Another Saturday night. Church and IHOP, of course. Deena called today as she does every week. Mom takes the call and mostly connects to her. Today was no different. At dinner, Mom told me that Deenie called and said she was going to visit. Joe and I went along with it and Mom continued to ramble about Deena and having two girls who are all grown up now and have babies. When I asked how she knew Deena, Mom said that "she was always with us up there". She had no idea how old Deena was or what she looked like and "who knows what color her hair is." We had this conversation twice during the dinner there.
The day started out with me finding my pizzelle iron on the extra bed in her room and asking her why it was in her room. She said it was hers. I advised her that it was not hers but mine, and I had gotten it from my birthday a couple years ago and went to her room to find her iron. I found it in the back of the closet where I am sure she hid it so the short fat girl would not borrow it again. Later, Mom brought out her iron and put it on the kitchen counter saying that someone had given it to her and she didn't know how to use it, so if I wanted it, it was mine. Joe began trying to unravel all of it for her but after only a moment, saw that she was lost and left it alone.
I also want to add just a couple of excerpts from the journal this week:
Tuesday: "so far resisting all my efforts to keep her on a positive note. She's having a negative day. She went in Julie's room and got an attitude when I told her "we can't be in there." I locked the door. She made another attempt to go in. When she couldn't get in, she looked at me very disgusted, and said, "well, that woman will go in there. Julie used to live in there!" She is also agitated about her shoes. "Some men and women went in the room and took the ones she likes." I reminded her that she gave a lot of them away. To sum it all up, she has had an agitated hands on the hips attitude kind of day."
Friday: Mom was asking about Becky's granddaughter's baby - "maybe they are "twelves" she said, meaning twins. That took her back in time when her mom and dad had twins. Her dad was an alcoholic and mean to her . He made her take care of the babies. They had no car so she and her mom had to walk the babies to the doctor. That where they told them the baby boy was going to die. I sense some guilt on her part because she said "I was holding the little girl and dad he was an alcoholic, kept telling me to take car of the boy. I told him okay, dad, but I'm holding the little girl. I tried to take care of both of them."
Yes, Bonnie and Deena are planning to visit on Feb. 17. I called Bonnie to suggest it and it all came together. I know it will be a different kind of visit and Mom won't connect with the fact that she is our mother and she has three daughters. But she will most certainly enjoy the visit and Bonnie and Deena will have a few moments to share in and remember this part of her life.
Everyone is in bed but me and considering how "cranky" I was this morning, I guess I had better get there as well. Thanks for listening. Love you all.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
A WINDOW ON HER WORLD
Good Sunday Morning! Everyone is still in bed except the dogs and me. So far it is a good time to collect my thoughts from over the past few days and try to put them down here.
Sometime last year I purchased a regular planner calendar that was a week-at-a-glance and had about 10 lines or so next to times of the day. This is how Becky made notes about Mom's day so I would know what time she ate, what she ate, her demeanor during the day, problems, successes, outings, interaction, etc. Ten lines was not enough to capture all of that, so when I went through some of Mom's things that we brought over from the storage unit, I found a couple of empty journals - the books with empty pages. Becky began using one of them each day and has been doing a great job of writing about Mom's day rather than "reporting" on it. In order to communicate what our "norm" is, I want to transfer some of it here from over the past week or so.
Monday, Jan. 4th: (Becky writes) Marge is having a normal day. Her speech is still mostly mumbo jumbo, but at times , just as plain as day. She now mostly call Heidi, Dinky. Her memory of getting her nails done are that this lady sat at the table and said 'put your hand on her' and then painted my nails, but next time I'm telling her no, because this color is pretty, but I've never had it before. Off and on all morning she kept getting in the cookie jar and nonni jar, so I put them up.
Tuesday, Jan. 5th: (I write) Up at 6:30. Joe gave her breakfast and pills. No Tylenol. No coffee. Shower and Tylenol by 7:30. (Becky writes) Lunch at 2:00 from Chicken Express. She helped move chairs for me to clean carpet, went to garage and I steered her back in the house, pulled a chair up and we talked while I was shampooing. She dusted the chest and looked through it, said it was her grandmothers. She wants it back under the table so children won't play on it. At 3:10 we treated ourselves to a scoop of ice cream and brownie. At 3:50 she had coffee with two cookies.
Wednesday, Jan. 6th: (Becky writes) Morning hours she was active and receptive but words are still oleo. She rocked Heidi and sang. She sat in the memory room and showed me pictures and who they were (her version). She sat at the dining table and showed me the crystal again. (I had unpacked about 6 or 8 pieces of crystal that we moved down here and and it was on the table.)...looked at pictures in living area and went to Julie's room and I asked her to come back in the living area. After she rested she was eager to go pick Julie up. We had some "out there" story telling today.
Excerpts from some other days:
She's been in a good mood all day but mostly quiet and confused. When asked to put on a jacket, she put her house coat on. She has been busy looking at things throughout the house all day.
Not real talkative but receptive and cheerful and alert. Wants to clean Julie's room so I stay with her while she folds things. Reception not as good as earlier. When I asked her if she wanted 1 or 2 nonni's she never could grasp what I was asking even when I held up 1 or 2 fingers. She still has on yesterday's clothes. I'm still working on that. (at 1:00p.m.)
We sat outside for a while and watched the birds and made things out of the clouds.
Today she is wearing her name tag. She has shown concern for Julie all day but I've insisted she not go in her room.
As far as this journal goes, she says it's no body's business what we do during the day "we can take care of ourselves." She said she wishes people knew that she was old enough to decide what she wants.
Mon. Jan. 11th: This afternoon she asked who the lady was that was here. When I told her it was Julie, she said "but we didn't go get her and bring her here." When I explained that she didn't go to work she said , "she's too small to work. She's just a little girl and measured her height at about 3 feet. She remembers her coming down the stairs, closing her door and coming into "the" room. I told her she 's grown up now and her response was that the woman was to big to be Julie. Then she focused on the trunk. She wants to take it to her room but said "they won't let me." She hung onto a birthday card for awhile but had no idea who the person was.
Tues. Jan. 12: ...been a struggle to keep her out of Julie's room. We made muffins while she tried again to talk me into letting her in Julie's room.
Thurs. Jan. 14: ...words are mixed up and reception is still slow but is eventually able to grasp what I'm saying. Issue is Julie. "our Julie is little, what happened to her?" I tell her she is grown now but she just gets this confused look and shrugs her shoulders. She dwelled on the crystal for awhile referring to it as worth a lot of money. She wonders what "they" are going to do with it. She's absorbed a lot recently by going through drawers, cabinets, trunk. She refers to most things as some thing her grandmother gave her. She doesn't want anyone taking it. About 1:30 she tapped me on the shoulder with tears in her eyes and said "they won't let me have my things out of the trunk. ...started verbalizing about the license plate on the wall (said it was from the car she wrecked), the light fixture in the dining room, the bowl on top of the hutch "from Italy". She said "I don't have any kids, but if I did, I would like to be able to show them these things, but someone in this house took them from me.
Fri. Jan. 15: Wow, the last 45 minutes have been tense. We were having a stand-off and I won. I told her if she didn't put on clean clothes and change her P&P we were not going to get Julie. Boy did she stand her ground. I finally said "never mind, I will call Cheryl and tell her we won't be picking up Julie today." I walked out of the room and watched her. I heard her say "OK, fine, let's go do it. She's not happy about it but she's clean.
I know, I don't write for a week or more and then I dump all of it at once. But didn't the different colors make it more interesting? Since I began this, Mom has been up and I gave her breakfast. When I am sitting here at the computer, she often brings things one at a time from her room to show me. This morning when Mom finished her PB&J, she brought her little bird that chirps to show to me. We had to make it chirp and feed it the little bottle she has. Then it was her baby who is a good baby and does not cry. I love on the baby and Mom puts her back to bed in the cradle. It is all quiet again so I am thinking she is back in bed also. It is after 9 and time to get dressed myself and get on with the day. Thanks for looking through this little window on Mom's life and keeping us all in your thoughts and prayers!
Sometime last year I purchased a regular planner calendar that was a week-at-a-glance and had about 10 lines or so next to times of the day. This is how Becky made notes about Mom's day so I would know what time she ate, what she ate, her demeanor during the day, problems, successes, outings, interaction, etc. Ten lines was not enough to capture all of that, so when I went through some of Mom's things that we brought over from the storage unit, I found a couple of empty journals - the books with empty pages. Becky began using one of them each day and has been doing a great job of writing about Mom's day rather than "reporting" on it. In order to communicate what our "norm" is, I want to transfer some of it here from over the past week or so.
Monday, Jan. 4th: (Becky writes) Marge is having a normal day. Her speech is still mostly mumbo jumbo, but at times , just as plain as day. She now mostly call Heidi, Dinky. Her memory of getting her nails done are that this lady sat at the table and said 'put your hand on her' and then painted my nails, but next time I'm telling her no, because this color is pretty, but I've never had it before. Off and on all morning she kept getting in the cookie jar and nonni jar, so I put them up.
Tuesday, Jan. 5th: (I write) Up at 6:30. Joe gave her breakfast and pills. No Tylenol. No coffee. Shower and Tylenol by 7:30. (Becky writes) Lunch at 2:00 from Chicken Express. She helped move chairs for me to clean carpet, went to garage and I steered her back in the house, pulled a chair up and we talked while I was shampooing. She dusted the chest and looked through it, said it was her grandmothers. She wants it back under the table so children won't play on it. At 3:10 we treated ourselves to a scoop of ice cream and brownie. At 3:50 she had coffee with two cookies.
Wednesday, Jan. 6th: (Becky writes) Morning hours she was active and receptive but words are still oleo. She rocked Heidi and sang. She sat in the memory room and showed me pictures and who they were (her version). She sat at the dining table and showed me the crystal again. (I had unpacked about 6 or 8 pieces of crystal that we moved down here and and it was on the table.)...looked at pictures in living area and went to Julie's room and I asked her to come back in the living area. After she rested she was eager to go pick Julie up. We had some "out there" story telling today.
Excerpts from some other days:
She's been in a good mood all day but mostly quiet and confused. When asked to put on a jacket, she put her house coat on. She has been busy looking at things throughout the house all day.
Not real talkative but receptive and cheerful and alert. Wants to clean Julie's room so I stay with her while she folds things. Reception not as good as earlier. When I asked her if she wanted 1 or 2 nonni's she never could grasp what I was asking even when I held up 1 or 2 fingers. She still has on yesterday's clothes. I'm still working on that. (at 1:00p.m.)
We sat outside for a while and watched the birds and made things out of the clouds.
Today she is wearing her name tag. She has shown concern for Julie all day but I've insisted she not go in her room.
As far as this journal goes, she says it's no body's business what we do during the day "we can take care of ourselves." She said she wishes people knew that she was old enough to decide what she wants.
Mon. Jan. 11th: This afternoon she asked who the lady was that was here. When I told her it was Julie, she said "but we didn't go get her and bring her here." When I explained that she didn't go to work she said , "she's too small to work. She's just a little girl and measured her height at about 3 feet. She remembers her coming down the stairs, closing her door and coming into "the" room. I told her she 's grown up now and her response was that the woman was to big to be Julie. Then she focused on the trunk. She wants to take it to her room but said "they won't let me." She hung onto a birthday card for awhile but had no idea who the person was.
Tues. Jan. 12: ...been a struggle to keep her out of Julie's room. We made muffins while she tried again to talk me into letting her in Julie's room.
Thurs. Jan. 14: ...words are mixed up and reception is still slow but is eventually able to grasp what I'm saying. Issue is Julie. "our Julie is little, what happened to her?" I tell her she is grown now but she just gets this confused look and shrugs her shoulders. She dwelled on the crystal for awhile referring to it as worth a lot of money. She wonders what "they" are going to do with it. She's absorbed a lot recently by going through drawers, cabinets, trunk. She refers to most things as some thing her grandmother gave her. She doesn't want anyone taking it. About 1:30 she tapped me on the shoulder with tears in her eyes and said "they won't let me have my things out of the trunk. ...started verbalizing about the license plate on the wall (said it was from the car she wrecked), the light fixture in the dining room, the bowl on top of the hutch "from Italy". She said "I don't have any kids, but if I did, I would like to be able to show them these things, but someone in this house took them from me.
Fri. Jan. 15: Wow, the last 45 minutes have been tense. We were having a stand-off and I won. I told her if she didn't put on clean clothes and change her P&P we were not going to get Julie. Boy did she stand her ground. I finally said "never mind, I will call Cheryl and tell her we won't be picking up Julie today." I walked out of the room and watched her. I heard her say "OK, fine, let's go do it. She's not happy about it but she's clean.
I know, I don't write for a week or more and then I dump all of it at once. But didn't the different colors make it more interesting? Since I began this, Mom has been up and I gave her breakfast. When I am sitting here at the computer, she often brings things one at a time from her room to show me. This morning when Mom finished her PB&J, she brought her little bird that chirps to show to me. We had to make it chirp and feed it the little bottle she has. Then it was her baby who is a good baby and does not cry. I love on the baby and Mom puts her back to bed in the cradle. It is all quiet again so I am thinking she is back in bed also. It is after 9 and time to get dressed myself and get on with the day. Thanks for looking through this little window on Mom's life and keeping us all in your thoughts and prayers!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010
Happy New Year! I have heard a lot of people say that they are happy to see 2009 go and are looking forward to a better year for 2010. What we have learned here is that time is irrelevant. It doesn't matter what year it is. It doesn't matter what month or day it is. Each day is unique and holds its own challenges and rewards. Each day we wake up is a good day! That is Mom's philosophy and it is a good one. We can't change (or remember) yesterday so today is the day to make a difference.
Mom loves going to church! It has become slightly more of a challenge lately as she likes to socialize more than pray! Especially if children sit near us. And of course there are at least two opportunities during the service to "visit" with people - at the beginning with Brother Paul tells us to turn and greet our neighbors and later when Deacon Gary tells us to share a sign of peace. Redirecting her and telling her to turn around and pay attention is reminiscent of bringing children to church. As we pass babies or small ones, I tell Mom "no touching" and steer her away. Before long, I'll have to talk to the lady in charge of the church nursery and see if she is too old to go in there during services!
Of course we went to IHOP afterwards. They have different seasonal promotions and the most recent one here has eggnog pancakes, pumpkin spice pancakes and pecan pie pancakes among other things. Mom has been having the pecan pie pancakes instead of the usual strawberry.
This past week, Mom has been bringing things from her room to show me (over and over again) and to talk about them. Many of the things are items she made when she was at Tanglewood and had stashed away so that no one would take them without paying for them. This week it has been small Christmas ornaments she painted and several small tote bags that she painted. She brought the tote bags out again yesterday so I suggested that she bring them with us to church to give to people there. Mom did bring them but decided to leave them in the car. At IHOP I decided those bags were not coming home with us, so I took them in with us and "facilitated" her giving three of them to the three waitresses there - all of whom know us. That left two unclaimed and Mom continued to try to communicate to the girls about giving these bags to "the others". There really were no others there and I knew that before we left Mom would be headed to strangers in the restaurants and/or the cooks in the kitchen with these bags. This all leads up to my big confession: there are times that I totally take advantage of her muddled memory and thinking and this was one of those times. When Mom was distracted, I slid those last two bags out of sight and carefully kept them so until we got home and I could tuck them away. Mom has not questioned it and I am sure that in her heart and mind, she gave the good people at IHOP, all of those hand painted tote bags.
I have used this same strategy when giving her the same clothes that she has had for years. This occurred to my totally by accident when I brought out the winter clothes this year. I washed them and took them to her to put away and she thought I had been shopping and bought her new clothes. I went with it and took the hugs and thank-yous. It was easier than explaining it. Since then, I have given her the same new clothes several times.
Today Mom has been up and had her breakfast of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Let me also tell you that this is no ordinary PB&J. Mom fixes her own sandwich with about a half inch of peanut butter one one piece of bread and about two heaping tablespoons of strawberry jam on the other piece. That's breakfast along with a dozen pills. And she swallow ALL of the pills with at once with one gulf of water! Mom usually has the PB&J and a couple Nonnies to dunk in her coffee but this morning I made fresh biscuits which she also ate with some jam. She, Joe and Julie are all back in bed for the first of their Sunday snoozes.
With everyone otherwise occupied, I will get the kitchen floor mopped. Joe has already run a couple loads of laundry. Four dogs, two birds and a turtle have been fed also. And no, there is no partridge in a pear tree if that is what your heard.
Just know that we are all well and extremely blessed! Each new day! Let's not wait until 2011 to have a good year. God has a magnificent plan for us and we just have to wait for it to unfold to His glory - each new day. Do I hear an AMEN?
Mom loves going to church! It has become slightly more of a challenge lately as she likes to socialize more than pray! Especially if children sit near us. And of course there are at least two opportunities during the service to "visit" with people - at the beginning with Brother Paul tells us to turn and greet our neighbors and later when Deacon Gary tells us to share a sign of peace. Redirecting her and telling her to turn around and pay attention is reminiscent of bringing children to church. As we pass babies or small ones, I tell Mom "no touching" and steer her away. Before long, I'll have to talk to the lady in charge of the church nursery and see if she is too old to go in there during services!
Of course we went to IHOP afterwards. They have different seasonal promotions and the most recent one here has eggnog pancakes, pumpkin spice pancakes and pecan pie pancakes among other things. Mom has been having the pecan pie pancakes instead of the usual strawberry.
This past week, Mom has been bringing things from her room to show me (over and over again) and to talk about them. Many of the things are items she made when she was at Tanglewood and had stashed away so that no one would take them without paying for them. This week it has been small Christmas ornaments she painted and several small tote bags that she painted. She brought the tote bags out again yesterday so I suggested that she bring them with us to church to give to people there. Mom did bring them but decided to leave them in the car. At IHOP I decided those bags were not coming home with us, so I took them in with us and "facilitated" her giving three of them to the three waitresses there - all of whom know us. That left two unclaimed and Mom continued to try to communicate to the girls about giving these bags to "the others". There really were no others there and I knew that before we left Mom would be headed to strangers in the restaurants and/or the cooks in the kitchen with these bags. This all leads up to my big confession: there are times that I totally take advantage of her muddled memory and thinking and this was one of those times. When Mom was distracted, I slid those last two bags out of sight and carefully kept them so until we got home and I could tuck them away. Mom has not questioned it and I am sure that in her heart and mind, she gave the good people at IHOP, all of those hand painted tote bags.
I have used this same strategy when giving her the same clothes that she has had for years. This occurred to my totally by accident when I brought out the winter clothes this year. I washed them and took them to her to put away and she thought I had been shopping and bought her new clothes. I went with it and took the hugs and thank-yous. It was easier than explaining it. Since then, I have given her the same new clothes several times.
Today Mom has been up and had her breakfast of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Let me also tell you that this is no ordinary PB&J. Mom fixes her own sandwich with about a half inch of peanut butter one one piece of bread and about two heaping tablespoons of strawberry jam on the other piece. That's breakfast along with a dozen pills. And she swallow ALL of the pills with at once with one gulf of water! Mom usually has the PB&J and a couple Nonnies to dunk in her coffee but this morning I made fresh biscuits which she also ate with some jam. She, Joe and Julie are all back in bed for the first of their Sunday snoozes.
With everyone otherwise occupied, I will get the kitchen floor mopped. Joe has already run a couple loads of laundry. Four dogs, two birds and a turtle have been fed also. And no, there is no partridge in a pear tree if that is what your heard.
Just know that we are all well and extremely blessed! Each new day! Let's not wait until 2011 to have a good year. God has a magnificent plan for us and we just have to wait for it to unfold to His glory - each new day. Do I hear an AMEN?
Monday, December 28, 2009
Probably the last Post from Texas for this year!
Thought I'd make a few notes about things going on here around the holidays. Joe, Julie, Stacey, Levi and Micah left early Sunday morning for Auburn Alabama for a short visit with Erin, Eli and Elsie leaving Mom and me here to care for four dogs, two birds and a turtle - and each other. So far, so good, I think.
We had a good Christmas. Mom has been fairly disconnected about it all even though we have been baking and putting the tree up and going to church a few extra times. She sat with us around the tree on Christmas morning and took her packages, having to be prompted and helped to open them. It was probably a little overwhelming and confusing. But it was a good day for all.
I took today off in order to take care of a few things like laundry and tidying up around here and just relax with everyone gone. Mom and I made banana bread - she mashed the bananas and creamed the butter and sugar. While the breads were baking, we played with play doh and cookie cutters at the kitchen table making shapes and stories. Mom is very confused about where everyone is and even who everyone is. Tonight she asked me if I had ever visited her and Dom when they lived "up there." I said that I had and she told me a story about a young man wanting to take some girl with him across the street and asking Dom if it it was okay. At one point today Mom wandered to Julie's room where I was cleaning and then could not find her way back to her room. Over dinner of chicken sandwiches from Sonic (when we went to put gasoline in the car) Mom asked me if the other people left me here by myself to take care of everyone very often.
But the BIG news is that she got her hair cut. I kind of snuck it in yesterday during a outing to the dollar store where we had to buy booties and a blanket for the baby doll she got for Christmas, and a quick trip to the grocery store. Kroger's is in the same plaza as Pro Cuts, which is right next to Subway. I pulled into a parking spot and turned to her to say that this was a good time to get her hair cut. I got the stony stare straight ahead and a "no way" through clenched teeth. I pushed. She could get her hair cut here or I could cut it for her at home. Silence...and then "just two inches - only two inches, it had better not be anything else!" A slow, limping walk in (she does this for effect, only) and Mom was in the hairdresser's chair in no time. I got a chance to whisper to the stylist that Mom has Alzheimer's and is very confused. I let Mom do the talking with my support and she got a great haircut! A little more than two inches, of course, but she does not know that. I told her that she was absolutely right, two inches was just right. Her WHOLE objection was that it had to be long enough to curl under by her ears because - well you all know her prideful stories about her curly hair! It does still curl under at her ears, bot more importantly, it is not so long in the back that she can now actually brush all of her hair herself - more or less.
I may have told you that it is getting more difficult to report on Mom these days. Pretty much there is no drama but what has become more of a way of life for us. Mom does not have "behaviors" as much as she just needs much guidance and assistance and tomorrow she may need guidance and assistance with things differently than she did today. We speak simply and directly in order to communicate, often using visuals when possible. For instance: when asking her if she wants coffee, we show her the coffee cup and ask it more than once. After Mom mashed the bananas today, I had her cream the butter and sugar and said we were making banana bread. She asked if I had bananas.
That is life in Texas. From our family to yours - Happy New Year!! Plan to visit us this year!
We had a good Christmas. Mom has been fairly disconnected about it all even though we have been baking and putting the tree up and going to church a few extra times. She sat with us around the tree on Christmas morning and took her packages, having to be prompted and helped to open them. It was probably a little overwhelming and confusing. But it was a good day for all.
I took today off in order to take care of a few things like laundry and tidying up around here and just relax with everyone gone. Mom and I made banana bread - she mashed the bananas and creamed the butter and sugar. While the breads were baking, we played with play doh and cookie cutters at the kitchen table making shapes and stories. Mom is very confused about where everyone is and even who everyone is. Tonight she asked me if I had ever visited her and Dom when they lived "up there." I said that I had and she told me a story about a young man wanting to take some girl with him across the street and asking Dom if it it was okay. At one point today Mom wandered to Julie's room where I was cleaning and then could not find her way back to her room. Over dinner of chicken sandwiches from Sonic (when we went to put gasoline in the car) Mom asked me if the other people left me here by myself to take care of everyone very often.
But the BIG news is that she got her hair cut. I kind of snuck it in yesterday during a outing to the dollar store where we had to buy booties and a blanket for the baby doll she got for Christmas, and a quick trip to the grocery store. Kroger's is in the same plaza as Pro Cuts, which is right next to Subway. I pulled into a parking spot and turned to her to say that this was a good time to get her hair cut. I got the stony stare straight ahead and a "no way" through clenched teeth. I pushed. She could get her hair cut here or I could cut it for her at home. Silence...and then "just two inches - only two inches, it had better not be anything else!" A slow, limping walk in (she does this for effect, only) and Mom was in the hairdresser's chair in no time. I got a chance to whisper to the stylist that Mom has Alzheimer's and is very confused. I let Mom do the talking with my support and she got a great haircut! A little more than two inches, of course, but she does not know that. I told her that she was absolutely right, two inches was just right. Her WHOLE objection was that it had to be long enough to curl under by her ears because - well you all know her prideful stories about her curly hair! It does still curl under at her ears, bot more importantly, it is not so long in the back that she can now actually brush all of her hair herself - more or less.
I may have told you that it is getting more difficult to report on Mom these days. Pretty much there is no drama but what has become more of a way of life for us. Mom does not have "behaviors" as much as she just needs much guidance and assistance and tomorrow she may need guidance and assistance with things differently than she did today. We speak simply and directly in order to communicate, often using visuals when possible. For instance: when asking her if she wants coffee, we show her the coffee cup and ask it more than once. After Mom mashed the bananas today, I had her cream the butter and sugar and said we were making banana bread. She asked if I had bananas.
That is life in Texas. From our family to yours - Happy New Year!! Plan to visit us this year!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
PRECIOUS MOMENTS
You know what? We are all doing great! We have been baking cookies, making candy, baking special breads and making Christmas tree ornaments. Last weekend, Micah and I did some baking. Before that, Stacey and I made a big batch of pizzelles. I brought home from Michael's last weekend, some small easy Christmas ornament projects that Julie and Micah worked on. In all of this, I can't say that Mom participated or understood what or why we were doing it, but she hung around and did not retreat to her room. She even gave us advice about the pizzelles that they needed to be darker when we took them out of the iron. Then they had to be stacked. We took her advice and she was happy. She had refused to do the crafts when Becky asked her to, but today, I sat at the table and started some and asked her to help so we would not have a naked tree. She worked on some of those things like the ones she used to do that are already sticky for a little while.
During the day, Becky reports that Mom comes out of her room dressed with her jacket and purse ready to go pick Julie up from work. Since we began this, Mom has not spent as much time in her room other than for about 15 minutes at a time; I suspect it is because she does not want to miss going to pick Julie up from work. From Becky I know that Mom sits in the patio room in a rocking chair by the window and sings to her favorite Alan Jackson CD and plays with the dogs. Sometimes she sits in the Memory Room and Becky says that she has even sat on the sofa in the living room with her - which she never does when we are here. Becky is VERY high energy and it is difficult for her to just sit, but she has learned that if she gets up to do something, Mom will go back to her room. So she has practiced sitting with Mom when Mom wants to talk. I will include some of the statements from Becky's daily log to give you an idea who we live with these days. By the way, Becky gets Mom to change her pad and panties by refusing to go pick up Julie until she does. Mom pouts, puts on her stony, stubborn face. Becky tells her "you don't scare me!" And mom marches off to do what she was told to do. Becky follows her these days to make sure she does it too. Some daily notes: on Monday, she talked about wanting to go to church because she had not been since she got here; on Tuesday, Becky reported that her reception was iffy and words were jumbled; on Wednesday, Mom talked about her accidents, injuries and when she died (she meant Dinky), said she was going to kick Heidi's ass for pooping in her room and ate some sweet potato pie I had baked; on Thursday, Becky wrote "alert and receptive but still confused about when it's time to get Julie. Showed constant concern for my health because I had just given birth."; on another day, Becky wrote "seemed very confused and words were a mess. Words stayed a mess."
On Tuesday, Becky knew that I planned to take Mom to church for the Feast Day, so she talked to Mom about going to church when I got home and maybe she should get a shower. At some point mom said okay, so Becky went to get the water running and set out towels and stuff. She went back to the kitchen and let Mom know that the shower was ready and Mom did not know what she was talking about. Becky went through it again Mom said no. Becky tried some more and finally Mom got up and said "SHIT" and went to take her shower! I took her to church. She did not know why we were there, she said, but got into the swing of things.
On Thursday night, I knew that Joe would not be home until late after taking the train to Dallas for a conference, so we had a girls night out. Julie, Mom and I went to the little Italian restaurant in town. Mom wore about 6 necklaces and talked jumbled stuff to the owner about being Italian, speaking with an accent and about the Italian ladies at church, imitating them with her hands and accents.
This is only such a small part of our lives, of course. But they are precious memories to us. Sure, Mom spills her food, wears two different shoes, won't eat anything black or brown, etc. etc. etc. But even these are who and where she is and we get to be a part of it. When I think about what I could be writing about next year at this time, I know it will very possibly be something entirely different but no less precious to us. In many ways this year seems like an important Christmas season to me. We will probably put up our tree tomorrow and plan to decorate it not with the hundreds of individually wrapped fragile angel ornaments that I have collected over the years, but with the handmade decorations of our family.
Precious Moments. And just so I don't mislead you and you start petitioning the pope for my eventual sainthood, I will give you Joe's interpretation: "Better living through chemistry". A little Xanex goes a long way some days!
WE LOVE YOU!!!
During the day, Becky reports that Mom comes out of her room dressed with her jacket and purse ready to go pick Julie up from work. Since we began this, Mom has not spent as much time in her room other than for about 15 minutes at a time; I suspect it is because she does not want to miss going to pick Julie up from work. From Becky I know that Mom sits in the patio room in a rocking chair by the window and sings to her favorite Alan Jackson CD and plays with the dogs. Sometimes she sits in the Memory Room and Becky says that she has even sat on the sofa in the living room with her - which she never does when we are here. Becky is VERY high energy and it is difficult for her to just sit, but she has learned that if she gets up to do something, Mom will go back to her room. So she has practiced sitting with Mom when Mom wants to talk. I will include some of the statements from Becky's daily log to give you an idea who we live with these days. By the way, Becky gets Mom to change her pad and panties by refusing to go pick up Julie until she does. Mom pouts, puts on her stony, stubborn face. Becky tells her "you don't scare me!" And mom marches off to do what she was told to do. Becky follows her these days to make sure she does it too. Some daily notes: on Monday, she talked about wanting to go to church because she had not been since she got here; on Tuesday, Becky reported that her reception was iffy and words were jumbled; on Wednesday, Mom talked about her accidents, injuries and when she died (she meant Dinky), said she was going to kick Heidi's ass for pooping in her room and ate some sweet potato pie I had baked; on Thursday, Becky wrote "alert and receptive but still confused about when it's time to get Julie. Showed constant concern for my health because I had just given birth."; on another day, Becky wrote "seemed very confused and words were a mess. Words stayed a mess."
On Tuesday, Becky knew that I planned to take Mom to church for the Feast Day, so she talked to Mom about going to church when I got home and maybe she should get a shower. At some point mom said okay, so Becky went to get the water running and set out towels and stuff. She went back to the kitchen and let Mom know that the shower was ready and Mom did not know what she was talking about. Becky went through it again Mom said no. Becky tried some more and finally Mom got up and said "SHIT" and went to take her shower! I took her to church. She did not know why we were there, she said, but got into the swing of things.
On Thursday night, I knew that Joe would not be home until late after taking the train to Dallas for a conference, so we had a girls night out. Julie, Mom and I went to the little Italian restaurant in town. Mom wore about 6 necklaces and talked jumbled stuff to the owner about being Italian, speaking with an accent and about the Italian ladies at church, imitating them with her hands and accents.
This is only such a small part of our lives, of course. But they are precious memories to us. Sure, Mom spills her food, wears two different shoes, won't eat anything black or brown, etc. etc. etc. But even these are who and where she is and we get to be a part of it. When I think about what I could be writing about next year at this time, I know it will very possibly be something entirely different but no less precious to us. In many ways this year seems like an important Christmas season to me. We will probably put up our tree tomorrow and plan to decorate it not with the hundreds of individually wrapped fragile angel ornaments that I have collected over the years, but with the handmade decorations of our family.
Precious Moments. And just so I don't mislead you and you start petitioning the pope for my eventual sainthood, I will give you Joe's interpretation: "Better living through chemistry". A little Xanex goes a long way some days!
WE LOVE YOU!!!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
We Are Thankful
Happy Thanksgiving!
Joe was determined that just because it was just the four of us for dinner like it is everyday, he wanted a turkey dinner. So he made one. He did a great job and it really was special for everyone. We sat at the dining room table, Mom at one end and Joe and the other. Joe carved the turkey and we passed the dishes of mashed potatoes, green beans etc. after prayer and each saying what we are thankful for. Mom was thankful that we were all here together. As we passed the dishes, Mom took what she wanted and passed it on. (we usually fix a plate and put it in front of her because she frequently refuses foods if we let her choose) However, she took a little of everything mostly. At the end of the meal I asked if she wanted anything else and she did say that no, she had had enough and that she had some of everything. I advised her that she had skipped the green beans and that she needed to have some. She was a good sport and offered to eat one. And she did! Now Mom had eaten a little of everything. I am sure Mom does not know the significance of Thanksgiving or the connection to having turkey, but because we did it all together and have pecan pie for dessert, she is having a good day. I know that Mom is bored, laying in her bed, sitting at the table, wandering around. But there is little to engage her in and I have to admit, I am the worst for sitting with her and doing nothing. Or even puttering with her on her stuff and listening to her mostly made up stories. It was easier to do the first hundred or so times.
It is also difficult to let her be independent and I know that the more I do for her, the less opportunity she has to connect sequential thoughts. But we almost always have mishaps. Spilled coffee, dropped jar of jelly, creamer in her water, clothes on over pajamas. For instance, this morning, when Mom got up from the table to put the jelly in the refrigerator and the peanut butter in the cupboard, I took them from her and told her that I was going to use them. I had prepared a cup of coffee and let it sit on the counter by the coffee pot, which is on the same counter as the sink. I turned to fix my toast and Mom got up to take her glass, knife and spoon to the sink. I let it go, seeing her out of the corner of my eye. I turned with my toast to pick up my coffee and found her dirty silver ware in my coffee! Joe and I got an exasperated giggle out of it and I had milk instead. Mostly what we got out of it as we talked, was how precious these times are and the regret we have that others are missing out on these day to day moments.
Like earlier, as I sat with Mom at breakfast and stretched my fingers out and one of them cracked. Mom asked "can you fly now?" I assured her that I could now fly and someday I might just fly away with her. Mom was good with that, and although we noted the moment with our eyes, did not dwell on how we got to flying when my finger made a cracking noise!
Moments of Joy and Thankfulness! We are thankful to have this time with Mom. I wouldn't/couldn't have it any other way. We love you all for sharing this time with us by keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!
Joe was determined that just because it was just the four of us for dinner like it is everyday, he wanted a turkey dinner. So he made one. He did a great job and it really was special for everyone. We sat at the dining room table, Mom at one end and Joe and the other. Joe carved the turkey and we passed the dishes of mashed potatoes, green beans etc. after prayer and each saying what we are thankful for. Mom was thankful that we were all here together. As we passed the dishes, Mom took what she wanted and passed it on. (we usually fix a plate and put it in front of her because she frequently refuses foods if we let her choose) However, she took a little of everything mostly. At the end of the meal I asked if she wanted anything else and she did say that no, she had had enough and that she had some of everything. I advised her that she had skipped the green beans and that she needed to have some. She was a good sport and offered to eat one. And she did! Now Mom had eaten a little of everything. I am sure Mom does not know the significance of Thanksgiving or the connection to having turkey, but because we did it all together and have pecan pie for dessert, she is having a good day. I know that Mom is bored, laying in her bed, sitting at the table, wandering around. But there is little to engage her in and I have to admit, I am the worst for sitting with her and doing nothing. Or even puttering with her on her stuff and listening to her mostly made up stories. It was easier to do the first hundred or so times.
It is also difficult to let her be independent and I know that the more I do for her, the less opportunity she has to connect sequential thoughts. But we almost always have mishaps. Spilled coffee, dropped jar of jelly, creamer in her water, clothes on over pajamas. For instance, this morning, when Mom got up from the table to put the jelly in the refrigerator and the peanut butter in the cupboard, I took them from her and told her that I was going to use them. I had prepared a cup of coffee and let it sit on the counter by the coffee pot, which is on the same counter as the sink. I turned to fix my toast and Mom got up to take her glass, knife and spoon to the sink. I let it go, seeing her out of the corner of my eye. I turned with my toast to pick up my coffee and found her dirty silver ware in my coffee! Joe and I got an exasperated giggle out of it and I had milk instead. Mostly what we got out of it as we talked, was how precious these times are and the regret we have that others are missing out on these day to day moments.
Like earlier, as I sat with Mom at breakfast and stretched my fingers out and one of them cracked. Mom asked "can you fly now?" I assured her that I could now fly and someday I might just fly away with her. Mom was good with that, and although we noted the moment with our eyes, did not dwell on how we got to flying when my finger made a cracking noise!
Moments of Joy and Thankfulness! We are thankful to have this time with Mom. I wouldn't/couldn't have it any other way. We love you all for sharing this time with us by keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Nothing is Something
I know, it has been awhile. Maybe because, I worked on a perfectly good post almost two weeks ago and as I finished up, I hit a mystery key and in less than a blink of an eye - GONE - nowhere to be found! No draft, no minimized version at the bottom of my screen, no record of it that I could find. I add "that I could find" because it is quite possible that one of my computer savvy daughters would have known where to look and I wouldn't have been so disheartened.
This week what I have to write about Mom is NOTHING. Nada. No change. No drama. I guess that's something after all. So here are a few updates.
1. We had a regularly scheduled appointment with Dr. Birdwell. Mom is healing well. No pain
pills for over a week.
2. 6 month check-up with ophthomologist - no change, come back in 6 months.
3. Occasional nights when we awake to the kitchen light shining in through our bedroom door
to find Mom sitting at the kitchen table. I put her back to bed.
4. Receptive and expressive language is challenging for all of us. She gets frustrated when she
can't tell us what she wants to say.
5. Still dressing herself but not well. Sometimes we have pajamas over clothes or vice versa.
Frequently the top is different from the pants and all are different from the socks. She likes
to be color coordinated and has even in the past hung her clothes according to color.
6. Is very bored. Mom sleeps or sits at the kitchen table. We have found that when we sit there
with her or work in the kitchen, she will sit there. Conversation is difficult because Mom does
not understand what we are saying and she has a difficult time responding if she does
understand us. The minute we leave the room to do something else, she is in bed. Crafty
activities have ceased. We try to give her little things to do to "help out" from her chair at the
table, but mostly she is unable to follow through.
7. Mom likes going places. She and Becky have been picking Julie up from work every day. Joe
takes her to the grocery store (to push the cart he says) but she tires easily. I am quite less
inclined to take Mom anywhere but church on Saturdays after I have personally watched her
shower and put on clean panties and pad. Otherwise, she quite frankly, can smell like a dirty
diaper. Unless I get in her face and stand right there with her, Mom will not change her
underwear or pad. The week before last, Becky let me know that when she told Mom to
change her pad and/panties, Mom had done so. But when I went to Mom's drawer one
morning, I found 3 opened pads that Becky had handed to her and a wadded up pair of
panties stashed under the socks. Becky and I chuckled and wondered how so much of her
thought process is lost, but the devious part is still in tact!
8. Some days it must seem to Mom that my only interaction with her is negative. You can't be
mean to the dog. You can't go outside now, it is dark and cold. You have to change your pad,
you don't smell very good. You have to have some dinner before you have ice cream. Stop
picking at your skin, you have sores and blood all over your arm. There are germs under
your fingernails. Please wash your hands again, you just went to the bathroom. It is NEVER
ending.
9. Joe is clearly not as rigid as I am. And, I don't know if any of you have ever noticed or put it
together, but Mom likes men. Not a newsflash, I know, but if there is a man in sight, she is
there, being sweet, touching, hugging, flirting...It's shameless! I know now that Mom has
always been like this, but it did not affect me. Given now that I know my parents were never
married, Mom was married before and has some mystery history there and some other stuff,
I have pretty much decided that our family was pretty much the "white trash" that Mom
called other people! (boy, I haven't heard that term in years)
So, I have rattled on long enough. Before I turn this into a dumping ground instead of an update on Mom, I'll say that we are all well and blessed and thankful this Thanksgiving week. I have been thinking of Thanksgiving as just a much needed long weekend for me. But Joe brought home a BIG turkey from Kroger's so I am thinking he has another agenda. We do love you ALL.
This week what I have to write about Mom is NOTHING. Nada. No change. No drama. I guess that's something after all. So here are a few updates.
1. We had a regularly scheduled appointment with Dr. Birdwell. Mom is healing well. No pain
pills for over a week.
2. 6 month check-up with ophthomologist - no change, come back in 6 months.
3. Occasional nights when we awake to the kitchen light shining in through our bedroom door
to find Mom sitting at the kitchen table. I put her back to bed.
4. Receptive and expressive language is challenging for all of us. She gets frustrated when she
can't tell us what she wants to say.
5. Still dressing herself but not well. Sometimes we have pajamas over clothes or vice versa.
Frequently the top is different from the pants and all are different from the socks. She likes
to be color coordinated and has even in the past hung her clothes according to color.
6. Is very bored. Mom sleeps or sits at the kitchen table. We have found that when we sit there
with her or work in the kitchen, she will sit there. Conversation is difficult because Mom does
not understand what we are saying and she has a difficult time responding if she does
understand us. The minute we leave the room to do something else, she is in bed. Crafty
activities have ceased. We try to give her little things to do to "help out" from her chair at the
table, but mostly she is unable to follow through.
7. Mom likes going places. She and Becky have been picking Julie up from work every day. Joe
takes her to the grocery store (to push the cart he says) but she tires easily. I am quite less
inclined to take Mom anywhere but church on Saturdays after I have personally watched her
shower and put on clean panties and pad. Otherwise, she quite frankly, can smell like a dirty
diaper. Unless I get in her face and stand right there with her, Mom will not change her
underwear or pad. The week before last, Becky let me know that when she told Mom to
change her pad and/panties, Mom had done so. But when I went to Mom's drawer one
morning, I found 3 opened pads that Becky had handed to her and a wadded up pair of
panties stashed under the socks. Becky and I chuckled and wondered how so much of her
thought process is lost, but the devious part is still in tact!
8. Some days it must seem to Mom that my only interaction with her is negative. You can't be
mean to the dog. You can't go outside now, it is dark and cold. You have to change your pad,
you don't smell very good. You have to have some dinner before you have ice cream. Stop
picking at your skin, you have sores and blood all over your arm. There are germs under
your fingernails. Please wash your hands again, you just went to the bathroom. It is NEVER
ending.
9. Joe is clearly not as rigid as I am. And, I don't know if any of you have ever noticed or put it
together, but Mom likes men. Not a newsflash, I know, but if there is a man in sight, she is
there, being sweet, touching, hugging, flirting...It's shameless! I know now that Mom has
always been like this, but it did not affect me. Given now that I know my parents were never
married, Mom was married before and has some mystery history there and some other stuff,
I have pretty much decided that our family was pretty much the "white trash" that Mom
called other people! (boy, I haven't heard that term in years)
So, I have rattled on long enough. Before I turn this into a dumping ground instead of an update on Mom, I'll say that we are all well and blessed and thankful this Thanksgiving week. I have been thinking of Thanksgiving as just a much needed long weekend for me. But Joe brought home a BIG turkey from Kroger's so I am thinking he has another agenda. We do love you ALL.
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