So maybe I left you all hanging for a few days, worried sick about Mom's status... Well, I'm sure you weren't worried sick but at least were maybe more aware of the insidious progression of Alzheimer's. Mom has bounced back to some extent, but Joe and I believe the lapse the other day is another symptom of the progressive decline we have seen this past year. Today, he and I have moved our laptops to her office - the three of us at the dining room table - Joe desperately seeking employment and me avoiding getting lunch ready.
Mom has been napping a lot this week coming out of her room to sit in her "office" doing crafts, talking to the dog and gazing out of the window. Joe is in his office a lot and not very entertaining or engaging for her. We had some really warm days this week so he was able to take her to lunch and to the craft store, which she totally enjoyed. (The Waffle House is their lunch spot) A good day for Mom is when she gets to go somewhere or someone comes to play with her. I say that she has bounced back a bit because her eyes are bright she responds to simple conversation with her - not necessarily on the same track as the conversation - but a heartfelt attempt no less.
And you know that it was church and IHOP last night. If we ever have trivia questions about what is on their menu, Joe and I would win! That part aside, Mom was engaged and singing in church, greeting everyone, waving to people from the pew and clapping her hands to the music. She was adorned with her butterfly necklaces, bracelets and rings - which everyone notices and comments on - she loves it! At IHOP, Mom studied the menu and decided to have something different. We joked and teased - Joe reminding her of liver and onions and me sounding shocked and surprised. Given a minute to talk to Courtney, our weekly waitress, Mom asked about something on the menu that said 5 pancakes and asked how big they were. Courtney said they were kind of big but they could make them smaller - or maybe she just wanted 3 instead.(Courtney serves us every week in the same booth and knows that this is her usual of course.) Mom agreed to either one and asked what they put on top of the pancakes. Courtney advised her that she could have anything she wanted - did she want syrup or maybe strawberries? Mom said that strawberries sounded good. See what I mean about kind of bouncing back? It was if Mom did not remember that she orders that every week and that has been the theme with most everything since her bad day earlier in the week.
Well, Joe is still unemployed and we still have not had lunch! Mom is waiting to take her nap until after lunch and we do try not to deviate from schedules too much! Love you ALL.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Days of Our Lives
Not a good day for Mom. She went to bed by 7 last night as usual but was up by 11:00 convinced that Julie and I had left for work and it was time to get up. Joe tried to get her to go back to bed but she sat at the table doing her crafts until after 1. Joe dozed in the recliner where he was near her. Mom was up again sometime before 5:30 and was in the kitchen. Then, when I went to the kitchen at 6:30ish, Mom came out of her room fully dressed. We made light of it as I subtly questioned her about how well she slept. Mom was very confused and not making sense with her answers. She was very quiet eating her breakfast and kept looking vacantly at me across the table. Light conversation failed. Before I actually left, I questioned her about who would be home with her today - she answered several times that it was just her, she would be alone, just her... When I asked her who Joe was, she did not know. When I asked if she knew who I was, she also did not know. BUT Mom told me that her name was Marjorie Marie Ventura! Mom was like this all day, napping and wandering - compliant but not connected. I tried to keep her up late so I delayed giving her a shower until 7 but she was in bed right after that.
Monday was good though! I was off for the holiday. Mom did not connect any of that, but when I greeted her that morning, she announced that she needed to go shopping. She did not know for what, but she needed to go. So, after breakfast, she and I went to one of her favorite stores, Goodwill. When I told her where we were going, she did not know what Goodwill was. After purchasing a jacket there we went to Michael's to get some more craft supplies and Mom stayed busy sorting and creating the rest of the day.
I hope that you have all read up on Alzheimer's by now and you know that this is part of it all. The difference between today and other days was the vacancy in her thoughts, speech, and eyes all day. I am sure that after a good night's sleep she'll be back to her old ditsy self doing crafts and trying to out banter Joe. I'll keep you posted. And if you haven't read about Alzheimer's/dementia - please do it - it could happen to you. Love you all!
Monday was good though! I was off for the holiday. Mom did not connect any of that, but when I greeted her that morning, she announced that she needed to go shopping. She did not know for what, but she needed to go. So, after breakfast, she and I went to one of her favorite stores, Goodwill. When I told her where we were going, she did not know what Goodwill was. After purchasing a jacket there we went to Michael's to get some more craft supplies and Mom stayed busy sorting and creating the rest of the day.
I hope that you have all read up on Alzheimer's by now and you know that this is part of it all. The difference between today and other days was the vacancy in her thoughts, speech, and eyes all day. I am sure that after a good night's sleep she'll be back to her old ditsy self doing crafts and trying to out banter Joe. I'll keep you posted. And if you haven't read about Alzheimer's/dementia - please do it - it could happen to you. Love you all!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I'll take the Usual.
It was church and IHOP last night of course. I don't know who is worse, Mom who mostly does not remember or Joe who messes with what little mind she has left! We sit in the same booth and have the same waitress every week, although they all know us. Mom looked at the menu and decided she would have her "usual." Joe agreed that her "usual" liver and onions was a good choice. It take her a minute to think about that before she knew that was not her usual. But when the waitress came over and asked her what she wanted, Mom was able to tell her that she did not want liver and onions but wanted "3 pancakes with strawberries on top and don't forget to put some of the strawberry sauce on the plate before putting the pancakes down so that they would not stick to the plate." Of course, Mom was not quite as eloquent because she does not have the words to express all of that clearly, but the waitress knew the routine. Sometimes he gets away with stuff like this because she mostly does not remember that she did not like blueberries, broccoli or peas and eats them for him when he tells her he is fixing her favorites.
I know that I have told you all how much the notes and cards mean to Mom. She has been saying for some time that she needs to respond back to you but Mom is just unable to connect enough thoughts to write notes herself. Daily we talk about who the cards are from and almost daily Mom brings out a picture of everyone lined up in Bonnie's driveway at her 70th birthday party or a picture taken at a reunion in recent years and wants to know who those people are. So, on Saturday morning she and I sat at the table and I helped her create some special gifts for you. I wrote the names in big letters on a piece of cardboard and she worked on the project most of the day. And, because you all were so shy about requesting samples of her work (or worried that we were squandering your inheritance, Deena) that I included a few other pieces in the packages. No, really, it is our pleasure and the postage is on me. Be sure to check your mail in the coming days for a specially prepared gift just for you! Now, only a few of you reading this will get one, so those of you who do not will just have to watch your mail for only Publisher's Clearing House! That's all I'm saying about that!
It's almost 7:00 and we are having our "usual". Mom has had her ice cream and is cleaning up her colors and stuff at the table. Her clean clothes are in the dryer, maybe I can get her to fold and put them away before she goes to bed. If not, we will fluff them again and try tomorrow. If your ears are burning, it's because we are looking at the pictures again or another note has arrived and I am reviewing how many people love her and want to tell her so. The Usual. And we love all of you!!
I know that I have told you all how much the notes and cards mean to Mom. She has been saying for some time that she needs to respond back to you but Mom is just unable to connect enough thoughts to write notes herself. Daily we talk about who the cards are from and almost daily Mom brings out a picture of everyone lined up in Bonnie's driveway at her 70th birthday party or a picture taken at a reunion in recent years and wants to know who those people are. So, on Saturday morning she and I sat at the table and I helped her create some special gifts for you. I wrote the names in big letters on a piece of cardboard and she worked on the project most of the day. And, because you all were so shy about requesting samples of her work (or worried that we were squandering your inheritance, Deena) that I included a few other pieces in the packages. No, really, it is our pleasure and the postage is on me. Be sure to check your mail in the coming days for a specially prepared gift just for you! Now, only a few of you reading this will get one, so those of you who do not will just have to watch your mail for only Publisher's Clearing House! That's all I'm saying about that!
It's almost 7:00 and we are having our "usual". Mom has had her ice cream and is cleaning up her colors and stuff at the table. Her clean clothes are in the dryer, maybe I can get her to fold and put them away before she goes to bed. If not, we will fluff them again and try tomorrow. If your ears are burning, it's because we are looking at the pictures again or another note has arrived and I am reviewing how many people love her and want to tell her so. The Usual. And we love all of you!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Your're Just Too Big!
Again, thank-you for the cards. The beautiful butterfly card that Mom got from Sonya yesterday evoked some discussion and a small, sad reality. It was addressed inside to Aunt Marge which took us to a new area of what Mom does not remember. We talked about her family and I told her all of her sisters and brother’s names and where they live and as much as I could remember about where all of the cousins are. I told her how she knew Sonya and the girls and how we had gone to Kim’s wedding in New York. We talked about her nieces and nephews and different events and she was sure that if she could see them, she would know who they are. Mom wondered how I knew “all that” about where her family is so I assured her that ya’ll (sorry Erin) haven’t moved in many years and the notes she is getting has your return address on them. Mom was visibly disturbed at the reality she is facing – more and more of her memory is slipping away. Mom has been in major denial about this up until 4 or 5 months ago. She has been able to accept that she has a “memory problem” and last night we talked a little more about it and called it Alzheimer’s, for which there is no cure. That was the sad reality. I continued to assure her that it was really okay that she did not remember all of those people and it could be enough to know that they remember her. I suggested that we would be okay unless my memory problem got worse. She added laughingly that Joe would have his hands full if that happened! Mom also pronounced her family “just too big!”
Sunday, January 11, 2009
?, ? and Deena
Thank-you all for sending her notes last week. Mom got mail almost every- day. She did not have a clue who the notes and cards were from but we went over all of them every day - even the ones from Christmas. On Friday morning, Mom was headed out of her room as I was leaving for work. She was clutching with both hands, an envelope she had received in the mail the previous day trying to tell me that she did not know who the mail was from. She was almost anxious. I had not spent any time with her on Thursday night because I met with friends for dinner and Mom was in bed when I got home. So I delayed leaving and sat with Mom to look at the mail. I tries many ways to get her to connect - "who is it addressed to?" MOM "does the name Bonnie mean anything" Brow furrowed and a NO. "How about Bonnie Jean?" Head shakes NO. Mumbles NO. How about Bonnie of Cheryl, Bonnie and Deena?" - At this point, Julie retrieved a picture from the living room of the three of us sitting together a couple of years ago. "Who is in this picture?" Deena - by now I just pointed that Mom has three daughters and pointed to the picture, naming each one. Mom did not agree or disagree but pretty much did an "if you say so." (I guess Deena was an "only child!") There were also pictures of snow in Bonnie's yard. Julie was impressed - Mom not so much! Also a picture of James and Mom at her birthday party. No idea at all. I went on to explain that Mom had a brother, Roger and this was his son, and they were best friends and James loved her very much. Nothing. Then I told her about Roger and the horses and he died of a heart attack and was found on the road by a neighbor. That rang a bell of sorts. She did remember about somebody she knew running after some people on the property and falling over a fence and...being discovered by someone. Her response to me was "why didn't you say that in the first place?" I left for work! These memory stumpers have become the rule rather than the exception now. We just try to keep her connected to something or someone.
On another note, we are anticipating some changes in the coming weeks as Joe will probably be employed. He has been approached a number of times about a job in Corpus Christi with the navy and last week they made him an official offer and expect him to begin work later in the month. He did not officially accept the job but left this morning to drive 8 hours to check it out in person. Joe has another job interview on Wednesday in Dallas and will make a final decision by next Friday. If nothing else comes up, I expect he will accept the Corpus Christi job and we will support him from here. Given his job history, you know I'm not going to give up by "low paying" but steady employment of almost 14 years without some pretty good convincing. And that will take at least a year, I am sure! I will certainly keep you posted! In the meantime, Mom will tolerate me if only because I know Joe (or George or whoever he is) and he will be back here at some time and then her life will make sense again. It could almost lead me to wish that Deena was an only child! Okay, Okay, I'm sure I'm not the first to go there - right Bonnie?
On another note, we are anticipating some changes in the coming weeks as Joe will probably be employed. He has been approached a number of times about a job in Corpus Christi with the navy and last week they made him an official offer and expect him to begin work later in the month. He did not officially accept the job but left this morning to drive 8 hours to check it out in person. Joe has another job interview on Wednesday in Dallas and will make a final decision by next Friday. If nothing else comes up, I expect he will accept the Corpus Christi job and we will support him from here. Given his job history, you know I'm not going to give up by "low paying" but steady employment of almost 14 years without some pretty good convincing. And that will take at least a year, I am sure! I will certainly keep you posted! In the meantime, Mom will tolerate me if only because I know Joe (or George or whoever he is) and he will be back here at some time and then her life will make sense again. It could almost lead me to wish that Deena was an only child! Okay, Okay, I'm sure I'm not the first to go there - right Bonnie?
Monday, January 5, 2009
And so it goes...
She is restless; getting into her “stuff” and trying to remember. Over the past couple of days Mom has retrieved coin folders from the top of her closet looking for her white pennies. She has pulled from her drawer an old zipper bag with “important” papers like payments for the truck she and daddy bought in the late 70’s I think. And newspaper clippings and pictures of people she does not remember including a newspaper picture of daddy from the same time frame. She has pulled out letters from people like our old next door neighbor, Mrs. Dowler and of course did not know who that was; Even a lot of her craft stuff – arranged in piles all over the dining room table. This happens every few weeks, mostly when she is bored or confining herself to her room for some reason.
Mom had managed to rescue a number of shallow boxes from things that came in the mail over the holidays and put her various craft pieces in them. They were on the spare bed and on the floor last week when I informed her that her supplies needed to go into the special chest of drawers I had put in her room for just that purpose rather than be on the floor because it was not safe for her to walk in her room. I did mention this several times but did not go in there and do it. The other day she seemed to be puttering in her room more than usual so I checked on her. She let me know that she was emptying the boxes for me. A short time later, she made not one, but two separate walks to the other end of the house to find me and toss the boxes at me to remark “here are the boxes you wanted.” Joe and I exchanged puzzled, amused looks. So now her craft stuff, when it is not in a huge tote bag or spread out on the table or bed, is in the chest in her room.
After dinner tonight, Mom was trying to tell me about some craft she had done today but being unable to make out what she was talking about, I tried to fill in the gaps. She was excited about it so she told me to stay there while she went to get it. Mom brought back one of the things she had purchased when out for her friends for lunch. It was one of small tin butterflies that she insisted she did not purchase because "what would I do with 6 butterflies?" Anyway, she had tried painting one of them - it was originally a muted yellow with some green and blue outlining some of it. But she had used some paints she had to paint it up. I told her how beautiful it was and it is going to hang on the wall of my office. If anyone wants some of her crafts, I am taking orders! Maybe I can get some pictures on this blog soon. No, I'm serious about taking orders! We have more than we need. Let me know!
Mom had managed to rescue a number of shallow boxes from things that came in the mail over the holidays and put her various craft pieces in them. They were on the spare bed and on the floor last week when I informed her that her supplies needed to go into the special chest of drawers I had put in her room for just that purpose rather than be on the floor because it was not safe for her to walk in her room. I did mention this several times but did not go in there and do it. The other day she seemed to be puttering in her room more than usual so I checked on her. She let me know that she was emptying the boxes for me. A short time later, she made not one, but two separate walks to the other end of the house to find me and toss the boxes at me to remark “here are the boxes you wanted.” Joe and I exchanged puzzled, amused looks. So now her craft stuff, when it is not in a huge tote bag or spread out on the table or bed, is in the chest in her room.
After dinner tonight, Mom was trying to tell me about some craft she had done today but being unable to make out what she was talking about, I tried to fill in the gaps. She was excited about it so she told me to stay there while she went to get it. Mom brought back one of the things she had purchased when out for her friends for lunch. It was one of small tin butterflies that she insisted she did not purchase because "what would I do with 6 butterflies?" Anyway, she had tried painting one of them - it was originally a muted yellow with some green and blue outlining some of it. But she had used some paints she had to paint it up. I told her how beautiful it was and it is going to hang on the wall of my office. If anyone wants some of her crafts, I am taking orders! Maybe I can get some pictures on this blog soon. No, I'm serious about taking orders! We have more than we need. Let me know!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Chuckles
I am still chuckling! First, thank you all for your comments. Aunt Dolly, you described my life! I am sure you can picture me smelling her pants and checking the fronts of her tops for her dribbles!
And today! Mom got up and had breakfast and went back to bed. She did this several times, not getting dressed. At one point, I thought she was going to get dressed so I put clean panties and a pad on her bed, telling her that I did so. She did not get dressed after all but went back to bed. About 1:00 or so, Mom was up moving around in her room when Joe called her to lunch. When she did not respond, I went to her doorway and saw her tucking something under her mattress! She did not see me and came out for lunch within moments. While she was distracted, I snuck into her room to see what she had hidden. Any guesses? Her clean panties and the pad that I had put out for her! I could hardly contain my giggles and I have been amused by it all day. When I told her it was time to get dressed for church, she finally got out of her pajamas. I never did mention it to her - I just let her get dressed. Mom has hidden them before - under the towels in the cupboard, under clothes in her pajama drawer... I will never figure this out. Mom has no idea most days what her name is, or mine, or who any of you are - but this devious part of her brain is in tact!! Go figure!
Mom had a great lunch with her friends yesterday. They all went to Babe's for chicken and then to a consignment craft place where Mom bought a few odds and ends that pleased her.
And her Saturday ended with mass and strawberry topped pancakes at IHOP. Picture this too. Mom scrutinized the menu and ordered last. Finally she pointed to the Buttermilk pancakes and ordered three of them. When the waitress asked her if she wanted strawberries on them, she said yes, of course. Mom gets the same thing every week - but tonight she ordered off of the menu ? And got the same thing!
It's 10:00. Enough cheap entertainment for today. Tomorrow is another chuckle waiting to happen. "Chuckles" Does anyone use that word anymore?
And today! Mom got up and had breakfast and went back to bed. She did this several times, not getting dressed. At one point, I thought she was going to get dressed so I put clean panties and a pad on her bed, telling her that I did so. She did not get dressed after all but went back to bed. About 1:00 or so, Mom was up moving around in her room when Joe called her to lunch. When she did not respond, I went to her doorway and saw her tucking something under her mattress! She did not see me and came out for lunch within moments. While she was distracted, I snuck into her room to see what she had hidden. Any guesses? Her clean panties and the pad that I had put out for her! I could hardly contain my giggles and I have been amused by it all day. When I told her it was time to get dressed for church, she finally got out of her pajamas. I never did mention it to her - I just let her get dressed. Mom has hidden them before - under the towels in the cupboard, under clothes in her pajama drawer... I will never figure this out. Mom has no idea most days what her name is, or mine, or who any of you are - but this devious part of her brain is in tact!! Go figure!
Mom had a great lunch with her friends yesterday. They all went to Babe's for chicken and then to a consignment craft place where Mom bought a few odds and ends that pleased her.
And her Saturday ended with mass and strawberry topped pancakes at IHOP. Picture this too. Mom scrutinized the menu and ordered last. Finally she pointed to the Buttermilk pancakes and ordered three of them. When the waitress asked her if she wanted strawberries on them, she said yes, of course. Mom gets the same thing every week - but tonight she ordered off of the menu ? And got the same thing!
It's 10:00. Enough cheap entertainment for today. Tomorrow is another chuckle waiting to happen. "Chuckles" Does anyone use that word anymore?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The Butterfly Moments
Happy New Year to friends and family! Let me do a little catch up since I haven't had the time to do this for a couple days. Tuesday (the day before yesterday) was such a nice day here that I left my office by 2:30 to drive home and pick up Mom to get her out of the house for awhile. Knowing that I had to pick Julie up at 4:30 and Tanglewood was on the way, I leisurely drove with windows rolled down, through the back roads in the rural area toward there, calling ahead to make sure that Mom's friend Lorenzo would be there. We checked out all the cows, horses, clouds and gas wells. As we approached her previous "day stay" place I suggested that we had time to stop in there to say Happy New Year to everyone. Mom was okay with it. (She previously refused to go back there for any reason.) We walked in the door and there were greetings of "Butterfly" from everywhere! EVERYONE around approached and called her Butterfly, telling her how much they missed her. Mom had a great time with all of the attention but still refuses to go back there, preferring to do her coloring and crafts in her own home. But I am sure she had some butterfly moments of being beautiful and free among people who loved her and missed her and accepted her the way she is.
Yesterday, her friend Diann, who cares for Mom when Joe and I are both working, called me to ask if she and Margaret, the other caregiver we use, could take Mom to lunch on Friday. Mom was agreeable when I mentioned it to her but of course does not know who I was talking about and has totally forgotten about it. We won't mention it again until I get her dressed tomorrow morning when she will dress and sit in wait for several hours anticipating the visit.
With Joe not working, we have not needed Diann or Margaret and Mom spends a lot of time alone. Joe goes and stays in his office all day, checking on Mom when he gets his scheduled snacks and lunch. He doesn't take her places and do crafts with her, but they so get on well - Joe talks engineering to her and she says "uh huh" a lot.
That kind of catches you up. Last night and this morning, Mom is calm and disconnected. Stacey and family were here last night as were Julie's friends Steven and Jeffrey. It was a lot of noise and commotion which sent Mom to her room to putter around. She actually fell asleep with her clothes on and we left her that way. This morning when we mentioned that she had slept in her clothes, she was adamant that she had not, and that her pajamas were at the bottom of the bed where she had left them this morning. She was also adamant about having changed her underwear and Poise pad - which she had not. It must seem to her as though she can do nothing right for me. If I direct her to wash her hands and she does, I want her to use soap. If she hangs her clothes up after she has worn them, I go through her closet and put them in the hamper. If she does get dressed on her own, I want her to do it again and this time put on clean underwear. Mom is usually disturbed at me and it is no wonder - I am always bothering her with the details. Joe suggested this morning that I not call her MaMa when I am the caregiver but that I should call her Marjorie and when we are being casual and playful, I call her MaMa so that her "daughter" is not bossing her around. I don't know about that one - I'll think about it. I can be Karen when I'm the boss and Cheryl when I am her daughter maybe?
Again, we wish you all a Happy New Year. I thank-you for your comments, concerns and support. I look forward to checking this blog to see if anyone has reached out to touch us because it's like you are sharing this experience with me. I love you all!
Yesterday, her friend Diann, who cares for Mom when Joe and I are both working, called me to ask if she and Margaret, the other caregiver we use, could take Mom to lunch on Friday. Mom was agreeable when I mentioned it to her but of course does not know who I was talking about and has totally forgotten about it. We won't mention it again until I get her dressed tomorrow morning when she will dress and sit in wait for several hours anticipating the visit.
With Joe not working, we have not needed Diann or Margaret and Mom spends a lot of time alone. Joe goes and stays in his office all day, checking on Mom when he gets his scheduled snacks and lunch. He doesn't take her places and do crafts with her, but they so get on well - Joe talks engineering to her and she says "uh huh" a lot.
That kind of catches you up. Last night and this morning, Mom is calm and disconnected. Stacey and family were here last night as were Julie's friends Steven and Jeffrey. It was a lot of noise and commotion which sent Mom to her room to putter around. She actually fell asleep with her clothes on and we left her that way. This morning when we mentioned that she had slept in her clothes, she was adamant that she had not, and that her pajamas were at the bottom of the bed where she had left them this morning. She was also adamant about having changed her underwear and Poise pad - which she had not. It must seem to her as though she can do nothing right for me. If I direct her to wash her hands and she does, I want her to use soap. If she hangs her clothes up after she has worn them, I go through her closet and put them in the hamper. If she does get dressed on her own, I want her to do it again and this time put on clean underwear. Mom is usually disturbed at me and it is no wonder - I am always bothering her with the details. Joe suggested this morning that I not call her MaMa when I am the caregiver but that I should call her Marjorie and when we are being casual and playful, I call her MaMa so that her "daughter" is not bossing her around. I don't know about that one - I'll think about it. I can be Karen when I'm the boss and Cheryl when I am her daughter maybe?
Again, we wish you all a Happy New Year. I thank-you for your comments, concerns and support. I look forward to checking this blog to see if anyone has reached out to touch us because it's like you are sharing this experience with me. I love you all!
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