Have I mentioned that things have been very chaotic around here and how well Mom is doing in it all? We didn't even make it to church and IHOP this week. Erin and Elsie were here for two weeks which meant not just 2 extra people around, but Stacey and family too. I was in Corpus Christi most of last week and in the midst of all that, there have been workmen around on the weekends putting new flooring down. That has meant that throughout the week, all of the furniture and stuff from the patio room and kitchen is spread throughout the rest of the rooms. The game table is in the living room behind the big sofa. The kitchen table, 4 chairs, bar stools, refrigerator, etc. are in the remainder of the living room. The turtle tank, extra TV and Wii are in the Memory room. Well, you get the picture. In spite of all of this, Mom is taking it all in stride and has yet to find the refrigerator! She thinks we have hidden it from her. In addition to that, we are using a different caregiver. But Mom has been upbeat and agreeable for the most part. She had another nightmare last night and bolted out of the bedroom about 9:00 before the rest of us went to bed.
Becky spent the day with her today. You may remember that Becky filled in for Janice a few weeks ago. I have interviewed someone else and will, by the end of the week, figure out who to go with. I am convinced that it has to be someone who will be can work with Mom to get her out of bed, involved in conversation and activities, even outside the house. Mom can be stubborn, if you haven't picked up on that, but she usually responds to humorous, encouraging, inviting, requests. Like it is her idea somehow, maybe. Anyway, she had a good day and was even awake and sitting at the table being chatty when I got home.
Well, Erin and Elsie are at home in Alabama. We have a few more weekends of floor work left - 3 bathrooms, actually. So much for a Monday. I'll be keeping you posted, of course.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
IN anOTHER's WORDS
I have intended to write here all week while I was in Corpus Christi for a work conference. I flew there early Tuesday morning and got home today, Friday, at lunch time. I really have nothing to cover over the past week except to say that I had a marvelous and restful week attending workshops by day and walking the beach along the Gulf of Mexico at night with the wind and seagulls and sound of the surf!
As I have already mentioned, Erin and Elsie have been visiting. My trip unfortunately fell during this time, so I left everyone here to manage on their own. Janice was here on Monday and Tuesday but, sadly, we have parted ways. My task now is to find another care giver and I will keep you posted on that. But for now, I think this cut and paste from Erin's "Beaver Family Blog" is representative of the week in my absence. Following is a sample of what I was missing in Erin's words.
"Last weekend I made the difficult decision to cut my trip to Texas short. I'm enjoying getting to see my family and spend time with old friends, but I'm still seeing way too much of the inside of Julie's room, where I'm staying. It used to be my room, so I've already gotten my fill of these walls, and yet, here I am...I know she thinks she means well, but my Alzheimer's-stricken grandmother who lives with my parents has gotten to be unbearable and the situation has deteriorated as I've been here.
At first, she would hear Elsie fuss or cry or make noise and she would come out of her room to investigate. She wanted to hold her and even tried to pick her up more than once while Elsie was still strapped into her swing. Then, one morning, right after Mom left for work, Elsie was fussing and Grandma just opened the door and came into my room. She wanted to take the baby and "bounce her." It took about 15 minutes for her to leave so that I could feed Elsie. That night, with Mom's supervision (it was making me so crazy I was either sitting on the edge of the couch or pacing in the kitchen), Grandma rocked Elsie, at first singing "Rock-a-bye, baby, all the day long" loudly in her ear, and then singing along to a CD of church hymns that Mom put on. It was sweet, and I know Grandma enjoyed the time, but she kept repositioning Elsie roughly and it took everything I had to keep from grabbing my baby and running away.
Well, Grandma didn't come near my room again, but I guess it was the weekend, because come Monday morning, Grandma just walked in (I had taken to locking the door, but has slacked off over the weekend when she wasn't interested) when we were sleeping. Before, Grandma had been responding to Elsie's noises, but this time she just had the baby on the brain because Elsie was fast asleep and Grandma just wanted to hold her, she said. I told her she needed to leave, but she just stood by the bassinet watching Elsie. I just wanted to scream but was able to persuade her to leave.
And then yesterday, Elsie had gas and we were trying to work it out, I heard Grandma try both doors to the bedroom (the other door is through the bathroom), and when she found they were locked, for the first time finally knocked. I essentially told her to go away, but in a nice granddaughterly fashion. A few minutes later she brushed the door with her hand and spoke to me through the door, letting me know that she was standing outside the door if I needed her. I told her thank you, but that we were doing okay.
Later that night, when Dad was home from work, and Elsie was all swaddled and ready for bed, a calm and content little burrito, Grandma wanted to hold her. I let her, but it didn't last long because she started singing loudly in Elsie's ear again, and then decided that Elsie's feet needed to be free, so she started tugging at the swaddling, which of course agitated the baby, but to Grandma, that was proof that the blanket was too tight. Then, when that didn't stop Elsie from crying, she started positioning roughly again. I shot Dad a look (because, to me, it was his fault I had let Grandma hold Elsie again--though I think I misunderstood) and thankfully, he rescued my baby and gave her back to me.Just a minute ago, Elsie was fussing and Grandma came into the bathroom. I opened the bedroom door, said, "No," emptied my Chik-Fil-A cup into the sink, and came back into the bedroom and closed the door. Julie persuaded her to leave the bathroom.Just recounting these events is stressing me out. I'm feeling dizzy, like I just may be getting sick and I just really want to be home in my own bed."
Erin has such a gift for expressing herself. I love to read her blog! If you are reading it also, here is my shameless plug for you to go to the Chik-Fil-A website to vote for the cutest kid dressed as a cow!
As I have already mentioned, Erin and Elsie have been visiting. My trip unfortunately fell during this time, so I left everyone here to manage on their own. Janice was here on Monday and Tuesday but, sadly, we have parted ways. My task now is to find another care giver and I will keep you posted on that. But for now, I think this cut and paste from Erin's "Beaver Family Blog" is representative of the week in my absence. Following is a sample of what I was missing in Erin's words.
"Last weekend I made the difficult decision to cut my trip to Texas short. I'm enjoying getting to see my family and spend time with old friends, but I'm still seeing way too much of the inside of Julie's room, where I'm staying. It used to be my room, so I've already gotten my fill of these walls, and yet, here I am...I know she thinks she means well, but my Alzheimer's-stricken grandmother who lives with my parents has gotten to be unbearable and the situation has deteriorated as I've been here.
At first, she would hear Elsie fuss or cry or make noise and she would come out of her room to investigate. She wanted to hold her and even tried to pick her up more than once while Elsie was still strapped into her swing. Then, one morning, right after Mom left for work, Elsie was fussing and Grandma just opened the door and came into my room. She wanted to take the baby and "bounce her." It took about 15 minutes for her to leave so that I could feed Elsie. That night, with Mom's supervision (it was making me so crazy I was either sitting on the edge of the couch or pacing in the kitchen), Grandma rocked Elsie, at first singing "Rock-a-bye, baby, all the day long" loudly in her ear, and then singing along to a CD of church hymns that Mom put on. It was sweet, and I know Grandma enjoyed the time, but she kept repositioning Elsie roughly and it took everything I had to keep from grabbing my baby and running away.
Well, Grandma didn't come near my room again, but I guess it was the weekend, because come Monday morning, Grandma just walked in (I had taken to locking the door, but has slacked off over the weekend when she wasn't interested) when we were sleeping. Before, Grandma had been responding to Elsie's noises, but this time she just had the baby on the brain because Elsie was fast asleep and Grandma just wanted to hold her, she said. I told her she needed to leave, but she just stood by the bassinet watching Elsie. I just wanted to scream but was able to persuade her to leave.
And then yesterday, Elsie had gas and we were trying to work it out, I heard Grandma try both doors to the bedroom (the other door is through the bathroom), and when she found they were locked, for the first time finally knocked. I essentially told her to go away, but in a nice granddaughterly fashion. A few minutes later she brushed the door with her hand and spoke to me through the door, letting me know that she was standing outside the door if I needed her. I told her thank you, but that we were doing okay.
Later that night, when Dad was home from work, and Elsie was all swaddled and ready for bed, a calm and content little burrito, Grandma wanted to hold her. I let her, but it didn't last long because she started singing loudly in Elsie's ear again, and then decided that Elsie's feet needed to be free, so she started tugging at the swaddling, which of course agitated the baby, but to Grandma, that was proof that the blanket was too tight. Then, when that didn't stop Elsie from crying, she started positioning roughly again. I shot Dad a look (because, to me, it was his fault I had let Grandma hold Elsie again--though I think I misunderstood) and thankfully, he rescued my baby and gave her back to me.Just a minute ago, Elsie was fussing and Grandma came into the bathroom. I opened the bedroom door, said, "No," emptied my Chik-Fil-A cup into the sink, and came back into the bedroom and closed the door. Julie persuaded her to leave the bathroom.Just recounting these events is stressing me out. I'm feeling dizzy, like I just may be getting sick and I just really want to be home in my own bed."
Erin has such a gift for expressing herself. I love to read her blog! If you are reading it also, here is my shameless plug for you to go to the Chik-Fil-A website to vote for the cutest kid dressed as a cow!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Greatgrandmother on Patrol
Has it been another week already? It has been an unusual week for all of us because Erin and 9 week old Elsie have been here visiting. Eli went home to be back to work, but we have been enjoying daughter and newest granddaughter. Janice has still been coming over everyday so that "the girls" can get out and do stuff and not have to care for Mom. Julie took the week off from work to hang out with her sisters, nephew and nieces. For the most part, Mom has been enchanted by the baby but nonetheless vocal about things because she had her own "sons and daughters." We pat her too hard, she cries too much and we should take her to the doctor, she wants a bottle, she wants to go home, she is going to walk any day now, that swing is going to make her dizzy...you get the gist. Anyway, there have been a lot of people around here every day and every night and Mom is often confused and often neglected, I'm afraid.
We did have a couple incidents early in the week, one of which is work mention. I provided Janice with a calendar/record book in order to document Mom's activities throughout the day in order to know what her day looks like while I am gone. I did this for many reasons, a few of which are so that I would know how much Mom is sleeping, what she is eating or not eating and what her activities are as Janice would not know what we would perceive as "out of the ordinary." On the first day of record keeping, I read that Mom had refused some medication, walked to the mailbox, gone through the mail and retrieved what was addressed to her, and had only Nonni's and ice cream throughout the day, refusing anything else. I had a talk with Mom, then about her health and safety saying that it was not safe for her to walk to the mailbox without her walker in 105 degree heat. It was not healthy for her to refuse her medication and nutritious lunch to drink coffee and eat Nonni's and ice cream throughout the day. Nor was it healthy, mentally to sleep all day. Needless to say, Mom did not appreciate the sentiment and became defensive, telling Joe about it when he got home. She even included tears. By the next day all - and I do mean all, was forgotten. I have had to tell Janice that it may require physical re-direction and locked doors to fumble with as well as a phone call to me to be the bad guy.
And the coin collection! Mom got David, with my nod to him that it was okay, to get the boxes and books of coin collections down from the top shelf in the closet. I thought she just wanted to be reassured that it was there and touching it made it real. Mom has mentioned it many times, but we kept them out of her reach. Lately, she has been obsessed by it, so on that day, I thought "what's the harm?" So, you know I am leading up to something - the coin collection has been taken out of the original settings and put in tubes and tubs and has been reduced to about $17.50. It is still coin collection. Nothing is missing as far as I can tell, and I did check her pocketful of quarters at IHOP last night. It kept Mom busy for the better part of an afternoon, going through the coins, sorting, stacking, counting. An afternoon well spent if she enjoyed it and I'll deal with the "collection" part of it later.
You know I could go on about a lot of other piddly other things, but mostly I want you to know that Mom is well, there have been no crises for a long time and when she wants to, can enjoy her life. And that is our story this week.
We did have a couple incidents early in the week, one of which is work mention. I provided Janice with a calendar/record book in order to document Mom's activities throughout the day in order to know what her day looks like while I am gone. I did this for many reasons, a few of which are so that I would know how much Mom is sleeping, what she is eating or not eating and what her activities are as Janice would not know what we would perceive as "out of the ordinary." On the first day of record keeping, I read that Mom had refused some medication, walked to the mailbox, gone through the mail and retrieved what was addressed to her, and had only Nonni's and ice cream throughout the day, refusing anything else. I had a talk with Mom, then about her health and safety saying that it was not safe for her to walk to the mailbox without her walker in 105 degree heat. It was not healthy for her to refuse her medication and nutritious lunch to drink coffee and eat Nonni's and ice cream throughout the day. Nor was it healthy, mentally to sleep all day. Needless to say, Mom did not appreciate the sentiment and became defensive, telling Joe about it when he got home. She even included tears. By the next day all - and I do mean all, was forgotten. I have had to tell Janice that it may require physical re-direction and locked doors to fumble with as well as a phone call to me to be the bad guy.
And the coin collection! Mom got David, with my nod to him that it was okay, to get the boxes and books of coin collections down from the top shelf in the closet. I thought she just wanted to be reassured that it was there and touching it made it real. Mom has mentioned it many times, but we kept them out of her reach. Lately, she has been obsessed by it, so on that day, I thought "what's the harm?" So, you know I am leading up to something - the coin collection has been taken out of the original settings and put in tubes and tubs and has been reduced to about $17.50. It is still coin collection. Nothing is missing as far as I can tell, and I did check her pocketful of quarters at IHOP last night. It kept Mom busy for the better part of an afternoon, going through the coins, sorting, stacking, counting. An afternoon well spent if she enjoyed it and I'll deal with the "collection" part of it later.
You know I could go on about a lot of other piddly other things, but mostly I want you to know that Mom is well, there have been no crises for a long time and when she wants to, can enjoy her life. And that is our story this week.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Sticky Notes and Mysteries
Another week of sticky notes has gone by. I did find one that I had misplaced, though and I put it on top to tell you about it. Mom's diary. We girls found it when we cleaned out the attic in preparation of the yard sale and move a couple of years ago. We glanced at it with her a little but left it at that. It turned up about two weeks ago when Mom came out of her room with it to show me what she had found. She and I sat and read every word in it and wondered together about the person who had written in the book. Mom speculated that it must be someone she knew, probably a family member and that whoever it was lived in northern Ohio because the girl who wrote it spent a lot of time out of school because of snow.
Over the years I have had hints of who Mom was before she was "Mom". Collecting hints and information along the way and now living with her as an adult, I still have to ask "who was she?" And who is this angry, negative, defensive, stubborn woman? What are the demons that drive her and cause her restlessness even in sleep?
I know that some of you out there know. And do I need to know it all? I want to know it all. I want to understand. I want in some way to help her find peace in this life. She herself has lost active memories and except for the odd behaviors and nightmares, I have little to go on.
It is true that one of the side effects of the medication Mom takes is bad dreams and Alzheimer's ' patients do become confused and disoriented which causes aggressiveness and stubbornness.
But I am referring to a past that I believe troubles her today. I base this on those observations, unanswered questions and hints to which I referred earlier. Hints such as her diary, little information about a previous marriage which Mom has never mentioned and sketchy details about the person, an accident, quitting school, the car she got, etc. And why was she going to "break both" of my legs when I wanted to get married? Why did she sit in the basement of the church and refuse to participate when Deena got married? Why has Mom always been so negative, even about people she didn't even know? Why is she shouting in her dreams that she is going to get a gun and shoot someone? Why does she continue to dream/hallucinate about a baby falling? And much, much more.
No, I did not need to know. Not until now. I am living with and caring for a stranger in many ways. But unlike "staff" in this position, I am not objective. I hope that we can provide the best care and we can do that because we know how to reassure and calm a person we "know" and love.
And yes, I may be over dramatizing all of this. Maybe there is no mystery, hidden clue or hushed information. Our day to day journey through this goes on and unanswered questions will remain at the bottom of the sticky note pile while I collect more to share here with you. And there are more! I will get to them later along with some notes from her diary maybe.
Over the years I have had hints of who Mom was before she was "Mom". Collecting hints and information along the way and now living with her as an adult, I still have to ask "who was she?" And who is this angry, negative, defensive, stubborn woman? What are the demons that drive her and cause her restlessness even in sleep?
I know that some of you out there know. And do I need to know it all? I want to know it all. I want to understand. I want in some way to help her find peace in this life. She herself has lost active memories and except for the odd behaviors and nightmares, I have little to go on.
It is true that one of the side effects of the medication Mom takes is bad dreams and Alzheimer's ' patients do become confused and disoriented which causes aggressiveness and stubbornness.
But I am referring to a past that I believe troubles her today. I base this on those observations, unanswered questions and hints to which I referred earlier. Hints such as her diary, little information about a previous marriage which Mom has never mentioned and sketchy details about the person, an accident, quitting school, the car she got, etc. And why was she going to "break both" of my legs when I wanted to get married? Why did she sit in the basement of the church and refuse to participate when Deena got married? Why has Mom always been so negative, even about people she didn't even know? Why is she shouting in her dreams that she is going to get a gun and shoot someone? Why does she continue to dream/hallucinate about a baby falling? And much, much more.
No, I did not need to know. Not until now. I am living with and caring for a stranger in many ways. But unlike "staff" in this position, I am not objective. I hope that we can provide the best care and we can do that because we know how to reassure and calm a person we "know" and love.
And yes, I may be over dramatizing all of this. Maybe there is no mystery, hidden clue or hushed information. Our day to day journey through this goes on and unanswered questions will remain at the bottom of the sticky note pile while I collect more to share here with you. And there are more! I will get to them later along with some notes from her diary maybe.
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