse and said she had decided to use it instead as she withdrew $2.00. As we sat longer, Mom pulled out a zip up glasses case that was full of change, mostly quarters. Then she took the conversation to the coin collection in the top of the closet and talked about the white pennies and how she and daddy had started collecting the coins when I was little. That part is probably not factual, as I am fairly certain they did not have two pennies - white or otherwise - to rub together when I was little. I believe the coin stuff started later, like when Deena was little.

The point is, that some days, things click and some days they don't.

Let me go back a moment to singing. Mom loves music. Depending on her mood, I play an old time country music station on the radio or a great CD that Bonnie gave her that has the old songs like The Old Rugged Cross on it. She sings along and taps her toes! Sometimes she knows the words and sometimes she doesn't. But that does not keep her from singing! She said something some months ago that I think is very profound and descriptive of this time of her life. She said to me that she does not always remember the words, but she remembers the melody. She remembers about showering, but does not always remember the steps to it.

Mom remembers the melody of her life but the details are often lost. And each day can be a different melody!

Some days it's the nitty gritty - like clean underwear

2008-12-12T17:20:00.000-08:00

If some of you have not taken a few minutes to familiarize yourselves with the signs, symptoms and stages of Alzheimer's, I have added a very brief and condensed list below.

Typical signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease
…General confusion, disorientation to date, time or place
…Apathy, irritability, depression, anxiety
…Problems with language, math, abstract thinking, and judgment
…Personality changes with strange quirks or inappropriate behaviors
…Wandering, hiding objects, problems with eating and sleeping
…Late in the disease, paranoia and delusions may occur
…Toward the end, total loss of self, and inability to control bodily functions

By the middle stage of Alzheimer's, most victims no longer are aware that they don’t remember things or aren’t communicating coherently. This is fortunate for them. In a safe environment with good care and social contact, most Alzheimer’s patients seem relatively free of suffering. For their friends and relatives it’s a different story: the long steady decline of their loved one is painful to watch. The demands of Alzheimer’s care also take a toll, over the many years before inevitable death. Depression is more common among the caregivers of Alzheimer's patients than it is among the patients themselves.

I add this information in order to give you a core of reference for the odd behavior/s that I will continue to mention in the coming months.

Mom went yesterday to a Christmas lunch with her two caregivers, Margaret and Diann. Our friend Barbara, who is also Margaret's sister-in-law and Diann's sister, holds the lunch each December at a local Mexican Restaurant. Everyone is to bring a wrapped gift for a gift exchange. I had planned to meet them there, but as it turned out, could not get away from work. On Wednesday night I wrapped the gift I had purchased. On Thursday morning after I gave Mom her breakfast, I assisted her in getting dressed before Diann arrived. By the time she got here, I was coaxing mom to the kitchen where the gift was on the counter. I say coaxing because on the way our of her room, mom became distracted by all of her coloring stuff and crafts which were on the spare bed. Once in the kitchen, I had a small Christmas card that she had colored and I wanted her to write Merry Christmas on it and sign her name. It was a short sad moment when I realized she could not do it. Under my slow, but yet unaware direction, mom wrote "Mary C and some scribbling. When I encouraged her to sign her name, once again she wrote and M and some scribbling. I still did not put it together. When I advised her that maybe she should write it again and she tried to cover with something she thought was humorous, it began to occur to me. So I playfully asked her her name and she told me "it can be anything you want it to be." I told her to quit giving me a hard time and played "little girl, you look lost, I am a policeman, so tell me your name and I can help you." Mom pointed to what she had written and made the "M" sound and came out with "Margaret". I did not belabor the point but assured Diann that Mom had identification in her purse.

During her shower on Wednesday night, I got the water running at the right temperature and she got in. I left the room for a moment and when I returned she was doing something with the faucet handle. I tried to inquire if the water was too hot or too cold but she wanted to shut if off. I went along with it and told her how to do that. Then mom picked up the washcloth that was across the arm of the shower chair and already wet, and began washing. No soap, no water. Then she put it down and was ready to get out. I coaxed her into going back in and "rinsing off" but she was totally confused and disturbed.

So many things happen each day that we accommodate or go with the flow with. But the picture on this blog shows how mom was last year at this time. Since coming up with that picture (thank-you Stacey), I have been noticing all the ways that Mom is not that person this year. If you read more about the signs and symptoms of Alzheimer's, know that she has experienced 99% of them. Not all at the same time and not every day. But we still have not found many of the objects she has hidden. She frequently accuses us of taking her money and her clothes. And we have DAILY battles about her wearing clean underwear and changing her Poise pad frequently.

Please do not misunderstand. This is not about our accommodations. But I cannot tell you honestly how she is doing, without mentioning our involvement. When I say over the phone or to friends who ask, that she is doing fine, she really is doing fine. But in the back of my mind I am chuckling because I am thankful that mom has not lost her sense of humor and we can turn anything into a humorous, joyful moment. Thank you all for loving her and us. And don't forget to laugh. You know she is - except for that clean underwear thing!!

Attention Everyone!

2008-12-10T18:35:00.000-08:00

Not much to report for an update on Mom. Joe is unemployed again, so Mom's "friends" are not coming everyday to color with her or do simple crafts. But when they are here, they make it a point to get her out of the house a couple times a week whether it's to the dollar store for coloring books or just running personal errands. They usually eat out somewhere too. They are braver than I am. The only time I get her out of the house to shop is when I know the stores will not be busy and we won't have to stand in line. Of course I am at work all day so we really don't get out that much. And as far as eating out...we keep our routine to avoid confusion and inappropriate behavior. We go to IHOP every Saturday night after church. At church we sit in the same front row and pray that people with children do not sit behind us. After church, we go across the street for dinner. Mom orders the same thing every week - 3 pancakes with strawberries. She likes to tell us she is going to order off of the menu and after looking it over, orders the pancakes. The same two people wait on us every week and frequently see us pull up and have water and coffee ready at "our" table by the time we get in. Taking mom to a busy, noisy restaurant where there are a lot of people and waiters moving quickly is just too much over stimulation and she becomes more and more confused. Mom does not have the ability to reason - that was gone a long time ago - and she frequently acts inappropriately with people. Like hugging the man in the elevator when he said good morning. Like wandering into the kitchen at the restaurant to hug the waiter. Like going up to every child to touch them and tell them about her butterflies. We try to strategically place ourselves between her and any opportunity she has to do any of this. The common thread to any of her behavior including limping frequently so she can tell people about her hip surgery, is that she needs the attention. It's all about her. Joe and I think it is her jealousy that drives her bad behavior toward Stacey, David and the kids. When I remember her in her younger days, wasn't she always like this? Through my aging adult eyes, many incidents, events and issues of the past involving my mom look quite different than they did through my eyes as a teen or young adult. And the answer is a definite "yes". So, I am saying that what I've heard from various people (maybe in seminars and training I've attended) could be true. Alzheimer's does not change behavior necessarily. But it removes the filters and judgement so the behaviors appear "inappropriate." I hope my kids are prepared for that one when they are caring for me!

2008-12-07T17:05:00.000-08:00

A typical Sunday. Stacey, David and kids have gone. A quiet day of Joe and David watching football, Stacey and Micah making Pizzelles and other Christmas goodies in the kitchen and mom sitting at the end of the table coloring. "Pizzelles" is the key word today. You all know that our family has made them for years! All of us in the kitchen smelling anise and eating the broken ones. Remember the waffle iron that had to be held over the burner on the gas stove? The timing of the turn was crucial. In our house, it was a "Hail Mary" on one side and another after the flip of the long handled iron. The soft pizzelle was laid on a cloth on the round kitchen table and after cooling would be stacked in piles of 12. They would be hidden and brought out on a plate of goodies over the holidays when people visited. With the purchase of an electric iron, the event went more quickly but was no less a contribution to our holidays over the years. Now my daughters all have electric pizzelle irons. Today we made them here. For all but a few moments of engagement with Stacey, Mom ignored everyone but the dog. The exchange came when mom found the empty box to my iron on the floor by the front closet - near where she sits. She "trolled" into the kitchen and confronted Stacey about what she was doing. Stacey told her she was making pizzelles and invited her participation. Somewhere in there Stacey had to reassure mom that mom's iron was in the front closet. Mom insisted that it was not there, the box was empty. Stacey took her there and gently showed her that her iron was there AND in the box. Mom picked up her pizzelle iron and went back to face Stacey with direction that she was not to use her iron and then went to hide it in her room.

Bittersweet moments like this are common this Holiday Season. I think my sisters would agree that we each re-enact a number of Christmas memories and traditions that we grew up. All of them because Mom did them. Pizzelles, Biscotti, Braciola, "pocket cookies". Today, pieces of these times are part of her disconnected world but are not easily to be shared with us.

The "NET"

2008-12-06T18:41:00.000-08:00

I promised to explain the Butterfly Net. I am not sure how dedicated Mom was to butterflies in her younger years but she is daily becoming an absolute fanatic about butterflies! They decorate everything, even her. The staff at the day care she used to go to called her "Butterfly."Her walker was decorated with butterflies. She wore butterfly necklaces and pins - the more the better at the same time. When people notice her butterflies (and they do), Mom has two different stories that change each time she tell them, about butterflies when she was a litte gir. That is the "Butterfly" part. The "NET?" All of you who love us and MOM. It is also My family. We are her net. My husband of 37 years who fully shares - except for the baths - in her care. Our 32 year old special needs daughter, Julie who lives with us and supports us in supporting mom, especially on the tough days. Our daughter, Stacey and her family who live close by and in spite of their grandmother's disdain for them, support us in ways too many ways to enumerate but keep me encouraged and sane. Our daughter, Erin who listens long distance to encourage me. Following is a paragraph from Joe - her son-in-law whose name she knows better than mine! It's his contribution to this effort:

When it became evident that Mom could no longer care for herself, we decided to put her in a home, our home in Texas. She does not like Texas and wants to go back to her life of independence (in Ohio).
Mom is generally ugly to her first grandaughter who lives near us and her first two greatgrandchildren. We sometimes worry about the long term effects of Mom's behaviors on people she is supposed to love. Yet, we believe in the Bible and honoring our mother, even if her mind faileth.
Mom still likes to go to Mass and generally behaves appropriately. She loves babies and children and people who comment on her buttterflies. We try to maintain a routine for her and be available to her 24/7. Most times she is a happy woman in her own world. She loves to tell stories and some of them are mostly true. I intend to do the right things for Mom. So she will be in our home until we can no longer meet her need for health and safety.
Cheryl's comment: And he is my "net."

I don't know your name but I know you belong to me.

2008-12-05T18:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am still at it. Will "tweak" this and become more familiar with the tricks this weekend. In the meantime, my main purpose is to talk about Mom here. If you are not familiar with Alzheimer's yet, I really hope that you will take a few minutes to go to http://alzheimers.about.com/ or some other site to learn more about it. You will learn about the risk factors and the stages of Alzheimer's. It will help you see my mom as we do. There are seven stages of Alzheimer's. Mom has characteristics of a strong 6. I'll go into that at another time.

In the meantime, I want you to know that she is very healthy. No visits to emergency rooms or doctors for quite some time! Mom is here at the house during the day with one of two different caregivers we hire to play with her and take her out to lunch, Wal-Mart and dollar stores during the week. She thinks they are her friends who come to spend time with her and hang out. They make sure she is safe and nourished. Yes, they sit with her most of the day and color in her books with her or do some other simple craft that we shop for. On nice days they sit outside in the gazebo or on the swing. Mom cannot for the life of her remember their names! We have tried association, putting their name on a piece of paper in her pocket and writing it down by her breakfast. They don't take it personally because they know that she does not know my name either! Mom is quite content most days. On those days she is not, I will surely describe her differently to you! For tonight, after dinner she and I worked on some Christmas angel coloring projects before I got her to the shower and into bed. Oh! I forgot to tell you about the title of this blog! I'll save that for another day. Goodnight!

I can explain

2008-12-04T18:10:00.000-08:00

This is my very first attempt at anything like this and have even suggested that people I know must be very egotistical to create their own blog or web site - as if the world wants to know their business! However, I have reconsidered this as of late and have considered that it might be therapeutic for me as well as an excellent way for people who have known and loved my mom over the years to share the life she has now. Many people call to check on her and I can easily share the struggles and crises. But you are all missing out on the day to day laughs and simple acceptance that we have come to know as a part of her life here. This is my attempt to tell you about her journey through dementia/Alzheimer's with love,humor and a deep faith that the Lord is blessing us abundantly in so very many ways! I hope you will join us once in awhile by logging on once in awhile. Remember, I am a beginner and my daughters Stacey and Erin are my consultants as I build this Blog. So please laugh with me rather than at me and come back for more.