Bummers and Blessings

While it is really, "All Good", I must confess that there are days when my brain can make my mouth say that, my heart is saying "Bummer". Whenever I observe and report about some of her new behaviors and quirks, I spend much time on analyzing and questioning. Is the new behavior because of a medical condition? Is she dehydrated? That can cause disorientation and confusion. Is she getting enough protein? Is she in pain but not expressing it? When she falls asleep at the kitchen table after just having had another nap, is she getting enough oxygen", which can also cause confusion. Is she spending too much time alone? Would more activity and interaction keep her sharper? Is her wheezing and holding her leg for effect or is it real? So I give her Tylenol and Advair just in case. When Mom isn't putting her pajamas on and sleeping under the covers, we can joke about it, but is it because she just can't connect that many thoughts or is it because she is connection thoughts and has chosen that just because she can?

In the note I left for her on Wednesday, I suggested that she cut the coupons out of the Sunday paper before we threw it away. Janice reported that she sat with Mom and pretty much did it because Mom did not know how to do it. And she continued to comment and question why Janice needed so many groceries.

After vigilant observing and silent questioning, there are still no real and true answers. Through God's abundant grace, I go with the flow and trust my spirit to make decisions on her behalf. But not before I suffer a little more sadness and mourning for the person we all knew and loved and for the helplessness of watching this happen to her.

I have vowed to keep these posts about Mom and today I may have bent that a little. But I also have said that I post in order to share Mom with you and that is ultimately sharing the process as well. Her mind is deteriorating daily - some days more than others. I want you to remember who she was, but I also need you to know who she is now. The decent is silent to most observers. By reading this, I know that you are not observers, but caring participants.

You know that there has been a raging war in the depths of her mind to not give up her independence and memory of who she was. The war battles more and more resemble skirmishes to defy the enemy who will overcome her in its own time.

Okay, so now that I have "bummed" you out too, I do want to say that spending this time with Mom is not a bummer but a blessing. I am "highly favored" and honored to share this time with her and know that others are missing out on so much by not being able to be nearer to her. So I hope that these posts serve to bless you as much as they are a therapeutic blessing to me. And? God is Good!.....All the time!