Yes, it was church and IHOP last night. It was kind of an off day too. Mom rested a lot and did not connect very much - not at mass or at IHOP where the people know her and interact with her. Mom really just looked at everyone not knowing what they were saying or how to respond. At mass, she connected little with responses, prayers, people and songs. When we got home, she went straight to bed. Some moments of joy yesterday were with the puppy in her room. After Mom's shower, I brought Heidi in to run around. Mom and I laughed a lot as the puppy dragged off her slippers - which are bigger than she is!. Mom loves that puppy - but when she has had enough, she has had enough and puts the puppy in the patio room with the door closed. I have given Mom the job of making sure the puppy goes outside to potty every two hours when we are at work. She likes to hold the puppy in her arms where, if the Heidi is tired, will fall asleep as Mom rocks her and tries to sing Rock-a-bye Baby. This morning, I gave Mom a bowl of strawberries to clean. She chose a couple to go with her pancakes that Joe made for her!
Joe and I are off to shop for a new washer and dryer - we cannot ignore any longer the slow death of our current appliances. (The refrigerator has stopped giving us water too - it's a mutiny)
I'll be in touch again soon!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Moments of Joy
Just an addendum to yesterday's post. I suspect that Mom's hip did not hurt so much, but that she was upset about the changes. Yesterday went much better for everyone. Today had the potential for going sour but I left early from the Alzheimer's Symposium I was attending take Mom to the craft store. She has been waiting for me to do this for several days when I get home from work. So we went and Mom is back at "her desk" doing her thing.
The Alzheimer's Symposium was sponsored by the Area Agency on Agency and the Alzheimer's Society. I went last year also. There is always a lot of great information. This year the keynote speakers focused on Early Onset Alzheimer's - diagnosed under the age of 65. The breakout sessions were on a variety of topics including meeting the medical and safety needs of a person with dementia, focusing on vitality and capability, when mental illness and dementia meet and meeting the challenges of different types of dementia. I hope that if you every get to attend something like this, that you take advantage of it. In this case, there was no fee for caregivers.
One of the sessions I went to was called Finding Moments of Joy. It was very good - affirming and entertaining. The speaker talked about being able to go to the bathroom and close the door without someone following her or after a few minutes calling for her. There were other examples, many I could relate to. All with a touch of humor. Sometimes I do get caught up in the accommodations, fatigue, frustration and sadness of it all. But I want to assure ALL of you that this family has more than its share of Moments of Joy. One of mine was last Saturday night at mass when we prayed the Our Father and once it got started, Mom was able to say the entire thing straight through. As I stood next to her where I can coach her on these things that she has known for the past 50 years, I just had to be silent and listen to her with joy and praise in my heart. Moments of Joy!
The Alzheimer's Symposium was sponsored by the Area Agency on Agency and the Alzheimer's Society. I went last year also. There is always a lot of great information. This year the keynote speakers focused on Early Onset Alzheimer's - diagnosed under the age of 65. The breakout sessions were on a variety of topics including meeting the medical and safety needs of a person with dementia, focusing on vitality and capability, when mental illness and dementia meet and meeting the challenges of different types of dementia. I hope that if you every get to attend something like this, that you take advantage of it. In this case, there was no fee for caregivers.
One of the sessions I went to was called Finding Moments of Joy. It was very good - affirming and entertaining. The speaker talked about being able to go to the bathroom and close the door without someone following her or after a few minutes calling for her. There were other examples, many I could relate to. All with a touch of humor. Sometimes I do get caught up in the accommodations, fatigue, frustration and sadness of it all. But I want to assure ALL of you that this family has more than its share of Moments of Joy. One of mine was last Saturday night at mass when we prayed the Our Father and once it got started, Mom was able to say the entire thing straight through. As I stood next to her where I can coach her on these things that she has known for the past 50 years, I just had to be silent and listen to her with joy and praise in my heart. Moments of Joy!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Change is hard, but some things never change!
There are probably a number of things I could have been writing about, but the truth is, that by the time I get home from work, take care of Mom stuff like dinner, shower and laundry and she goes to bed, I am exhausted and still have a number of things to before I get to bed. But tonight in spite of exhaustion and because of the commitment that I have made to do this, I want to catch you up on a few things. I'll start with the most recent news! Joe started a new job yesterday under contract with Lockheed. This means a GREAT deal. But in regards to Mom, it means that she is with the caregiver all day. I've written about Janice and how she came into our lives. She was with Mom yesterday and today. Yesterday did not go well at all. Mom was in a foul mood and ranted all day about me and how I moved her here and she hates it. When Janice tried to give her a shower, Mom adamantly and angrily refused saying that she had a shower on Tuesday - which she did not. At my suggestion, Janice tried to get her to wash her hair. Mom refused and went off about she has been washing her own hair all her life and no one had to tell her to or help her. Janice even tried to bribe her with ice cream - no go. I had told Janice that Mom likes to go to Goodwill, so she coaxed her out to Goodwill. Mom went in but she sat on a sofa there and refused to look around. Janice tried to engage her but had no luck. By the time I got home, Mom was complaining that her hip hurt had been hurting during the day. She said that she probably hurt it "the other day" but I could not determine when that could have been and she did not tell anyone. Mom did not want to go to the emergency room or to the doctor. In fact, it seemed that her hip was just fine as we talked and she was quite agreeable to taking a shower. After a night's rest, it went better today. We have some bugs to work out yet but one day at a time.
In other news, we have a new member of the family that Mom has taken to. We have a 9 week old Chaweenie we named Heidi! She is so little, cute, energetic and BUSY. Mom likes how she nuzzles and falls asleep on her shoulder. It has been a good thing for Mom - a little bit more challenging for the rest of us, including our 11 year old Yorkie. (Chaweenie - part dachshund and part Chihuahua)
The past two Friday nights have been Fish Fry nights at church. Mom does well meeting people for the first time every week! We go early when there is light attendance. Mom says she does not like catfish but thinks the "whitefish" is very good.
Other than that, I guess everything else is the same. Mom has not developed a sudden liking or patience for Stacey and family - or the cockatoos - or vegetables or purple.
And in Mom's almost infamous words, "and that's the way it is."
In other news, we have a new member of the family that Mom has taken to. We have a 9 week old Chaweenie we named Heidi! She is so little, cute, energetic and BUSY. Mom likes how she nuzzles and falls asleep on her shoulder. It has been a good thing for Mom - a little bit more challenging for the rest of us, including our 11 year old Yorkie. (Chaweenie - part dachshund and part Chihuahua)
The past two Friday nights have been Fish Fry nights at church. Mom does well meeting people for the first time every week! We go early when there is light attendance. Mom says she does not like catfish but thinks the "whitefish" is very good.
Other than that, I guess everything else is the same. Mom has not developed a sudden liking or patience for Stacey and family - or the cockatoos - or vegetables or purple.
And in Mom's almost infamous words, "and that's the way it is."
Thursday, March 12, 2009
On track!
So, just a few updates this week. Anything that happens here of course affects Mom and this week, it was another knee surgery for Haley. Feb. 24 was the first day that we allowed Haley to go out on her own since the last knee surgery in December. This past Saturday, Joe let her out on her own in the backyard and she came limping in - having torn the ligament in her other knee! So, Mom and Joe took her to the surgeon in Dallas yesterday and I picked her up today. Joe took Mom to the podiatrist today and she thought that they were going to go pick up Haley. When they came straight home, Mom pouted until I got home with the dog. Mom makes over Haley like she makes over small children and I was certain that with Haley on pain medication and not feeling well, that she just might nip at Mom if she got too annoying. Both are doing well now.
Mom is busy during the days with her crafts of course. Joe takes her with him whenever he has to go somewhere so she has been getting out a little. I am trying to schedule a day to have the new caregiver here to get acquainted with Mom and her routine. I have not yet presented all of this to Mom - there is no room for discussion and it won't help anyone to address it over and over in the coming week. Next weekend we will prepare her when Joe is about to begin his job.
The night before last, Mom went to bed at 7 and was up at 9 ready to work on her crafts. I went to bed and Joe was hard pressed to convince her that she should go to back to bed. She was insisting that she had to wait for me to get home. Joe assured her that I was already home and had gone to bed. Finally at 11:30 she decided she was tired and it was time to go to bed!
Mom has been having even more difficulty with language - speaking and understanding. We go a lot of guessing and speak simply, slowly and directly to her. She was telling Joe about a friend who lives in Alaska yesterday. He came to me to clarify exactly who it was that lives in Alaska.
All in all, we are all doing very well! Mom has Haley back home! We are back on track for now - whatever track she is on, at least! Love you all!
Mom is busy during the days with her crafts of course. Joe takes her with him whenever he has to go somewhere so she has been getting out a little. I am trying to schedule a day to have the new caregiver here to get acquainted with Mom and her routine. I have not yet presented all of this to Mom - there is no room for discussion and it won't help anyone to address it over and over in the coming week. Next weekend we will prepare her when Joe is about to begin his job.
The night before last, Mom went to bed at 7 and was up at 9 ready to work on her crafts. I went to bed and Joe was hard pressed to convince her that she should go to back to bed. She was insisting that she had to wait for me to get home. Joe assured her that I was already home and had gone to bed. Finally at 11:30 she decided she was tired and it was time to go to bed!
Mom has been having even more difficulty with language - speaking and understanding. We go a lot of guessing and speak simply, slowly and directly to her. She was telling Joe about a friend who lives in Alaska yesterday. He came to me to clarify exactly who it was that lives in Alaska.
All in all, we are all doing very well! Mom has Haley back home! We are back on track for now - whatever track she is on, at least! Love you all!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Time of Her Life
And time goes by. A few details have come up that spell change in the coming days. Joe starts a job on March 24. That means that I have to get serious about finding a caregiver. Mom continues to decline in many ways but in no way in particular. She is not as talkative as she used to be nor is she as responsive to people talking to her unless we get near her, get her attention and speak simply. And if she is talkative, it is mostly jumbled. Deena talks to her every Saturday and can probably tell you some stories about the phone calls. One night last week Mom went to be at her normal time and at 1:00 in the morning I heard her rumbling around in her room (via the baby monitor). I went to check on her and there she was going through her necklaces, butterfly jewelry and stuff on her dresser. She informed me that she had had enough sleep and was ready to get up. I let her know that it was the middle of the night and that I was going back to bed. I checked her pills and realized that she had not taken them before bed. We gave her the meds and she went back to bed and back to sleep. Other than that, we are hard pressed to keep her in crafting materials and we go two or three times a week to replenish her supply. You can all expect an Easter package! If you have the addresses of others we can share with, like Dennis, please send it to me.
So back to the caregiver thing...It has become obvious that we need more than an elderly companion for Mom. Not as much as a support for her but a support for us. I need someone who will assist her with bathing, dressing in clean clothes, etc. That would really support me in that I won't have to do it in the evenings and schedule it around the few outside activities I have and I won't worry about her having an infection or skin breakdown from being in a soiled Poise pad and underwear all day. And she will get out of the house instead of sitting all day in her office! Well, today while Mom napped, I went to Michael's to pick up more supplies for her. As I checked out, I mentioned that I had forgotten to bring my discount coupon and added that I am in the store every week for these supplies for my 79 year old mother with Alzheimer's. The clerk gave me the discount anyway and out of the blue mentioned that she cleans houses to supplement her job at Michael's where she is recently getting only 5 hours a week. She added that if I needed someone to clean my house, she was available. I took a moment and then asked her if she had ever done care giving to an elderly person. She said that she had done it for a lady with Alzheimer's at one time. I took her number and agreed to call her later in the day. And I did. Janice came over to the house and we talked and she met Mom. Janice lives in Crowley, has grown children nearby and dotes on her grandchildren. She is probably my age - I didn't ask. It looks like we are going to give it a try - and get my house cleaned too! I'll keep you posted.
Other than that, it was church and IHOP last night and Mom always enjoys both! She makes the sign of the cross backward or in the air the way the priest does; she sings the songs with different, unrelated words to them; she tries to get the children behind us in trouble by playing with them during the service; and once the Lord's Prayer gets started with me saying it right to her, she can usually finish it with feeling! I went to Claire's today and found some butterfly rings for her and a butterfly necklace - she was overjoyed and thanked me and thanked me! With temperatures in the 80's this past week, Mom enjoyed getting out to sit on the swing in the backyard with me.
Last time I blogged, I ended by saying that it was all good. What I should have said is that IT IS ALL GOD!!! We love you all. Thank-you for you thoughts and prayers.
So back to the caregiver thing...It has become obvious that we need more than an elderly companion for Mom. Not as much as a support for her but a support for us. I need someone who will assist her with bathing, dressing in clean clothes, etc. That would really support me in that I won't have to do it in the evenings and schedule it around the few outside activities I have and I won't worry about her having an infection or skin breakdown from being in a soiled Poise pad and underwear all day. And she will get out of the house instead of sitting all day in her office! Well, today while Mom napped, I went to Michael's to pick up more supplies for her. As I checked out, I mentioned that I had forgotten to bring my discount coupon and added that I am in the store every week for these supplies for my 79 year old mother with Alzheimer's. The clerk gave me the discount anyway and out of the blue mentioned that she cleans houses to supplement her job at Michael's where she is recently getting only 5 hours a week. She added that if I needed someone to clean my house, she was available. I took a moment and then asked her if she had ever done care giving to an elderly person. She said that she had done it for a lady with Alzheimer's at one time. I took her number and agreed to call her later in the day. And I did. Janice came over to the house and we talked and she met Mom. Janice lives in Crowley, has grown children nearby and dotes on her grandchildren. She is probably my age - I didn't ask. It looks like we are going to give it a try - and get my house cleaned too! I'll keep you posted.
Other than that, it was church and IHOP last night and Mom always enjoys both! She makes the sign of the cross backward or in the air the way the priest does; she sings the songs with different, unrelated words to them; she tries to get the children behind us in trouble by playing with them during the service; and once the Lord's Prayer gets started with me saying it right to her, she can usually finish it with feeling! I went to Claire's today and found some butterfly rings for her and a butterfly necklace - she was overjoyed and thanked me and thanked me! With temperatures in the 80's this past week, Mom enjoyed getting out to sit on the swing in the backyard with me.
Last time I blogged, I ended by saying that it was all good. What I should have said is that IT IS ALL GOD!!! We love you all. Thank-you for you thoughts and prayers.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
It's All Good
What a mellow week. Of course, one of the first things we had to do when we returned from Louisiana was to go to Michael's for more supplies. We have had several very nice days this past week so when I went back to work on Wednesday, I left direction for Joe that Mom was to get out of the house - even if it was just to to the backyard to the gazebo or swing. And she did. Joe is Mom's primary companion still. It's saving Mom $80 a day by not needing someone to come in, but he is honestly not a very good care GIVER. Because Mom is in bed when I leave for work, she dresses by herself. Joe does not tend to things like making sure Mom has clean panties and a fresh pad on. Or even clean clothes. Joe dresses himself too - which is often in whatever he has been working in all week. And then they go out in PUBLIC! Crowley is a small town! Between CVS pharmacy, Kroger and the Waffle House, I usually just hope they don't run into anyone who knows us! When Joe goes back to work, I hope to find someone who will assist Mom with bathing, dressing and hygiene like soaking her teeth (which I have not been able to get her to do). And maybe even do a little light housework - Joe doesn't do that either... but for now, they are good companions and manage to take care of each other.
And the big news I guess is that at IHOP last night, Mom ordered chicken noodle soup, not strawberry-topped pancakes! But I ordered and omelet with two pancakes. When I asked for an extra plate to share a pancake with Mom, our favorite waitress brought not only an extra plate but a small dish of strawberries and whipped cream for her!
That's our story for this week! It's all good!
And the big news I guess is that at IHOP last night, Mom ordered chicken noodle soup, not strawberry-topped pancakes! But I ordered and omelet with two pancakes. When I asked for an extra plate to share a pancake with Mom, our favorite waitress brought not only an extra plate but a small dish of strawberries and whipped cream for her!
That's our story for this week! It's all good!
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