The Journey Continues

Well, it's time to do this. I have had it going around in my thoughts for over a week but really did not have the time to sit here and do justice to the information. I'll give it a try tonight.

Bonnie and Deena left on Wednesday, Feb. 24 after a great week together. Yes, the visit was interesting, enlightening, endearing, affirming and productive in many ways. They were able to meet the woman our mother is today. They heard the joyful and made-up stories - several times. They went to church with us and to I-HOP. They were awakened many times during the nights by Mom being up and dressed. When they couldn't find something, like a tube of lotion that Deena had just bought at Target, guess where we found it? Yep, they pretty much got the whole experience except perhaps the bouts of anger and agitation that come out of nowhere.

In order to take you on this journey with us, I'll have to go back a week or two.

You all know that I have been contemplating again, how I will know if and when we would need to move Mom to a place where she would be safe and healthy and that I have been in prayer about this for sometime. So, while Deena and Bonnie were here, I took them to the memory care place that Joe and I had toured in October. After meeting with staff there, we took the initial steps to begin moving Mom there. Medical records were requested from her doctor and an in-home assessment was scheduled for Feb. 19. The person who was to do the assessment did not show. I thought perhaps we had mis-communicated about the time but I was unable to reach her at her office or on her cell phone.

My prayer has been "Lord, I want to do your will, but how will I know what that is?" So, I was leaving it up to the Lord to lead me in this decision. And it appeared that the door to that memory care unit was opening. Okay, we were still rocking along like normal; Becky was here everyday and things were pretty "normal."

On Friday, Feb. 26, Becky came as usual. Mom got up before I left for work so I initiated getting her dressed and asked her to put on fresh panties and pad. She did it but was not happy. I left her dressing while I continued to get ready for work. Mom dressed and came to the kitchen table while I was talking to Becky and getting everything together for the day. Mom announced that she could not live here anymore! That turned the conversation a little. Knowing that I had already taken steps toward this, I agreed that she was probably right and that I would work on making some arrangements for that. At that point, I dug through my purse and found the card of the person who did not show up for the assessment and was determined to call her when I got to work - taking matters into my own hands, essentially. I found the card and slipped it into my pocket and started out again.

Before I could get to the door, Mom had an indescribable moment of clarity and announced that she wanted to move to Tanglewood!

Becky and I were speechless! Goosebumps! Awe! One moment I am taking matters into my own hands because God is not moving on this and the next, the answer to my prayer comes out of Mom's mouth. Becky explains it saying that not only did He answer my prayer, He sat at the table with us that morning and delivered the message!

I left for work finally and called Tanglewood on my way there. The details of the day are foggy but throughout conversations with administrators there, the obstacles such as TB tests and doctor orders, just fell away. By 12:00 that afternoon, I called Becky to say that Mom should pack a bag. And here the story turns a little! When Mom heard that she was to pack a bag for Tanglewood, she became very agitated and angry and Becky called me to come home. Mom denied EVER saying that she wanted to go there, she hated the place and a lot of other stuff, including that she WAS NOT going to go!

There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that this had to happen and to hesitate on my part would be lack of faith, doubt and even disobedience. I moved through it, packed her bag, found out that Joe could get off at 2:00, and by 3:00 Becky, Joe and I were in the car with Mom as she held and cuddled her baby, en route to Tanglewood, the whole time, ignoring Mom as she insisted she was not going to stay there.

And that is where Mom is today. She still does not want to be there. We moved her bed, dresser and rocking chair there. I take more things to her everyday when I visit.

I see how unhappy Mom is almost every day - she tells me she wants to be dead rather than live there. But it is unbelievable how she fits in there! Today, Mom was resting on her bed refusing to go to lunch and wearing her blue jacket that has her name on the front and "Outdoor Army Store" on the back. She was quick to tell me that she was wearing it because a boy had stolen it and she got it back from him! I got her to take the jacket off at one point and what did I find in the pocket, but a metal belt that did not belong to her! I finally got her to the lunchroom and saw that she was wearing a wristwatch - NOT HERS! One of the guys there, stopped me to ask if I had tried the pool yet? I told him no, that I had not. THERE IS NO POOL THERE.

Of course, leaving her there when I know how unhappy she is, is very hard but I am still at peace with the decision. I do weigh it now against what I come home to: a peaceful home with my children and grandchildren around me. Stacey, David and the kids have been here more and have not been subjected to the verbal abuse or the chance that Grandma will trip them or try to scratch them as they walk by. And I have slept so well every night. Haven't taken a Xanex all week.

This chapter is long, I know. I wanted to share the details with you. You have supported us in prayer, cards, phone calls and visits. I don't know where we go from here but I will be exploring it in the coming chapters of this blog I suppose.