BUT WAIT!!!! There's More!

So, we meet again...for more of Marjorie's journey through this dark tunnel of Alzheimer's. I hope you are still praying for and supporting research to find a cure, a preventive or life changing treatment.

I come to you today from Mom's hospital bedside where we have been since Tuesday, April 6 after I received a phone call from Garden Terrace saying that Mom had fallen and most likely broken her arm. As it turns out, she did indeed break her right elbow but, as far as we can tell, there was no other damage. The elbow is cast and after some discussion with the doctor, I have decided that the further trauma of surgery would not benefit Mom. When this heals she will have fairly good range of motion and should be physically able to do much of what she was able to do prior to this.

The actual truth of the matter is this. Mom has deteriorated so much, I do not, at this moment, anticipate that we will have much of the Butterfly left.

(aside: Fr. Phillip was just here to pray with me and to give Mom the Sacrament of Anointing - formerly called Last Rites. It was beautiful.)

Let me give you a picture of what I am looking at. No, not an actually picture, that would scare you I think, but I will try to describe where we are on the journey today.

Mom was on the observation unit until 11:00 on Thursday night. They moved her at that time to a private room on the 5th floor because she was disturbing the other patients there. Initially, Mom was somewhat coherent. Enough to refuse food, water and meds. But also coherent enough to respond to me and I was able to get her to take some water, a few pills and some jello. Mom's reputation precedes her from shift to shift and unit to unit. Throughout the day I remind her that she is in the hospital because she fell and broke her arm. Whether it is the Alzheimer's or the morphine, Mom's only communication is screaming, yelling and physical resistance. If she hears a noise, she yells. If someone touches her forehead or arm or checks her bracelet for her name, she yells. If someone in scrubs comes in, she yells. The tough part is determining what part of the yelling is pain and what part is "Go to hell," which she is unable to articulate at this time.

I have a compact CD player tucked under her pillow with head phones resting on the pillow next to her. I keep it playing her Alan Jackson CD of Gospel Music. Yesterday and today when she was not agitated or complaining, Mom even hummed the songs with me as we listened to the music. I have not been able to get her to take any food or drink yet today and Mom has barely opened her eyes. About the only way to know if Mom is in pain is to let the morphine wear off and measure her yelling against her rise in blood pressure and pulse. That was not working for me. My instructions so far have been that she is to be kept comfortable. When Mom wakes up crying in pain, they have waited too long to give her the pain killer.

I am rethinking that today as I would hope that the pain is receding and I would like her to be awake enough to take food and maybe respond more with words rather than behavior. The risk there is that since Mom has not had her Alzheimer's medication again and when she is not sedated she will be trying to leave, pulling out anything that is attached to her and cracking someone over the head with her casted arm! And then someone rushes in with a dose of Atavan because she is a danger to herself and others.

Mom has bought herself more time here in the hospital by running a fever and having a yet unidentified infection. The broken arm will require rehab, so her 20 or 100 days starts over maybe? The expectation is that Mom will be released from the hospital on Monday. I spent yesterday speaking to and meeting with staff from local Alzheimer Rehab and nursing homes. This past weekend, before the fall, I was "this" close to just bringing her back home, hiring Becky again and moving into the other twin bed in her room. The doctors, my family and friends have dictated that this is not an option.

As I sit here next to her bed I can envision the Butterfly that trotted around without her walker, ate Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches every morning and more if she could get away with it, dunked her Nonnies in coffee and loved going to church. But I honestly don't see that in our future. This is a left turn on the map and I just don't know what part of her besides the angry, controlling and stubborn part will be left. Now, don't you tell me that you didn't know that side of her!

I guess that's all I have for today. You know I could go on. And on. But if I did, you might be disillusioned about me as well! So let's leave it as it is. The devoted daughter by her mother's bedside who deserves a CRUISE someday!

I love you all and do so much appreciate your thoughts and prayers - and God's Grace! You hold us up!!