Julie came running in the back door earlier today yelling "it's gramma, it's gramma!" Joe and I meet her in the living room where she has a Monarch butterfly sittin on her hand opening and closing its wings.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
There is a Light at the End of the Tunnel
Yes, there is! Mom passed peacefully at 6:42 this evening listening to Alan Jackson sing her favorite hymns. As things quickly deteriorated today, Mom sang (without words) and sang and when the pain got worse she sang louder. About 3:00 this afternoon, Mom quit yelling at everyone and barely responded when she was touched or moved. The afternoon was filled with frantic tests, scans and x-rays to determine the cause of her decline. At about 6:15 following a scan, the infectious disease specialist they called in confirmed that Mom had very serious colitis and that the anti-biotics she had been on had killed even the good bacteria, making her susceptible to this. At that point, Mom began showing signs that she was leaving. Joe and I were bedside as were about 3 nurses and the doctor.
Joe and I had the honor of sharing those moments with her. Her journey has ended. She spared us difficult decisions about her continued care there at the hospital and about the care we anticipated she would need when she left the hospital. Mom has been ready to go for a long time and has told us so on numerous occasions.
I don't have words to thank you for your prayer and support these last few years. Thank you for sharing the ups and downs with us. Thank you for the encouragement and love!
We are making plans to celebrate her life this coming week at St. Joseph Mission in Ashtabula. Please continue to pray for us as we move through this. There will be memories, laughter and tears when we all get together to "sing and shout the Jubilee!"
Mom has found the LIGHT at the end of the tunnell!
Joe and I had the honor of sharing those moments with her. Her journey has ended. She spared us difficult decisions about her continued care there at the hospital and about the care we anticipated she would need when she left the hospital. Mom has been ready to go for a long time and has told us so on numerous occasions.
I don't have words to thank you for your prayer and support these last few years. Thank you for sharing the ups and downs with us. Thank you for the encouragement and love!
We are making plans to celebrate her life this coming week at St. Joseph Mission in Ashtabula. Please continue to pray for us as we move through this. There will be memories, laughter and tears when we all get together to "sing and shout the Jubilee!"
Mom has found the LIGHT at the end of the tunnell!
Update
Stacey here. Since my mom posted her update this morning, Gramma's condition has deteriorated even more. They've moved her to the ICU and are suspecting possible renal failure. That's all the information I have at the moment. Please pray.
(((Love you)))
(((Love you)))
BUT WAIT!!!! There's More!
So, we meet again...for more of Marjorie's journey through this dark tunnel of Alzheimer's. I hope you are still praying for and supporting research to find a cure, a preventive or life changing treatment.
I come to you today from Mom's hospital bedside where we have been since Tuesday, April 6 after I received a phone call from Garden Terrace saying that Mom had fallen and most likely broken her arm. As it turns out, she did indeed break her right elbow but, as far as we can tell, there was no other damage. The elbow is cast and after some discussion with the doctor, I have decided that the further trauma of surgery would not benefit Mom. When this heals she will have fairly good range of motion and should be physically able to do much of what she was able to do prior to this.
The actual truth of the matter is this. Mom has deteriorated so much, I do not, at this moment, anticipate that we will have much of the Butterfly left.
(aside: Fr. Phillip was just here to pray with me and to give Mom the Sacrament of Anointing - formerly called Last Rites. It was beautiful.)
Let me give you a picture of what I am looking at. No, not an actually picture, that would scare you I think, but I will try to describe where we are on the journey today.
Mom was on the observation unit until 11:00 on Thursday night. They moved her at that time to a private room on the 5th floor because she was disturbing the other patients there. Initially, Mom was somewhat coherent. Enough to refuse food, water and meds. But also coherent enough to respond to me and I was able to get her to take some water, a few pills and some jello. Mom's reputation precedes her from shift to shift and unit to unit. Throughout the day I remind her that she is in the hospital because she fell and broke her arm. Whether it is the Alzheimer's or the morphine, Mom's only communication is screaming, yelling and physical resistance. If she hears a noise, she yells. If someone touches her forehead or arm or checks her bracelet for her name, she yells. If someone in scrubs comes in, she yells. The tough part is determining what part of the yelling is pain and what part is "Go to hell," which she is unable to articulate at this time.
I have a compact CD player tucked under her pillow with head phones resting on the pillow next to her. I keep it playing her Alan Jackson CD of Gospel Music. Yesterday and today when she was not agitated or complaining, Mom even hummed the songs with me as we listened to the music. I have not been able to get her to take any food or drink yet today and Mom has barely opened her eyes. About the only way to know if Mom is in pain is to let the morphine wear off and measure her yelling against her rise in blood pressure and pulse. That was not working for me. My instructions so far have been that she is to be kept comfortable. When Mom wakes up crying in pain, they have waited too long to give her the pain killer.
I am rethinking that today as I would hope that the pain is receding and I would like her to be awake enough to take food and maybe respond more with words rather than behavior. The risk there is that since Mom has not had her Alzheimer's medication again and when she is not sedated she will be trying to leave, pulling out anything that is attached to her and cracking someone over the head with her casted arm! And then someone rushes in with a dose of Atavan because she is a danger to herself and others.
Mom has bought herself more time here in the hospital by running a fever and having a yet unidentified infection. The broken arm will require rehab, so her 20 or 100 days starts over maybe? The expectation is that Mom will be released from the hospital on Monday. I spent yesterday speaking to and meeting with staff from local Alzheimer Rehab and nursing homes. This past weekend, before the fall, I was "this" close to just bringing her back home, hiring Becky again and moving into the other twin bed in her room. The doctors, my family and friends have dictated that this is not an option.
As I sit here next to her bed I can envision the Butterfly that trotted around without her walker, ate Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches every morning and more if she could get away with it, dunked her Nonnies in coffee and loved going to church. But I honestly don't see that in our future. This is a left turn on the map and I just don't know what part of her besides the angry, controlling and stubborn part will be left. Now, don't you tell me that you didn't know that side of her!
I guess that's all I have for today. You know I could go on. And on. But if I did, you might be disillusioned about me as well! So let's leave it as it is. The devoted daughter by her mother's bedside who deserves a CRUISE someday!
I love you all and do so much appreciate your thoughts and prayers - and God's Grace! You hold us up!!
I come to you today from Mom's hospital bedside where we have been since Tuesday, April 6 after I received a phone call from Garden Terrace saying that Mom had fallen and most likely broken her arm. As it turns out, she did indeed break her right elbow but, as far as we can tell, there was no other damage. The elbow is cast and after some discussion with the doctor, I have decided that the further trauma of surgery would not benefit Mom. When this heals she will have fairly good range of motion and should be physically able to do much of what she was able to do prior to this.
The actual truth of the matter is this. Mom has deteriorated so much, I do not, at this moment, anticipate that we will have much of the Butterfly left.
(aside: Fr. Phillip was just here to pray with me and to give Mom the Sacrament of Anointing - formerly called Last Rites. It was beautiful.)
Let me give you a picture of what I am looking at. No, not an actually picture, that would scare you I think, but I will try to describe where we are on the journey today.
Mom was on the observation unit until 11:00 on Thursday night. They moved her at that time to a private room on the 5th floor because she was disturbing the other patients there. Initially, Mom was somewhat coherent. Enough to refuse food, water and meds. But also coherent enough to respond to me and I was able to get her to take some water, a few pills and some jello. Mom's reputation precedes her from shift to shift and unit to unit. Throughout the day I remind her that she is in the hospital because she fell and broke her arm. Whether it is the Alzheimer's or the morphine, Mom's only communication is screaming, yelling and physical resistance. If she hears a noise, she yells. If someone touches her forehead or arm or checks her bracelet for her name, she yells. If someone in scrubs comes in, she yells. The tough part is determining what part of the yelling is pain and what part is "Go to hell," which she is unable to articulate at this time.
I have a compact CD player tucked under her pillow with head phones resting on the pillow next to her. I keep it playing her Alan Jackson CD of Gospel Music. Yesterday and today when she was not agitated or complaining, Mom even hummed the songs with me as we listened to the music. I have not been able to get her to take any food or drink yet today and Mom has barely opened her eyes. About the only way to know if Mom is in pain is to let the morphine wear off and measure her yelling against her rise in blood pressure and pulse. That was not working for me. My instructions so far have been that she is to be kept comfortable. When Mom wakes up crying in pain, they have waited too long to give her the pain killer.
I am rethinking that today as I would hope that the pain is receding and I would like her to be awake enough to take food and maybe respond more with words rather than behavior. The risk there is that since Mom has not had her Alzheimer's medication again and when she is not sedated she will be trying to leave, pulling out anything that is attached to her and cracking someone over the head with her casted arm! And then someone rushes in with a dose of Atavan because she is a danger to herself and others.
Mom has bought herself more time here in the hospital by running a fever and having a yet unidentified infection. The broken arm will require rehab, so her 20 or 100 days starts over maybe? The expectation is that Mom will be released from the hospital on Monday. I spent yesterday speaking to and meeting with staff from local Alzheimer Rehab and nursing homes. This past weekend, before the fall, I was "this" close to just bringing her back home, hiring Becky again and moving into the other twin bed in her room. The doctors, my family and friends have dictated that this is not an option.
As I sit here next to her bed I can envision the Butterfly that trotted around without her walker, ate Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches every morning and more if she could get away with it, dunked her Nonnies in coffee and loved going to church. But I honestly don't see that in our future. This is a left turn on the map and I just don't know what part of her besides the angry, controlling and stubborn part will be left. Now, don't you tell me that you didn't know that side of her!
I guess that's all I have for today. You know I could go on. And on. But if I did, you might be disillusioned about me as well! So let's leave it as it is. The devoted daughter by her mother's bedside who deserves a CRUISE someday!
I love you all and do so much appreciate your thoughts and prayers - and God's Grace! You hold us up!!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Where Did I Leave Off?
Mom and I spent Thursday night, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and most of Monday in the hospital. By Monday, she was much improved after getting her medication - by hook or by crook and yes, once by frustrated force on my part. I arranged to have her transported on Monday to a Rehab and nursing facility that has an Alzheimer's unit to get her land legs back and her medications stable. She is being evaluated by a psychiatrist to adjust/change her medications and is doing remarkably well. So well, that I am not stopping by everyday to see her but speak by phone to the charge nurse or doctor when I do not go.
The task now is to find long term Medicaid placement for Mom where she will get her needs met as she declines. I have arranged a visit to one facility for this afternoon and will arrange more in order to find the right place. I do not look forward to doing this again.
That is where we are today. But the story is not over yet, so I hope you will stay with us in spirit. In this case, NO NEWS is probably not GOOD NEWS. It means that I am probably too busy to update you but I will get to it eventually.
In the meantime, my prayers are with all of you for a Blessed and Peacefilled Easter!
The task now is to find long term Medicaid placement for Mom where she will get her needs met as she declines. I have arranged a visit to one facility for this afternoon and will arrange more in order to find the right place. I do not look forward to doing this again.
That is where we are today. But the story is not over yet, so I hope you will stay with us in spirit. In this case, NO NEWS is probably not GOOD NEWS. It means that I am probably too busy to update you but I will get to it eventually.
In the meantime, my prayers are with all of you for a Blessed and Peacefilled Easter!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Rest of the Story - or at least some of it...
Hey, I'll bet you think you haven't heard from me in more than a week because, as I remember, I had a plan and things should be rockin' along. WRONG!! I have so much to tell you. So get comfortable and allow yourself some extra time to get through this with me. You know that this Blog is as much for me as it is for you! So here it is.
I did sleep well on Tuesday night and got to Tanglewood by 10:30 to give me time to make sure Mom was clean and presentable. She was not either when I got there. Mom had been wearing the same t-shirt with a big butterfly on it 24 hours a day for at least a week. When I suggested that she change it, she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was not going to take it off. Mom smelled like a dirty diaper so I let her know that she had to change her underwear, pad and slacks. That was not going to happen either! After some time spent trying to cajole her into complying, I got physical and snatched those elastic waste brown slacks down around her ankles. The panties and NASTY pad were next. Mom swung at me and called me several names but I managed to pry this clothing from under her feet which she tried her best to glue to the ground.
Okay, she is in mostly clean clothes. We have a little time to spare so I try to visit with her, distract her, get her into a good mood.
12:00, time to get to the car so that we can stop for a quick lunch before going into Dr. Birdwell's office. The next hour and a half was spent, no kidding!, trying to get Mom to get into my car. She has absolutely no capacity for reasoning and just could not fathom why she needed to go although I tried "let's have lunch, lets have ice cream, you have been saying you wanted to leave and now is your chance, you are sick and need to go to the doctor." I mean! We went around and then around again. She was adamant about going back into the building to her room. Long after we were going to be late to the doctor appointment, Mom let go of her walker and let me put it in the car and she reluctantly climbed into the front seat with the promise that we would be gone only a few minutes and I would bring her right back.
One block from Tanglewood, Mom was having such anxiety that I agreed that it was time to go back. When I was there earlier, I knew that the Physician's Assistant was on site seeing some of the residents. As I turned around to head back, I called Tanglewood to be sure that he was still there and insisted on seeing him when I arrived.
Back at TW, Mom was escorted to her room and I sat with the doctor, the Director and the Alzheimer's Unit manager and let them know that her care in the past month was totally unacceptable. At that time, I was shown a zip loc bag with at least 50 pills in it that Mom had refused to take. I was at that facility daily and asked about her. In the first week she was there, I was advised one day that she had refused to take her meds and I was able to get her to take them. That was the last I heard of it. Mom's behavior had become increasingly defiant and physical if anyone came near her and she felt threatened. She told me that her tummy did not feel well and on a number of occasions, I was told that she had vomited. Does this sound like someone who is coming off of some high powered anti-depressant, anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic drugs to you? Well it did to me too! The P.A. felt strongly that Mom had a UTI and that was the reason for this changed behavior. He wanted to prescribe an anti-biotic. Why? So it could end up in that little baggy with the rest of her pills? Duh!! Nonetheless, he ordered home health for Mom and a nurse was scheduled to see Mom later in the day to get a urine sample. I insisted if she had a UTI, she did not have it when she got there, because I made sure she was clean! I was a mess by this time! The unit manager agreed to take on Mom's care herself AND to communicate with me throughout the day about Mom's status. This was on Wednesday, March 17.
On Thursday, I picked Julie up from work at 4:30 and we went to TW. Mom was sitting in a chair outside her room clutching her purse. Staff came up and explained that Mom had lost one of the lenses out of her glasses and they did not know where it was. I finally go Mom to let me see her glasses and discovered they weren't even her glasses!
I still don't know where hers are. Staff reported that Mom had been difficult all day, refusing to eat, participate or change her clothes. When I inquired about the results of the urine test, I was informed that the nurse had come but that Mom slapped, kicked, grabbed and called her names and would not cooperate. Julie and I stayed only a short while because Mom was in a different world and was only connecting in order to be ugly and angry.
Before I left the parking lot that day, I phoned the Physician's Assistant and insisted that Mom be hospitalized before she hurt herself or others and to be treated for a UTI if there was one. He said he would speak to Dr. Le and within the hour, Dr. Le phoned to say that if we could get Mom there, he had arranged a room for her at the hospital. We discussed how to get her there and the "what ifs" and agreed to give it a try. I phoned TW and asked them to use the gel (part Ativan and part Haldol) on her wrists to subdue her and Joe and I left to try to pick her up.
By the time we got there, Mom was calm and agreeable and staff had walked her to the front door. We arrived at the hospital and although Mom had already been accepted there, I had to sign forms and answer questions. All of which takes time as it is ticking away and the gel could wear off at any time.
The sedation did finally wear off - just as we got to her room and tried to get her out of the wheel chair and into the bed! This was maybe about 8:00. At 11:00, Mom was still in the wheel chair and was carrying on what she thought was a conversation with me. At my suggestion, Joe arranged for Stacey to come pick him up so that he could go to work the next day and he could leave me a car. Before he left, I took Mom to the bathroom and Joe removed the wheel chair, forcing Mom to sit on the edge of the bed. Around that time, I was able to get her to take a pill - an Ativan. At 2:00 in the morning, Mom was still "chatting" with me when she closed her eyes, stopped talking a fell asleep straight up in the bed. I quickly laid her over and covered her up. At 2:30 I was headed home for two hours sleep and a few items like a toothbrush, a book to read, etc. I got back to the hospital before Mom woke up and before shift change at 6:00.
And tomorrow, (or the next day) you will get more of the story. I told you it was a whopper! I will leave you with this though: tonight Mom is resting comfortably and is doing better than she has in more than a month. I on the other hand...am taking donations for my mental health cruise to Mexico!
Buenos Noches!!
I did sleep well on Tuesday night and got to Tanglewood by 10:30 to give me time to make sure Mom was clean and presentable. She was not either when I got there. Mom had been wearing the same t-shirt with a big butterfly on it 24 hours a day for at least a week. When I suggested that she change it, she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was not going to take it off. Mom smelled like a dirty diaper so I let her know that she had to change her underwear, pad and slacks. That was not going to happen either! After some time spent trying to cajole her into complying, I got physical and snatched those elastic waste brown slacks down around her ankles. The panties and NASTY pad were next. Mom swung at me and called me several names but I managed to pry this clothing from under her feet which she tried her best to glue to the ground.
Okay, she is in mostly clean clothes. We have a little time to spare so I try to visit with her, distract her, get her into a good mood.
12:00, time to get to the car so that we can stop for a quick lunch before going into Dr. Birdwell's office. The next hour and a half was spent, no kidding!, trying to get Mom to get into my car. She has absolutely no capacity for reasoning and just could not fathom why she needed to go although I tried "let's have lunch, lets have ice cream, you have been saying you wanted to leave and now is your chance, you are sick and need to go to the doctor." I mean! We went around and then around again. She was adamant about going back into the building to her room. Long after we were going to be late to the doctor appointment, Mom let go of her walker and let me put it in the car and she reluctantly climbed into the front seat with the promise that we would be gone only a few minutes and I would bring her right back.
One block from Tanglewood, Mom was having such anxiety that I agreed that it was time to go back. When I was there earlier, I knew that the Physician's Assistant was on site seeing some of the residents. As I turned around to head back, I called Tanglewood to be sure that he was still there and insisted on seeing him when I arrived.
Back at TW, Mom was escorted to her room and I sat with the doctor, the Director and the Alzheimer's Unit manager and let them know that her care in the past month was totally unacceptable. At that time, I was shown a zip loc bag with at least 50 pills in it that Mom had refused to take. I was at that facility daily and asked about her. In the first week she was there, I was advised one day that she had refused to take her meds and I was able to get her to take them. That was the last I heard of it. Mom's behavior had become increasingly defiant and physical if anyone came near her and she felt threatened. She told me that her tummy did not feel well and on a number of occasions, I was told that she had vomited. Does this sound like someone who is coming off of some high powered anti-depressant, anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic drugs to you? Well it did to me too! The P.A. felt strongly that Mom had a UTI and that was the reason for this changed behavior. He wanted to prescribe an anti-biotic. Why? So it could end up in that little baggy with the rest of her pills? Duh!! Nonetheless, he ordered home health for Mom and a nurse was scheduled to see Mom later in the day to get a urine sample. I insisted if she had a UTI, she did not have it when she got there, because I made sure she was clean! I was a mess by this time! The unit manager agreed to take on Mom's care herself AND to communicate with me throughout the day about Mom's status. This was on Wednesday, March 17.
On Thursday, I picked Julie up from work at 4:30 and we went to TW. Mom was sitting in a chair outside her room clutching her purse. Staff came up and explained that Mom had lost one of the lenses out of her glasses and they did not know where it was. I finally go Mom to let me see her glasses and discovered they weren't even her glasses!
I still don't know where hers are. Staff reported that Mom had been difficult all day, refusing to eat, participate or change her clothes. When I inquired about the results of the urine test, I was informed that the nurse had come but that Mom slapped, kicked, grabbed and called her names and would not cooperate. Julie and I stayed only a short while because Mom was in a different world and was only connecting in order to be ugly and angry.
Before I left the parking lot that day, I phoned the Physician's Assistant and insisted that Mom be hospitalized before she hurt herself or others and to be treated for a UTI if there was one. He said he would speak to Dr. Le and within the hour, Dr. Le phoned to say that if we could get Mom there, he had arranged a room for her at the hospital. We discussed how to get her there and the "what ifs" and agreed to give it a try. I phoned TW and asked them to use the gel (part Ativan and part Haldol) on her wrists to subdue her and Joe and I left to try to pick her up.
By the time we got there, Mom was calm and agreeable and staff had walked her to the front door. We arrived at the hospital and although Mom had already been accepted there, I had to sign forms and answer questions. All of which takes time as it is ticking away and the gel could wear off at any time.
The sedation did finally wear off - just as we got to her room and tried to get her out of the wheel chair and into the bed! This was maybe about 8:00. At 11:00, Mom was still in the wheel chair and was carrying on what she thought was a conversation with me. At my suggestion, Joe arranged for Stacey to come pick him up so that he could go to work the next day and he could leave me a car. Before he left, I took Mom to the bathroom and Joe removed the wheel chair, forcing Mom to sit on the edge of the bed. Around that time, I was able to get her to take a pill - an Ativan. At 2:00 in the morning, Mom was still "chatting" with me when she closed her eyes, stopped talking a fell asleep straight up in the bed. I quickly laid her over and covered her up. At 2:30 I was headed home for two hours sleep and a few items like a toothbrush, a book to read, etc. I got back to the hospital before Mom woke up and before shift change at 6:00.
And tomorrow, (or the next day) you will get more of the story. I told you it was a whopper! I will leave you with this though: tonight Mom is resting comfortably and is doing better than she has in more than a month. I on the other hand...am taking donations for my mental health cruise to Mexico!
Buenos Noches!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
A Little Bit More
A plan is in place. Mom has a doctor appointment with Dr. Birdwell tomorrow at 1:30. We moved the other twin bed and vanity to the Meyer's last night. I will go to Tanglewood before lunch to make sure she is clean and dressed. I am prepared to do her nails before we go, take her to lunch and to Wal-mart or the dollar store before taking her to the new place. I have Nonnies to take over there and her baby doll is already there. I will be speaking to the doctor about her medications. It has been 4 months since Mom was in to have them renewed and she has deteriorated significantly in that time. She is more anxious and paranoid, depressed and angry. How that all goes together, I am not sure. But hopefully we will get the answers that will help Mom be not so anxious and oppositional.
I am off to bed - with a little bit of xanex and God's Grace to relax and be ready for tomorrow.
Thank-you for your support and prayer.
I am off to bed - with a little bit of xanex and God's Grace to relax and be ready for tomorrow.
Thank-you for your support and prayer.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
More of the Story!
I have been waiting to update this story until I figured everything out. Like that is going to ever happen! So, here I am with the latest details as vague and unsettled as they are.
Mom has been at Tanglewood for almost one month and has not adjusted. The whole truth is, that she is not going to adjust to anything or anywhere. We know that and everyday when we visit and leave without her, we are reminded again. During the month she has been there, she has refused to shower, take her medications and eat at various times. She has grabbed a staff by the shoulders and pushed her away when she thought that the staff was taking things out of the closet. Mom has peeled her name and the name of her roommate off of the plaque by the door. She has been angry and pounded on the tables. All the while of course, flirting with the mindless old men there! Mom lets us know that she "has problems" and she is leaving there. She has packed the two tote bags and the basket of her walker with as much as they would hold and plans to leave the locked unit. Keep in mind that none of her language or actions make any sense at all and every day is a little different.
So, I am planning to move her. Yep. In as much as Mom is not adjusting, I am doing worse. Tanglewood is really a good facility. It is not a nursing home but an assisted living facility, even the locked Alzheimer's unit. The reason I am moving her is that I need more. I need more interaction with staff and with doctors. I want to know if she had a shower or if she is getting her medication and if she is sleeping at night, having nightmares and eating nutritiously. Currently I am not getting this information. As an "assisted living" place they don't have a system of communication that meets my need for involvement in her well-being.
Last week, I discovered, through some networking, that there is a private care home right here in Crowley about 3 miles from our house - in town on the opposite corner from the high school! It is owned by a family who, as it turns out, we sat among during football season while our kids marched in the high school band. Anyway, they dedicated 3 bedrooms to the care of Alzheimer's patients after they remodeled their home for the care of their own family member several years ago and are now a licensed facility. They have two empty rooms at this time and are willing to take Mom. We are arranging the move for this week I think if everything works out. At this place, Mom will be able to have her peanut butter and jelly sandwich every morning, her coffee and Nonni's for snack and ice cream if she wants it. I don't know if it will make a difference in her but it will ease my mind. I anticipate a doctor appointment with her this week to discuss medications too. Mom has changed a lot and I think her medication need to be adjusted to ease her increasing anxiety and aggression.
You know I will keep you posted!
On another note, though, Stacey, David and the kids have been here more frequently and it has been so very peaceful and enjoyable for everyone. I can't express the calm and peace in our home again. I am sleeping through the night. I am not taking Xanex. I did not question that Mom was always supposed to be with us in our home. And I don't question now that it is time for her to be cared for by others so that my family is no longer torn apart by Mom's verbal abuse, anger and increasing needs.
That's as up-to-date and real as it gets for today. I think it will be a busy week and I will have more to report next week at this time. Stay tuned! We love you!
Mom has been at Tanglewood for almost one month and has not adjusted. The whole truth is, that she is not going to adjust to anything or anywhere. We know that and everyday when we visit and leave without her, we are reminded again. During the month she has been there, she has refused to shower, take her medications and eat at various times. She has grabbed a staff by the shoulders and pushed her away when she thought that the staff was taking things out of the closet. Mom has peeled her name and the name of her roommate off of the plaque by the door. She has been angry and pounded on the tables. All the while of course, flirting with the mindless old men there! Mom lets us know that she "has problems" and she is leaving there. She has packed the two tote bags and the basket of her walker with as much as they would hold and plans to leave the locked unit. Keep in mind that none of her language or actions make any sense at all and every day is a little different.
So, I am planning to move her. Yep. In as much as Mom is not adjusting, I am doing worse. Tanglewood is really a good facility. It is not a nursing home but an assisted living facility, even the locked Alzheimer's unit. The reason I am moving her is that I need more. I need more interaction with staff and with doctors. I want to know if she had a shower or if she is getting her medication and if she is sleeping at night, having nightmares and eating nutritiously. Currently I am not getting this information. As an "assisted living" place they don't have a system of communication that meets my need for involvement in her well-being.
Last week, I discovered, through some networking, that there is a private care home right here in Crowley about 3 miles from our house - in town on the opposite corner from the high school! It is owned by a family who, as it turns out, we sat among during football season while our kids marched in the high school band. Anyway, they dedicated 3 bedrooms to the care of Alzheimer's patients after they remodeled their home for the care of their own family member several years ago and are now a licensed facility. They have two empty rooms at this time and are willing to take Mom. We are arranging the move for this week I think if everything works out. At this place, Mom will be able to have her peanut butter and jelly sandwich every morning, her coffee and Nonni's for snack and ice cream if she wants it. I don't know if it will make a difference in her but it will ease my mind. I anticipate a doctor appointment with her this week to discuss medications too. Mom has changed a lot and I think her medication need to be adjusted to ease her increasing anxiety and aggression.
You know I will keep you posted!
On another note, though, Stacey, David and the kids have been here more frequently and it has been so very peaceful and enjoyable for everyone. I can't express the calm and peace in our home again. I am sleeping through the night. I am not taking Xanex. I did not question that Mom was always supposed to be with us in our home. And I don't question now that it is time for her to be cared for by others so that my family is no longer torn apart by Mom's verbal abuse, anger and increasing needs.
That's as up-to-date and real as it gets for today. I think it will be a busy week and I will have more to report next week at this time. Stay tuned! We love you!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Journey Continues
Well, it's time to do this. I have had it going around in my thoughts for over a week but really did not have the time to sit here and do justice to the information. I'll give it a try tonight.Bonnie and Deena left on Wednesday, Feb. 24 after a great week together. Yes, the visit was interesting, enlightening, endearing, affirming and productive in many ways. They were able to meet the woman our mother is today. They heard the joyful and made-up stories - several times. They went to church with us and to I-HOP. They were awakened many times during the nights by Mom being up and dressed. When they couldn't find something, like a tube of lotion that Deena had just bought at Target, guess where we found it? Yep, they pretty much got the whole experience except perhaps the bouts of anger and agitation that come out of nowhere.
In order to take you on this journey with us, I'll have to go back a week or two.
You all know that I have been contemplating again, how I will know if and when we would need to move Mom to a place where she would be safe and healthy and that I have been in prayer about this for sometime. So, while Deena and Bonnie were here, I took them to the memory care place that Joe and I had toured in October. After meeting with staff there, we took the initial steps to begin moving Mom there. Medical records were requested from her doctor and an in-home assessment was scheduled for Feb. 19. The person who was to do the assessment did not show. I thought perhaps we had mis-communicated about the time but I was unable to reach her at her office or on her cell phone.
My prayer has been "Lord, I want to do your will, but how will I know what that is?" So, I was leaving it up to the Lord to lead me in this decision. And it appeared that the door to that memory care unit was opening. Okay, we were still rocking along like normal; Becky was here everyday and things were pretty "normal."
On Friday, Feb. 26, Becky came as usual. Mom got up before I left for work so I initiated getting her dressed and asked her to put on fresh panties and pad. She did it but was not happy. I left her dressing while I continued to get ready for work. Mom dressed and came to the kitchen table while I was talking to Becky and getting everything together for the day. Mom announced that she could not live here anymore! That turned the conversation a little. Knowing that I had already taken steps toward this, I agreed that she was probably right and that I would work on making some arrangements for that. At that point, I dug through my purse and found the card of the person who did not show up for the assessment and was determined to call her when I got to work - taking matters into my own hands, essentially. I found the card and slipped it into my pocket and started out again.
Before I could get to the door, Mom had an indescribable moment of clarity and announced that she wanted to move to Tanglewood!
Becky and I were speechless! Goosebumps! Awe! One moment I am taking matters into my own hands because God is not moving on this and the next, the answer to my prayer comes out of Mom's mouth. Becky explains it saying that not only did He answer my prayer, He sat at the table with us that morning and delivered the message!
I left for work finally and called Tanglewood on my way there. The details of the day are foggy but throughout conversations with administrators there, the obstacles such as TB tests and doctor orders, just fell away. By 12:00 that afternoon, I called Becky to say that Mom should pack a bag. And here the story turns a little! When Mom heard that she was to pack a bag for Tanglewood, she became very agitated and angry and Becky called me to come home. Mom denied EVER saying that she wanted to go there, she hated the place and a lot of other stuff, including that she WAS NOT going to go!
There was absolutely no doubt in my mind that this had to happen and to hesitate on my part would be lack of faith, doubt and even disobedience. I moved through it, packed her bag, found out that Joe could get off at 2:00, and by 3:00 Becky, Joe and I were in the car with Mom as she held and cuddled her baby, en route to Tanglewood, the whole time, ignoring Mom as she insisted she was not going to stay there.
And that is where Mom is today. She still does not want to be there. We moved her bed, dresser and rocking chair there. I take more things to her everyday when I visit.
I see how unhappy Mom is almost every day - she tells me she wants to be dead rather than live there. But it is unbelievable how she fits in there! Today, Mom was resting on her bed refusing to go to lunch and wearing her blue jacket that has her name on the front and "Outdoor Army Store" on the back. She was quick to tell me that she was wearing it because a boy had stolen it and she got it back from him! I got her to take the jacket off at one point and what did I find in the pocket, but a metal belt that did not belong to her! I finally got her to the lunchroom and saw that she was wearing a wristwatch - NOT HERS! One of the guys there, stopped me to ask if I had tried the pool yet? I told him no, that I had not. THERE IS NO POOL THERE.
Of course, leaving her there when I know how unhappy she is, is very hard but I am still at peace with the decision. I do weigh it now against what I come home to: a peaceful home with my children and grandchildren around me. Stacey, David and the kids have been here more and have not been subjected to the verbal abuse or the chance that Grandma will trip them or try to scratch them as they walk by. And I have slept so well every night. Haven't taken a Xanex all week.
This chapter is long, I know. I wanted to share the details with you. You have supported us in prayer, cards, phone calls and visits. I don't know where we go from here but I will be exploring it in the coming chapters of this blog I suppose.
Monday, February 22, 2010
A Need for Sleep, Glasses, Shoes, Hand lotion and other thoughts.
I wrote this last week but was interrupted before I posted it. I am posting it now although things changed drastically yesterday. I am going to leave this hanging with: Mom now resides at Tanglewood Oaks. And I will post more on that later.
This past Monday night was another one of those nights. Mom was up at 11:30, dressed and in the kitchen fixing herself a cup of coffee. House was dark, everyone was asleep. I put her into her pajamas and put her to bed. At one thirty, Mom was at the kitchen table, dressed in different clothes, going through a small pouch of junk jewelry. I got her back into her pajamas but she would not go to bed until we found her glasses. I could not remember if she had been wearing them earlier or not but I looked in her covers, under the bed with a flashlight, in the bathroom, etc. Finally I began looking through her drawers and opening the various pouches, boxes and bags that she stashes her stuff in. When I unzipped an eyeglasses pouch that she held some jewelry and pedicure scissors I found her glasses. At about 3:30, Mom was up again. She had been on her hands and knees and matched up her shoes beside the dresser. She had a white sandal and a black sandal that did not have mates and was agitated that "someone" had taken her shoes. The hunt began, same scenario as with the glasses and when I opend the bottom drawer of her dresser, there was one missing shoe under some pajamas - but she, of course had no idea how it got there. That satisfied her for the moment and she went back to bed dressed.
The best part about this was that Bonnie and Deena were here to witness what I have been blogging about for several weeks.
They have both left for home now but it was great to have them here. Much was accomplished in many ways. Mom did not connect with them at all and after about 4 days, was ready for them to leave, most likely because although the girls spent quality time with Mom, the three of us were gone a lot and did not take her. At one point on the day before they left, Mom confronted Deena with "I don't even know your name, nobody told me your name." We tried several times to get Mom to connect that this Deena was the same one that calls her every weekend. Did not happen. One day, Deena was looking around for a tube of hand lotion that she had purchased but could not find it, eventually thinking that it may not have made it into the bag at the store. The next day, she was in Mom's room and there on the dresser, was...you guessed it...Deena's tube of lotion.
I could write a book about all of the odd, peculiar, frustrating, amusing and sad moments in our days. But who would believe it except someone who has experienced it and if they have experienced, they don't need to read my book, they could write one of their own!
This past Monday night was another one of those nights. Mom was up at 11:30, dressed and in the kitchen fixing herself a cup of coffee. House was dark, everyone was asleep. I put her into her pajamas and put her to bed. At one thirty, Mom was at the kitchen table, dressed in different clothes, going through a small pouch of junk jewelry. I got her back into her pajamas but she would not go to bed until we found her glasses. I could not remember if she had been wearing them earlier or not but I looked in her covers, under the bed with a flashlight, in the bathroom, etc. Finally I began looking through her drawers and opening the various pouches, boxes and bags that she stashes her stuff in. When I unzipped an eyeglasses pouch that she held some jewelry and pedicure scissors I found her glasses. At about 3:30, Mom was up again. She had been on her hands and knees and matched up her shoes beside the dresser. She had a white sandal and a black sandal that did not have mates and was agitated that "someone" had taken her shoes. The hunt began, same scenario as with the glasses and when I opend the bottom drawer of her dresser, there was one missing shoe under some pajamas - but she, of course had no idea how it got there. That satisfied her for the moment and she went back to bed dressed.
The best part about this was that Bonnie and Deena were here to witness what I have been blogging about for several weeks.
They have both left for home now but it was great to have them here. Much was accomplished in many ways. Mom did not connect with them at all and after about 4 days, was ready for them to leave, most likely because although the girls spent quality time with Mom, the three of us were gone a lot and did not take her. At one point on the day before they left, Mom confronted Deena with "I don't even know your name, nobody told me your name." We tried several times to get Mom to connect that this Deena was the same one that calls her every weekend. Did not happen. One day, Deena was looking around for a tube of hand lotion that she had purchased but could not find it, eventually thinking that it may not have made it into the bag at the store. The next day, she was in Mom's room and there on the dresser, was...you guessed it...Deena's tube of lotion.
I could write a book about all of the odd, peculiar, frustrating, amusing and sad moments in our days. But who would believe it except someone who has experienced it and if they have experienced, they don't need to read my book, they could write one of their own!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Updates
Bonnie and Deena arrived Wednesday evening. I introduced them as my sisters visiting from Ohio and Pennsylvania and Mom was very happy to meet them. She has been telling her stories and bringing out her stuff to show to them, giving away some of her junk jewelry and odds and ends of things she has kept - like a wooden token of Covered Bridge Pizza in Kingsville.
Yesterday, (Thursday), we three girls visited The Estates where Joe and I had previously toured. We spoke at length to the administrator there. We are expecting her here at the house on Monday to do an assessment to get the ball rolling. Mom's medical records are being requested from Dr. Birdwell and as soon as everything falls into place, we will move Mom to the Memory Unit at that facility. She is not going to go quietly even though she does not really grasp where she is or who is with her now; but she is at least in her routines and she has familiar stuff around her. Mom is still cognizant of a few things such as the chest that we brought with her to Texas. Since Christmas she has been trying to get me to put it in her bedroom because it is hers, her grandmother gave it to her and she does not want "the kids" getting into it. Even when Becky and I went to open it yesterday looking for something that has been misplaced, Mom got upset. So what I am saying (probably for my own hearing), this is not going to be a walk in the park. We (Bonnie, Deena, Joe and I) agree that we have to do this for many reasons despite her wishes. I don't know that it will be accomplished before B&D leave on the 24th, but I am thinking that it will happen. My biggest problem with this may actually be that Becky will be unemployed.
Now to tell you what we were looking for everywhere including the chest. "Dinky" is missing. Since his unfortunate demise, his remains have been in a Ziploc bag in a lovely little cedar box with his name engraved on a gold tag on top of the box. I was looking for something else on Wednesday morning and I found the empty box. When I mentioned it to Becky, she remembered Mom carrying around a Ziploc bag of dirt or something earlier in the week but when questioned, about what was in her bag, Mom did not know so Becky didn't pay it any attention. We are thinking that it was Dinky and now we have no idea where he is. He may be back in Mom's room in some other place or he might have left this world again - this time in the garbage. We just don't know. AND we anticipate the day that Mom has a moment of clarity and finds the empty box and wants to kick some body's ass for stealing Dinky and then she will add that she hopes they "burn in hell." Maybe she will never have that moment of clarity or maybe we will locate him and put him back or maybe we'll come up with a Ziploc bag of Texas dirt to put in that empty box.
So, that is a little bit of where we are today and where we are headed. We are having a good time visiting and the girls are meeting a different person than the one they knew and going with the flow.
Thank you all for your prayer and support. I'll keep you posted.
Yesterday, (Thursday), we three girls visited The Estates where Joe and I had previously toured. We spoke at length to the administrator there. We are expecting her here at the house on Monday to do an assessment to get the ball rolling. Mom's medical records are being requested from Dr. Birdwell and as soon as everything falls into place, we will move Mom to the Memory Unit at that facility. She is not going to go quietly even though she does not really grasp where she is or who is with her now; but she is at least in her routines and she has familiar stuff around her. Mom is still cognizant of a few things such as the chest that we brought with her to Texas. Since Christmas she has been trying to get me to put it in her bedroom because it is hers, her grandmother gave it to her and she does not want "the kids" getting into it. Even when Becky and I went to open it yesterday looking for something that has been misplaced, Mom got upset. So what I am saying (probably for my own hearing), this is not going to be a walk in the park. We (Bonnie, Deena, Joe and I) agree that we have to do this for many reasons despite her wishes. I don't know that it will be accomplished before B&D leave on the 24th, but I am thinking that it will happen. My biggest problem with this may actually be that Becky will be unemployed.
Now to tell you what we were looking for everywhere including the chest. "Dinky" is missing. Since his unfortunate demise, his remains have been in a Ziploc bag in a lovely little cedar box with his name engraved on a gold tag on top of the box. I was looking for something else on Wednesday morning and I found the empty box. When I mentioned it to Becky, she remembered Mom carrying around a Ziploc bag of dirt or something earlier in the week but when questioned, about what was in her bag, Mom did not know so Becky didn't pay it any attention. We are thinking that it was Dinky and now we have no idea where he is. He may be back in Mom's room in some other place or he might have left this world again - this time in the garbage. We just don't know. AND we anticipate the day that Mom has a moment of clarity and finds the empty box and wants to kick some body's ass for stealing Dinky and then she will add that she hopes they "burn in hell." Maybe she will never have that moment of clarity or maybe we will locate him and put him back or maybe we'll come up with a Ziploc bag of Texas dirt to put in that empty box.
So, that is a little bit of where we are today and where we are headed. We are having a good time visiting and the girls are meeting a different person than the one they knew and going with the flow.
Thank you all for your prayer and support. I'll keep you posted.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Some Whimper and Whine today.
I know it has been a while, but you all have been on my mind, as I know we have been on yours. I think I may have been avoiding this, putting things in writing as though it is just all a matter of fact and how the days are going. It is all just a matter of fact, but about the time I think I have the facts straight, I find myself reassessing and re-ordering them. Some of the new behaviors have me stumped.
I think it was around Christmas when I communicated with Bonnie and Deena about them visiting here, both at the same time to re-connect with who our mother is today. All they had to go by was what I told them and the have missed out on so much of this journey with her that I have been blessed to have. Since that time, however, the changes in Mom and my own limitations have lead to more serious consideration as to what I and my supports are prepared to do or are able to do to keep Mom healthy and safe. When Bonnie and Deena get here next week, I will depend on them to prayerfully discern this with me. We have spoken recently about Mom living in a nearby Alzheimer's Memory Care unit that I visited several months ago or possibly go with Deena to a place near her.
What has led to this again?
Some of the behaviors aren't new, but are more difficult to redirect. Mom needs 24 hour one-on-one attention. And we are running out of money to pay for it when we aren't here. She will qualify for Medicaid once she is out of funds, but that takes weeks to process and we still need to pay a caregiver Monday through Friday. On the week-ends and evenings, it is just Joe and me.
Mom wants to eat constantly. We are hiding food! She has breakfast that we monitor - 1 peanut and butter sandwich which she makes with enough peanut butter and jelly for 3 or 4 sandwiches - no exageration! Here's an excerpt from the journal by Becky: Something did happen a little different this morning. After making her sandwich at breakfast, before taking a bite, she was all over the kitchen searching for something. She could only come up with making her fingers in a circle trying to describe it. She sat back down and ate half and started doing it again, getting agitated. I got her to stand still, take a breath, and think. When she said it was something she eats with coffee, I knew it was the cookies I hid yesterday. I explained that she needed to eat her breakfast first. Then, she went to the candy jar and got 2 Reeces. I eventually hid those because she just doesn't get full any more. We are now regulating her food."
This is an everyday thing. Another everyday thing is that Mom changes her clothes 3 and 4 times a day! I can't keep up with what is clean or dirty! And in the evenings Mom puts on lipstick and a ton of perfume and jewelry like she has a date or something.
We keep the doors locked because Mom wants to go outside all of the time. No coat. To play with the dog in the backyard, sit on the swing, look through stuff in the garage. It has been COLD here. Sometimes she can figure out how to unlock the doors. Becky can't even go to the bathroom - Mom is out the door.
Twice this week I have heard Mom up in her room after bed time. When I checked on her she had locked her bedroom door! Luckily, she had not though it through and locked the bathroom door that goes into her room also. When I asked her about this, both times she told me that men had been in her room and she had chased them off. Mom was visibly upset and scared!
Mom is not only changing her clothes during the day. One night I had put her to bed three times before 3 a.m. Each time she was wearing something else when she came out to the kitchen. One night I found her sitting in the kitchen dunking Nonnies in a cup of water. Speaking of her cup, Mom has been cleaning up the kitchen, wiping the coffee cups out and putting them in the cupboard. The jelly that needs to be refrigerated is in a cupboard somewhere. The open can of dog food is in the cupboard next to the peanut butter.
Yes, life is interesting! Mom is extremely busy and getting into everything. Picking up things around the house like clothes, shoes, keys, coins, paper cups, mail, etc. and stashing them in her room.
THIS is what has brought us to this decision point again. Can I say I am confused and just a little bit tired some days? Part of me says I am a "whinybut" and that a visit from the girls will be just what I need to energize and focus me. The other part, honestly, is planning to go on the annual silent retreat with the women at church that I haven't done in 3 years, making a trip to Alabama for Elsie's first birthday, planning a cruise for our anniversary, taking a position at work that would require more commitment...knowing that Mom is taken care of.
Anyway. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME WHINE!!! I'm done now and I will get back on track. Serving HIM with a servant's heart of giving and grace. Blessings ABOUND!!! And He will let us know His will in this too.
I think it was around Christmas when I communicated with Bonnie and Deena about them visiting here, both at the same time to re-connect with who our mother is today. All they had to go by was what I told them and the have missed out on so much of this journey with her that I have been blessed to have. Since that time, however, the changes in Mom and my own limitations have lead to more serious consideration as to what I and my supports are prepared to do or are able to do to keep Mom healthy and safe. When Bonnie and Deena get here next week, I will depend on them to prayerfully discern this with me. We have spoken recently about Mom living in a nearby Alzheimer's Memory Care unit that I visited several months ago or possibly go with Deena to a place near her.
What has led to this again?
Some of the behaviors aren't new, but are more difficult to redirect. Mom needs 24 hour one-on-one attention. And we are running out of money to pay for it when we aren't here. She will qualify for Medicaid once she is out of funds, but that takes weeks to process and we still need to pay a caregiver Monday through Friday. On the week-ends and evenings, it is just Joe and me.
Mom wants to eat constantly. We are hiding food! She has breakfast that we monitor - 1 peanut and butter sandwich which she makes with enough peanut butter and jelly for 3 or 4 sandwiches - no exageration! Here's an excerpt from the journal by Becky: Something did happen a little different this morning. After making her sandwich at breakfast, before taking a bite, she was all over the kitchen searching for something. She could only come up with making her fingers in a circle trying to describe it. She sat back down and ate half and started doing it again, getting agitated. I got her to stand still, take a breath, and think. When she said it was something she eats with coffee, I knew it was the cookies I hid yesterday. I explained that she needed to eat her breakfast first. Then, she went to the candy jar and got 2 Reeces. I eventually hid those because she just doesn't get full any more. We are now regulating her food."
This is an everyday thing. Another everyday thing is that Mom changes her clothes 3 and 4 times a day! I can't keep up with what is clean or dirty! And in the evenings Mom puts on lipstick and a ton of perfume and jewelry like she has a date or something.
We keep the doors locked because Mom wants to go outside all of the time. No coat. To play with the dog in the backyard, sit on the swing, look through stuff in the garage. It has been COLD here. Sometimes she can figure out how to unlock the doors. Becky can't even go to the bathroom - Mom is out the door.
Twice this week I have heard Mom up in her room after bed time. When I checked on her she had locked her bedroom door! Luckily, she had not though it through and locked the bathroom door that goes into her room also. When I asked her about this, both times she told me that men had been in her room and she had chased them off. Mom was visibly upset and scared!
Mom is not only changing her clothes during the day. One night I had put her to bed three times before 3 a.m. Each time she was wearing something else when she came out to the kitchen. One night I found her sitting in the kitchen dunking Nonnies in a cup of water. Speaking of her cup, Mom has been cleaning up the kitchen, wiping the coffee cups out and putting them in the cupboard. The jelly that needs to be refrigerated is in a cupboard somewhere. The open can of dog food is in the cupboard next to the peanut butter.
Yes, life is interesting! Mom is extremely busy and getting into everything. Picking up things around the house like clothes, shoes, keys, coins, paper cups, mail, etc. and stashing them in her room.
THIS is what has brought us to this decision point again. Can I say I am confused and just a little bit tired some days? Part of me says I am a "whinybut" and that a visit from the girls will be just what I need to energize and focus me. The other part, honestly, is planning to go on the annual silent retreat with the women at church that I haven't done in 3 years, making a trip to Alabama for Elsie's first birthday, planning a cruise for our anniversary, taking a position at work that would require more commitment...knowing that Mom is taken care of.
Anyway. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME WHINE!!! I'm done now and I will get back on track. Serving HIM with a servant's heart of giving and grace. Blessings ABOUND!!! And He will let us know His will in this too.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Another Saturday Night
Another Saturday night. Church and IHOP, of course. Deena called today as she does every week. Mom takes the call and mostly connects to her. Today was no different. At dinner, Mom told me that Deenie called and said she was going to visit. Joe and I went along with it and Mom continued to ramble about Deena and having two girls who are all grown up now and have babies. When I asked how she knew Deena, Mom said that "she was always with us up there". She had no idea how old Deena was or what she looked like and "who knows what color her hair is." We had this conversation twice during the dinner there.
The day started out with me finding my pizzelle iron on the extra bed in her room and asking her why it was in her room. She said it was hers. I advised her that it was not hers but mine, and I had gotten it from my birthday a couple years ago and went to her room to find her iron. I found it in the back of the closet where I am sure she hid it so the short fat girl would not borrow it again. Later, Mom brought out her iron and put it on the kitchen counter saying that someone had given it to her and she didn't know how to use it, so if I wanted it, it was mine. Joe began trying to unravel all of it for her but after only a moment, saw that she was lost and left it alone.
I also want to add just a couple of excerpts from the journal this week:
Tuesday: "so far resisting all my efforts to keep her on a positive note. She's having a negative day. She went in Julie's room and got an attitude when I told her "we can't be in there." I locked the door. She made another attempt to go in. When she couldn't get in, she looked at me very disgusted, and said, "well, that woman will go in there. Julie used to live in there!" She is also agitated about her shoes. "Some men and women went in the room and took the ones she likes." I reminded her that she gave a lot of them away. To sum it all up, she has had an agitated hands on the hips attitude kind of day."
Friday: Mom was asking about Becky's granddaughter's baby - "maybe they are "twelves" she said, meaning twins. That took her back in time when her mom and dad had twins. Her dad was an alcoholic and mean to her . He made her take care of the babies. They had no car so she and her mom had to walk the babies to the doctor. That where they told them the baby boy was going to die. I sense some guilt on her part because she said "I was holding the little girl and dad he was an alcoholic, kept telling me to take car of the boy. I told him okay, dad, but I'm holding the little girl. I tried to take care of both of them."
Yes, Bonnie and Deena are planning to visit on Feb. 17. I called Bonnie to suggest it and it all came together. I know it will be a different kind of visit and Mom won't connect with the fact that she is our mother and she has three daughters. But she will most certainly enjoy the visit and Bonnie and Deena will have a few moments to share in and remember this part of her life.
Everyone is in bed but me and considering how "cranky" I was this morning, I guess I had better get there as well. Thanks for listening. Love you all.
The day started out with me finding my pizzelle iron on the extra bed in her room and asking her why it was in her room. She said it was hers. I advised her that it was not hers but mine, and I had gotten it from my birthday a couple years ago and went to her room to find her iron. I found it in the back of the closet where I am sure she hid it so the short fat girl would not borrow it again. Later, Mom brought out her iron and put it on the kitchen counter saying that someone had given it to her and she didn't know how to use it, so if I wanted it, it was mine. Joe began trying to unravel all of it for her but after only a moment, saw that she was lost and left it alone.
I also want to add just a couple of excerpts from the journal this week:
Tuesday: "so far resisting all my efforts to keep her on a positive note. She's having a negative day. She went in Julie's room and got an attitude when I told her "we can't be in there." I locked the door. She made another attempt to go in. When she couldn't get in, she looked at me very disgusted, and said, "well, that woman will go in there. Julie used to live in there!" She is also agitated about her shoes. "Some men and women went in the room and took the ones she likes." I reminded her that she gave a lot of them away. To sum it all up, she has had an agitated hands on the hips attitude kind of day."
Friday: Mom was asking about Becky's granddaughter's baby - "maybe they are "twelves" she said, meaning twins. That took her back in time when her mom and dad had twins. Her dad was an alcoholic and mean to her . He made her take care of the babies. They had no car so she and her mom had to walk the babies to the doctor. That where they told them the baby boy was going to die. I sense some guilt on her part because she said "I was holding the little girl and dad he was an alcoholic, kept telling me to take car of the boy. I told him okay, dad, but I'm holding the little girl. I tried to take care of both of them."
Yes, Bonnie and Deena are planning to visit on Feb. 17. I called Bonnie to suggest it and it all came together. I know it will be a different kind of visit and Mom won't connect with the fact that she is our mother and she has three daughters. But she will most certainly enjoy the visit and Bonnie and Deena will have a few moments to share in and remember this part of her life.
Everyone is in bed but me and considering how "cranky" I was this morning, I guess I had better get there as well. Thanks for listening. Love you all.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
A WINDOW ON HER WORLD
Good Sunday Morning! Everyone is still in bed except the dogs and me. So far it is a good time to collect my thoughts from over the past few days and try to put them down here.
Sometime last year I purchased a regular planner calendar that was a week-at-a-glance and had about 10 lines or so next to times of the day. This is how Becky made notes about Mom's day so I would know what time she ate, what she ate, her demeanor during the day, problems, successes, outings, interaction, etc. Ten lines was not enough to capture all of that, so when I went through some of Mom's things that we brought over from the storage unit, I found a couple of empty journals - the books with empty pages. Becky began using one of them each day and has been doing a great job of writing about Mom's day rather than "reporting" on it. In order to communicate what our "norm" is, I want to transfer some of it here from over the past week or so.
Monday, Jan. 4th: (Becky writes) Marge is having a normal day. Her speech is still mostly mumbo jumbo, but at times , just as plain as day. She now mostly call Heidi, Dinky. Her memory of getting her nails done are that this lady sat at the table and said 'put your hand on her' and then painted my nails, but next time I'm telling her no, because this color is pretty, but I've never had it before. Off and on all morning she kept getting in the cookie jar and nonni jar, so I put them up.
Tuesday, Jan. 5th: (I write) Up at 6:30. Joe gave her breakfast and pills. No Tylenol. No coffee. Shower and Tylenol by 7:30. (Becky writes) Lunch at 2:00 from Chicken Express. She helped move chairs for me to clean carpet, went to garage and I steered her back in the house, pulled a chair up and we talked while I was shampooing. She dusted the chest and looked through it, said it was her grandmothers. She wants it back under the table so children won't play on it. At 3:10 we treated ourselves to a scoop of ice cream and brownie. At 3:50 she had coffee with two cookies.
Wednesday, Jan. 6th: (Becky writes) Morning hours she was active and receptive but words are still oleo. She rocked Heidi and sang. She sat in the memory room and showed me pictures and who they were (her version). She sat at the dining table and showed me the crystal again. (I had unpacked about 6 or 8 pieces of crystal that we moved down here and and it was on the table.)...looked at pictures in living area and went to Julie's room and I asked her to come back in the living area. After she rested she was eager to go pick Julie up. We had some "out there" story telling today.
Excerpts from some other days:
She's been in a good mood all day but mostly quiet and confused. When asked to put on a jacket, she put her house coat on. She has been busy looking at things throughout the house all day.
Not real talkative but receptive and cheerful and alert. Wants to clean Julie's room so I stay with her while she folds things. Reception not as good as earlier. When I asked her if she wanted 1 or 2 nonni's she never could grasp what I was asking even when I held up 1 or 2 fingers. She still has on yesterday's clothes. I'm still working on that. (at 1:00p.m.)
We sat outside for a while and watched the birds and made things out of the clouds.
Today she is wearing her name tag. She has shown concern for Julie all day but I've insisted she not go in her room.
As far as this journal goes, she says it's no body's business what we do during the day "we can take care of ourselves." She said she wishes people knew that she was old enough to decide what she wants.
Mon. Jan. 11th: This afternoon she asked who the lady was that was here. When I told her it was Julie, she said "but we didn't go get her and bring her here." When I explained that she didn't go to work she said , "she's too small to work. She's just a little girl and measured her height at about 3 feet. She remembers her coming down the stairs, closing her door and coming into "the" room. I told her she 's grown up now and her response was that the woman was to big to be Julie. Then she focused on the trunk. She wants to take it to her room but said "they won't let me." She hung onto a birthday card for awhile but had no idea who the person was.
Tues. Jan. 12: ...been a struggle to keep her out of Julie's room. We made muffins while she tried again to talk me into letting her in Julie's room.
Thurs. Jan. 14: ...words are mixed up and reception is still slow but is eventually able to grasp what I'm saying. Issue is Julie. "our Julie is little, what happened to her?" I tell her she is grown now but she just gets this confused look and shrugs her shoulders. She dwelled on the crystal for awhile referring to it as worth a lot of money. She wonders what "they" are going to do with it. She's absorbed a lot recently by going through drawers, cabinets, trunk. She refers to most things as some thing her grandmother gave her. She doesn't want anyone taking it. About 1:30 she tapped me on the shoulder with tears in her eyes and said "they won't let me have my things out of the trunk. ...started verbalizing about the license plate on the wall (said it was from the car she wrecked), the light fixture in the dining room, the bowl on top of the hutch "from Italy". She said "I don't have any kids, but if I did, I would like to be able to show them these things, but someone in this house took them from me.
Fri. Jan. 15: Wow, the last 45 minutes have been tense. We were having a stand-off and I won. I told her if she didn't put on clean clothes and change her P&P we were not going to get Julie. Boy did she stand her ground. I finally said "never mind, I will call Cheryl and tell her we won't be picking up Julie today." I walked out of the room and watched her. I heard her say "OK, fine, let's go do it. She's not happy about it but she's clean.
I know, I don't write for a week or more and then I dump all of it at once. But didn't the different colors make it more interesting? Since I began this, Mom has been up and I gave her breakfast. When I am sitting here at the computer, she often brings things one at a time from her room to show me. This morning when Mom finished her PB&J, she brought her little bird that chirps to show to me. We had to make it chirp and feed it the little bottle she has. Then it was her baby who is a good baby and does not cry. I love on the baby and Mom puts her back to bed in the cradle. It is all quiet again so I am thinking she is back in bed also. It is after 9 and time to get dressed myself and get on with the day. Thanks for looking through this little window on Mom's life and keeping us all in your thoughts and prayers!
Sometime last year I purchased a regular planner calendar that was a week-at-a-glance and had about 10 lines or so next to times of the day. This is how Becky made notes about Mom's day so I would know what time she ate, what she ate, her demeanor during the day, problems, successes, outings, interaction, etc. Ten lines was not enough to capture all of that, so when I went through some of Mom's things that we brought over from the storage unit, I found a couple of empty journals - the books with empty pages. Becky began using one of them each day and has been doing a great job of writing about Mom's day rather than "reporting" on it. In order to communicate what our "norm" is, I want to transfer some of it here from over the past week or so.
Monday, Jan. 4th: (Becky writes) Marge is having a normal day. Her speech is still mostly mumbo jumbo, but at times , just as plain as day. She now mostly call Heidi, Dinky. Her memory of getting her nails done are that this lady sat at the table and said 'put your hand on her' and then painted my nails, but next time I'm telling her no, because this color is pretty, but I've never had it before. Off and on all morning she kept getting in the cookie jar and nonni jar, so I put them up.
Tuesday, Jan. 5th: (I write) Up at 6:30. Joe gave her breakfast and pills. No Tylenol. No coffee. Shower and Tylenol by 7:30. (Becky writes) Lunch at 2:00 from Chicken Express. She helped move chairs for me to clean carpet, went to garage and I steered her back in the house, pulled a chair up and we talked while I was shampooing. She dusted the chest and looked through it, said it was her grandmothers. She wants it back under the table so children won't play on it. At 3:10 we treated ourselves to a scoop of ice cream and brownie. At 3:50 she had coffee with two cookies.
Wednesday, Jan. 6th: (Becky writes) Morning hours she was active and receptive but words are still oleo. She rocked Heidi and sang. She sat in the memory room and showed me pictures and who they were (her version). She sat at the dining table and showed me the crystal again. (I had unpacked about 6 or 8 pieces of crystal that we moved down here and and it was on the table.)...looked at pictures in living area and went to Julie's room and I asked her to come back in the living area. After she rested she was eager to go pick Julie up. We had some "out there" story telling today.
Excerpts from some other days:
She's been in a good mood all day but mostly quiet and confused. When asked to put on a jacket, she put her house coat on. She has been busy looking at things throughout the house all day.
Not real talkative but receptive and cheerful and alert. Wants to clean Julie's room so I stay with her while she folds things. Reception not as good as earlier. When I asked her if she wanted 1 or 2 nonni's she never could grasp what I was asking even when I held up 1 or 2 fingers. She still has on yesterday's clothes. I'm still working on that. (at 1:00p.m.)
We sat outside for a while and watched the birds and made things out of the clouds.
Today she is wearing her name tag. She has shown concern for Julie all day but I've insisted she not go in her room.
As far as this journal goes, she says it's no body's business what we do during the day "we can take care of ourselves." She said she wishes people knew that she was old enough to decide what she wants.
Mon. Jan. 11th: This afternoon she asked who the lady was that was here. When I told her it was Julie, she said "but we didn't go get her and bring her here." When I explained that she didn't go to work she said , "she's too small to work. She's just a little girl and measured her height at about 3 feet. She remembers her coming down the stairs, closing her door and coming into "the" room. I told her she 's grown up now and her response was that the woman was to big to be Julie. Then she focused on the trunk. She wants to take it to her room but said "they won't let me." She hung onto a birthday card for awhile but had no idea who the person was.
Tues. Jan. 12: ...been a struggle to keep her out of Julie's room. We made muffins while she tried again to talk me into letting her in Julie's room.
Thurs. Jan. 14: ...words are mixed up and reception is still slow but is eventually able to grasp what I'm saying. Issue is Julie. "our Julie is little, what happened to her?" I tell her she is grown now but she just gets this confused look and shrugs her shoulders. She dwelled on the crystal for awhile referring to it as worth a lot of money. She wonders what "they" are going to do with it. She's absorbed a lot recently by going through drawers, cabinets, trunk. She refers to most things as some thing her grandmother gave her. She doesn't want anyone taking it. About 1:30 she tapped me on the shoulder with tears in her eyes and said "they won't let me have my things out of the trunk. ...started verbalizing about the license plate on the wall (said it was from the car she wrecked), the light fixture in the dining room, the bowl on top of the hutch "from Italy". She said "I don't have any kids, but if I did, I would like to be able to show them these things, but someone in this house took them from me.
Fri. Jan. 15: Wow, the last 45 minutes have been tense. We were having a stand-off and I won. I told her if she didn't put on clean clothes and change her P&P we were not going to get Julie. Boy did she stand her ground. I finally said "never mind, I will call Cheryl and tell her we won't be picking up Julie today." I walked out of the room and watched her. I heard her say "OK, fine, let's go do it. She's not happy about it but she's clean.
I know, I don't write for a week or more and then I dump all of it at once. But didn't the different colors make it more interesting? Since I began this, Mom has been up and I gave her breakfast. When I am sitting here at the computer, she often brings things one at a time from her room to show me. This morning when Mom finished her PB&J, she brought her little bird that chirps to show to me. We had to make it chirp and feed it the little bottle she has. Then it was her baby who is a good baby and does not cry. I love on the baby and Mom puts her back to bed in the cradle. It is all quiet again so I am thinking she is back in bed also. It is after 9 and time to get dressed myself and get on with the day. Thanks for looking through this little window on Mom's life and keeping us all in your thoughts and prayers!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010
Happy New Year! I have heard a lot of people say that they are happy to see 2009 go and are looking forward to a better year for 2010. What we have learned here is that time is irrelevant. It doesn't matter what year it is. It doesn't matter what month or day it is. Each day is unique and holds its own challenges and rewards. Each day we wake up is a good day! That is Mom's philosophy and it is a good one. We can't change (or remember) yesterday so today is the day to make a difference.
Mom loves going to church! It has become slightly more of a challenge lately as she likes to socialize more than pray! Especially if children sit near us. And of course there are at least two opportunities during the service to "visit" with people - at the beginning with Brother Paul tells us to turn and greet our neighbors and later when Deacon Gary tells us to share a sign of peace. Redirecting her and telling her to turn around and pay attention is reminiscent of bringing children to church. As we pass babies or small ones, I tell Mom "no touching" and steer her away. Before long, I'll have to talk to the lady in charge of the church nursery and see if she is too old to go in there during services!
Of course we went to IHOP afterwards. They have different seasonal promotions and the most recent one here has eggnog pancakes, pumpkin spice pancakes and pecan pie pancakes among other things. Mom has been having the pecan pie pancakes instead of the usual strawberry.
This past week, Mom has been bringing things from her room to show me (over and over again) and to talk about them. Many of the things are items she made when she was at Tanglewood and had stashed away so that no one would take them without paying for them. This week it has been small Christmas ornaments she painted and several small tote bags that she painted. She brought the tote bags out again yesterday so I suggested that she bring them with us to church to give to people there. Mom did bring them but decided to leave them in the car. At IHOP I decided those bags were not coming home with us, so I took them in with us and "facilitated" her giving three of them to the three waitresses there - all of whom know us. That left two unclaimed and Mom continued to try to communicate to the girls about giving these bags to "the others". There really were no others there and I knew that before we left Mom would be headed to strangers in the restaurants and/or the cooks in the kitchen with these bags. This all leads up to my big confession: there are times that I totally take advantage of her muddled memory and thinking and this was one of those times. When Mom was distracted, I slid those last two bags out of sight and carefully kept them so until we got home and I could tuck them away. Mom has not questioned it and I am sure that in her heart and mind, she gave the good people at IHOP, all of those hand painted tote bags.
I have used this same strategy when giving her the same clothes that she has had for years. This occurred to my totally by accident when I brought out the winter clothes this year. I washed them and took them to her to put away and she thought I had been shopping and bought her new clothes. I went with it and took the hugs and thank-yous. It was easier than explaining it. Since then, I have given her the same new clothes several times.
Today Mom has been up and had her breakfast of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Let me also tell you that this is no ordinary PB&J. Mom fixes her own sandwich with about a half inch of peanut butter one one piece of bread and about two heaping tablespoons of strawberry jam on the other piece. That's breakfast along with a dozen pills. And she swallow ALL of the pills with at once with one gulf of water! Mom usually has the PB&J and a couple Nonnies to dunk in her coffee but this morning I made fresh biscuits which she also ate with some jam. She, Joe and Julie are all back in bed for the first of their Sunday snoozes.
With everyone otherwise occupied, I will get the kitchen floor mopped. Joe has already run a couple loads of laundry. Four dogs, two birds and a turtle have been fed also. And no, there is no partridge in a pear tree if that is what your heard.
Just know that we are all well and extremely blessed! Each new day! Let's not wait until 2011 to have a good year. God has a magnificent plan for us and we just have to wait for it to unfold to His glory - each new day. Do I hear an AMEN?
Mom loves going to church! It has become slightly more of a challenge lately as she likes to socialize more than pray! Especially if children sit near us. And of course there are at least two opportunities during the service to "visit" with people - at the beginning with Brother Paul tells us to turn and greet our neighbors and later when Deacon Gary tells us to share a sign of peace. Redirecting her and telling her to turn around and pay attention is reminiscent of bringing children to church. As we pass babies or small ones, I tell Mom "no touching" and steer her away. Before long, I'll have to talk to the lady in charge of the church nursery and see if she is too old to go in there during services!
Of course we went to IHOP afterwards. They have different seasonal promotions and the most recent one here has eggnog pancakes, pumpkin spice pancakes and pecan pie pancakes among other things. Mom has been having the pecan pie pancakes instead of the usual strawberry.
This past week, Mom has been bringing things from her room to show me (over and over again) and to talk about them. Many of the things are items she made when she was at Tanglewood and had stashed away so that no one would take them without paying for them. This week it has been small Christmas ornaments she painted and several small tote bags that she painted. She brought the tote bags out again yesterday so I suggested that she bring them with us to church to give to people there. Mom did bring them but decided to leave them in the car. At IHOP I decided those bags were not coming home with us, so I took them in with us and "facilitated" her giving three of them to the three waitresses there - all of whom know us. That left two unclaimed and Mom continued to try to communicate to the girls about giving these bags to "the others". There really were no others there and I knew that before we left Mom would be headed to strangers in the restaurants and/or the cooks in the kitchen with these bags. This all leads up to my big confession: there are times that I totally take advantage of her muddled memory and thinking and this was one of those times. When Mom was distracted, I slid those last two bags out of sight and carefully kept them so until we got home and I could tuck them away. Mom has not questioned it and I am sure that in her heart and mind, she gave the good people at IHOP, all of those hand painted tote bags.
I have used this same strategy when giving her the same clothes that she has had for years. This occurred to my totally by accident when I brought out the winter clothes this year. I washed them and took them to her to put away and she thought I had been shopping and bought her new clothes. I went with it and took the hugs and thank-yous. It was easier than explaining it. Since then, I have given her the same new clothes several times.
Today Mom has been up and had her breakfast of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Let me also tell you that this is no ordinary PB&J. Mom fixes her own sandwich with about a half inch of peanut butter one one piece of bread and about two heaping tablespoons of strawberry jam on the other piece. That's breakfast along with a dozen pills. And she swallow ALL of the pills with at once with one gulf of water! Mom usually has the PB&J and a couple Nonnies to dunk in her coffee but this morning I made fresh biscuits which she also ate with some jam. She, Joe and Julie are all back in bed for the first of their Sunday snoozes.
With everyone otherwise occupied, I will get the kitchen floor mopped. Joe has already run a couple loads of laundry. Four dogs, two birds and a turtle have been fed also. And no, there is no partridge in a pear tree if that is what your heard.
Just know that we are all well and extremely blessed! Each new day! Let's not wait until 2011 to have a good year. God has a magnificent plan for us and we just have to wait for it to unfold to His glory - each new day. Do I hear an AMEN?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
