I wrote this last week but was interrupted before I posted it. I am posting it now although things changed drastically yesterday. I am going to leave this hanging with: Mom now resides at Tanglewood Oaks. And I will post more on that later.
This past Monday night was another one of those nights. Mom was up at 11:30, dressed and in the kitchen fixing herself a cup of coffee. House was dark, everyone was asleep. I put her into her pajamas and put her to bed. At one thirty, Mom was at the kitchen table, dressed in different clothes, going through a small pouch of junk jewelry. I got her back into her pajamas but she would not go to bed until we found her glasses. I could not remember if she had been wearing them earlier or not but I looked in her covers, under the bed with a flashlight, in the bathroom, etc. Finally I began looking through her drawers and opening the various pouches, boxes and bags that she stashes her stuff in. When I unzipped an eyeglasses pouch that she held some jewelry and pedicure scissors I found her glasses. At about 3:30, Mom was up again. She had been on her hands and knees and matched up her shoes beside the dresser. She had a white sandal and a black sandal that did not have mates and was agitated that "someone" had taken her shoes. The hunt began, same scenario as with the glasses and when I opend the bottom drawer of her dresser, there was one missing shoe under some pajamas - but she, of course had no idea how it got there. That satisfied her for the moment and she went back to bed dressed.
The best part about this was that Bonnie and Deena were here to witness what I have been blogging about for several weeks.
They have both left for home now but it was great to have them here. Much was accomplished in many ways. Mom did not connect with them at all and after about 4 days, was ready for them to leave, most likely because although the girls spent quality time with Mom, the three of us were gone a lot and did not take her. At one point on the day before they left, Mom confronted Deena with "I don't even know your name, nobody told me your name." We tried several times to get Mom to connect that this Deena was the same one that calls her every weekend. Did not happen. One day, Deena was looking around for a tube of hand lotion that she had purchased but could not find it, eventually thinking that it may not have made it into the bag at the store. The next day, she was in Mom's room and there on the dresser, was...you guessed it...Deena's tube of lotion.
I could write a book about all of the odd, peculiar, frustrating, amusing and sad moments in our days. But who would believe it except someone who has experienced it and if they have experienced, they don't need to read my book, they could write one of their own!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Updates
Bonnie and Deena arrived Wednesday evening. I introduced them as my sisters visiting from Ohio and Pennsylvania and Mom was very happy to meet them. She has been telling her stories and bringing out her stuff to show to them, giving away some of her junk jewelry and odds and ends of things she has kept - like a wooden token of Covered Bridge Pizza in Kingsville.
Yesterday, (Thursday), we three girls visited The Estates where Joe and I had previously toured. We spoke at length to the administrator there. We are expecting her here at the house on Monday to do an assessment to get the ball rolling. Mom's medical records are being requested from Dr. Birdwell and as soon as everything falls into place, we will move Mom to the Memory Unit at that facility. She is not going to go quietly even though she does not really grasp where she is or who is with her now; but she is at least in her routines and she has familiar stuff around her. Mom is still cognizant of a few things such as the chest that we brought with her to Texas. Since Christmas she has been trying to get me to put it in her bedroom because it is hers, her grandmother gave it to her and she does not want "the kids" getting into it. Even when Becky and I went to open it yesterday looking for something that has been misplaced, Mom got upset. So what I am saying (probably for my own hearing), this is not going to be a walk in the park. We (Bonnie, Deena, Joe and I) agree that we have to do this for many reasons despite her wishes. I don't know that it will be accomplished before B&D leave on the 24th, but I am thinking that it will happen. My biggest problem with this may actually be that Becky will be unemployed.
Now to tell you what we were looking for everywhere including the chest. "Dinky" is missing. Since his unfortunate demise, his remains have been in a Ziploc bag in a lovely little cedar box with his name engraved on a gold tag on top of the box. I was looking for something else on Wednesday morning and I found the empty box. When I mentioned it to Becky, she remembered Mom carrying around a Ziploc bag of dirt or something earlier in the week but when questioned, about what was in her bag, Mom did not know so Becky didn't pay it any attention. We are thinking that it was Dinky and now we have no idea where he is. He may be back in Mom's room in some other place or he might have left this world again - this time in the garbage. We just don't know. AND we anticipate the day that Mom has a moment of clarity and finds the empty box and wants to kick some body's ass for stealing Dinky and then she will add that she hopes they "burn in hell." Maybe she will never have that moment of clarity or maybe we will locate him and put him back or maybe we'll come up with a Ziploc bag of Texas dirt to put in that empty box.
So, that is a little bit of where we are today and where we are headed. We are having a good time visiting and the girls are meeting a different person than the one they knew and going with the flow.
Thank you all for your prayer and support. I'll keep you posted.
Yesterday, (Thursday), we three girls visited The Estates where Joe and I had previously toured. We spoke at length to the administrator there. We are expecting her here at the house on Monday to do an assessment to get the ball rolling. Mom's medical records are being requested from Dr. Birdwell and as soon as everything falls into place, we will move Mom to the Memory Unit at that facility. She is not going to go quietly even though she does not really grasp where she is or who is with her now; but she is at least in her routines and she has familiar stuff around her. Mom is still cognizant of a few things such as the chest that we brought with her to Texas. Since Christmas she has been trying to get me to put it in her bedroom because it is hers, her grandmother gave it to her and she does not want "the kids" getting into it. Even when Becky and I went to open it yesterday looking for something that has been misplaced, Mom got upset. So what I am saying (probably for my own hearing), this is not going to be a walk in the park. We (Bonnie, Deena, Joe and I) agree that we have to do this for many reasons despite her wishes. I don't know that it will be accomplished before B&D leave on the 24th, but I am thinking that it will happen. My biggest problem with this may actually be that Becky will be unemployed.
Now to tell you what we were looking for everywhere including the chest. "Dinky" is missing. Since his unfortunate demise, his remains have been in a Ziploc bag in a lovely little cedar box with his name engraved on a gold tag on top of the box. I was looking for something else on Wednesday morning and I found the empty box. When I mentioned it to Becky, she remembered Mom carrying around a Ziploc bag of dirt or something earlier in the week but when questioned, about what was in her bag, Mom did not know so Becky didn't pay it any attention. We are thinking that it was Dinky and now we have no idea where he is. He may be back in Mom's room in some other place or he might have left this world again - this time in the garbage. We just don't know. AND we anticipate the day that Mom has a moment of clarity and finds the empty box and wants to kick some body's ass for stealing Dinky and then she will add that she hopes they "burn in hell." Maybe she will never have that moment of clarity or maybe we will locate him and put him back or maybe we'll come up with a Ziploc bag of Texas dirt to put in that empty box.
So, that is a little bit of where we are today and where we are headed. We are having a good time visiting and the girls are meeting a different person than the one they knew and going with the flow.
Thank you all for your prayer and support. I'll keep you posted.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Some Whimper and Whine today.
I know it has been a while, but you all have been on my mind, as I know we have been on yours. I think I may have been avoiding this, putting things in writing as though it is just all a matter of fact and how the days are going. It is all just a matter of fact, but about the time I think I have the facts straight, I find myself reassessing and re-ordering them. Some of the new behaviors have me stumped.
I think it was around Christmas when I communicated with Bonnie and Deena about them visiting here, both at the same time to re-connect with who our mother is today. All they had to go by was what I told them and the have missed out on so much of this journey with her that I have been blessed to have. Since that time, however, the changes in Mom and my own limitations have lead to more serious consideration as to what I and my supports are prepared to do or are able to do to keep Mom healthy and safe. When Bonnie and Deena get here next week, I will depend on them to prayerfully discern this with me. We have spoken recently about Mom living in a nearby Alzheimer's Memory Care unit that I visited several months ago or possibly go with Deena to a place near her.
What has led to this again?
Some of the behaviors aren't new, but are more difficult to redirect. Mom needs 24 hour one-on-one attention. And we are running out of money to pay for it when we aren't here. She will qualify for Medicaid once she is out of funds, but that takes weeks to process and we still need to pay a caregiver Monday through Friday. On the week-ends and evenings, it is just Joe and me.
Mom wants to eat constantly. We are hiding food! She has breakfast that we monitor - 1 peanut and butter sandwich which she makes with enough peanut butter and jelly for 3 or 4 sandwiches - no exageration! Here's an excerpt from the journal by Becky: Something did happen a little different this morning. After making her sandwich at breakfast, before taking a bite, she was all over the kitchen searching for something. She could only come up with making her fingers in a circle trying to describe it. She sat back down and ate half and started doing it again, getting agitated. I got her to stand still, take a breath, and think. When she said it was something she eats with coffee, I knew it was the cookies I hid yesterday. I explained that she needed to eat her breakfast first. Then, she went to the candy jar and got 2 Reeces. I eventually hid those because she just doesn't get full any more. We are now regulating her food."
This is an everyday thing. Another everyday thing is that Mom changes her clothes 3 and 4 times a day! I can't keep up with what is clean or dirty! And in the evenings Mom puts on lipstick and a ton of perfume and jewelry like she has a date or something.
We keep the doors locked because Mom wants to go outside all of the time. No coat. To play with the dog in the backyard, sit on the swing, look through stuff in the garage. It has been COLD here. Sometimes she can figure out how to unlock the doors. Becky can't even go to the bathroom - Mom is out the door.
Twice this week I have heard Mom up in her room after bed time. When I checked on her she had locked her bedroom door! Luckily, she had not though it through and locked the bathroom door that goes into her room also. When I asked her about this, both times she told me that men had been in her room and she had chased them off. Mom was visibly upset and scared!
Mom is not only changing her clothes during the day. One night I had put her to bed three times before 3 a.m. Each time she was wearing something else when she came out to the kitchen. One night I found her sitting in the kitchen dunking Nonnies in a cup of water. Speaking of her cup, Mom has been cleaning up the kitchen, wiping the coffee cups out and putting them in the cupboard. The jelly that needs to be refrigerated is in a cupboard somewhere. The open can of dog food is in the cupboard next to the peanut butter.
Yes, life is interesting! Mom is extremely busy and getting into everything. Picking up things around the house like clothes, shoes, keys, coins, paper cups, mail, etc. and stashing them in her room.
THIS is what has brought us to this decision point again. Can I say I am confused and just a little bit tired some days? Part of me says I am a "whinybut" and that a visit from the girls will be just what I need to energize and focus me. The other part, honestly, is planning to go on the annual silent retreat with the women at church that I haven't done in 3 years, making a trip to Alabama for Elsie's first birthday, planning a cruise for our anniversary, taking a position at work that would require more commitment...knowing that Mom is taken care of.
Anyway. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME WHINE!!! I'm done now and I will get back on track. Serving HIM with a servant's heart of giving and grace. Blessings ABOUND!!! And He will let us know His will in this too.
I think it was around Christmas when I communicated with Bonnie and Deena about them visiting here, both at the same time to re-connect with who our mother is today. All they had to go by was what I told them and the have missed out on so much of this journey with her that I have been blessed to have. Since that time, however, the changes in Mom and my own limitations have lead to more serious consideration as to what I and my supports are prepared to do or are able to do to keep Mom healthy and safe. When Bonnie and Deena get here next week, I will depend on them to prayerfully discern this with me. We have spoken recently about Mom living in a nearby Alzheimer's Memory Care unit that I visited several months ago or possibly go with Deena to a place near her.
What has led to this again?
Some of the behaviors aren't new, but are more difficult to redirect. Mom needs 24 hour one-on-one attention. And we are running out of money to pay for it when we aren't here. She will qualify for Medicaid once she is out of funds, but that takes weeks to process and we still need to pay a caregiver Monday through Friday. On the week-ends and evenings, it is just Joe and me.
Mom wants to eat constantly. We are hiding food! She has breakfast that we monitor - 1 peanut and butter sandwich which she makes with enough peanut butter and jelly for 3 or 4 sandwiches - no exageration! Here's an excerpt from the journal by Becky: Something did happen a little different this morning. After making her sandwich at breakfast, before taking a bite, she was all over the kitchen searching for something. She could only come up with making her fingers in a circle trying to describe it. She sat back down and ate half and started doing it again, getting agitated. I got her to stand still, take a breath, and think. When she said it was something she eats with coffee, I knew it was the cookies I hid yesterday. I explained that she needed to eat her breakfast first. Then, she went to the candy jar and got 2 Reeces. I eventually hid those because she just doesn't get full any more. We are now regulating her food."
This is an everyday thing. Another everyday thing is that Mom changes her clothes 3 and 4 times a day! I can't keep up with what is clean or dirty! And in the evenings Mom puts on lipstick and a ton of perfume and jewelry like she has a date or something.
We keep the doors locked because Mom wants to go outside all of the time. No coat. To play with the dog in the backyard, sit on the swing, look through stuff in the garage. It has been COLD here. Sometimes she can figure out how to unlock the doors. Becky can't even go to the bathroom - Mom is out the door.
Twice this week I have heard Mom up in her room after bed time. When I checked on her she had locked her bedroom door! Luckily, she had not though it through and locked the bathroom door that goes into her room also. When I asked her about this, both times she told me that men had been in her room and she had chased them off. Mom was visibly upset and scared!
Mom is not only changing her clothes during the day. One night I had put her to bed three times before 3 a.m. Each time she was wearing something else when she came out to the kitchen. One night I found her sitting in the kitchen dunking Nonnies in a cup of water. Speaking of her cup, Mom has been cleaning up the kitchen, wiping the coffee cups out and putting them in the cupboard. The jelly that needs to be refrigerated is in a cupboard somewhere. The open can of dog food is in the cupboard next to the peanut butter.
Yes, life is interesting! Mom is extremely busy and getting into everything. Picking up things around the house like clothes, shoes, keys, coins, paper cups, mail, etc. and stashing them in her room.
THIS is what has brought us to this decision point again. Can I say I am confused and just a little bit tired some days? Part of me says I am a "whinybut" and that a visit from the girls will be just what I need to energize and focus me. The other part, honestly, is planning to go on the annual silent retreat with the women at church that I haven't done in 3 years, making a trip to Alabama for Elsie's first birthday, planning a cruise for our anniversary, taking a position at work that would require more commitment...knowing that Mom is taken care of.
Anyway. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME WHINE!!! I'm done now and I will get back on track. Serving HIM with a servant's heart of giving and grace. Blessings ABOUND!!! And He will let us know His will in this too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
