Relative pictures too!

These are some of the pictures that I was able to take before the batteries went dead on the camera I borrowed from Julie. I only wish I had been better prepared and taken more pictures of the two days we were there. Let me say it again...We had a wonderful time!

It's all Relative

We had a great time in Louisiana visiting Mom's brother, sister-in-law and two sisters who were also visiting there. Mom did SO great! The drive, the visit - it was all GREAT. Joe, Mom and I stayed at Ft. Polk, a few miles from Merryville, where my Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine live. This worked out well to keep Mom's routine with Joe and me without so much confusing activity in the mornings and putting her to bed at her normal time. After breakfast in our room on Saturday and Sunday we drove to Merryville where she visited those "silly people" and even contributed some names and memories to the family tree discussion with my aunts Dolly and Judy on Saturday. We took many occasions to connect Mom to people in her past - people in her family. I think I observed that the one thing that was lacking was Mom's ability to grasp relationships. She has had this problem here at home lately but I glossed over it - reminding her about sisters, brothers, daughters, etc. But Mom pretty much knew that Dick, Elaine, Dolly, Judy and the people they talked about belonged to her life somehow but did not and does not "relate" to them. These have been some of her questions/remarks over the past week:

• How did you get to be my mother? (to me in the car before we left town)
• Who decided I should have daughters? How did I get them? (same as above)
• Did someone just not want you and just put you in my arms?
• Who lives here? Whose house is this? (MANY times while visiting)
• How do I know those people? How do you know those people?
• Elaine showed up about the same time Dick did. She cried. I don't know where she came from.
• Who were the other people there? (when I talked to her this morning about the visit)
• How do they know me?
• I think his name is Dominic but I don't know who that woman is. (when looking at a picture of herself and daddy)
• How did you know Dominic? I think he died. Of cancer. Colon cancer. (to me)
• How long have I known you? When did you come into my life? (to me this morning)

These and many more come up throughout the day in quiet moments when there is no one around and it is quiet. It is easy to assume Mom is engaging when we talk to fast or fill in the blanks for her or give too much information. Listening, speaking slowly and simply and encouraging her to think and talk allows her to express herself - as muddled as she is. I find it surprisingly difficult to keep up with how fast Mom is declining in her thought processes. From day to day the gaps may show up differently but they are still gaps.

Mostly I want to express that Mom had such a GREAT time! She loves to go places and see people and interact! She loved sharing her crafts with everyone and being included in conversations. Mom had a ball! However, the memory of the trip is ours. And I am so very blessed to have shared it with Uncle Dick, Aunt Elaine, Aunt Dolly and Judy and Joe. I wish I had known how to better use Julie's camera that I borrowed so I would have more pictures! Thank-you all for your welcome, your support and your love. We couldn't do this without you.

Goal Oriented

So, am I giving just too much information or rambling about odd details that don’t really matter to anyone but the ones in that particular moment? I had two goals when I began this blog and I try to make sure that what I post is in line with those goals. Goal #1 was to give you all an awareness and insight into the insidious and sad disease that affects someone you know and if you are in any way related to an Ashley, may affect you. Goal #2 was to provide to you an ongoing connection to the mother, sister, aunt and friend that you knew as a vibrant, sassy woman. If you choose to remember her only by that description, you are probably not tuning in to this blog. But if you are, then you have selected to continue to share in this journey as you have shared in so many of her other adventures, experiences and journeys. You celebrated with her, you mourned with her and you traveled the roads with her. As she travels this road, I have tried to keep those two goals in mind.

The original question at the beginning of this blog was prompted by some recent plans that have fallen together to take Mom to Louisiana to see Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine. As it turns out, Aunt Dolly and Judy will be there the same weekend. As I thought about these people not having seen Mom for a year or more, it occurred to me that what I have written here may have somewhat prepared them to not expect the sister, the “Mother Superior”, that they knew and loved.

I hope those to whom we sent a Valentine, received them. It was while we were preparing those and the previous envelopes that Joe and I began talking about taking her to see Uncle Dick and Aunt Elaine – a day’s drive from us. Mom has been so very confused about her family, easily telling that she is the oldest of 12 but totally unable to tell me who the other 11 are. The fact that two of her sister’s, her brother and her sister-in-law will be there makes me hope that she will in some way make the connection to faces and memories and know that belongs to a bigger picture. Aunt Dolly did say that she and Aunt Judy were going to come to my house before they knew that we could go to Louisiana. And that is certainly an open invitation! However, I don’t know that Mom would make the same connection as if we took her there. From her perspective, she could likely think that they just came to visit the lady who makes her change her underwear!

So, back to those goals: the sad cruelty of Alzheimer’s and the support that companions on this journey give her – and us. I did say that writing this has been therapeutic, but this is not about me – or Joe – or our children and grandchildren; only in how it all relates to Mom. I hope that as you read the blogs that you feel as though you are with her across the miles and that you have come, and continue to come to an awareness of Alzheimer’s and how it could affect you as well as someone you love. Pray for a cure.

Confused yet?

So Mom and I sat together in her office last night and put together some Valentine packages for most of you. The were mailed today. Mom was sooo confused. I asked her to get her mail so that we could use the return address labels and she really did not know what I was talking about. I finally found the mail in one of her drawers in a ziploc bag with a Christmas card from Bonnie in it. I suggested that some of the recent items she had made could be included in some of them and she wasn't grasping what I suggested. So I brought out two of her bags and tried to get her to put some things in the bags - one little step at a time and Mom could not put it together. She kept picking up the envelopes I had written names on, reading the names and commenting on what she read - Deena, she's in Alaska; Dick and Elaine, I wonder if they are still in one of the Carolina's?; Joyce has two girls; Bonnie, I don't remember her. Stuff like that. When we finished the envelopes and they were addressed, I had Mom try to seal them while I cleaned up but but she needed one on one attention for each envelope. The same was true as I had her affix the return address labels. Then I took each envelope and identified to whom it would go and prompted her memory about that person. This is how she always associates you - (some of them aren't kind) Deena she almost remembers and I was surprised that she put her in Alaska. But when I asked her again, she knew that Deena was her baby. When I mention Aunt Dolly I always have to say bladder cancer. When I say Aunt Joyce and Arizona, Mom mentions everyone going there one time. If I mention Bonnie, she is the "one I don't like." When I mention David - married to Bonnie but now married to Sherry, Mom tells me they have a baby. It seems she does not remember any of you but she remembers events or situations when I prompt her.

Today, Joe had a dentist appointment so he dropped Mom off at my office at 2:30. After finishing up a few things while Mom sat quietly, we left for the day by 3. She was pretty confused about where Joe was, why we were leaving, she didn't want to sit in my office all day, she should have just stayed home, etc. I got her to the car and asked if she would mind stopping at the craft store on the way home so I could pick up some stuff for a meeting I have on Saturday. Of course she wanted to go there so that kind of focused her. Until we got there and it was as if she had never been there! After 55 minutes in the store in the same aisle, I led her to the checkout. When we left Mom commented that she liked that store and if she ever runs out of things to do, she wants to go back there.

Dianne and Margaret are coming over tomorrow to take her to deliver her creations. She has had her shower and gone to bed. I am ready to call it a day also! I'll catch up to you all in a day or so! Thank-you for your love and support!

AMEN

Just want to let you all know that all is well and we are still here. Remember? No news is good news - usually. Mom is well - bored I think mostly. I have called her friend Dianne to come spend some time with her and take her out to deliver her crafts to the nursing home sometime this week if she can. Joe is not nearly as sociable and engaging as she prefers. Of course he takes her along if he needs to go to the pool supply store or the hardware store, but I don't think that is her real idea of a good day.

So, let me talk to you about prayer. Mom enjoys praying the rosary with me when we get a chance. She loves church and the familiarity of the songs and responses. She does not always remember all of the words but can usually get a few parts of the more familiar ones. I, myself am a bit of a contemplative - able to spend extended time in prayer throughout the day for the needs of my family, friends, co-workers and community. I know that you all keep us in your thoughts and prayers but now I am asking you to be specific in prayer and petition. For mom I am asking you to pray for healing of memories and hurts that keep her from having peace of mind and heart. Pray for the demons that disturb her sleep and her relationships with people in her life. For Joe, I ask that you pray that he will hear the Lord speaking to him about the things in his life that keep him from a fuller relationship with Him and with the people in his life. Joe needs a job but I know in my spirit that he needs to deal with some issues so that the Lord can lead him to the right place. And for me - please pray for a servants heart - to serve Him wherever He puts me and for Grace to do it with His loving heart.

Having said that, Mom and I are working on some more packages for you with a surprise in them. Hopefully we will finish them up tomorrow and get them in the mail. If you did not get one last time, be sure that I have your address! You can leave it here or e-mail it to me at csawdust@prodigy.net.

Status Quo

Mom had a routine doctor appointment this morning just to get her meds checked. She is on a sort of quarterly schedule as long as everything is going well. Today, the doctor did increase Mom's seroquel to see if the night time hallucinations and nightmares go away. "People" come to her room during the night and she does not want them there so she tells them to leave. They leave and Mom goes back to sleep. About once a week she has nightmares and has twice fallen out of bed and injured herself. Now when we hear her yelling I go to calm her before that happens. The baby monitor is on every night.

Since our firm rule reminder the other night, Mom has been pretty much quiet and giving me the stony silence and look when she thinks I am misleading her about something or if I ask her to let me wash her hair. There has been no opportunity to practice being nice to the kids or their two dogs who visit with them.

I am glad that you all enjoyed your packages from us. Those of you who did not get one will just have to wonder what everyone else got until I sit with Mom again and prepare more packages. Mom has been working hard on more of those items and daily takes them out of the two big tote bags, piles them in stacks of ten and counts them. There are over 100 now. Our friend Dianne took her to an area nursing home to deliver some Christmas items so Mom wants me to call her so that they can take these there also. I suggested that I could drop them by, but Mom insisted that she likes to see the happy looks on the resident's faces when she delivers them in person. I'll call Dianne. Don't want to deprive Mom or the resident's of such joy.

Mom just went to bed for the night and I am not far behind after I check on her and make sure she had her pills. Thank-you all for the notes and cards and good thoughts! I don't think I would want to do this without you.

The Good, the Bad, the Indifferent

1-800I hope you all know that one of my mottoes is NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS. Not that I only think about you all when there is bad news, of course, but most days are the same with little time in the evenings to reflect on things until late when I finally give it up and go to bed myself. But I realize that I have not written in several days, so I’ll do a recap of the good, indifferent and forgotten.

On Saturday morning Mom was dressed when she came out of her room so I advised her that she needed a shower before church. After a lunch-time rest, she came out dressed up in her shirt with lunch on it and with her purse, ready to go to church but she had not yet had her shower. So I got her back to her room for a shower and clean clothes. By 2:30 Mom was at the front door with her purse again, unaware that we would not leave for more than two hours. Well, we finally got there, and guess where we went afterwards for dinner? IHOP, of course! This time on the way out, she got in front of me and I had to pry her off of the waitress who served us and whom she followed into the kitchen to hug. I can usually get between her and the people/children she heads for, heading her off and nudging her in a different direction.

Okay, and Sunday was the Super Bowl. There was the usually activity with a little Super Bowl ruckus thrown in. Micah brought her sweet young friend Jaime over and they interacted a little with Mom, who was very cordial and accommodating to Jaime. By association, Micah benefited from it and remarked when she left about Grandma’s good mood that day. It had crossed everyone’s mind that Mom could be difficult and Jaime would witness it.
Last night as I sat with Mom in her office trying to get her into the bath, Mom commented about how nice that “little girl” was on Sunday but “that big one” (Micah) was..and I cut her off! The next hour was an attempt to come to a meeting of the minds. Now, those of you who have been keeping up with us, know that s no easy endeavor. In fact was more like an exercise of futility – but I had my say. Joe too. The bottom line – there are many of her behaviors that can be attributed to the Alzheimer’s but being mean to Stacey and her family is not one of them. I spoke to her about them being her family, her grandchildren. Mom continued to say that she does not have grandchildren. I went to great lengths to slowly and simply explain the relationship between her and her three daughter’s children but it did not connect – she stated that she has no grandchildren and she doesn’t “know those people.” I am fairly certain that our minds did not meet on this issue. We have set these ground rules before and reminded Mom that she will be nice (not just “not mean”) to Stacey and the kids. And in closing, that they have never been anything but loving toward her and that Stacey has never made us choose between her and Grandma. But if Grandma continued this and we did have to choose, Grandma should decide where she wants to live.

This too shall pass though and things will rock along again. Today, Joe tells me, Mom has been up for breakfast, but has spent the day in bed. By now, if you are thinking you need to call Adult Protective Services on us, l would be happy to give you the number! Just remember though, you might not get any more of those envelopes with Mom’s goodies in them! That’s my update for now! A Belated Happy Birthday to Sheila!!! Mom does not exactly know who you are, but she does know that you are OLDER than me!