All Points Bulletin for crochet hooks

Yes, it was and IHOP last night. But not before Mom got her shower. Mom did okay at mass, participating in the singing and responses with words and sounds, sometimes catching a repeated refrain correctly. At the Our Father, Mom was able to join in once she got the rhythm and caught the words. She did great. At one point, I gave her a pat to indicate that she should not be playing with the two little girls sitting behind us. Mom was especially pleased that Julie and her friend Steven joined us at church and for dinner afterwards. Mom enjoys being part of the small gatherings but lately, does not interact, even when spoken to, not quite understanding the words spoken to her and not quite able to use words to respond.

That is one of her persona's.

Another persona is the one she displayed when we got home. She went directly to her room and I assumed she was getting ready for bed while we fed the dog, prepared her pills and multi tasked in the kitchen, right off her bedroom. When I went to check on her, Mom was not ready for bed, but was standing between the beds, clearly irritated. I innocently asked her if she needed anything and she let me know that she did not, and said "but I have a problem." And what was the problem you ask, as I did? The problem was that "someone took her crochet hooks." Sure enough, I could not find three of her six crochet hooks that should have been in a plastic pouch. The difference, however, was I did not believe for a second that "someone" took the hooks. No one wanted them. Her yarn was there in the bag but her hooks were not. Joe and I did a cursory search of places in her room and the dining room of places she may have put them but found nothing. Mom was determined that someone took them and did not buy our theory that she had misplaced them, so she told us to "never mind" and silently got ready and went to bed. This persona goes along with the one that insisted a boy stole her stuff and someone else is hiding her clean panties and pad under the mattress.

Again I say that I often do not know what to post here. Our day to day journey is full of moments - moments of joy, moments of humor, moments of mourning, moments of humility to be part of this. And yes, there are moments of exasperation when my quick tongue reacts faster than my compassion. And that is my confession! One of my persona's.

So, at 7:46 at night Mom has had her icecream and pills for the night and is in bed. Tomorrow begins a week with Janice - who not only cared for Mom, but weeded the overgrown beds in the front yard last and cleaned my house on Friday. God is Good! And maybe those crochet hooks will even turn up this week.

A Day In The Life

It is often difficult to know what to report here for everyone to read. This week, I want to say that we have seen other symptoms of decline lately. Mom has always had a mind of her own, as you know, and she has had great difficulty adjusting and admitting that she is losing more and more control of her life along with the continuous decline in her cognitive abilities. She is exercising what control she does have by not interacting with Janice, refusing to eat the lunch that is prepared for her and getting ice cream, PB&J or cookies for herself. She has not been doing her crafts for more than a week and alternates between sleeping/lying in her bed, playing with the puppy until she gets too rambunctious, and sitting outside when it is nice. For me, she has refused to shower or eat dinner. We put the food in front of her and she feeds it to the dog or just leaves it. I got her to shower on Saturday by telling her I would not take her to church until she had showered.
Another odd thing happened on Wednesday morning. Joe and I were up around 5:15. He got in the shower and loved on the puppy for a few minutes before taking her outside. I heard Mom yell from her room via the baby monitor “that’s mine.” I did not think anything of it because she very frequently yells and talks in her sleep. As I went toward the front door to take Heidi out, Mom met me in the kitchen and turned the light on. She was obviously disturbed and went on about a boy who had just been in her room and stolen her boxes that were on the seat of her walker. She continued to insist that there had been boxes of her stuff there and the boy took them and if she caught him or saw him again she would kill him. My first tactic was to get her to remember that there were no boxes there, the house was locked, I was up and would have known if someone was in the house, the dogs did not bark, etc. It did not take long to adjust that tactic to say to her that I understood that she truly believed that this had happened; however, she was probably sleeping or hallucinating. I told her that she takes medication for hallucinations and that when I take her to the doctor next month, I would have to mention this episode to her. I told her that if she did not feel safe, that we could talk about that and see what we could do to help that. Mom totally and angrily dismissed me and crawled back in bed wrapped up in the covers like a cocoon. Nothing more has been said about it and I left her a note that morning with the job of boiling some chicken breasts for use later on. I warned Janice about the morning not knowing what Mom would be like when she got up. If she perseverated on it all day, she could get pretty worked up and Janice may have needed to call for help. As it turned out, Mom got up as usual, ignored Janice as usual and cooked the chicken breasts.
Mom refused to shower again last night. Today I left her a note requesting that she shred the chicken for salad. I will be home with her tomorrow because she sees the ophthalmologist in the morning. She wants to get some yarn to crochet. Maybe, maybe not…
The day in the life of a person with Alzheimer’s: Slipping away and helpless to stop it. I’ll be trying the shower thing again Saturday…

Happy Easter

Happy Easter from Texas! We did not go to the service last night because it did not start until 8:30 and I knew it would last for at least 3 hours - way past Mom's bedtime. She was a bit confused about not going last night but we did manicures for a distraction. Mom has pretty pink fingernails now. This morning she was up early and came out dressed in the clothes she wore yesterday and the day before. At my suggestion, Mom changed into a pink pants and jacket for church and we went to the 9:00 service. Mom had been busy making little church crafts to give to people so before mass began, I walked with her to deliver them to some people who have known her for awhile but whom she now meets for the first time every week. The Eucharist Ministers always come to where we sit in the front row to give Mom communion. This morning was no different but while Joe, Julie and I went to the altar for communion, Mom stood, got her purse and began to leave. I did a lot of motioning to her to stay there and was able to get back to the pew to let her know we were almost finished and it was not time to go. We finished the service giving praise with hands raised because Jesus Lives! Mom sings the Alleluias! best.

Happy Easter!

A GOOD FRIDAY

It has been a bumpy week or so. Mom is not happy about or with having Janice here with her during the day and is pretty much uncooperative and even defiant. After a particularly rough day of temper tantrums and bad attitude, Joe and I talked with her for some time to appeal to whatever capability she has to make choices and act accordingly. Mom did agree that she cannot stay alone and we talked about some of the reasons. She did not disagree. We explained that it came down to a couple of facts: She is getting worse and it is okay to be angry and scared but we are in this together. Janice is here to help us with that. Insofar as Mom is able to make a choice, we advised her that the choice was to be cooperative with Janice - go places, do things, see people OR sit at the table doing crafts, take naps, refuse showers and refuse to eat AND get worse a lot faster. It was late but she let me assist her with a shower and put her to bed. The next day was a little better, so I was hopeful. But last night as she and I ate ice cream at Sonic at 9:30 after church services, Mom had nothing good to say about her day, and I am sorry to say, Janice. I know that she reads this and I trust that she has learned enough about Alzheimer's and Mom and us, to not take it personally. The absolute truth is that Mom would be like this with anyone. Janice took her to Goodwill one day because I had told her she liked that. Mom was totally uncooperative that day and stated she would never go back to that store. Today, she can't wait to go with me! We have a ways to go, I guess!

So, today is Good Friday and my offices are closed. Joe and Julie had to work, so we are off to Goodwill and maybe the Dollar Tree or someplace. It will be a good day! Tonight Mom and I will go to services at church if she is up to it. And maybe ice cream afterwards again.

New Theory

Okay, I have been giving it a little more thought. Mom does not remember giving birth to Bonnie or me because, as she has told us, she wanted to be "put out" for the births and back then, I guess they did that. They put her to sleep and she woke up with these babies that someone handed her. And since we were girls and not boys, she did not hand them back! And now she is just wondering if I ever had any other parents before her so maybe she can give me back now! The only one Mom actually remembers and owns is Deena. Bonnie and I were just "put in" her arms. And over the years, we are the ones she does not like at various times. I hope I remember this the next time Mom asks me about it!

Suspicions grow...

Let's see, I know I have thought about things I should have been recording here the past few days. On Sunday, Mom and I had some time together at the table and we had to have the "birds and the bees" talk again. She asked again if I had ever had other parents. I let her know that no, I had not, that she was my only mother and she was stuck with me. She asked how she had gotten me and I told her I was a gift for God for her. I asked her if she had a husband and she said yes, his name was Dom. I told her the he was also my dad. And that she and daddy had two other daughters, Bonnie and Deena. At my question, she said she did not remember or think she ever was pregnant "with a big belly." But Mom kept talking like she had it figured out, about it all being "lined up" and that we were all together. If I didn't have the picture of Mom 8 months pregnant a month before I was born, I would be more suspicious about her questions. I have also seen pictures of her pregnant with Deena and, I was there. But...Bonnie...still wondering...

On Monday, Janice had some errands on the campus where I work, so she let Mom off for a few minutes to come inside with me rather than wait in the car for her. Mom came in and everyone greeted her. She met everyone for the first time again. One of my co-workers asked her about her trip to Louisiana. Mom claimed she had never been to Louisiana and supposed that my friend must have been confused.

On Tuesday, I left her a note about Janice helping her with a shower. She had absolutely refused to cooperate on the last occasion but I thought I would try again since I had spoken to her about Janice being here with her while I was gone. When I got home that evening - she had been showered - yeah Janice! Mom was not thrilled about it but I think Janice gave her a "Cheryl said so". What a blessing because there was just no time to get to it last night after Mom and I drove to Lockheed to take Joe his spare set of keys after losing the ones he used to get there.

Overall, that is our week so far. Our schedules are still crazy but I think we fill find a new routine that works for everyone. And...I'll keep you posted!