Mental Sticky Notes

You know, every day when I observe something new or odd or amusing, I make a mental note to include it in this blog. However, the day ends and I have not had or taken time to enter anything here. A week or more goes by and here I sit trying to gather up all of those mental sticky notes I've made to try to assemble them in some form. Then I realize that I have misplaced a few of them or they are underneath a lot of other mental sticky notes about a lot of other stuff, so I capture what I can.

More and more Mom is reminding of the stories I have heard about Grandma Ashely. Mom is sure that someone is taking things from her room and spends a great deal of time in there rearranging and relocating things - hiding stuff under her clothes in drawers. This week she told Janice that someone was taking her shoes. Last Sunday, Mom pulled out the drawers of her large jewelry chest one by one and we sat talking about all of her pieces - junk beads, plastic necklaces and a few pieces of better jewelry that I silently confiscated so that it did not end up in a Ziploc bag in the trash. (I have recovered a few of those already.) On another day, Mom got out a number of different silly hats and head wear and modeled them for Janice. Last night after church and IHOP, Mom sat at the kitchen table and went through all of her pendant necklaces - most with butterflies now - and arranged them to hand on her arm so that they would jingle together. Earlier in the week, she wore a pendant necklace that had a stone in the middle of it that was green emerald like on one side and a brown quartz look on the other. It was connected at the top and bottom of a gold circle so it could be turned and worn either way. I walked in on her in the kitchen with the scissors in one hand and the stone in the other - she had snipped the connection at both the top and the bottom of the stone in an effort to get the necklace off of her neck. I unclasped the necklace for her and tried to humor her about the new design. Mom didn't quite get it all but handed me the necklace saying "it's yours now" and walked away.

Yesterday, Mom just could not capture my name! When she thought about it, she came up with Joe's but I was "HEY"! We joked about it at dinner and she still could not remember. When I quizzed her about her name, Joe's name, how many daughters she had, their names, how many sons, how many sisters and brothers, etc.. I got "Joe" 3, Deena, none, I have no idea".

Mom is still sleeping on top of the covers and told Janice she was mad at me because I asked her about it. I try to solve mysteries and monitor behaviors, like why are there clothes in hamper that smell strong of urine, but I have not seen her wear them? Where is all of her underwear disappearing to? Did she use soap in the shower when I walked out of the room or just get the soap wet? Why did she go to a totally different cupboard on the other side of the kitchen and get one of the china bowls for her ice cream? Why is she drinking only a half cup of coffee at a time? Why does she pick at her skin/scabs and have to have band-aids everywhere? My family jokes about what I carry in my purse, but I have put band-aids on her in the middle of church, dabbed the TIDE pen on strawberry stains, trimmed her nails in the car before church, given her Tylenol with dinner out and used the wet wipes on her sticky hands and soiled clothing.

These are all of the mental sticky notes I could retrieve for now - which begs another question: Is this forgetfulness and scattered thinking an early sign of dementia? Gotta wonder!

Bummers and Blessings

While it is really, "All Good", I must confess that there are days when my brain can make my mouth say that, my heart is saying "Bummer". Whenever I observe and report about some of her new behaviors and quirks, I spend much time on analyzing and questioning. Is the new behavior because of a medical condition? Is she dehydrated? That can cause disorientation and confusion. Is she getting enough protein? Is she in pain but not expressing it? When she falls asleep at the kitchen table after just having had another nap, is she getting enough oxygen", which can also cause confusion. Is she spending too much time alone? Would more activity and interaction keep her sharper? Is her wheezing and holding her leg for effect or is it real? So I give her Tylenol and Advair just in case. When Mom isn't putting her pajamas on and sleeping under the covers, we can joke about it, but is it because she just can't connect that many thoughts or is it because she is connection thoughts and has chosen that just because she can?

In the note I left for her on Wednesday, I suggested that she cut the coupons out of the Sunday paper before we threw it away. Janice reported that she sat with Mom and pretty much did it because Mom did not know how to do it. And she continued to comment and question why Janice needed so many groceries.

After vigilant observing and silent questioning, there are still no real and true answers. Through God's abundant grace, I go with the flow and trust my spirit to make decisions on her behalf. But not before I suffer a little more sadness and mourning for the person we all knew and loved and for the helplessness of watching this happen to her.

I have vowed to keep these posts about Mom and today I may have bent that a little. But I also have said that I post in order to share Mom with you and that is ultimately sharing the process as well. Her mind is deteriorating daily - some days more than others. I want you to remember who she was, but I also need you to know who she is now. The decent is silent to most observers. By reading this, I know that you are not observers, but caring participants.

You know that there has been a raging war in the depths of her mind to not give up her independence and memory of who she was. The war battles more and more resemble skirmishes to defy the enemy who will overcome her in its own time.

Okay, so now that I have "bummed" you out too, I do want to say that spending this time with Mom is not a bummer but a blessing. I am "highly favored" and honored to share this time with her and know that others are missing out on so much by not being able to be nearer to her. So I hope that these posts serve to bless you as much as they are a therapeutic blessing to me. And? God is Good!.....All the time!

It's All Good!

So where did I leave off over a week ago? Mom has recovered from the seizure and fall and there have been no further seizures. The weekend that I last posted, I did not take her to church. And every day that following week, she asked if we were going to church. We would be at work all day and Mom would ask if it was church day when we got home. This past weekend, we had planned to go Saturday night but did not because we had a house full of people and could not get away. So, we got Mom up on Sunday and went to mass. We did not sit in our usual place but the children who had attended VBS during the week, sang some of their songs before the service started. Mom really liked that and sang along to "This Little Light of Mine." AND we went to IHOP afterwards and were able to catch up with Courtney who used to always be our waitress on Saturday! Mom had her pancakes.

Last night Mom had another dream about "the baby." When I heard her yell something and then the squeak of her bedroom door, I was out of bed and she was through the laundry room, the kitchen and family room to my bedroom door by the time I got there. Mom said little and what she did say was barely intelligible. It came out "the buddy," at first and then a few words about "baby". I realized then, that she had gone to bed fully dressed, including her shoes and was sleeping covered up by a small blanket, but on top of the bed covers. I managed to slip her shoes off of her and she went back to sleep. Actually, Mom has been sleeping in her clothes on top of the covers for a couple of nights as it turns out - when Joe and I compare notes.

Today, her friends Diane and Margaret came by and took her to a nearby nursing home to take share her crafts with the residents. They came back here and had lunch in the gazebo. Mom has become very picky about what she will eat saying something is greasy or spicy or salty or...today I know that the ladies brought back pizza, which Mom usually refuses. I don't know if she ate it or not, but when I asked her about lunch, she said they had "Italian."

For the most part, little changes day to day but there are sometimes surprises! When I asked her to lick an envelope the other day, she dunked her finger in her coffee and moistened the flap with it. One day I left a large bowl of strawberries that needed to be cleaned and suggested that in the note I left for her that morning. When I got home, we had clean strawberries - and strawberry shortcake for dessert. And Mom loves her nail polish and manicure. Joe took her to the podiatrist on Friday and she told her butterfly story to everyone she saw but really did not know why those people were so interested in her feet!

And one more thought if Auntie Joyce is reading this. First, thank-you so much for the pictures! Secondly, thank-you for calling and talking to Mom. When she hung up, I asked her about her phone call and to whom she had been speaking and she told me "Deena". But I hope you were blessed by being in touch with her. She may not know who people are but Mom is such a social person and as long as the conversation is about her, it's all good!