The Butterfly Moments

Happy New Year to friends and family! Let me do a little catch up since I haven't had the time to do this for a couple days. Tuesday (the day before yesterday) was such a nice day here that I left my office by 2:30 to drive home and pick up Mom to get her out of the house for awhile. Knowing that I had to pick Julie up at 4:30 and Tanglewood was on the way, I leisurely drove with windows rolled down, through the back roads in the rural area toward there, calling ahead to make sure that Mom's friend Lorenzo would be there. We checked out all the cows, horses, clouds and gas wells. As we approached her previous "day stay" place I suggested that we had time to stop in there to say Happy New Year to everyone. Mom was okay with it. (She previously refused to go back there for any reason.) We walked in the door and there were greetings of "Butterfly" from everywhere! EVERYONE around approached and called her Butterfly, telling her how much they missed her. Mom had a great time with all of the attention but still refuses to go back there, preferring to do her coloring and crafts in her own home. But I am sure she had some butterfly moments of being beautiful and free among people who loved her and missed her and accepted her the way she is.

Yesterday, her friend Diann, who cares for Mom when Joe and I are both working, called me to ask if she and Margaret, the other caregiver we use, could take Mom to lunch on Friday. Mom was agreeable when I mentioned it to her but of course does not know who I was talking about and has totally forgotten about it. We won't mention it again until I get her dressed tomorrow morning when she will dress and sit in wait for several hours anticipating the visit.

With Joe not working, we have not needed Diann or Margaret and Mom spends a lot of time alone. Joe goes and stays in his office all day, checking on Mom when he gets his scheduled snacks and lunch. He doesn't take her places and do crafts with her, but they so get on well - Joe talks engineering to her and she says "uh huh" a lot.

That kind of catches you up. Last night and this morning, Mom is calm and disconnected. Stacey and family were here last night as were Julie's friends Steven and Jeffrey. It was a lot of noise and commotion which sent Mom to her room to putter around. She actually fell asleep with her clothes on and we left her that way. This morning when we mentioned that she had slept in her clothes, she was adamant that she had not, and that her pajamas were at the bottom of the bed where she had left them this morning. She was also adamant about having changed her underwear and Poise pad - which she had not. It must seem to her as though she can do nothing right for me. If I direct her to wash her hands and she does, I want her to use soap. If she hangs her clothes up after she has worn them, I go through her closet and put them in the hamper. If she does get dressed on her own, I want her to do it again and this time put on clean underwear. Mom is usually disturbed at me and it is no wonder - I am always bothering her with the details. Joe suggested this morning that I not call her MaMa when I am the caregiver but that I should call her Marjorie and when we are being casual and playful, I call her MaMa so that her "daughter" is not bossing her around. I don't know about that one - I'll think about it. I can be Karen when I'm the boss and Cheryl when I am her daughter maybe?

Again, we wish you all a Happy New Year. I thank-you for your comments, concerns and support. I look forward to checking this blog to see if anyone has reached out to touch us because it's like you are sharing this experience with me. I love you all!